


Introductions by WithLoveOresteia

by Fantrix



Category: One Life to Live
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 02:45:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 127,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17654552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fantrix/pseuds/Fantrix
Summary: A story of how Kyle met Oliver in college.Fanfiction by WithLoveOresteia.





	1. Chapter 1

It started with a look. Just one glance; that’s all it took. Deep blue eyes flashed to dark brown and held tight. Blue eyes that were almost awkwardly begging, pleading. Brown eyes that slowly glimmered, sparkled. Crinkled. 

\-----

From the moment he hesitantly stepped into the frat house, Kyle Lewis couldn't keep his eyes off of the blond boy. Apparently, he wasn’t the only one. A few girls turned and stared, giving the newcomer the up-and-down approval. But he wasn’t here to gawk, dammit. He was here to win the approval of the frat brothers. And that’s exactly what he was going to do. Forcing his eyes and raging hormones to ignore the gorgeous blond now standing in the corner, he grabbed a beer off the table, put on his best grin, and sauntered towards the brothers, hand outstretched and ready to awe.

It wasn’t hard - his mother used to say he was born talking. Add a confident grin, throw in a crude joke and the equation was set. He had them interested in less than 10 minutes. It was almost a shame, as he was hoping for a bit of a challenge. There was another house hosting a recruit party tomorrow, he could try there. But it wasn’t a done deal yet and he couldn’t just leave now. He had to work the room, socialize with non-fraternity members, and seem like he wasn’t interested in this particular frat. It’s just like dating, he thought wryly, let them come to you. 

The moment he left the brothers, a group of giggling girls had him surrounded. He grinned, listened through their chatter and pretended to seem interested. The brazen redhead, leader of The Pack, smiled and brushed her hand against his arm, a calculated gesture. He pretended to be oblivious and hoped she wouldn’t do it again. But when her arm slipped into his, something had to be said. The other two girls, now defeated, slipped out of the conversation, but hung back, ready to listen and watch the entire performance. The redhead was still talking, flitting around the definite, ‘I’m interested in you’ and praying for the, ‘Are you into me?’, moving so close her perfume became nauseating. He slipped his arm out from hers. What was her name again? Kathy? Katie? Kristie! 

As he spoke, he smiled a cocky grin that he had practiced in the mirror for days as a teenager, but would never admit it, even under torture. “Kristie, I seriously doubt you have anything that would interest me.”

He had practiced that line in the mirror, too, hearing it in a movie once. Not that he’d ever admit that either.

Her smile fell, but only slightly. There was a moment’s pause before she spoke.

“And why is that?” It was asked cautiously, looking for confirmation. At least she only plays dumb.

Kyle said nothing, but cocked his eyebrow. Her eyebrows rose with immediate understanding.

“Oh, my mistake.” She leaned close. “I guess it’s true only the gorgeous men are gay”. She slyly smiled, gently bumped her hip against his in a ‘solidarity, sister!’ move, and glided out of the room, pride still intact. Her two friends followed her bugged eyed and dying for details. 

Kyle gave an exasperated laugh and shook his head, slightly flattered; however, the conversation had not gone unnoticed by the frat brothers, and a couple of them approached him.

“Strike out, Lewis?”

Kyle glanced at the tall student with curly brown hair and laughed, giving him a moment to remember his name. Phil, right? He couldn’t remember the two brothers who flanked him. He shifted his weight and dropped the bomb, “Uh, no, man. I’m actually gay. Had to let her down easy”. Might as well let it be known from the beginning. 

It may get easier to say, but there was always that slight hesitation after, that uncertainty as to whether he was going to get a punch in the shoulder or in the face. Luckily, it was the shoulder. A bit awkwardly, but he’d take it.

“Oh,”,Phil laughed, surprised. “Well, that’s cool with me, man. Kappa Theta doesn’t discriminate against anyone.” 

Kyle smiled, but the glance between Phil and the other frat members did not go unnoticed by him. They all seemed to shuffle uncomfortably, but no one spoke. Eventually, Phil picked up the conversation again.

“Anyway, the guys wanted me to let you know about a party next week; just the brothers and the pledges. Interested?” Phil held out his fist.

Kyle hesitated, wondering if maybe he should try a different frat. But this one knew he was gay and hadn’t thrown him out head first. That was a good sign... but the awkward shuffling and heavy glances between the brothers were not. Although…

At that exact moment, the gorgeous blond walked by, now talking seriously with Jimmy, the head senior of the frat. He was obviously taking it a bit too seriously, practically clutching his beer and his expression unbelievably vulnerable. Even so, he was still the hottest thing Kyle had ever seen. He turned back to Phil, who was waiting expectantly. They bumped fists.

“Definitely”.

\------

 

Kyle leaned against a doorframe, watching the rest of the party go further and further into an unintelligible drunken state. Now that he had the invitation, he refused to do anything stupid that would have it revoked. And although he continued to be social and work the crowd, he stayed leaning against the doorframe, his eyes constantly flitting back to the blond, who was now working his way through the fraternity recruiters.

He looked nervous, as if he had never been to a party before. This made Kyle grin. The boy probably had strict religious parents. He probably spent his entire life finishing his homework and going to bed at 9pm sharp. But Kyle couldn’t bring himself to go and help the poor guy out. He told himself that the blond needed to figure these things out on his own: fly or flop. But really, truthfully, he just wanted to stare. 

The guy was tall, lean, definitely an athlete of some sort. He watched the guy’s biceps flex as he clutched his beer, gawked at the bit of tanned torso that peaked out when his shirt ruffled up. Watch his cheeks redden when the fraternity brothers said something too dirty, his awkward smile with perfect teeth emerging. He was cute. Very cute.

He heard a familiar giggle somewhere across the room. He reluctantly tore his eyes away from his eye candy and searched for the source of the laughter. Across the room was The Pack of girls, and he immediately recognized that calculated stare. The flash of a pocket mirror, the last check of make-up and hair. Fixing their clothes, putting on their smiles - they were going for the kill.

And the poor blond was the prey.

He gripped his beer a little tighter, wondering if he should stride across the room and pull the innocent guy out of the way. He watched the redhead stride over, sliding her fingers across his chest.

Now he definitely had to go over. He straightened off the doorjamb, foot outstretched --

A chest blocked him. A sweaty arm flew around his neck and squeezed. The smell of alcohol was anything but faint - it came out of the body in waves. 

“Hey man, done with the partying already?! It’s frosh! Y’gotta have some fun! Good ol’ fun!” A drunk Phil laughed precariously, as if this statement was the best joke he had ever invented. Kyle plastered on a grin and let out a peal of false laughter - in his drunken state, it wasn’t like Phil could tell. 

“Just takin’ a break, man. Lettin’ it all sink in. I’ll catch up t’ya soon enough!” He emphasized this by taking a huge swig of beer, raising his bottle to Phil once he had finished. He chanced a quick glance at the blond - he was nervously shifting back and forth as The Pack moved closer and closer. A loud voice in his ear pulled him back.

“‘Atta boy! You keep goin’ - if you don’t catch up to me, little brother, there’s goin’ to be trouble!” Phil laughed again, a little too loudly, and stumbled away towards another brother before Kyle could respond. 

He looked for the blond again, but he wasn’t in the room. Neither were the girls. Uh oh.

Whatever was going on, it couldn’t be good. He raced around the different rooms, but didn’t see any of them. Stopping in the main hallway, he leaned against the stairway banister to the upstairs. He sipped his beer and tried to assess the situation. He hadn’t been talking to Phil for very long, so they definitely haven’t left the house yet. But where could they have g-

Laughter. Familiar laughter. Coming from above him. He looked up and saw the three girls on the landing, all clutching some part of the gorgeous blond. And the blond was looking right at Kyle, terrified.

The moment those dark blue eyes met Kyle’s brown, he felt his heartbeat pick up. A small tingling began in his fingers and irrevocably advanced up his hands. His mouth became dry. This really was the most gorgeous man alive. But there was something else, something different. The guy may be innocent, a virgin partier, but what future frat boy shows complete and utter fear at being led upstairs to the bedrooms by three gorgeous (albeit, shallow) girls? Unless...

He stared at the blond, eyebrows raised. He couldn’t be, could he? But the look of fear was definitely there, definitely growing, and he raced up the stairs, unwilling to let this moment pass. If there was any chance, any chance at all... well, he’d take it. The blond looked so relieved that someone was going to help him, as though he was drowning and Kyle had just thrown him a lifejacket. He reached the landing and grinned, a natural lopsided grin that made his eyes crinkle.

“Ladies, I’m afraid I’m going to have to borrow your friend here. Brothers want the recruits downstairs immediately.”

Silence. The redhead turned to face him, pouting.

“Nooo, Oliver wants to come upstairs with us. All of us.” She turned back to Oliver, smiled coyly and brushed her finger down his nose and lips. He visibly flinched away, seemingly terrified of her. That was a good sign.

The blond’s name was Oliver? Oliver. Kyle ran it through his head a few times. It was perfect for him. Innocently fitting. He turned to the redhead and shrugged a shoulder.

“Sorry, Jimmy’s orders.” He wrapped an arm around the waist of one of the girls, a cute brunette, who blushed furiously and nervously giggled. “I’m sure it’s hard for Oliver t’pull away from you, especially you, but if ya wait upstairs, he’ll be back before y’know it.” He leaned closer, his mouth near her ear. “ ‘nd I might join him”. The girls eyes widened.

He turned back to Oliver expectantly. He still hadn’t said a single word, and now the whole group was staring at him. He cleared his throat and placed his hand gently on the redheads’ arm, pulling her off him. “Uh, yeah, d-definitely. I’ll be right back. Really. I-In a moment”. He turned and faced Kyle, waiting for him to make the next move. A slow blush was creeping up his neck and over his face. God. So cute.

“Back in a flash, ladies”. Kyle started down the stairs casually, Oliver tensely following behind him. They didn’t speak until they had exited the fraternity. The cold air was a relief, and both boys took in a simultaneous breath, clearing their heads. Kyle looked over at Oliver and grinned, realizing the guy was still clutching the beer he had been holding all night. It was almost completely full.

“Don’t drink much?”

Oliver, startled, turned to stare at Kyle, confused. “Huh?”

Kyle nodded at the beer. “You’ve been holdin’ on t’that all night, bud.”

“Oh”. He glanced down at the beer, as if he had forgotten he was holding it. “Uh, y-yeah. I don’t actually drink much”. The flush was back, turning Oliver’s ears bright pink. “Ever, actually.” 

Kyle smiled, careful to keep it to a simple smile, as to not make Oliver feel bad. “First party?”

“N-no, not at all. I went to parties in high school. Tons of parties. It’s just that they didn’t have the type of beer I like and this is what they gave me and I didn’t want to seem rude and not take it ‘cause I was trying to impress the brothers and - “

Kyle raised his eyebrows, his smile turning a little belligerent. Oliver stopped his rambling immediately and took a huge breath, looking away from Kyle. “No, I never went to parties in high school”. He stared at the ground as if this was the most embarrassing statement ever said. 

Kyle’s smile widened. “Nothin’ wrong with that.” He took the beer out of Oliver’s hand and sipped. His mouth had now officially touched something Oliver’s had. His heart skipped, making his breathing just a bit faster. He prayed Oliver hadn’t noticed, chucked the still-full bottle into the trees and began to walk away from the fraternity.

“You live on campus?” He glanced back to make sure Oliver was following him. He was. His heart skipped another beat.

Oliver nodded quickly, a few short bobs. “Yeah, I’m bunking in Perth.” He looked over his shoulder, back at the fraternity. “Shouldn’t we, uh, go back and talk to those g-girls? On the stairs?”

Kyle chuckled. “We could if ya really want to, but they’re not really my type.” He looked at Oliver, who definitely was his type. “And y’didn’t seem too in’erested either, when I came t’getcha.”

Oliver laughed nervously, and then coughed. “Uh yeah, they just came on a little strong. I wasn’t really prepared for that.” He awkwardly reached up, hesitated, then finally placed his hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “T-thanks, man. For uh, y’know...” 

The warm heat from his hand radiated throughout Kyle’s body. He could smell Oliver - a wonderful smell that could never be compared to anything else - as he went for his signature grin. “Don’t worry ‘bout it. Anything to help a future brother out.” There. That sounded okay, right? Straight. Maybe.

They walked in silence for awhile. Perth was the farthest dorm from campus, and they still had awhile to go. Yet the conversation had completely diminished, and for the first time in his life, Kyle had no idea what to say. He heard Oliver clear his throat, realizing this was a common occurrence before Oliver said anything.

“So....you’re, uh, Kyle, right?”

Kyle slapped his hand to his forehead. He had been staring at Oliver for so long at the party, he had completely forgotten they hadn’t formally met. “Crap! Sorry, man. Yeah, Kyle. Kyle Lewis. Pre-med.”, he added as an afterthought, figuring what program they were in would be the next question.

Oliver’s soft hand landed in his. A shy smile edged his lips up slightly. “Hi Kyle. I’m Oliver Fish. In Criminology” he added, following Kyle’s example.

“Fish? As in like, trout? Salmon? Tuna?” Kyle inwardly winced as soon as the comment slipped out of his mouth. He really needed to think before he spoke. 

“Yeah. As in all of those.” he glanced at Kyle. The conversation halted. Again. Crap. 

They walked in more silence, and then Oliver whistled, a long, low sound. “So pre-med? Impressive. You must have had excellent grades.”

Kyle shrugged, now slightly embarrassed. Here he was, always the most social, and Oliver was holding up the conversation better than he was. 

“Yeah, moved around a lot as a kid. Did a lot of studyin’ to keep up with the diff’rnt school curriculums. Applied to pre-med just to see if I could get in. Which, apparently, I could. It just seemed...”

Now it was Oliver’s turn to smirk. “Logical?”

Kyle laughed, “Yeah, I guess”. He looked over at Oliver, who was still smirking. “What?”

Oliver shook his head, but responded anyway. “You sounded like Spock.”

Kyle paused. “From Star Trek?”

“Yeah”.

“You’re a Trekkie?!”

Oliver’s eyebrows furrowed. “What wrong with being a Trekkie? Star Trek was an amazing show!”

Kyle couldn’t help it, he laughed, its booming echo bouncing off the bricks of the passing school buildings. “Didn’t go to parties, don’t drink any beer, an’ now y’er tellin’ me y’er a geek, too. Why the hell are y’joining a frat?!’

Now Oliver was defensive. “Because I wanted to try something different. Because, like you, I wanted to see if I could! And apparently, I could, since I was invited to their initiation!”

A pleasant glow seeped through Kyle. Oliver was invited? He was going to join the frat? It made him happier than it should have, but the blond was really growing on him. He smiled at Oliver now, a friendly smile, rid of all mocking. “I did too. I guess we’re going to be frat buddies.”

Oliver smiled, but said nothing. They strolled casually to Perth dorm, in a comfortable silence. Kyle couldn't believe his luck. The first week in this town and he had already befriended Oliver. Oliver. God.

They walked into the building and entered the elevator. Kyle pressed Level 7. Oliver looked at him in complete surprise. “How did you know what floor I’m on?!”

Turns out fate is a wonderful, wonderful thing. He had never appreciated it as much as he had tonight. “I’m on Level 7. Room 712.”

Oliver turned, slightly embarrassed. “Oh”. He tried to regain his status. “I’m in 724”. The elevator open, and both boys stepped out and hesitated, unsure what to do next. 

Kyle slapped Oliver's shoulder and gave a quick squeeze. “I guess I’ll see you around then, Fish.” And before Oliver could say anything else, Kyle flashed his lopsided grin, turned and strolled off, trying his best to seem nonchalant, even though his heart beat furiously. Oliver.


	2. Chapter 2

“I can’t believe we have to do this. This is so immature. We’re going to get caught and get into so much tro-”

“Shut UP, Fish!” Kyle rolled his eyes. “They’ll hear you!”

Kyle and Oliver were crouched in an empty classroom, peering through the window in the door. Directly across the hall was the female locker room. Kyle knew that part of initiations traditionally involved completing lame tasks but this prank must have been invented in the 1920s. Their mission was to steal five bras from the female locker room. Could it be any more immature? But there was something good about this particular mission, something better than all the other ones combined: he and Oliver were officially frat partners. 

The previous tasks over the last two weeks were easy and Kyle had scored top points in all. Much to his surprise, so did Oliver. So when the brothers decided to group the recruits into partners according to their “grade”, he and Oliver had been thrown together. He glanced at Oliver out of the corner of his eye. He was wearing a long sleeved, faded blue shirt, nervously pulling the sleeves. His eyes were wide, his breath coming out in short nervous pants. How the hell did he pass the other levels?

“M-Maybe we should think about this. Go to the store and just buy them. I’ll pay.”

Kyle kept looking through the window. “We’ve been through this, Fish. The girls soccer team has an insignia on all items of clothing, ‘cluding sports bras. If ya really wanna buy five bras, then run down to a guy who’ll put the insignia on ‘em...” he glanced at Oliver now, smirking, “Then maybe y’have too much money on yer hands.”

Oliver slid off the desk he was sitting on and leaned behind Kyle so he could look out the window too, letting out a long nervous breath. 

“Okay. Okay. What’s the plan? We need a good plan. We can map out their schedule today and tomorrow, which gives us two days to try and sneak in when the coach isn’t there...”

Kyle said nothing, just listening to Oliver’s voice, so close to his ear. Feeling the faint brush of breath across his face. Enjoying the proximity of Oliver to his body, smelling his -

No. Oliver was a friend, nothing more. He was a straight friend who Kyle was just really getting acquainted with. He backed away from the window quickly, sitting on the desk table further back. Hopefully, Oliver wouldn’t notice the obvious heat he felt spreading across his face. He needed a distraction. Fast.

Kyle’s turned his smile mischievous. “Yeah, we could do all’a that. Or we can just run in there now, take a look around. No one’s in there, we’ve been watchin’ for thirty minutes.”

He couldn’t believe that Oliver’s eyes could get any larger than they were previously, but they did. They nearly popped right out of their sockets.

“W-W-What?! You want to go in there now?! What if a g-girl is in there, Lewis?!”

Kyle really didn’t like Oliver calling him ‘Lewis’. He hoped this surnames-as-first-names fraternity thing would end when they were initiated. Then he could call Oliver by his name and revel in the sound as it came off his tongue. And hopefully, just hopefully, listen to Oliver call him Kyle. Just one more time.

“Well, Fish. You only live once.” He slid off the table and headed to the door. His hand reached out to grasp the doorknob, but Oliver blocked it. They stared at each other for a few seconds, Kyle’s hand still outstretched. He slowly lowered it. 

“Look, man, if you’re nervous, you don’t have’ta go in there. Y’can stand here, keep watch, and I’ll be out as fast as I can. ‘kay?”

Oliver shuffled uncomfortably. “I’m not nervous. I just think we need a plan, in case something happens.” In a jerky motion, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. “Here, give me your number and I’ll phone you if someone is coming...”

“I don’t have a cell phone.”

“Well, why don’t we run back to the dorm and grab it, and then-”

“No, I mean, I don’t own one.”

Oliver’s expression turned incredulous. “You don’t own a cell phone?”

“Nope.” He liked riling Oliver up. He smiled.

“Why the hell not?!”

This was the first time Kyle had heard Oliver cuss. It was kinda cute. He chuckled. “Because, Mr. Fish, I’m not technology obsessed. I’ve never needed t’use one, so I never bought one.”

Oliver’s expression still hadn’t changed. “I can’t believe you don’t own a cell. You’re like, the only person I’ve ever met who doesn’t own one! They’re useful, Lewis! They’re responsible. What if...”

“What if we get caught in the girls bathroom?” Kyle’s eyes glinted. “I guess we’d be in huge shit, wouldn’t we?” Oliver opened his mouth to speak, but Kyle was faster, darting out of the classroom and into the female locker room in one smooth glide. He stood there at the entrance, the overwhelming smell of flowery perfume watering his eyes, trying to get his bearings. Before he could take a step forward, the door swung open and in burst Oliver. Who immediately smacked into Kyle - who immediately fell to the floor.

They lay in a crumpled heap, groaning and trying to stand. Eventually they stood there, breathing hard, Oliver wide-eyed, staring at the surrounding room, and Kyle, his eyes in slits, glaring at Oliver. Oliver started backing up, towards the door.

“Great, Fish. Don’t lose yer momentum now. You were on a roll a moment ago.” Yes, he knew it was petty, but he never thought before he spoke. He tried to redeem himself. “Let’s just get these things and get goin’.”

They scrambled around, digging through lockers, trying not to disrupt the room too much. Kyle seemed to have more luck than Oliver, finding three bras in the first three lockers. But then he struck out. Heading towards the next set of lockers, he heard Oliver call out, “Uh, Lewis, I have two over here.” He followed the sound of Oliver’s voice to the shower lockers.

When he arrived, Oliver was sitting on a bench between the lines of faded red lockers, looking down. Kyle followed his gaze and saw two gym bags on the floor, open, bras neatly folded on top. He walked towards Oliver, stopping at his side. Silence. Oliver made no move to reach for the bras.

“...Now’s not the time to gawk at the sight of yer first bra, Fish. Come on, we gotta get goin’.”

Oliver still didn’t move. The blush was back, creeping up his face. “I, uh, I don’t think it’s right to touch them. It’s inappropriate.” he added, staring at the clump of bras in Kyle’s hand.

Kyle stood, mouth open, flabbergasted, and slightly stung. He thought he was inappropriate? For grabbing bras?! He couldn’t find the words to speak. But then he did. 

“Jesus fucking Christ Oliver, are you kiddin’ me?! It’s not like we’re rippin’ ‘em off the girls’ chests! If y’wanna keep to your beliefs, no offense, but maybe, just maybe, you shouldn’t have joined a damn FRAT!” The last word came out much louder than he expected it too. Oops. They both froze, listening for footsteps. Luckily none came.

Oliver stood his ground. “It’s stealing. We’re stealing!”

Kyle sighed. He knew this was going no where without a compromise, so he tried a different tactic. “Hey, how ‘bout we return ‘em after? We’ll sneak in at night and throw ‘em in? Will you please pick ‘em up, now?”

Mulling it over, Oliver eventually nodded, gingerly picking up the articles of clothing using only his fingertips. Then he raced to the door.

“Keep yer cool. Don’t run.” Kyle chided, causing Oliver to slow his pace immediately. They casually opened the door, peeked out, and strode towards the exit. They were almost out of the building when someone came in. A female redhead. The same female redhead from the party.

They all stopped in their tracks, she still holding her keys, ready to place them into her open bag and Kyle and Oliver standing side by side, an array of bras in their hands, a complete look of fear on both their faces. The atmosphere was tense. And awkward. God, so awkward.

But then she smiled, shook her head, and moved to the side. “Just return them when you’re done, okay?” Kyle grinned. Oliver blew out a large breath, but kept his eyes firmly on the floor. As they darted past, Kyle stopped to peck her on the cheek. “Yer a lifesaver, Kristie!” Then he raced out the door behind Oliver. 

\----

They ran, their feet pounding on the cobblestone walkways, until they reached the edge of campus, a forest ahead of them. Slowing down, breathing hard, they glanced at each other. Then Kyle burst out laughing. He couldn’t help it - the whole situation was ridiculous. He also couldn’t stand any longer, and collapsed in the grass at the edge of the forest.

Oliver stared at him skeptically. Then he started to chuckle, turning to a full booming laugh as he hit the grass beside Kyle. And even though Kyle’s eyes were streaming from the laughter, he watched Oliver’s open mouth as he laughed, a booming laugh he never would have expected from such a shy guy. He was so hot.

The laughter eventually slowed to a few hiccups and breaths, but Kyle couldn’t get the image of Kristie’s face out of his mind, a perfect snapshot. He giggled again, turning to look at Oliver. But Oliver was looking right at Kyle, completely serious. The giggling ended, Kyle’s eyes darting around. 

“What?”

“You called me Oliver.”

“I did? When?”

“In the locker room.” Oliver’s eyes were so serious, so open. It made Kyle want to look away, anywhere else. But he couldn’t. “You were yelling at me for not picking up the, uh, the bras and you called me Oliver.”

Kyle paused, replaying the argument in his head over and over. He couldn’t remember. “Oh, well, I guess I did. Wasn’t really thinkin’. Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Oliver turned his head to stare at the sky again. “I’m sick of everyone calling me Fish. It was nice, to hear my actual name.”

Kyle raised his eyebrows. He liked when he called him Oliver? The pleasant glow was back, filling his fingers, spreading throughout his body. He smiled a lazy grin. 

“Well, how ‘bout we make a deal? I’ll call you Oliver, so long as you call me Kyle.” He waited, holding his breath.

Oliver turned his head to face Kyle again, his smile big now, showing his teeth. “Deal”.

They lay there for a few minutes, staring at each other. It was a moment. A definite ‘moment’ moment. Kyle knew it - was shocked by it - but definitely knew it. Maybe Oliver was, in fact, gay. There was only one way to find out. He reluctantly stood, brushing the backs of his jeans, leaving the bras on the grass. Oliver stood too, still clutching his bras. He nodded to Kyle’s.

“Don’t forget those. I don’t ever want to go through that again.”

Kyle laughed. “Why don’t you carry ‘em back to the frat? Bras aren’t really my cup o’ tea.”

“Oh, uh, sure.” Oliver picked them up, as gently as he had the two he was holding. They walked for a while in silence. Kyle waited. Eventually, Oliver’s curiosity got the better of him.

“Why don’t you want to hold them now? You didn’t have a problem picking them up before.”

He glanced sideways at Oliver. “It would ruin my gay street cred, carryin’ around a bunch’a bras. Everyone would think I’m straight!” He pretended to be horrified. Oliver stopped walking, his eyes huge.

“W-What? You’re gay?!”

Taking a deep breath, Kyle started towards Oliver. He had a feeling that Oliver didn’t know he was gay, and surprise was a common reaction when he finally told people. He had to take this slow.

“Yeah, man. I am.”

He let Oliver digest this, watching the words sink in. He was expecting understanding, curiosity, possibly even an awkward silence. Instead he saw in Oliver’s face a haunted look of disgust. The bras were harshly shoved into his arms. Oliver turned on his heel and walked away.

Kyle just stood, shocked. 

“Wait, wait! Oli- Fish! Wait!” He raced to Oliver, looking defiantly up into his eyes. “You have something against gays?!”

Oliver stared down at Kyle, the look still in place. Then it faded a little, leaving just the haunted look. “It’s not right, Kyle. Not normal. The church - “

Now Kyle was pissed. “The church would do what, exactly?! What would they do, Fish? Huh? Is God going to smite me?!”

Oliver looked away. “Sorry, Kyle”. He walked off. This time, Kyle let him leave.

\----

It had almost been three weeks since Oliver had last spoken to Kyle. Two weeks and five days. Not that he was counting or anything. The jerk could go to hell and never come back. But every time he saw him, his heartbeat stumbled, hoping that Oliver would come up and apologize. Instead, the moment Oliver’s eyes met Kyle’s, he turned and bolted for the door.

Initiation had been just as awkward. They stood side by side, united with the other fraternity brothers, Oliver leaning away from Kyle as if he was contagious. That hurt. A lot. Kyle understood that Oliver might need time. But there was such a thing as too much time, and they were quickly crossing that line. It kept Kyle up at night, his arms above his head, staring at the ceiling. His thoughts spun circles in his head so fast it made him dizzy. He needed to run, clear his mind.

He threw on some sweats and a baggy shirt and headed to the lake he had found the first week. It wasn’t too far from the Perth dorm, just down the hill from the university campus. There was a nice asphalt walkway surrounding the lake, a good mile in distance, and he ran around endlessly, clearing his mind. He loved running and had missed it, not having the time due to obligations to the fraternity and to his classes.

Eventually he slowed to a walk, hands above his head, trying to slow his breathing. It had felt good. Right. He had come to the decision that Oliver wasn’t going to be a good influence in his life. He had medical school to think about. A lab coat in his future. And no one, not even Oliver, was going to stop him.

He jogged back to campus, smiling and waving to random students as he went. He stopped to talk to Lucy, a cute girl with glasses from his chemistry class, then Jason, a guy in his organic bio class. By the time he had finished, it was nearly 3am. He sprinted back to the dorm, covered in sweat, just reaching the entrance when he heard a voice calling him. Oliver. 

Turning, searching for the location of the sound, he found Oliver in a heap against the brick building. Clutching a bottle of vodka. Fantastic. Kyle crouched down in front of him.

“Hey man, you okay?”

Oliver smiled a drunken grin. “I am now that you’re here!”

Kyle sighed, dragging a complaining Oliver up off the ground. “Come on, Fish, I’ll help you to your room.”

Oliver pouted. “You never call me Oliver anymore”. 

Even though Kyle knew Oliver was wasted, he couldn’t help being annoyed. “Yeah, well, you never speak to me anymore, so I figured that deal was broken.” Oliver was silent. Good.

He dragged him into the elevator, the security guard at the front desk not even glancing up from his little television he kept under the table. Oliver was quickly turning limp, and it took a few tries for Kyle to reach the button.

As they went up, Oliver leaned close in Kyle’s ear, his breath absolutely terrible. “My parents would kill me if they found out I’m hanging with a fag.”

Now Kyle was pissed. He pushed Oliver away. “Then y’can help y’rself back to your room!”

Oliver quickly slung his arm around Kyle. “No, Kyle! Wait! I think you’re cool. I like hanging out with you!” His words were becoming more and more slurred, and Kyle felt it was his brotherly duty to help Oliver back to his room. If he slept in the hallway, he’d feel guilty. Maybe.

The elevator opened, and he dragged Oliver down the hall to his dorm. He knocked on the door a few times, but no one answered. Oliver giggled. 

“Chris’s always out. Always, always out!” he practically sang, reaching into his pocket and fumbling with his keys. Then he turned to Kyle. “You smell weird.”

Kyle knew he should help him, but he was still mad, so he let Oliver figure out the keys in his drunken state. It was a good plan, but it was taking far too long, and he eventually ripped the keys out of his hand and put them in the lock, turning. The door swung open.

Oliver’s side, he was assuming, was germaphobic clean, the blue bedspread tucked in neatly, the pillow looking as though it had been fluffed. No posters donned the walls; the desk had a single binder and a lamp on it. The other side was covered in death metal posters, with clothes strewn across the unmade bed, which had black sheets with a black comforter. Nice.

Deciding against the harsh overhead lights, he reached over and flipped the switch on the lamp. A softer glow illuminated the room. He threw Oliver onto the bed, then headed over to the mini fridge, pulling out a bottle of water. Hesitantly, he searched through Oliver’s belongings until he found a bottle of aspirin, popping two out. In his travels, he also came across a box of soda crackers, so he shook a few of those out too. He handed it all to Oliver.

“Take those, eat the crackers, and drink all of it.” Oliver obeyed, then flopped down on the bed. Kyle pulled the waste bin over, just in case. He stood to leave.

He was almost at the door when Oliver spoke. “It’s your fault I’m drunk. I’ve never drunk before.” He paused and giggled. “Drunk? Drank? Drunken?”

Now it was Kyle’s turn to be incredulous. “My fault? How is this my fault?!”

“If you weren’t...” Oliver’s hand waved in Kyle’s general direction. “y’know”.

“If I wasn’t what? Gay?!”

“Yeah.”

Kyle stood, staring at Oliver. How could such a sweet guy be such a jerk? And how could he be so wrong about him?

Oliver reached out to Kyle. “I’m sorry. Come back. Please?”

Filled with uncertainty as to whether he was doing the right thing, he walked back and sat on the edge of the bed. Oliver took his hand in both of his and smiled. 

“Callouses. I thought I felt them when I shook your hand.” His fingers laced through Kyle’s. “I don’t want to lose you as a friend, Kyle.”

Kyle wasn’t sure what to think. Would Oliver even remember this in the morning? Probably not. But he sighed and squeezed his hand. “Then stop avoiding me.”

Oliver stared at Kyle, his eyes cloudy. “My parents would disown me if they found out.”

Kyle’s eyebrows raised. “Found out what? That you’re hanging out with a gay guy?”

Oliver closed his eyes and leaned back. “Yes. And no. And yes”. He was becoming incoherent. It was time to leave.

Slipping his hand out of Oliver’s, he started to rise from the bed. But a sweaty hand reached out and grabbed his hand again, fingers slipping through his. Again.

“No, don’t go. Just stay. Jus’ for a little bit, okay?”

Kyle smiled, looking down at their entwined fingers. “Okay”.

This cannot end well.


	3. Chapter 3

For the next month, Kyle stayed true to his word. He avoided Oliver, refusing to talk to him and did his best to dodge him at all fraternity meetings. Except Oliver would not leave him alone. Not that they ever spoke. But when Kyle entered a room, Oliver would slip in behind him. When Kyle stopped in to the caf. on the way to classes, there would be Oliver, in the same line as he was. Sometimes when he walked out of classes, Oliver would be sitting on a bench nearby, reading. Everywhere he went, Oliver was there. It was driving him crazy.

The final straw was when Kyle decided to join the fraternity football team. He signed up, double-checking that Oliver had not and was told the practice times and schedules. He showed up for practice one sunny morning, stretching and preparing for a workout when he heard a familiar voice. Oliver. Looking up in disbelief, there he was, chatting with Phil, wearing the fraternity football t-shirt. He waited for Phil to leave the pitch before striding over and grabbing Oliver’s arm.

He could feel every muscle in that arm tense, its warmth seeping into his cold hands. He immediately released it, needing no distractions.

“What’re you doin’ here?!” he hissed, shifting his weight back and forth, agitated. 

Oliver looked slightly ashamed of himself. “I’m joining the football team.”

“You don’t even play football!” He remembered having this conversation, almost eons ago.   
Remembered Oliver telling him he didn’t like contact sports. 

“I can learn!”

“Well, I’m not goin’ to teach ya!”

“I’m not asking you to!”

They stared at each other for a few moments until they heard footsteps on the grass and simultaneously turned. A nerdy looking kid was walking towards them, camera hanging around his neck. 

“Um, excuse me, but can I get a picture of you two for the paper? We never get any fraternity photos in.”

Kyle wanted to tell the boy where to shove it, but before he could, Oliver’s arm had wrapped around his neck. “Sure, man.” He smiled, and through his teeth, whispered to Kyle. “Just be nice, okay?” 

Reluctantly, Kyle put his arm on Oliver’s shoulder. He could smell the soap Oliver used, fresh from the shower this morning, and turned away slightly. He did not need that kind of reaction right now.

The boy eagerly grabbed his camera, pushing buttons, turning it to his exact specifications. “Okay, ready? One, two, three!” 

The camera flashed. Kyle did not smile.

\----

The Thursday before midterms, Kyle was curled up in a corner of the local coffee shop, pouring over his calculus textbook. He loved science - biology was fascinating, chemistry was exciting, physics was almost philosophical in its teachings - but math, math was just impossible. He posture was becoming more and more tense, leaning forward and clutching his hair as he attempted equation after equation. And yet he still could not locate the equation of the tangent at point four. Slamming his book closed, he threw his pencil in aggravation. What he didn’t expect was for the pencil to ricochet off a body standing in front of him and whack him in the chest. He looked up.

Oliver was standing there awkwardly, clutching a styrofoam container in his hand, which Kyle knew contained salad with thousand island dressing on the side. He hated that he knew that. He also hated that Oliver had found him, as he had chose this spot specifically because it was off campus and therefore out of Oliver’s way. Yet here he was. 

For a few seconds, they stood there, Oliver beginning to fidget, Kyle staring at him in disbelief. He knew any other person would just plop down next to him, but Oliver waited for Kyle to invite him to sit down. Kyle didn’t.

Finally, Oliver coughed and spoke. “We need to talk. Please?”

Kyle said nothing, but Oliver was persistent. “Please, Kyle.”

“Lewis.”

“What?”

“Call me Lewis.”

“Oh.” There was a pause, but Oliver took Kyle’s speech as an invitation anyway, sitting down. He procrastinated for a moment, opening the styrofoam lid, pouring the dressing and pulling a fork out of his bag. He hesitated, glanced at Kyle’s stony expression, and then pulled another fork out, gently setting it on top of Kyle’s coffee lid. He pushed the container to the middle of the table and took a bite. Then he put the fork down and began his speech.

“Look, Ky- Lewis, my father is a cop, and he and my mother are good people. Really good people. The reason I want to be a cop is because of him. They build homes for charity, and they always participate in food dri-”

“I don’t care, Fish. I don’t want’ta hear it. What’s this have to do with me?”

Oliver picked up the fork again and angrily stabbed a piece of lettuce. “Everything! Will you just shut up and let me explain?!”

Kyle was floored. Oliver just didn’t do angry outbursts. He nodded for him to continue.

“Anyway, they’re good people. They go to church every week, sometimes more. That’s how I was raised. Under God’s administration. And according to the church...well, MY”, he amended, “church, homosexuality is a sin. It’s an abomination and anyone who commits it is going against God and needs to be hospitalized.” He glanced up at Kyle, as if to ward off being interrupted again. When Kyle said nothing, he continued. “My parents believe that. I believed that. Always. But then I met you.”

“I didn’t know you were gay when we met, and I had concluded you were a pretty great guy. We had fun. And when I found out you were gay, I couldn’t believe it.” 

Oliver was becoming more and more animated now, using his hands to talk, eyes serious. “But at the same time, I couldn’t believe it was a sin anymore because I couldn’t see anything wrong with you. So I did some research. It turns out, the biggest theory of today is that homosexuality is biological, not a choice. And more and more churches are accepting it.”

Kyle hadn’t spoken this entire time, just listening to Oliver speak. He was amazed. Most religious fanatics he knew never reached this revelation. It was a turning point, and an important one. Maybe it could work. Maybe they could actually be friends.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be truly comfortable with it, Kyle. But I want to hang out again.” He looked down, embarrassed. There was a long pause, both boys looking anywhere but at each other. Oliver rubbed his neck awkwardly. “Um, that’s it.”

Kyle laughed. He picked up the fork balancing on his coffee cup and speared a slice of cucumber. “Know anything about calculus?”

Oliver’s eyebrows furrowed. “What?”

“Calculus. Y’know, derivatives, tangents...”

“Um, yeah, I did pretty well in high school.”

Kyle pushed the textbook towards Oliver. “Then turn to page 34 and help me out, Oliver.”

Oliver smiled at the sound of his name and grabbed the textbook, already discussing tangents with Kyle as he flipped through the pages.

\----

 

The next few weeks were better, and in a way, also worse. Kyle and Oliver were together almost every day, from the moment they both walked out of their dorms to the moment they tiredly dragged their books back in at night. 

They never discussed Oliver’s speech at the coffee house, even though they automatically sat at that table every day after classes. They also ran together around the lake, exercised in the work-out room in Perth dorm and studied in the library. He learned that Oliver was like him in so many ways: he loved animals, and missed his cat. He had a sense of humour, although not as dry as Kyle’s, and became more comfortable teasing Kyle as weeks passed. They both also secretly enjoyed school and studying. But they were different too. Oliver had the same friends since childhood, never moved or travelled. Comparatively, Kyle had moved all over the South, making friends as he went and dropping them just as easily. Every day, they did something together. And Kyle was falling more and more into lust. 

But there were moments, too, that made Kyle wonder. Sometimes, when Oliver passed him a coke, their fingers would gently brush, causing tingles to spread up Kyle’s hands. Or if Kyle wasn’t handling the gym weights properly, Oliver would be there, guiding his arms into the proper movement. A slap on the shoulder would last too long, and their eyes always seemed to meet at unexpected times. These moments he ignored, deciding they were figments of his imagination, or that he was over-reacting. Oliver was straight. He had made that clear.

\----

After a long night in the lab, Kyle was beat, his feet dragging across the carpeted floor as he approached the elevator. Getting out, he turned left towards his dorm and stopped. Oliver was sitting on the floor, his arms wrapped around a pillow, staring at him.

Eyebrows raised, he approached Oliver, who stood and gave a small smile. “Chris has a girl over and kicked me out. I was wondering if I could stay here tonight, if it’s okay with your roommate.”

Kyle laughed. “Don’t have a roommate. I’m one of the lucky ones that gotta single room.” 

He ushered Oliver aside and opened the door. “Come on in.” Throwing his bag into the corner of the tiny room, he waited until Oliver had entered before closing the door. 

Oliver pulled a face. “Kyle, this place is filthy!” 

Kyle looked around. It wasn’t so bad - a few unwashed articles of clothing on the floor, a few take-out boxes stacked in the corner. He shrugged.

“I’m pre-med. I study a lot. Don’t have time to clean up.”

Oliver tried to keep his face stern, but a smile was peeking through. “You going to use that excuse for the next four years?”

Kyle grinned. “S’a pretty good one, don’tcha think?” He pulled off his shoes and threw them in the corner. “Besides, I kinda like it. S’comforting.”

Oliver shook his head but said nothing, pulling off his shoes too. 

Kyle pulled out his laptop and plugged it in. “I hope you don’t mind, but I have a biology test in the morning...”

“Oh, don’t worry. I have a test, too. I can go to the library if you’d like.”

Kyle glanced up. He didn’t want Oliver to study anywhere else. He was stressed about this test and Oliver could ground him. He pulled the desk away from the wall and put it in the middle of the room. “Here. You sit on the bed and we can each use the desk. ‘kay?” 

Oliver smiled and sat down. It was awkward at first, but they eventually got into a rhythm. Yet every time Kyle looked up from his studying, Oliver was there, staring back. They’d smile and get back to their work, but it happened, over and over. Then, when Kyle was deep into studying the biological names of the Calvin cycle, he felt a knee brush his. He ignored it at first, thinking Oliver brushed him accidently. It was a small table, after all. But then he felt it again, a tiny bump. And it stayed against his knee. 

He didn’t dare look up, his heart beating furiously. He knew his face was turning red, his fingers trembling too hard for him to write anymore. Was Oliver playing him? Trying to make sure he was really gay? He chanced a look out of the corner of his eye. Oliver didn’t seem to notice anything was wrong - he wasn’t smiling or glancing at Kyle, just studying quietly, mouthing words out as he wrote. 

They stayed like that a few minutes, Oliver’s leg gently touching Kyle’s. Until Kyle couldn’t take it anymore. He slammed his book closed, making Oliver jump. The knee left his.

Kyle stood. “I’m goin’ to get ready for bed.”

Before Oliver could say anything, Kyle grabbed his toiletry kit and left the room. Once he reached the bathroom, he locked himself in a stall and leaned his forehead against the cool metal. What was going on? Was Oliver flirting with him? He didn’t know. He wasn’t sure he wanted to. If it was all a misunderstanding... No. Not if. It was a misunderstanding. Kyle was over-reacting. Ag’in.

He brushed his teeth and went back to the door, making sure he was smiling as he opened it and making sure his movements seemed casual. Oliver was looking confused, wondering what Kyle’s outburst had been about. That confirmed it. It was an innocent mistake.

He reached into his closet and pulled out a sleeping bag and an extra blanket. “It’s not much, but it’ll do.”

Oliver nodded. “Thanks, man.” There was a pause. “Um, do you mind if I do some more studying? I’m a little nervous about the test.”

Kyle shrugged. “Go for it. I can sleep through anythin’.” He fell into his bed, faced the wall and closed his eyes.

Oliver’s voice was much softer than usual. “Goodnight, Kyle.” 

“ ‘Night, man.” Kyle was exhausted. He just needed to rest and not think for a while. But he felt Oliver staring at him for a long time before settling back into his work.

He dozed in and out of consciousness. And, although it was probably his imagination, he felt fingers gently sliding through his hair right before he fell asleep.

 

\----

 

Oliver avoided Kyle for the next few days, claiming he had a downpour of assignments from numerous professors. Kyle tried not to think much of it, but secretly was relieved. If he was going to react so strongly to Oliver all the time, he needed to clear his head once in a while. 

\----

 

There was a pre-game party at the fraternity, plastic red cups scattered all over the sticky floor. There were so many people, the temperature in the house felt like a thousand degrees, even though all the windows had been open. And oh-so-thoughtfully, a few of the older brothers had invited single gay students to the party, just for Kyle.

“You never date, man. You don’t need to feel ashamed. We don’t care”, Jimmy had said in passing, a girl practically glued to his mouth. “Go talk to them.” So Kyle did. It’s not as though he could say he was interested in someone else; a straight someone else. There was no reason not to talk to them.

He quickly learned from the first few that the only common factor between them was sexual orientation. He really didn’t see the point in having a relationship based on that fact. And more than that, he was nervous. Sure, he’d smile and grin and flirt, but that’s where the line was drawn. He had only ever been kissed by a guy, nothing beyond that. To actually hook up with these guys, when he knew nothing of them, it was uncomfortable. He skidded out of their way when they reached for him, made up a quick excuse, and ran towards a different room.

After the fifth guy (or was it sixth?), he had had enough. He squeezed his way through the crowd, passing by Oliver, who was flirting with a girl in the living room. Their eyes met, and Kyle smiled, even though he wanted to go over and rip the girl’s hair out. Unsettled by this feeling, he gave Oliver the thumb’s up, and pushed through the room, telling himself it was good Oliver was getting out of his shell, meeting new people. 

He finally made it to the back room where only a few people stood and where it was much quieter than the rest of the house. He took a spot at the end of a couch, drinking his beer and tuning out the chatter and music. Which is why he was startled when he felt weight next to him. He turned, looking into the cloudy eyes of a girl. A very, very drunk girl.

She smiled, not saying a word, as she grabbed his head and pulled him to her. He did nothing for a few seconds, completely in shock – her kisses were sloppy and her lipgloss was sticky and all over his face. He pulled away. 

She didn’t seem disappointed. In fact, it looked like she didn’t notice he had pulled away. Her eyes still closed, she licked her lips and lay on the couch, her feet on his lap. And then she was out like a light.

He put his beer down and gently wiggled his way off the couch, trying not to wake her. He really didn’t want a repeat performance. But he gently turned her on her side, anyway. Having enough of this party, he snuck upstairs to the spare bedroom and closed the door.

No one had occupied it since Joe had been expelled the previous year, and there was only a simple bed with no sheets, a mirror on the back of the door, and a chair in the corner. He opted for the chair, sinking into it, head in his hands. Finally, silence. He relaxed.

But then the door opened and he jerked his head up, startled. Oliver stood in the doorway, holding a beer loosely in his hand. “May I come in?”

Kyle smiled. Even tipsy, Oliver was always the gentleman. “‘Course. Just close the door.”

Oliver stepped in but stumbled, catching himself just in time to keep from wiping out on the floor. Kyle stood and walked over, steadying him. Oliver laughed. “I’ve only had a few beers. I guess I’m still not used to drinking yet. I’m okay though.” He pulled away from Kyle’s grasp and sat on the edge of the mattress. Kyle turned and locked the door, then sat next to Oliver, making sure to keep distance between them.

There was comfortable silence for awhile as they shared the rest of Oliver’s beer. On the last sip, Oliver stopped and stared at the top of the bottle. Then he turned to stare at Kyle. “Are....are you wearing lipgloss?”

Kyle immediately groaned and wiped his mouth repeatedly with his sleeve. “Some girl kissed me at the party.” He pulled a face. Oliver said nothing. Then the topic changed.

“I heard the brothers brought a few guys to the party. For you.” Oliver stared at the beer bottle as he spoke, swirling the last bit of beer in the glass.

Kyle turned to look at Oliver. Was he jealous? No way. He couldn’t be. It was just Kyle’s imagination again. He made sure his tone was light. “Not really. I didn’t really have much in common with any of ‘em. Got a few numbers.” 

Oliver nodded. Silence. Kyle tried a new topic. “So who was the girl?”

“Do you think you’ll call?”

“...Huh?”

“The guys. Do you think you’ll call them?”

“Um, I don’t know. Probably not.” It had to be jealousy. There was no other reason. His heart skipped a beat. His hands turned sweaty. Was it jealousy? He watched Oliver take the last gulp of beer. He tried again to lighten the tone.

“Don’t drink too much of that. I don’t want to drag yer ass home again.” He grinned, but it was a feeble attempt. The mood, at least, was lightened and Oliver smiled, obviously embarrassed.

“I wanted to thank you for that.”

Kyle laughed. “I’m surprised you even remember.”

“It feels like a dream. I only remember bits and pieces.”

Kyle froze. “Like what?”

Oliver leaned over and placed the empty beer bottle on the floor. “Like you gave me water.”

Kyle released the breath he had been holding. “Yeah, and some aspirin. Figured you wouldn’t feel too hot in the mornin’.”

There was a pause. “I remember some other stuff, too.”

Uh-oh. “Like what?”

Neither boy moved for a moment, Oliver staring at Kyle. Then he reached over and gently took Kyle’s hand. One by one, his fingers fell through the gaps. Now both boys were breathing unsteady.

Kyle couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe this was happening. And he didn’t want it to end. Not at this. So he leaned forward slowly. So slowly. His lips were so close to Oliver’s now, he could feel Oliver’s breath on his own mouth. And as he leaned closer, he could feel Oliver’s lips trembling. He kissed them so gently they barely touched.

And then the hand left his. He was shoved so hard he fell backwards as Oliver catapulted off the bed.

They stared at each other, Oliver’s mouth open, eyes wide. Kyle couldn’t believe this. Oliver was sending him signals. He knew it. He didn’t push Kyle away at first, even though he had plenty of time to. As Kyle thought about this, all the instances swirling around his head, he got mad. He jumped to his feet.

“What is your problem, man?!”

Oliver looked equally pissed. “I’m not gay!”

Not gay? Is that really how he was going to play it? Kyle strode towards Oliver, getting right up into his face. Making him uncomfortable. He jabbed a finger into Oliver’s chest.

“You’re driving me crazy! You flirt with me, you hold my hand, I catch you starin’ at me, and yet yer honestly standin’ there tellin’ me you don’t like me?!”

Oliver said nothing. Kyle raised his eyebrows. “Huh!? Well?! Do you like me or not?! I’m not playin’ this game anymore, Fish.”

Then Oliver surprised him again. His eyes watered and a tear slid down his cheek. Kyle stared. Oliver was crying? Before he could react, Oliver had pushed him away and stood at the door, facing away from Kyle, hand on the knob. But he didn’t turn it.

Kyle walked forward now and cautiously let his hand rest on Oliver’s shoulder, leaning in close. “It’s okay”, he said softly. “It’s okay. Shh.” He hugged Oliver’s back, unsure of what to do.

Gently, he felt Oliver turn. He looked up into the blue eyes, which looked so distraught. So confused. “It’s okay”, he repeated. “It’s okay if you like me”. 

He reached up tenatively and placed his lips on Oliver’s, kissing his bottom lip so carefully. He felt the pressure returned and let out a shaky breath. Wrapping his arms around the warm body, he angled for better contact. And got it.

The kisses became deeper, and Kyle felt his knees shake, ready to give out. And, as if he knew this, Oliver began walking to the bed, his mouth never leaving Kyle’s. They fell on the bed, a tangled mess of limbs.

He learned while he kissed, even though his brain felt fried. He learned that when he sucked on Oliver’s bottom lip, he let out a sound that Kyle wanted to hear over and over. And learned that Oliver had a smell beyond soap, a musky scent so appealing it made Kyle’s mouth water. But most of all, he learned Oliver’s body.

Mouths and necks just weren’t enough. Shirts came off, Kyle frantically kissing Oliver’s nipples, his chest. Oliver was breathing heavily into his ear, and grabbed Kyle’s leg, pulling him closer, rolling on top. He felt Oliver’s hardness against his thigh, his breath hitching. It was too much. It wasn’t enough.

Oliver’s fingers slid through Kyle’s hair, pulling him closer, making Kyle moan. Those same hands brushed over his nipples, which were so sensitive, something Kyle never knew about himself. They traced the contours of Kyle’s chest, fingering each muscle. Then they slid into Kyle’s own hands, squeezing tightly. 

They broke apart for a moment, breathing hard. Kyle staring at Oliver’s flushed face, so turned on. So gorgeous. He removed his hands from Oliver’s, gently rolling them over so he was on top. He kissed Oliver’s mouth, their tongues touching and his heart felt as though it was going to give out. But he kept going. 

He kissed Oliver’s neck, reveling in the sounds Oliver made, somewhere deep in his throat. Lightly sucking on the neck, then harder. This man was his. He never wanted anyone else to touch him. Every heartbeat, every movement, pounding out the same thing. Mine.

As much as he wanted to go further, the rational part of his mind (which was rapidly diminishing) told him they were in the frat house and that they shouldn’t do anything so reckless. And Oliver seemed to think so too. Still hard, their kisses became softer, their movements much more gentle. Eventually Oliver pulled back, eyes dark. He tried to speak, but only a throaty noise came out. He coughed and tried again. 

“We should go back to the party.” It was rough, raspy, and Kyle’s body jolted from the sound.

He stared, nodded and leaned in for another kiss, but Oliver was already pulling away, grabbing his shirt and arranging his arousal so it wouldn’t be obvious. He unlocked the door and left, not looking back.

Kyle sat alone in the bed, aroused, confused, thrilled. He rubbed his hand through his hair and smiled. Oliver had kissed him, touched him. Oliver. Maybe they could be a couple. He rolled his eyes - he was getting ahead of himself. One day at a time. He lay back on the bed and smiled. Still, he could dream, right?


	4. Chapter 4

Kyle prepared for the worst the next morning.

Sitting in his room and staring at the mirror, he mentally prepared. Last night had been fantastic, so today Oliver wouldn’t talk to or look at him. It hurt, but he understood. He told himself over and over not to be upset; it was just a phase Oliver was going through. Eventually he’d settle down.

He grabbed his bag off his bed, threw his books in, and opened the door. He wasn’t going to look at Oliver’s room. He was going to walk right by and avoid humiliation because he knew Oliver would slam the door in his face. He shifted back and forth waiting for the elevator, and when it opened, he jumped in and repeatedly hit the button. The doors started to close but an arm reached through and stopped them. Kyle recognized that arm immediately and his heart jumped. Oliver. Who else?

They stood awkwardly in the elevator as students got on and off at their stops. Finally, when it reached the main level, they were alone. Kyle chanced a tentative smile. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

That was all that needed to be said. Kyle smiled and began to ramble about the classes he had that day as they walked to the coffee house. Grabbing a coffee and a breakfast burrito, Kyle turned to walk to their usual spot, but Oliver stopped him, motioning to a table near the door. 

“Uh, let’s just sit here.” 

Confused, Kyle let himself be led there, sitting down slowly. Oliver acted as though nothing was wrong. Now Kyle was worried. He leaned towards Oliver slightly, fingers outstretched, knowing Oliver wouldn’t want Kyle to touch him, but wanting to anyway. He gently grasped Oliver’s arm.

“Everythin’ okay? Did you....did you like the party last night?”

Oliver pulled his arm away from Kyle, but not harshly. He smiled and nodded. Relief flooded Kyle. Oliver finished chewing his muffin before he spoke.

“Yeah, I met this girl Sara there. You saw her with me. Anyway, she gave me her number so I thought I’d give her a call today.”

Wait. What?

Kyle just stared. He opened his mouth to say something but realized he had nothing to say. He closed his mouth and looked away from the table. Then turned and looked back. He gently bumped his knee against Oliver’s.

Oliver pulled his leg away, finished up his muffin, and brushed his hands. “We should go, man. If you make me late for another poli sci class, my professor is going to be so mad.” 

He stood and threw out his coffee and muffin, turning to politely wait for Kyle, who just sat in shock. Finally, he threw out his unwrapped burrito and left with Oliver. He didn’t know what else to do. 

\----

It became weirder over the next few weeks. Oliver acted as though nothing had ever happened between them. Acted so well, in fact, that Kyle was starting to think he dreamt the whole thing. There were no more long stares, no brushes against him, no knee bumps. When they studied together in Kyle’s room, Oliver had taken to sitting on the bed, legs crossed.

They were best friends in every sense of the word. So why does it hurt so much?

Despite how close they had gotten, there were small times that brought Kyle back to reality. On a freezing Sunday in November, Kyle had gotten up early to run, bringing back with him two coffees. He knocked on Oliver’s door, surprised to find him in a nice suit, tie included. He raised his eyebrows.

“Goin’ somewhere special?” 

He handed Oliver his coffee, who raised it to him before taking a sip. “I guess you could say that. I’m going to church.” Oliver’s eyes flickered to his alarm clock on the desk. “I still have some time, though.”

“Oh, well let me take a quick shower and I can come with y-”

“No!” The word came out with pure malice. Kyle just stared at Oliver. He tried again.

“I am technically Christian, Oliver. I can go to church.” 

Oliver looked away. “Church is something I prefer to do on my own.”

“...You’re goin’ to be in a church with hundreds of people. What’s one more?”

Now Oliver was agitated. “Look, Lewis, I don’t want you to come.” He stood up. “I should get going.”

“I thought you had some time.”

“Time’s up.” He opened the door and stood, waiting for Kyle to leave. So he did. 

He tried not to take it too personally. He didn’t know much about church, and figured Oliver just needed some private time. But later, as he sat in the cafeteria, a bunch of fraternity brothers walked in, including Oliver. All dressed in church attire, clearly having gone together. He grabbed his books and stalked out before they could call him over.

He decided that he didn’t need this shit. Kyle had other friends, friends that weren’t part of the fraternity. He didn’t need to hang out with Oliver every single day. He didn’t want to be Oliver’s friend. So he went to fraternity parties, occasionally hung out with the brothers and spent just enough time there to make himself noticed. The rest of his time, when he wasn’t studying, was spent with friends from classes.

\----

Finally in a rhythm, he felt content. Seeing Oliver every day, Kyle remained polite, finding the instances brief and easy to forget about. The fluttering in his chest whenever he saw Oliver was fading. Slightly. Things were looking up.

A bunch of the guys came knocking on his door on Friday morning, holding a football and grinning.

Kyle groaned. “It’s below freezing outside!”

Josh, a guy with black hair and a round face, grinned even wider. “Makes it all the more fun, man! Come on!”

Kyle laughed and got suited up, meeting them in the grassy area near the science buildings.

They split into teams, 5 against 5, leaving one guy out at a time. It was becoming more and more intense, Kyle’s team winning, but just barely. He was called off, slapping hands with the guy sitting in before sitting on the sidelines himself, watching. He was able to put on his gloves now, not being able to during the game since he couldn’t grip the ball properly. Curling into a ball, hands on his ears, he tried to stay warm, but the sweat he had worked up while playing backfired, making him feel frozen. 

He felt Oliver’s presence before he saw or heard him but ignored it, refusing to give in again. He waited until Oliver knelt beside him before acknowledging he was there. Then he turned and smiled. Oliver was fully dressed for winter, complete with a scarf and hat. His cheeks were red and Kyle could see little puffs of air coming out of his mouth. He turned back to the game, determined to seem casual.

“Hey Fish. How’s it goin’?” 

“Hey. Not bad, thanks.” Oliver’s voice was softer than usual, making Kyle’s heart, as well as other parts of his body, leap. He ignored that too, and kept his eyes on the game. 

“I thought it was the brothers playing, but I guess not.”

“Nope. Just a bunch of my friends from class. I do have a life outside the fraternity, y’know.” 

Kyle knew it came out snippy, but he couldn’t help it. He refused to let the wall he had built come tumbling down just for a few fleeting moments with Oliver.

Oliver turned to look at Kyle, who pretended to be completely focused on the game. Yet he couldn’t stop his heart from pounding. 

“I know.” That soft voice again. God.

Just then, a cold breeze picked up, so cold it stung their faces, making them both turn away. Kyle shivered violently, his teeth chattering before he could stop them. He clenched his jaw shut, ignoring the ache.

“Hey.” 

He turned towards Oliver’s voice. He had pulled his hat off, his short hair suffering from hat head. Reaching over, he began to tug it onto Kyle’s head. Kyle froze, but only for a moment, before ripping it off and throwing it back to Oliver. 

“I don’t need it. Thanks.” He began to turn back to the game, but Oliver’s voice stopped him. 

“You’re shivering, Kyle.”

“I’m fine.” He knew he was being stubborn, but Oliver had started it.

Oliver sighed. “Will you please just take the damn hat?!”

They stared each other down. Eventually, Kyle reached out and took the hat, careful to avoid Oliver’s fingers. He shoved it on his head, the relief from the wind immediate. “Thanks.” 

Oliver smiled slightly, but continued to stare at him. Luckily his already red cheeks hid the blush. Matt, a guy on his team, came running over. 

“Hey man, you’re up. Hey.” he added, nodding at Oliver. Oliver nodded back. Kyle stood up and brushed off his jeans. He turned to Oliver. “I guess I’ll see ya later.”

“Yeah, sure.” 

Kyle began to walk onto the field, hearing Matt’s voice behind him. “Sup man? I’m Matt. Wanna play? We were short one guy, anyway.”

Kyle spun around, mouth open, ready to argue. But Oliver was already agreeing, walking onto the field with Matt. The guys waited as they approached, forcing Kyle to make an awkward introduction.

“Guys, this is Oliver Fish, one of my fraternity brothers. He’s uh, gonna join in.”

They all hooted and slapped Oliver on the back, making introductions. The breeze picked back up, and Kyle caught Oliver’s scent surrounding him from the hat, momentarily distracting him. He shook his head, clearing it, and ran to his team. Oliver was put on the opposing team, and the game started up.

\---- 

There was only one point left to go and Kyle was watching Oliver. He had to admit, the guy had gotten good. He was also well liked, chatting and laughing with Kyle’s friends as they played. He turned away, the hurt reappearing. He was trying to move on, making different friends, but Oliver wouldn’t let him. It wasn’t fair. 

He was so deep in thought, he hadn’t noticed the ball being thrown in his direction, Josh screaming at him to grab it and run. He managed the first part, but before he could get to the second, a body slammed into his, and they both fell to the hard ground. He fumbled with the ball, but managed to throw it as he went down. Apparently, Matt caught it in an unbelievable attempt and scored. Kyle didn’t notice. The only thing he knew was that Oliver was on top of him, staring down at him. Another ‘moment’ moment. 

Oliver’s eyes were so blue, trying to convey without words how sorry he was. And if Kyle could see his own, he was sure they were hesitant, unwilling to forgive and forget. They stood up, still staring at each other. The moment ended as fast as it had begun, as Kyle’s team came running to him, hugging and laughing. By the time it was over, he turned to look for Oliver. He was gone. But Kyle still had his hat.

As they packed up and began to walk back to the dorms, he found himself alone with Josh, laughing and replaying the game. 

“So, Oliver was pretty good.” Kyle turned, surprised, but Josh took no notice. He was just making conversation.

“Yeah, I guess so. He didn’t even know how t’ play ‘til he joined the frat’s team.” He shook his head, a small smile appearing on his lips, remembering and touching Oliver’s hat on his head. 

When he looked back, Josh was staring at him, almost with understanding. He was starting to regret telling Josh he was gay.

As they reached Perth, they said their goodbyes and Josh leaned closed, speaking softly. “Look, man, he’ll come around.” 

Kyle turned to say something, stunned, but Josh was already walking away.

\----

There was a knock on his door, shaking him out of his dreams. Kyle turned blurry-eyed to the alarm clock. 2:30am. What the hell?

He decided to ignore it. It was probably a drunken neighbour unable to find his own room. He began to drift back to sleep when the knock came again, crisp and clear, jarring him awake. He slid out of bed, wincing at the cold floor as he made his way over to the door, swinging it open. 

Oliver stood there in sweats and a ratty shirt, feet bare. He was biting his lip nervously, but smiled when he saw Kyle. “Hey.”

“Is everythin’ okay?!” Kyle’s voice came out tired, rough from sleep. He stared at Oliver, who didn’t seem drunk...

“Can I...can I come in?” Kyle stood aside and let him walk into the room. He decided against turning on a light since Oliver seemed to maneuver around the room easily enough. They both sat silently on Kyle’s bed as Kyle waited for Oliver to say something.

Finally, he heard Oliver clear his throat. “I...I just don’t want to be alone tonight.”

Now that Kyle was close enough, he could definitely smell alcohol coming off of Oliver’s breath. He reached over and placed a hand on Oliver’s shoulder, who immediately leaned into the touch.   
“I’m right here. Not goin’ anywhere.”

There was a long pause, the only sound in the room being Kyle’s mini fridge, humming steadily. Then a sob escaped as Oliver all but dove into Kyle’s arms.

“I’m sorry. I’m s-so so s-sorry!” Kyle held Oliver, rocking back and forth gently, murmuring comforting words in his ear. He brushed Oliver’s tears away. Oliver kept trying to speak, but it came out too cracked and raspy for Kyle to really understand.

“I’m so sorry....I never meant... church was.......Kyle, I....” 

Kyle gently rubbed Oliver’s back, soothing. “Shh, don’t speak. It’s okay. Don’t speak, now.” Oliver looked so broken, and Kyle had no idea what to do. He closed his eyes for a moment, still holding Oliver in his arms. Then he felt wetness against his face. A mouth gently kissing his forehead, his cheek bones, tracing his jaw line. He pulled away gently and Oliver sobbed again.

“No, no...you’re upset and drunk. Here, lay down.” He guided Oliver to lie back on the bed, pulling covers around him. He wrapped his arms around Oliver and gave him a gentle kiss. “Try to sleep.”

The sobbing eventually turned into hiccups, and Kyle relaxed, recognizing the worst of it was over. Then he felt warm hands sliding up his shirt, stroking his back. The kisses came back.

“N-no, Oliver...” he tried to pull away, but Oliver pulled him tighter. 

“I didn’t want ‘chu to come to church with me because they’d ruin you, Kyle. They’d ruin you. And I think you’re perfect. I don’t want them near you.” Oliver slid a finger across Kyle’s lip.

Kyle didn’t know what to say to that. He stared, mouth open. Oliver took that as an invitation, tongue sneaking in. Kyle pulled away.

“Kyle, I just want to feel good...jus’ want to forget and feel good.”

The warm mouth pressed insistently into his, and for a moment, he gave in. Tongues touched, and even though Kyle could taste the alcohol in Oliver’s mouth, it was the last thing on his mind. He pulled away, gently kissing down Oliver’s neck, loving the sounds Oliver made. 

Oliver’s hands were restless, pulling at Kyle’s shirt until it came off, running his hands over Kyle’s chest, kisses following them. Kyle was making noises he was embarrassed to be making, but he couldn’t help himself. It felt so right - he felt wanted.

Eventually pants came off too, as they rolled back and forth on the bed. So far, neither of their hands had gone lower than their waists, but Kyle couldn’t take it anymore. He brushed his hands along Oliver’s legs, pulling him closer. He felt Oliver’s arousal against his own and groaned. Oliver gasped and pulled him tighter.

He knew Oliver was drunk, knew it wasn’t the right time, but he couldn’t help himself. He slid his fingers under Oliver’s boxers, searching...

His hand wrapped around something warm, something gently throbbing. He shivered with excitement, with nervousness. He had never done anything like this - he wasn’t sure what to do next. Hesitating, he brushed his thumb against the tip. He felt Oliver suck in a breath and make a tiny little sound as he blew it out, shakily. They were so close the breath blew into his mouth. He stared at Oliver, his face flushed and slightly sweaty. Unbelievably hot.

He stroked Oliver in a way he liked to be, clumsy at first. Whenever Oliver made a little noise or gasped, he immediately repeated the motion, hoping the sound would come back. It did. His own arousal throbbed, but he ignored it. Oliver was more important.

He licked Oliver’s open mouth, his hand going faster. Oliver was beginning to tremble. He felt a hand gently grasp his arm, the one stroking.

“Kyle!” His name came out in a gasp, and in turn he whimpered, leaning over and kissing Oliver hard as he came.

He kept stroking gently until Oliver began to squirm, then gently pulled his hand out of the boxers. He kissed Oliver’s open mouth repeatedly, occasionally leaning down to nuzzle Oliver’s neck. He waited until Oliver’s breathing slowed, then pulled away, smiling as he slid his hand through Oliver’s and gently squeezed.

Oliver’s eyes were closed the entire time, but now they opened, searching Kyle’s face. 

“Hey.”

Kyle laughed softly. “Hey”. He leaned over and grabbed his shirt laying on the floor. “Here, you can, uh...” He wasn’t sure what to say. He looked away, embarrassed.

Oliver took it out of Kyle’s grasp. “Yeah...” There was silence as he cleaned himself up. 

Then he stood up and put on his shirt and pants. He walked over to Kyle’s side, hesitated, then reached down and kissed Kyle hard. Kyle’s hand snaked around Oliver’s neck, pulling him closer, making the kiss last longer. Finally they pulled away. 

“Don’t...don’t tell anyone about this, okay?”

Kyle nodded. “Yeah.”

“Promise.”

“I promise.”

Oliver hesitated, then brushed his fingers down Kyle’s temple before leaving without looking back. Again.

Kyle lay back against the bed. He had wanted Oliver to stay so badly, but hadn’t been brave enough to ask, afraid of rejection after a perfect moment. Still throbbing, he reached down and attended to himself, fantasizing that it was Oliver’s hand, not his. He came with Oliver’s name on his lips. He stared at the ceiling, and whispered to the empty room. 

“Please talk to me in the morning.”

\-----

Kyle sat in his room, studying frantically for a final the next morning. 

For the past two weeks, Oliver came almost every night, curling up with Kyle, kissing, and eventually the inevitable occurred. But he never touched Kyle, ever. Every night, he’d get off, bask in the afterglow and exchange a few kisses, only to get up and leave, alternating between whispering, “Don’t tell anyone, okay?” and, “I need time, Kyle.” before leaving the room.

In the daytime, they acted as though nothing was different, still hanging out with the brothers and grabbing lunch before classes. But there were no more moments and still no leg brushes. Kyle was beginning to feel like a toy to Oliver. A shiny, new sex toy. And again, the hurt came back.

He finally had it one night, yelling at Oliver about how he refused to do it anymore. 

“I’m a human being, Oliver!” he had screamed. Oliver didn’t come that night, or the night after. And now here Kyle was, stuck in the middle of finals, a dull ache in his chest and Oliver the only thing on his mind 

He opened his laptop roughly, powering it up, ready to study chemistry. Except the Windows logo didn’t appear. In its place was a blue screen, the caret blinking. No way. No. Fucking. Way.

He thumped his head against the desk, sliding his hands over it. This just had to be the worst day of his life. It was too late in December for him to go to the mall. He’d never get in with all the Christmas shoppers. 

There was a knock at the door. Probably one of the fraternity brothers wanting him to go to the House to party. 

“Go away!”

The door opened. “Are you okay?” Oliver. Fantastic. He really didn’t need this right now. He pushed his head up, hands covering his face.

“No, I’m not okay.” It came out muffled, but he didn’t care. “My computer crashed, all my notes are on it, and I have two more fucking exams.”

There was a pause. “I can take a look at it. If you want.”

He sighed. “No, Fish, I don’t want you to look at it. I don’t want it any more messed up.”

“I’m actually pretty good with computers. I can reformat it for you.”

Kyle slid his fingers apart, looking through them, hands still on his face. “I didn’t know you were good with technology.”

Oliver shrugged. “I wouldn’t say I’m great, but my computer at home crashes all the time, so I learned how to fix it.” He walked over to Kyle and pulled him out of the chair, sitting down.

Kyle was nervous; he really wanted his notes. “Make sure you keep all the notes, ‘kay?”

Oliver rolled his eyes and started to type.

There was silence for the next half hour, as Oliver typed and typed, doing something Kyle couldn’t even begin to understand. He tried to immerse himself in studying, but with Oliver there, it was almost impossible. He watched Oliver, even though his brain screamed at him not to. He couldn’t take it anymore.

“So, uh, everythin’ goin’ okay?”

Oliver nodded, completely involved, “I’m trying to fix it, but it’s tricky.”

“Oh.”

There was a pause. “The laptop isn’t all I’m trying to fix.”

Kyle’s heartbeat tripped and sped up. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They didn’t speak for another ten minutes, Oliver staring at the screen, Kyle staring at Oliver.

Finally Oliver grinned. “Got it.”

Kyle raced over. “Really? No joke?”

“Nope. All your files and everything.”

Kyle whooped and hugged Oliver, who stiffened. He pulled away immediately. “Sorry.”

Oliver stared at Kyle and reached over, dragging Kyle’s mouth to his.

Kyle didn’t want to get stuck into old patterns, but he couldn’t help it. Oliver’s mouth felt so good against his, and he pressed his body close. They tumbled to the bed, hands everywhere, and this time, Oliver reached down and touched him.

It was amazing. There was no other words for it. With every soft stroke Kyle squirmed and writhed, finally linking his hand with Oliver’s, showing him how he liked it. They both moaned. Then it got better - much, much better. Kyle cried out as he fell over the edge, Oliver’s mouth kissing his ear, his neck.

They lay there for a moment, shivering from the after shocks, curled up together. Kyle sat up to grab a towel, but Oliver pulled him back down.

“No, no. Just wait.” He cuddled Kyle against his chest, an arm wrapped around him as they drifted off.

 

\----

Kyle woke up with a gentle kiss against his forehead. 

He stirred, arm reaching out. Fingers brushed his and he smiled.

“Kyle, I have to go. Home.”

Now Kyle was awake. “You’ve finished your finals?”

Oliver nodded. He looked away. “It’s only two weeks. I added my e-mail to your MSN, so we can talk.”

Kyle felt a lump in his throat growing. It was only two weeks. Why was he so upset? He reached up and pulled Oliver down for a gentle kiss.

“I’ll see you soon, okay?”

Oliver nodded, his forehead touching Kyle’s for a moment. Then he was gone.

And Kyle was alone.


	5. Chapter 5

Christmas went by incredibly slowly. Kyle logged on a hundred times every day, but Oliver was never online. He gave up trying the second week. Oliver had played him - maybe even given him the wrong e-mail address. He obviously wanted nothing to do with Kyle, and Kyle refused to dwell on it. Christmas was his favourite time of the year, complete with milk and cookies, presents, Christmas dinner and snow. Snow was the best part of the package. Yet none came this year. So instead he busied himself seeing his high school friends, catching late movies and going into the city for fireworks, having the best time he could.

He arrived back at the university the second week of January, returning to his dorm, which looked incredibly dismal compared to his bedroom at home. Unpacking the rest of his things, he came across something soft, dark blue in colour. Oliver’s hat. 

Turning it over in his hands, he thought back to the football game, which seemed so long ago. How Oliver had pulled it over Kyle’s head in typical Oliver fashion. He smiled, remembering. Then shoved it into his closet as far back as it would go.

Luckily, he didn’t see Oliver the first few days, guessing that he hadn’t arrived for Winter Frosh. But he also couldn’t ignore the feeling growing in his chest: He missed Oliver. A lot. Missed the way his eyes would smile before his mouth ever did. Missed the way Oliver would give his full attention while Kyle was talking, even though he had nothing important to say. Missed his smell, his taste, and the way he cried out when he came. The thoughts consumed him, making him feel uneasy. He picked up his coat and left his dorm, hoping to catch Josh and hang out.

He bumped into Phil while hanging out with Josh one morning.

“Hey man, so fraternity party with Delta Delta Delta the Friday after classes start. I know a sorority isn’t your cup of tea, but...”

Kyle’s eyes flashed. “Just ‘cause I’m gay doesn’t mean girls repulse me. I’ll be there.”

Phil laughed awkwardly and patted him on the shoulder. “Good...good...” He nodded goodbye and walked off.

Josh and Kyle walked awkwardly for a few minutes. Finally, Josh spoke.

“Are they always like that with you?”

Kyle’s mouth tightened as he pulled a face. “Yeah, sometimes. But they’re tryin’, and I appreciate that.”

Josh nodded thoughtfully. “Want me and Cass to go with you?” He asked, referring to his girlfriend. “We can be a friendly face among the throngs of...gorgeous...drunken... sorority girls.” He grinned. “Man, if I wasn’t taken...”

Kyle laughed. “Cass’d kill ya if she heard that.”

“Nah, she’d just whack me on the back of the head.”

They both chuckled and kept walking, Josh glancing at Kyle occasionally.

“So, do you want us to come? No pressure.”

Kyle shook his head. “Thanks for the offer, but I’ll be okay. Usua-”. He paused. He was going to say, ‘usually at these parties, I’d hang out with Oliver’, but realized that wouldn’t happen at this party. His heart clenched.

Cassandra appeared at that moment, her long blonde hair whipping around her face as she ran towards them. Wrapping her arms around Josh and giving him a kiss, she turned to give Kyle one. “My two favourite boys.” She grinned. “What’s cookin’?”

Josh brought her up to speed while Kyle walked beside them, occasionally smiling when the time seemed right. His mind was still on Oliver. But as it turns out, Cass had the ability to read minds.

“Will Oliver be there? I bet you two could hang.” He saw the look Josh gave her, shushing her, and she glanced back with a wide-eyed ‘What did I miss?’ expression.

He pretended not to notice. “Nah, I think he’s got other plans. But, Cass, maybe you could be my date.” He added, desperate to get off the topic of Oliver. Luckily they both took the bait.  
Cass swung her arms around Kyle and grinned. Josh rolled his eyes and pulled her back.

“Come on, monkey. You have plans that night. With me.” They shared a moment, Eskimo kissing. 

Jealousy spread through Kyle. If only he could have a moment like that. He pushed it out of his mind again.

Cass turned back to Kyle and shrugged. “Sorry, but my man is feeling insecure.” Josh pushed her into Kyle, and they all went back to their dorms, laughing.

\----

Classes began that Tuesday and Kyle was thrilled. It would give him something to do, something to take his mind off...him. Every night he poured over his schedule, memorizing dates and the places of his classes. He went with Phil to buy their textbooks and sell their used ones, and also made a trip to the mall to grab some pens and other needed writing utensils. 

By Tuesday morning, he was awake and ready to go by seven, even though his first class didn’t start until nine. Deciding he couldn’t wait, he grabbed his coat and left, his eyes automatically avoiding Oliver’s door as he had trained them to. There was no sighting of Oliver as he scurried into the elevator. But then an alarming thought came: What if Oliver had dropped out of L.U? What if Kyle had scared him off and he had decided to transfer to another university?

The doors opened to the main floor, but he stayed in the elevator. He waited until everyone had gotten on, then pushed Level 7. The students stared at him curiously, but he didn’t notice. He needed to know. 

His palms began to sweat as he turned right instead of left, heading to Oliver’s door. He raised his fist, uncertain, then knocked. If Oliver answered, he had no idea what he was going to do. Probably run away.

But no one answered. He knocked again, louder. Then a groan came from the other side of the door, feet thumping towards it. His heart beat faster, like a horror movie. The door opened.

A tall boy stood there, with black hair and piercings covering his face. It had to be Chris, and he didn’t look too happy to be woken up.

Kyle spoke quickly. “Hey man, sorry to wake ya, but is Oliver around?”

Chris just stared, blinking. Then he shook his head. Kyle’s stomach fell. 

“Uh, no man. I think he went to class. You probably haven’t missed him by much.” And before Kyle could say anything, the guy grumbled and shut the door, feet pounding back to his bed.

Kyle stood at the door for a long time, processing. So Oliver was around. Relief quickly turned into anger. He was around and hadn’t bothered to knock on Kyle’s door to apologise. He must know Kyle was there. He stormed off to class, upset with himself for being so ignorant. Oliver cared more about his church than he did for Kyle. Could Kyle blame him? But all those things Oliver had said to him, done to him... 

He stalked off to class, scouting out a seat in his almost-full lecture hall, blaming Oliver for the fact he’d have to grab a seat at the very back of the class. The professor walked in and immediately started the lecture, scientific archaeology being the course material. Kyle scrambled to grab his notebook and a pen realizing, as he dug through his bag, that the package of pens he had bought was still sitting on his desk. Another thing to blame Oliver for - distracting him.

Turning to the girl next to him, he asked to borrow a pen. She smiled at his distressed look and bent down, rummaging through her bag. As she leaned over, Kyle caught a glimpse of blond. And there sat Oliver, a few seats down from him. Unbelievable.

He accepted the pen curtly from the girl and turned, sitting rigidly in his seat. What was Oliver doing here? Why did he have to choose a seat so close by? Fate was turning against him, it seemed.

Trying his best to concentrate on the class, he took excellent notes, sharing with the girl next to him, copying the diagrams as they appeared on the slides. Yet he couldn’t shake the feeling that Oliver was watching him. Still, he refused to look back over. He, too, could play this game.

The class ended with a huge assignment due the next week which left the entire class groaning as the professor laughed as he told them, “Well, that’s life!”. Kyle shoved his things into his bag, racing down the steps to the exit. But the other students weren’t so desperate to leave, and he got stuck waiting for them to slowly pile out, bouncing back and forth on each foot. 

The hair on the back of his neck stood up, and he knew it was too late: Oliver was close by. He turned around, and sure enough, Oliver was walking down the steps, landing beside him, hand on his backpack strap. They stood uncomfortably next to each other, Kyle too stubborn to say anything. But it turned out he didn’t need to. The crowd receded and Oliver continued walking down the steps as if Kyle didn’t exist. That Kyle didn’t expect, and ran down and clamped his arm tightly on Oliver’s shoulder before he could stop himself.

“Hey buddy!” It came out as a sneer, but Kyle didn’t care. “How were your holidays? Great?”

Oliver’s eyes nervously darted back and forth before he spoke. “Y-yeah. They were good.” He took a deep breath. “Thanks.”

Kyle slapped him on the back, a little too hard. Oliver stumbled a bit, and Kyle felt oddly vindicated. 

“That’s great! Mine were good, too. See you ‘round, Fish.” He turned and began to walk off, but Oliver’s voice stopped him.

“Lewis, wait!” 

Kyle turned and put on a big smile, refusing to show weakness, to show how much it hurt. “I’ll see you at the frat party, brother. ”

Oliver paused, hand slightly outstretched. He retracted it. “Y-yeah, um, see you there.”

Kyle all but ran away, cursing himself for being so stupid, for falling for someone so in the closet. Not just falling for Oliver, he corrected himself, but falling hard.

He went back to his dorm and flopped on his bed. There wasn’t much else to do.

\----

The party was actually more fun than Kyle would have thought. He arrived late, grabbing a beer and making the rounds, not even seeing Oliver once in his travels. It turns out there are girls who adore gay guys, which wasn’t common back in his hometown in the South. Most of his time he spent meaninglessly flirting with girls at the party, laughing and talking. He teased them mercilessly about their sorority cheer (‘Delta delta delta heyyy!’), and felt like the most popular guy around.

After the second round of beer pong, he had decided that he was at his drinking limit, having a huge lab the following day. He fought his way to the bathroom, stopping every now and then to talk to a brother, or to comment on someone’s behaviour at the party. Then he saw Oliver kissing some cute sorority girl in the corner. His heart plummeted. He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Oliver seemed to sense him at that moment, looking up, staring at Kyle with those bright blue eyes. Kyle couldn’t handle it, and fought his way to the staircase, running up the steps two at a time. He made it to the upstairs bathroom and threw himself in, slamming the door behind him.

Maybe it had been a phase for Oliver. Experimentation happens in college all the time. So Kyle had been the experiment, Oliver had decided that it hadn’t been for him, and didn’t know how to tell Kyle. This annoyed him. He was a big boy, he could deal with it. He wasn’t going to let Oliver get under his skin. Not anymore.

Decided, he opened the door and returned to the party. Threw himself in a little too eagerly, but the brothers, already quite drunk, hardly noticed. He was laughing with a bunch of them when Oliver appeared next to him, the girl wrapped around him. 

“Hey, Lewis.”

Don’t let him get under your skin. Don’t let him get under your skin. He repeated it like a mantra in his head, turning to grin at Oliver. 

“Hey Fish! Great party, eh?”

Oliver looked startled. “Yeah, it is.” Then he smiled, that soft Oliver smile. “It’s weird how we’re both in the same archaeology class.”

Kyle nodded, “Yeah, for sure. Maybe we can take turns goin’, share our notes. Could work to our benefit.”

A girl Kyle had been talking to at the beginning of the night came up at that moment, her arms going around Kyle’s waist, her head on his shoulder.

“Kyyyleeeee, a bunch of us are playing strip poker. Want to join?”

He laughed and took her hand. “Definitely. Let’s go.” He turned to Oliver and his girl. “You in?”

Oliver looked like he wanted to be anywhere else at that moment, but his girl jumped up and down, squealing. “Oooo, yes! We’d love to!” We. As in a couple. Kyle snorted, but walked off towards the table.

They played, more for pulling off their clothes then actually winning. Kyle had never been good at poker, and was down to his boxers and socks. Oliver had only taken off his sweater and shirt. Some girls were already naked, too drunk to even care. When one of them came up close to Kyle and started whispering in his ear, he had enough. He threw his cards onto the table and stood up, getting dressed. He felt Oliver’s blue eyes on him as he pulled on his jeans and shirt.

“Sorry guys. Lab in the mornin’.” 

The girls giggled. “On a Saturday? Sucks to be you!”

He shook his head. “I know, I know. Wish I could stay, but I’ll see you ‘round, ‘kay?”

He said goodbye to the brothers, each with a fist bump or special handshake, Oliver no exception. Then he left the room, walking through the party. Just as he stepped out the front door, Oliver came bursting through, still not wearing a shirt, muscles bunching. Kyle forced himself not to gawk.

“Lewis, look, I just wanted to -”

Kyle shook his head. “Not a big deal, man. Don’t worry ‘bout it.”

Oliver blinked. “What?”

Figuring Oliver was tipsy, Kyle slowed his words, enunciating every one. “It’s no big deal. You better go inside, your girlfriend is waiting.” He put a small smile on to show that this statement didn’t bother him.

Oliver nodded, they shook hands and Kyle sauntered off.

Returning to his dorm, he pulled off his clothes and staggered into bed, not bothering to brush his teeth. He had done it - treated Oliver as any other guy. Maybe he could do it for the rest of the year. His thoughts drifted to that possibility as he fell asleep.

He was again awakened at 4:00am with a hard knock on his door. He groaned and pulled himself out of bed, searching for a pair of sweats to put on. The knock came again, more insistent.

“Yeah, I heard ya! Hold on!” 

He finally found a pair and shoved them on, opening the door, shivering as a rush of fresh air came in. And there was Oliver, so drunk he could barely stand. He stumbled into Kyle’s room.

“Kyle, I’m s-sorry. I’m so-so sorry.” He reached to wrap his arms around Kyle, but the smell of alcohol was too strong, and Kyle pulled away, disgusted.

“I don’t care, Fish. I. Don’t. Care. Go find your girlfriend.” He turned and walked back to the door, opening it, waiting.

Oliver lumbered up but reached out, closing the door, folding them back into darkness. “She’s not my girlfriend. She’s gross. I want you, Kyle. I missed you.” Hands grabbed Kyle’s arms, and Oliver leaned forward, planting kisses on Kyle’s closed mouth. He pushed away again. Oliver stuttered.

“K-kyle, I couldn’t talk to you over Christmas. I’m sorry - I wanted to! My p-parents, God, if my parents found out about you...”

Kyle couldn’t help it, the words bursting from his mouth before he could stop them. “And you! You’re the one kissing me!”

Oliver slid to the floor, face in his hands. “And me. God. And me.” He looked back up at Kyle, tears streaming down his face. “God hates me. Like you. You hate me.”

Kyle sighed, his defenses weakening. He knelt down next to Oliver. “I don’t hate you, Oliver.”

But Oliver was already on a drunken roll, the words slurred, blurring together as he tripped over them. “Yes, you do! You h-h-hate me! You call me Fish when you hate m-me! And I don’t want to see it anymore when you look at me! I d-don’t want to see you m-mad!” He sobbed.

Suddenly, he reached over and pulled Kyle towards him, making him lose his balance and fall on top of Oliver. Which turns out, is exactly what Oliver wanted.

Mouths connected, Oliver’s hands skimming along Kyle’s sides as they kissed. Even though Kyle wasn’t that much smaller, Oliver pulled him up and practically carried him back to the bed, his mouth fastened on Kyle’s neck. Sucking. Hard.

Kyle moaned. “Oliver...” He tried to pull away, not wanting a mark, but it was too late. Oliver pulled away, licking the spot he had just sucked, and continued kissing down Kyle’s chest, now interested in Kyle’s collarbone, his tongue dipping into the crevices, nipping at the bone. 

Kyle reached for Oliver, trying to pull off his shirt, but hands stopped him, slamming his wrists back down into the mattress. He gasped, but it was stopped by Oliver’s mouth, crashing into his. Teeth clicked, but he didn’t care. He really didn’t. He lifted his hips and rubbed them against Oliver’s, who whimpered, releasing Kyle’s hands. Running them down Kyle’s chest, he pulled off Kyle’s sweatpants in a swift movement. And then stared.

Realizing he was completely naked and Oliver was fully dressed, Kyle blushed hard, embarrassed, his breathing still coming out in pants. But Oliver kept staring, up and down.

“Oliver,” his voice came out gravelly, rough. He cleared it, but it stayed the same. “Come on.”

Oliver straddled Kyle, and gently slid a hand down Kyle’s chest, stopping before he reached his hardness. Then he pulled off his own shirt. And then they were back to kissing, fast and hard and furiously.

Oliver pressed himself against Kyle. Whimpering. “Kyle, please...”

Kyle’s brain, overwhelmed from arousal, didn’t stop his arm from reaching down, grabbing Oliver. Even though he knew how it was going to end. He grabbed Oliver’s arm and tried to lead it to his own cock, but Oliver pulled it away, running his fingers through Kyle’s hair instead, mouths still connected.

Oliver’s mouth eventually broke away from Kyle’s, his breathing harsh. He buried his head into the crook of Kyle’s neck, moaning. “K-Kyle...please!”

Kyle sped up his pace, pulling Oliver out of his neck, staring into his eyes. He wanted to see this.

Oliver’s mouth was open, lips glistening, swollen from kissing. His eyes clouded with arousal, cheeks flushed. His eyelashes fluttered, closing, and then he convulsed. Once, twice, whispering Kyle’s name on the third time. Then it was over.

Kyle’s hand stilled and he removed it from Oliver’s pants gently, lying on his back, listening to Oliver breathe. He reached down and touched himself. He knew Oliver wouldn’t do it, and was too aroused to wait until he left. He stroked himself, eyes closed, replaying Oliver’s face in his mind.

His breathing started to hitch and he sped up, hips beginning to roll. He opened his eyes and looked at Oliver. Those eyes were staring at Kyle. 

He grinned and then closed his eyes and moaned, wanting to give Oliver a show, to prove he didn’t need him.

He was getting close, his breathing now in pants, when he felt gentle kisses along his neck, a hand sliding along his chest. He turned his mouth, searching, and the lips touched his. He came, gasping into Oliver’s mouth as he pulled him closer, kissing Kyle’s bottom lip. He shuddered and curled into Oliver.

Moments passed before Oliver shifted.

“Towel?”

Kyle was so spent he had to focus on Oliver for a moment before he understood the words. 

“Oh - on the chair, o’er there.”

Oliver slid out of the bed and grabbed the towel, cleaning himself first before passing it over to Kyle. He put back on his shirt, kissed Kyle shakily and left, fingers groping around for the doorknob.

Kyle stared at the ceiling and sighed, crawling out of bed and peeking out down the hall, making sure Oliver got to his room okay. Oliver fumbled with his keys, causing Kyle to grab a pair of boxers and slid them on, so he could go out and help Oliver get in to his room. But then he heard a gentle click of a door, and when he looked back out, Oliver was gone.

 

\------------------------SECTION TWO:----------------------------

The cycle was back in motion again. Oliver went back to acting as though he and Kyle were best friends, but nothing more. They sat together in their class, laughing and exchanging notes. They grabbed coffee from their coffee shop. They went back to exercising together in the gym. Occasionally, if they were alone studying, Oliver would touch his leg to Kyle’s, who would smile and bump back. More than a few of the frat brothers had noticed Kyle’s hickey, Oliver turning bright red and leaving the room whenever it was mentioned, but Kyle laughed it off, saying it was from a random hookup. 

In spite of all that, Oliver kept seeing that girl from the party, Jen. Kyle sat with Josh and Cass, listening to them bicker about something, while glaring with hatred in his eyes at Jen and Oliver, sitting with a bunch of Jen’s friends, laughing, arms wrapped around each other. 

Cass followed Kyle’s eyes. She snorted. “That girl is such a slut.”

Josh looked horrified, glancing around them to make sure no one had heard. “Cass!”

“Well it’s true! She sticks her claws in someone and that’s it! And then when she’s bored of them she moves on.” She wrapped her arms around Kyle. “I know you’re into him, honey, but you need to move on. Go find the guy who gave you that hickey you were sporting a week ago.”

Kyle sighed. He wanted to tell her everything, every morsel about nights spent with Oliver, how amazing they were, but couldn’t. He had made a promise to Oliver all those months back, and he couldn’t break it. Their entire relationship (if you could call it that) would end if Kyle said anything. He reached up and touched his neck where the hickey used to be, smiling at Oliver.

“Yeah, I know.” He turned back to Cass and smiled. “I will. Eventually.”

She nodded. “Good.” Standing up, she grabbed Josh’s hand. “I think it’s time for some ice cream.”

Josh groaned. “Cass, it’s almost February! We’re not eating ice cream in this weather!”

She huffed. “Ice cream makes me feel better. Besides, you only stop eating ice cream when it snows. And it hasn’t snowed yet. So ice cream!” She jumped up and down like a toddler.

Kyle laughed, turning to Josh. “Yer girlfriend’s right. I’m in the mood fer ice cream, too.”

He let himself be pulled away from Oliver, still watching him until they turned the corner.

\-----  
Kyle found himself again staring at the ceiling, listening to Oliver knock on the door, twisting the knob to see if it was open.

“Kyle, come on. I know you’re in there. Please answer the door.”

It was 1:00am. Earlier than most nights, which could either be a good or a bad thing. Kyle wasn’t sure. How did he get himself into this mess?

“Kyle, please.” More doorknob rattling. He rolled out of bed, pausing to put on sweats and a shirt. He was going to be fully dressed this time.

Opening the door, he studied Oliver. He didn’t seem too drunk, maybe just a bit tipsy. He stood aside and let him walk in.

Closing the door, he crawled back into bed, not even looking at Oliver, who was still standing by the door where Kyle had left him. Kyle turned over on his side, facing the wall. The bed creaked, and arms wrapped around him. Sniffles turned into crying.

“Kyle, I’m s-sorry. I’m s-so sorry.” He was turned over to face Oliver.

Oliver gently kissed Kyle. He couldn’t help it, leaning into Oliver’s kiss, trying to ignore the faint taste of alcohol he had gotten so used to.

But this time there was another taste, too. A bit like...flavoured lipgloss. He pulled away, disgusted. And pissed. He jumped out of bed.

“Is this how it’s always goin’ to go, Oliver? You can’t get it up with y’er girlfriend, so after your stupid date you come here, thinkin’ I’ll jack you off?”

Oliver looked horrified. “No, no! We broke up!”

Kyle stared at Oliver. “You broke up.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because...B-because I don’t want her. I want you.”

Kyle laughed, his voice laced with sarcasm. “To get you off, right? And then you’ll leave.”

Oliver scrambled up from his laying position, sitting on the bed. “No! No, Kyle, I don’t w-want...that!” Gesturing up and down Kyle’s body, “I just want...you.” The last word came out softly. “Jus’ you and me.”

Kyle stared at Oliver for a long time, trying to understand. Slowly, he walked towards the bed, crawling across it. He wiped the tears falling down Oliver’s face.

“No more girlfriends? No more pretending this night didn’t happen around me?”

Oliver nodded, grabbing Kyle, his crying starting all over again. Kyle pulled them into a laying position, Oliver’s head on his chest, stroking his hair. He felt Oliver reach up and take one of his hands. 

“I don’t want to lose you.” It came out softly as he let out a breath.

Kyle sighed. “I don’t think I can leave you, anyway.”

He waited for a reply, but only heard Oliver’s breathing, steady. He was asleep.

\--------

Things started to look up. Oliver didn’t treat him as a friend anymore when they were alone. They sat at their usual table at the back of the coffee shop, sharing notes from class. When they studied in Kyle’s room, Oliver’s feet hooked Kyle’s and stayed that way. Oliver’s crying had also mostly ceased, and he was happy and chatty.

They were lying in bed together one night in February, sweaty and spent, legs tangled together, foreheads touching. They weren’t speaking, just looking at each other, smiling.

Kyle sighed. “I wish it’d snow.”

Oliver laughed. “Snow?! We just had an amazing night together and all you’re thinking about is snow?!”

Kyle grinned, leaning over to stick his tongue down Oliver’s throat. Oliver groaned and reached for Kyle, but he pulled back. “I can multi-task.”

Oliver reached for Kyle again, curling him into his arms. “Okay, back to the topic of snow”, he said thoughtfully. “Why?”

Kyle paused for a moment, tracing patterns into Oliver’s chest, playing with the bit of hair there. “I like snow. It doesn’t snow much at home, and whenever I’d see it, it’d just be...excitin’”

“Exciting?” Oliver waggled his eyebrows, reaching down for Kyle, who squirmed away, laughing. 

“Don’t perv’ on my childhood memories.” Oliver had changed so radically in the past few weeks, but Kyle liked it.

He settled back into Oliver’s arms. “Good stuff happens when it snows. School closed for the day.” He paused, wondering if he should mention the next thing he was going to say. “My first kiss happened when it was snowin’.”

Oliver’s hand, which had gently been stroking Kyle’s back, paused. They never discussed Kyle’s sexuality. For a time, Kyle had expected Oliver to pepper him with questions about his past, but Oliver hadn’t. He guessed it was an uncomfortable topic.

“Girl or boy?”

Kyle was jarred out of his thoughts. “Hmm?”

“Your first kiss”. Oliver’s voice was so gentle. “Was it a girl or a boy?”

“A boy I went to school with. I was 13.” 

Oliver said nothing. Kyle spoke again. “I tried to date girls for a bit, but it jus’ didn’t feel right. My parents ended up sitting me down at 15 and explainin’ they knew I was gay and were okay with it.”

Oliver’s heart was beating faster, so Kyle gently stroked his arm and gave him time to digest. Oliver cleared his throat to speak, but said nothing. Kyle still waited.

Finally, Oliver spoke. “Am I....I mean, is this...?” He was looking at the ceiling, and pointedly not at Kyle. But Kyle knew what he was asking. He pushed himself up, making Oliver look at him.

“I had only ever kissed before you came along. No makin’ out, nothin’’. He spoke softly, reaching out to touch Oliver’s face. Oliver swallowed and nodded, leaning in to kiss Kyle.

Kyle wanted Oliver to speak about his life, when he knew he was gay, but decided not to push it. They had covered enough ground for one day.

\----

Midterms came and went as a blur, Oliver spending most of his time with Kyle, explaining with a grimace that his roommate tended to blare goth music while studying. Because of this, Kyle was spending less and less time with Cass and Josh, giving them the lame excuse that midterms were eating up his time. Thankfully, they took that explanation without asking.

Most nights he and Oliver fell asleep studying only to wake up to find Oliver gone, his books still in Kyle’s room. But there were some nights, some special nights, where Oliver stayed. Those were the best nights of all.

\----

By the third week of February, Kyle trudged into his room after the longest midterm test of his life, dropping his bag on the floor, ignoring Oliver studying at his desk, and fell into bed. Soon arms wrapped around him.

“Bad test?”

Kyle grumbled and turned into Oliver, hands reaching under his shirt. Oliver flinched. 

“Your hands are freezing!”

Kyle looked up, a mischievous glint in his eye. He lifted his head up, kissing Oliver hard as he shoved his freezing hands into Oliver’s jeans. Oliver gasped and jackknifed off the bed. Kyle laughed and laughed.

“Now I feel better.” He grinned. Oliver glared, but smiled eventually, returning to Kyle’s desk. “I need to study, anyway. English midterm in the morning.” He glanced over at Kyle. “Nap for a bit - you look beat. I’ll wake you up before I leave.”

Kyle gave Oliver an accusing stare. “Promise?”

Oliver looked embarrassed, but held his gaze. “Yeah.” And with that, Kyle drifted off to sleep.

\----

He was awakened by Oliver’s hand gently shaking him. “Kyle, get up.”

Kyle groaned and shoved a pillow over his head. “W’time ‘izzit?”

“Almost 3am.”

Kyle pulled the pillow off his head and looked at Oliver, eyes still fuzzy from sleep. “What? Why’d you wake me at 3am?! Jesus.”

But Oliver looked excited. “Come on, get up. I want to show you something.”

Kyle didn’t move. Oliver sighed. “I guess we’re going to have to do this the hard way.” He reached over, grabbed Kyle’s arms, and hefted him out of bed.

“Hey!” Kyle wiggled himself out of Oliver’s arms. “Okay, okay, I’m up.”

“Get dressed.”

Kyle’s eyebrows raised. “Yer kiddin’, right?”

Oliver raced around the room, pulling out a shirt and jeans, scarf, mitts. He threw them all at Kyle. “Don’t you have a hat?”

Kyle, pulling on all these clothes, blushed. “Um, yeah. It’s in the closet.”

Oliver rummaged through before pulling it out. He stared at it for a minute. “Isn’t this mine?”

Now Kyle was bright red. “Yeah, I guess I forgot to give it back. Sor-”. The hat was shoved on his head. Oliver put on his own winter clothes, then grabbed Kyle’s hand, leading him out the door and into the elevator.

While they waiting for the elevator to hit the main floor, Oliver realized he was holding Kyle’s hand and pulled away. But still remained excited, almost bouncing. Kyle wasn’t so happy.

“S’freezing.” 

Oliver rolled his eyes. “You’re so obsessed with the cold.” The elevator opened and Oliver practically shoved him through. 

They walked outside and Kyle stopped, looking up. It was snowing. And not just tiny flakes, but huge thick bundles of snow, blanketing everything, untouched and not trampled on due to the hour. 

He turned to grin at Oliver. “Snow!”

Oliver grinned back and nodded. “Snow.”

Kyle began to run now through the empty campus, sliding and skidding across the fresh snow as he went, listening for Oliver’s footsteps behind him. He stopped at the park with the lake. The lake was gorgeous, the trees and walkways blanketed by snow. He turned to Oliver, to say this, then stopped.

Oliver had the oddest expression in his eyes, watching Kyle. It was almost...intimate. Kyle had never seen it before and didn’t know what to call it. But he was sure it was mirrored in his eyes, too. He walked towards Oliver, leaning in close. Immediately the expression left Oliver’s face and he looked away. But Kyle pulled his head back towards him.

“No one’s around, Oliver”. He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Oliver’s lips. A kiss in the snow. Then he pulled back and ran around, throwing snow at Oliver, tripping and falling.

They made it back to Kyle’s room, exhausted. Pulling off their clothes, they climbed into Kyle’s bed. Oliver stared at Kyle, then reached out and placed both his hands on his cheeks. The effect was immediate and warmth seeped into them both. He leaned forward and kissed Kyle again, the kiss becoming heavier as Kyle pulled away gently.

“No, not tonight.” He didn’t want this night ruined, as he never knew if Oliver was going to touch him or leave him to fend for himself.

Oliver seemed to understand this and nodded, giving Kyle one last kiss before falling asleep. It was too perfect for words.

\----

It was mid-March, and Kyle was studying in the library. He felt Oliver approach, looked up and smiled. 

“Hey.”

Oliver sat across from Kyle, and their knees gently bumped in a more intimate greeting. 

“Are you studying for finals?! They aren’t for weeks!”

Kyle shrugged. “I like to get ahead.”

Oliver stared at him for a moment, but then shook his head, clearing his thoughts. “Anyway, the brothers are hosting spring break up in Quebec.”

Kyle’s eyes met Oliver’s. “Quebec? In Canada? I thought Spring break meant Caribbean warmth, Girls Gone Wild in bikinis?”

Oliver laughed. “We can’t really afford anything like that. Apparently a fraternity alumnus offered up his ski chalet for the break. Plus the drinking age is 18, so we wouldn’t have to worry about that.”

Kyle nodded slowly. “Are you goin’ to go?”

Oliver shrugged, playing with a pen on the desk. “I like skiing.”

Kyle sighed, unsure. “I’m not sure. I dunno how to ski.”

Oliver’s eyes glanced at Kyle’s. “I could teach you.”

They stared at each other. Finally, Kyle worked up the bravery to ask. “D’you want me to go?”

“I don’t know the fraternity brothers as well as you do”, Oliver replied, dodging the question. But he reached out and passed the pen to Kyle, their fingers brushing. 

Oliver stood. “Just think about it, okay?”

Kyle didn’t need to. If Oliver wanted him to go, he’d be there. But he nodded anyway, trying not to seem too eager. A week later, he was packed and on a bus to Canada.

\-------

“It’s freezing up here. How do they survive?!” Phil groaned, throwing his luggage on one of the three beds in the room. Kyle and Oliver grabbed the other two. 

“It’s not that cold. Besides, there’s snow. Lots of snow.” Oliver looked at Kyle, who grinned. The moment went unnoticed by Phil.

“Well boys, I’m going out to find a hot French chick. Au revoir!” Phil laughed, butchering the accent. Then he was gone, leaving Oliver and Kyle by themselves. 

Kyle walked towards Oliver, arms outstretched, but Oliver flinched away, moving to unpack the rest of his things. Reminding himself they were still in a frat house, he turned away from Oliver. This wasn’t a romantic weekend. He began to leave the bedroom when Oliver spoke.

“Hey, we’ll explore the town later, okay?”

Kyle looked back and smiled at Oliver’s embarrassed expression. “Yeah.”

As it turns out, daytime was the least of their troubles. Kyle lay in bed, trying to sleep through Phil’s snoring and hopelessly trying to ignore Oliver’s presence in the bed next to his. He counted sheep, clutching his duvet tightly, too tense to sleep. But he heard Oliver roll over onto his side and felt him staring at him. Finally, he turned to stare at Oliver.

The air was charged with sexual energy, licking along Kyle’s legs, spreading up through his body. He wanted Oliver. Badly. And there was nothing he could do about it. Oliver understood his distress, smiling with sympathy. He double checked that Phil was still asleep (as if the snores weren’t enough), then reached his arm out. Their hands entwined, Kyle fell asleep, the contact enough for him.

In the morning, Oliver woke him early and dragged him to the ski rental. Kyle learned a few things that morning, the most important being he had a fear of heights. A terrible fear of heights. As the ski lift went higher and higher, he began to get twitch more, telling Oliver it was because he was excited. But in reality, he never wanted to do it again. 

He also learned that his two feet should stay firmly on the ground. Every couple of feet he fell, skidding out in the snow, which soaked into his body. By the end of the hill, he was already sore, wet, cold and aching. But they went up again and again, until Kyle just couldn’t do it anymore.

He bent over, groaning as he pulled off the skis and returned them, Oliver smiling at his pain.

“D’you think this is funny?”

“Maybe we should have tried a smaller hill. Like the kiddie one.” Oliver’s grin grew wider.

Kyle stormed off back to the chalet, telling Oliver to ‘go pro-skiing’ for a bit and leave him alone. But Oliver didn’t, of course, and followed him back. All the brothers were out, either skiing or meeting girls, and Kyle marched straight to the bathroom, turning on the shower as hot as it would go. Oliver leaned against the doorframe.

Oliver’s eyes conveyed his concern. “Really, are you going to be okay?”

Kyle pulled off his shirt and then groaned, his muscles seizing. Despite that, he turned to Oliver and grinned that lopsided grin. 

“Y’could help me undress. Or”, he added, moving closer to Oliver to whisper in his ear, “make me feel better.”

Oliver put his hands out to stop Kyle, looking away. “Kyle, come on...”

“There’s no one around.”

Oliver stared at Kyle, glanced out at the hallway, then gave Kyle a swift peck on the mouth.

Kyle pouted. “Is that all?” 

Oliver, as nervous as he was, reached down and gave Kyle a real kiss, lips colliding, tongues touching. He slid his hands down Kyle’s body, pushing down the already unbuttoned jeans and boxers. Then he pulled back, pulling away and looking around to make sure no one had walked in on them.

“Now get in the shower”. The door clicked as he closed it behind him.

\----

They spent the next couple of hours exploring the town, trying to understand the French signs. Oliver had taken a French course in high school and they depended on that to get around. Kyle stopped at a street cart to buy some poutine, hungrily shoving it into his mouth as they walked. Oliver looked horrified. 

“Do you have any idea how bad that is for you?” He kept saying, never taking his eyes off the meal. 

Kyle shrugged. “Taste’s pretty good. Want some?”

Oliver wrinkled his nose. “You really will eat anything.”

Kyle grinned. “Pretty much. Want to go find a salad for y’rself?” Oliver shoved him.

They looped around, back to the house, where the brothers were mobilizing, ready to go drinking. The crawled from pub to pub, the term becoming more literal as the night went on. Oliver and Kyle stumbled up the steps into their empty bedroom. Somewhere along the way they had lost Phil to a drunken group of girls.

Closing the door, Oliver curled up on the bed, Kyle sitting on the edge of it. Smiling down at Oliver, he leaned over to give him a kiss. For a while, Oliver kissed back hungrily, then wrenched himself away. “No, no. Brothers are dow-”

“They’re all asleep. And drunk. They won’t wake up”, Kyle whispered. And when he bent over to kiss Oliver again. This time, he let him.

Clothes came off in a rush, Kyle stifling the sounds Oliver made with kisses. Oliver clamped his hand over his mouth with he cried out. Kyle was still hard, and Oliver’s hand began to move down, but stopped. “Kyle, I-I can’t....I....”

Kyle sighed, but kissed his sweaty forehead. “S’okay”. He made his way to the bathroom to finish up. When he came back, Oliver was asleep. He pulled the covers over him, tucking him in, before crawling into his own bed, passing out within minutes.

\-----

Even though Kyle still ached, the trip was fantastic. He went into finals feeling fresh and renewed. The snow was melting and green was starting to peak through the ground and trees. So Oliver and Kyle spent most of their time outside, walking around enjoying the weather. But Kyle knew it wouldn't last.

Oliver’s finals ended in a week, Kyle’s shortly after. Then it was four entire months of not seeing each other. They had grown so close over the last few months, and now when they were together it was rushed, Oliver clinging to Kyle afterwards as though he never wanted to let go.

They lay in Kyle’s bed one night, his head on Oliver’s stomach, staring at the ceiling. Kyle had decided on summer school, to get ahead in some of his classes. Oliver was going home, back to his friends and old life.

“I’m probably just going to hang out with some friends, get a job somewhere”, he had said.

Kyle laughed softly. “Yeah, yeah. Go to church, be a good samaritan.” He paused. “And you’ll miss me, right?”

The hand stroking Kyle’s hair stopped for a moment, then continued. “Yeah, I will.”

It was that instant that prompted Kyle go to the mall the next day, buying a cell phone. He didn’t really have anyone to call except Oliver, but that was enough.

\----

There was a knock on his door while studying, and Kyle’s heart fell, realizing that the day had come. He walked towards the door, feeling like he was underwater. Oliver stood there awkwardly, hands in his pockets. 

“I’m all packed.”

Kyle nodded, a lump in his throat. He cleared it before speaking. “I, uh, I bought a cellphone.” He went over to the desk and snagged the scrap of paper with his number on it, shoving it towards Oliver.

Oliver’s eyebrows raised. Then he looked down at it, embarrassed, but also touched. “I’ll phone you as often as I can.”

Kyle bit his lip. “Promise?” He remembered Christmas too well.

Oliver closed the door and reached out for Kyle, wrapping his arms around him. “Promise.”

They kissed, gently at first, but it became more and more consuming. Oliver pulled away first. He stroked Kyle’s face. “I’ll see you soon.”

Their hands touched, and Oliver left. Kyle slid down against the door, a tear sliding down his face. This sucks.


	6. Chapter 6

Kyle had a plan for this summer: get a job, take as many courses as the university would allow, and try to keep his mind off Oliver. 

As soon as his finals ended, he signed up to keep his single room for the summer. Then he went down to the local coffee shop to grab a coffee on the way to class. In the shop’s front window, as though calling directly to him, was a ‘now hiring’ sign. Going in, Kyle immediately landed the job without even handing in a resume, as the owner knew he was a regular. So that part was settled.

School kept him busy. Some would say that he was so busy he didn’t have time to think about anything else. But that was an utter lie. As much as he tried, Oliver was on his mind every step of the way. Every class he went to, he imagined that Oliver had missed him so much, he had signed up for that class also, to surprise Kyle. Every time he went for his shift at the coffee shop, he couldn’t stop his eyes from glancing to their table at the back, remembering all the times they sat there, sipping their drinks and talking. And every single time he came back to his dorm to study, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, double checked to make sure it was on, and placed it next to his textbook, unwilling to miss a call.

Even his coworkers had noticed the cellphone. “Expecting a call, Kyle?” His manager had asked, after watching him for the umpteenth time place his cellphone carefully next to his work station. 

“Yeah.” He glanced at her, his smile sheepish. “Guess I’m a little obvious ‘bout it, huh?”

She smiled sympathetically. “It’s only been three weeks. Let her get settled at home. She’ll call.” She patted him on the shoulder and went to greet some customers who had just walked in.

As much as she was trying to sound reassuring, she just made Kyle more nervous. What if he had copied down the number wrong? What if Oliver was trying to phone him right now, but kept getting a number that was not in service? He mentally slapped himself for not asking for Oliver’s number. He had figured that he would just save it when Oliver called. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He was considering throwing the cellphone into the soy milk latte he was making when it rang. He stared at it for a long moment, unsure if it was actually ringing or just an illusion. It was definitely ringing. Kyle dove for the phone, fumbling with it, spewing hot soy milk on his hands in the process. He pressed the call button, swearing furiously.

“...Kyle?” Oliver’s voice, so close to his ear it was as though he had never left. 

He tripped over his words, embarrassed. “Sorry. I uh, I...well, I spilled boilin’ hot soy milk on myself. But hey! You called!”

He could hear Oliver smile over the phone. “Yeah, I said I would, didn’t I?”

Kyle cradled the phone against his head with both hands, wishing Oliver was with him, wishing for a moment alone. His manager caught his look and nodded to the phone, mouthing ‘Your girl?’

He didn’t bother to correct her, just nodded. She smiled and waved him outside, flashing ’ten minutes’ with her fingers. He ran for the door.

Telling Oliver every little detail that had happened since he left, he walked down towards the lake, sitting on a park bench. Oliver didn’t say much, commenting occasionally on Kyle’s stories, laughing at the appropriate moments. When it was Oliver’s turn to tell Kyle about his life, he sighed.

“Nothing’s been going on around here.”

Kyle scoffed. “There has t’ be somethin’. Come on, tell me what’s been happenin’.”

“Well, I’ve been going to church a bit, trying to figure things out.”

Kyle nodded, even though Oliver couldn’t see it. “That’s good. That’s really, really good.”

There was a pause for a moment, neither boy knowing what to say. Kyle realized that if this pause had happened when they were together, it would be because of a hand hold, or a kiss. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I miss you.”

“I...I have to go.”

“When are you goin’ to call ag’in?” Kyle hated himself for sounding so desperate. 

“I don’t know. When I can. Bye, Lewis.” It came out rushed, and then there was silence. 

Kyle snapped his phone shut. Lewis? Lewis? Where had that come from? He made his way back to the shop, staring blankly at the cell phone.

“Everythin’ okay with your girl, Kyle?”

He kept staring at the phone. “I don’t know.”

\-----

Oliver called once a week, the conversations lasting mere minutes before he said he had to go, clicking off before Kyle could reply. Gradually, he began to phone less and less. On the last phone call, Oliver’s voice had been stilted, calling him ‘Lewis’ again. Kyle hung up without saying goodbye. Oliver didn’t phone back.

Kyle was angry and hurt as he stormed to class, leaving the cell phone back at his dorm, for the first time in three months. He knew Oliver was back with his parents, knew old habits were coming back into play, and didn’t want anything to do with it. He thought that they had finished with those games after Christmas. Apparently not.

He was so deep in angry thoughts of Oliver he didn’t notice the boy sitting next to him in class, staring at him. The class droned on and on, Kyle staring at the slides like they were the most interesting literature in the world. When it was over, he stood, packing up his bag. He felt a hand lay gently on his shoulder. He turned to look at his neighbour.

Sandy blond hair flopping over his forehead, a few freckles smattering his face, more on his arms. The guy was familiar, but Kyle just couldn’t place him.

“Kyle, right? I’m David. We met at your fraternity during a party a couple months ago. Before Christmas.”

Kyle shook his hand, thinking. Vaguely remembered accepting a slip of paper with a number on it from David. Mostly remembered making out with Oliver in the dark spare room. He immediately pushed that memory out of his mind. “Oh! Oh, sure. Hey.”

David laughed. “It’s okay if you don’t remember.”

Shaking his head, Kyle put on his best grin. “No, no, I do, its jus’ been a stressful day. I didn’t know y’were in this class.” 

They began to walk down the steps towards the exit, chattering about the class, making small talk about summer school. When they reached Kyle’s dorm, David paused.

“Look, Kyle, I don’t usually do this...but do you want to go out sometime? With me?”

Kyle froze. His first reaction was to say that he was taken, but as he opened his mouth, he stopped. Was he taken? Never once had Oliver called him his boyfriend. He had never even said he liked Kyle. As much Kyle wanted to say they were lovers, they were more akin to fuck buddies.

His head nodded, feeling heavy. “...Sure.”

David’s eyebrows raised, a small smile playing on his lips. “Really?”

Kyle laughed. “You look surprised.”

David’s smile widened, showing a line of teeth. “I am, actually. I didn’t think you’d say yes.”

Placing his best flirting smile on his face, Kyle reached out to brush his arm against David’s. “Ah, well, y’er a catch.” He said, enjoying the small blush that spread across David’s cheeks.

They agreed to have David pick Kyle up that night for dinner and a movie. Kyle felt a nagging in his chest that he was betraying Oliver, but crushed it in his mind. Oliver dated girls. They weren’t exclusive. One date wouldn’t hurt. Besides, when Oliver called, it sounded more like an obligation than actually wanting to.

His repeated this over and over as he showered, put on his best shirt, putting a little gel in his hair to make it look haphazard. There was a knock on the door, and his heart did a flip of nervousness. But he was excited, too. He had only been on two dates before. He’d missed this.

When he opened the door, David stood there, looking calm and handsome, smiling. Although David had a car, they decided to walk to the movie theatre, as it was a gorgeous warm night. He felt David’s hand brush his a few times as they walked and he reached out and held it. They both smiled.

As it turned out, he and David had a lot in common. They both had the same dry sense of humour, both dreamed of becoming a doctor (and they complained about the courses equally, as well). They liked the same music and movies. But there wasn’t so much in common that they bored each other. They debated about what was going on in the news and argued about politics. He was basically the perfect guy for Kyle. The nagging feeling in his chest was back, whispering to Kyle: He’s not Oliver.

Exactly. He wasn’t Oliver. Which is why they could work out. He tried to envision a future with David, holding hands as they walked to class, Eskimo kissing as Cass and Josh had done. Out in public. He already came out of the closet, and Oliver was shoving him back in. To be able to do those things...well, it felt freeing.

The movie they saw was some action sequence, and they shared a bucket of popcorn, fingers brushing as they reached for handfuls. David had a little popcorn fluff caught on the corner of his mouth, and Kyle reached forward, brushing it off with his thumb even though his heart screamed at him not to.

When the movie ended, it was too late for dinner, so they wandered around the campus instead, talking and laughing. It came so easily, yet it just didn’t feel right.

When they made it back to Kyle’s dorm, they stood awkwardly facing each other.

“So...”

Kyle smiled. “Thanks for everythin’. I had fun.”

“Still have my number?”

“Yeah, I do.”

David walked the steps between them and leaned over, kissing Kyle gently. His lips were soft and warm, and Kyle pressed into him, deepening it. He licked at David’s tongue, his mouth, reveling in the soft sound he made. Eventually breaking apart, David nuzzled Kyle’s nose, just like he had always wanted. 

“Call me this time, okay?”

Kyle nodded, and David gave him one quick kiss before walking away backwards, smiling. Kyle waited until he had turned the corner before going inside. 

By anyone else’s standards, it had been a perfect date. But for Kyle, it had left an empty hole. He sighed and pulled off his shoes, sitting down at his desk to check his mail. Four unread messages. All from Oliver.

Hands trembling slightly, he clicked the oldest one, dated 10:00am that day. When Kyle had hung up on him.

Kyle, 

I’m so sorry. My parents came home. They can’t know.

Oliver

He deleted it in anger. So what if his parents had come home? Oliver could have been kinder. He opened the second e-mail.

Kyle,

Please don’t be mad. I’m sorry for the short conversations. I just never know what to say. I miss you.

Oliver

His heart leaped. Oliver missed him. He immediately went and clicked the third e-mail. This one didn’t bother with formalities.

I keep calling your cell but you’re not answering. I know it’s turned on. Please talk to me.

He glanced at the time of that e-mail. 7:00pm. He had been out with David. His heart clenched. He hesitated before answering the last e-mail, but eventually clicked it. He needed to know.

Kyle, here’s my number: 823-445-1001. Please call me. Please. I won’t bother you with any more e-mails. 

I’ll understand if you don’t call.

Oliver

He glanced at the time stamp on the e-mail. It had only been sent twenty minutes ago. He reached for his phone, then stopped. What if Oliver asked where he had been? Should he be honest and say he was on a date? His mind immediately rejected that idea. He couldn’t do that to Oliver.

He dialed the number on his laptop screen, double checking it before hitting the call button. It rang three times. Kyle almost hung up when he heard a sniffle. Then Oliver’s voice. “H’llo?”

Was Oliver crying? “Hey, you”, he said softly. 

“Kyle?! Oh, Kyle, I’m so sorry. I’ve been treating you like shit since the summer started ...since before that, and I’m sorry!”

Kyle walked to his bed and lay down. He wasn’t sure what to say.

“Kyle?” Another sob.

He finally spoke. “Baby, don’t cry.” He wished Oliver was with him, so he could wrap his arms around him, stroke his hair. Oliver’s thoughts seemed to be on the same page.

“I m-miss you. A lot.”

Kyle smiled. It was nice to hear. “I miss you, too.”

“Are we okay?”

Kyle felt guilt traveling through his veins. “Yeah, we’re okay. I was, uh, I was at the library studyin’ when y’ called. They don’t allow phones.”

He heard Oliver swallow through the line. “Good.”

Kyle immediately changed the subject. “So tell me about your summer. In detail, this time.”

Oliver did. He told him everything, about all his high school friends, his horrible job in retail. He was careful to avoid any mention of his parents, veering off when any story led in that direction. Kyle was quickly learning that it was an unmentionable around Oliver.

When Oliver finished, he took a deep breath. “I’m comin’ back.”

Kyle smiled. “I know. Only one more month.”

“No, I mean, on Monday.”

Kyle jolted upright. “What?!”

“My parents are going on vacation in the Caribbean before Mom begins teaching again, and I decided...to go back to university, instead. It’ll give me time to find a job and get settled.”

Pulling the phone from his ear and staring at it, Kyle wasn’t sure if he was hearing things right. Oliver was coming back? In less than a week? The hole in his chest began to slowly fill.

“How are you gettin’ here?”

“My parents car. They’re going to fly directly from their vacation to Llanview and drive it back afterwards.”

Kyle still couldn’t process the information fast enough. “So you’ll be here in five days?”

There was a pause. “No”, Oliver corrected, “we’ll be together in five days.”

\-----

It was Monday. Kyle hadn’t gone to classes that day, pacing back and forth in his room, waiting for his cell phone to ring. He had made his bed, cleaned up his room, finished an assignment, showered, dressed, gelled his hair, and now had no tasks left. All he had to do was pace. 

And wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Just when he thought he couldn’t take it anymore, his phone rang. He answered on the first ring.

“Where are you?!”

“Outside.”

Kyle paused. “Outside...what?”

“Um. Your door.”

Still holding the cell phone to his ear, Kyle walked slowly towards the door, turning the knob. And there Oliver was. In all his glory. Still holding his own phone to his ear.

Kyle dropped his phone. He didn’t notice. The hole in his chest felt completely healed. He hungrily stared at Oliver, drinking in his hair (which was slightly longer since the last time he saw it), his golden tan, and his hesitant eyes.

He smiled. “Why didn’t ‘cha just knock?”

Oliver snapped his phone shut and looked away, embarrassed. “I don’t know. I wasn’t sure if you wa- Whoa!”

Kyle had pulled him inside by the front of his shirt. Pulled him flush with his body. Then lifted his head up and kissed him.

They kissed desperately, as though trying to make up for all the lost time. Kyle practically ripped Oliver’s shirt off, running his hands through the hair there, moaning. He felt Oliver shiver from the contact.

He reached for Oliver’s belt as they fell onto the bed, and almost forgot about it as Oliver kissed up and down his neck, licking his jaw line, tugging at his shirt. He wrapped his arms around him, tracing Oliver’s spine, enjoying the feeling of their chests pressed together.

He felt Oliver tug at his shorts, and it came as a surprise. Oliver rarely went below Kyle’s chest. But before he could process this, Oliver had shoved his hand down Kyle’s shorts. Kyle gasped before Oliver had even touched him. He tried to pull away from Oliver’s consuming mouth. 

“W-w-wait!”

Oliver immediately stopped, his breathing heavy, still holding Kyle, trembling. “What? Too much?”

Kyle groaned. “Not enough.” He began pulling off his own shorts, his feet pushing at Oliver’s shoes to pull them off. Oliver helped, his hand immediately reaching for Kyle’s hardness once they had finished.

Kyle cried out, overwhelmed. With his eyes closed, head back and mouth slightly open from panting, Oliver took advantage, alternating between licking at his lips and at his neck. 

Reaching down, Kyle pulled at the elastic on Oliver’s boxers, sliding his hand inside.

It had been so long and he had missed him so much.

But Oliver stopped him. “No. Just you.”

He opened his eyes and stared into Oliver’s blue ones. Those eyes were filled with arousal, but something else. The same expression Oliver carried before in the snow. Oliver twisted his hand, his other reaching down to cup Kyle, and it was too much. Way too much. 

His hips jumped and his breathing became more erratic. “Oli-”. The rest was silenced by Oliver’s mouth. When he reached for Oliver this time, he was not pushed away.

They lay together afterwards, Oliver staring at the ceiling, Kyle’s head turned, watching him. 

His breathing not quite settled, Kyle was the first to speak. “You missed me that much, huh?”

Oliver turned to stare at him, then reached for him. “Yeah. That much.”

They didn’t speak for the longest time, Kyle drifting off to sleep.

When Oliver spoke it was soft. “My parents asked me if I had found a girlfriend up here.”

Kyle opened his eyes to stare at Oliver, but he was looking away. Oliver never spoke about his parents if he could help it.

The conversation halted, and Kyle realized that Oliver was waiting for him to say something.

“Y-yeah? And what’d y’ say?”

“I said no.”

Kyle nodded, wondering where the hell this conversation was going. 

Oliver continued, staring with immense interest at Kyle’s bedspread. “I said no, but in my mind, I’m taken. I have a...a b-boyfriend.”

Watching the heat spread across Oliver’s face, he realized he was blushing, too. But not with embarrassment. With guilt. He thought back to his reasoning for dating David. They weren’t exclusive.

“...K-kyle?”

Kyle traced circles on Oliver’s chest. “I consider you my boyfriend, too.” More guilt. 

Oliver smiled and nodded, eyes closing. Major guilt.

\----

Oliver was almost a boyfriend in every sense. Of course, he didn’t acknowledge this when they were in public. There was no public displays of affection, what-so-ever. But Kyle saw the radical change. Oliver would pick Kyle up every day and walk with him to classes or work, Kyle sneaking him free lattes when he could. He’d also be there waiting when Kyle was finished for the day. He spent most nights with Kyle, and actually stayed after sex, even holding his hand when they were alone.

They were walking back from coffee shop a few weeks later, Oliver excitedly talking about a new video game coming out, his hands flying this way and that as he told Kyle the plot. Kyle was watching Oliver, smiling, but as they passed by the courtyard on campus, he saw David. He froze. So did Oliver, who turned to look behind him.

“What? Are you okay?”

David looked pretty involved in his studies and hadn’t noticed Kyle. He turned to Oliver, giving him a jerky nod. “Yeah, fine. Thought I saw somethin’. Come on, let’s g-”

“Kyle!”

His stomach dropped. Looking back, he saw David waving, packing up his books and heading over. His palms began to sweat. What was he going to say?

Trying to act casual, he smiled. “Hey! David! What’s up, man?”

David grinned, and his voice softened. “It’s good to see you. You haven’t been in class for a while.”

Kyle glanced at Oliver, who was watching the conversation with interest. Crap.

“Uh, yeah, I’ve been jus’ studyin’ the notes posted online.”

David rocked back on his heels awkwardly, turning to give Oliver a stare as if to say ‘fuck off’. Kyle hastily made introductions.

“Oh! Oliver, this is David....a-a guy from one of my classes. David, Oliver,....a-a friend of mine.”. It came out worse than he expected.

David and Oliver shook hands, David obviously gripping tightly. Oliver raised his eyebrows but said nothing. 

“So...you never called.”

Kyle wanted a tornado to touch down at this very second and blow them all away. “U-uh, yeah. I’m sorry ‘bout that. I’ve been busy.”

“I can see that.”

Oliver said nothing, obviously cluing into the situation. Kyle made for a quick retreat. “Well, it was nice seeing you.”

David nodded. “You, too.”

Kyle and Oliver were almost away when David made a low blow. “It was the best date I’ve had in a while.” He left.

Turning to stare at Oliver, his heart beating quickly, Kyle didn’t know where to begin. He reached out to touch Oliver’s shoulder, stopped, and dropped his hand. “Oliver...”

Oliver shook his head and picked up the pace, bringing them back to Kyle’s dorm. The silence in the elevator was deafening.

Oliver waited until Kyle had unlocked his door and let them both in before he spoke, his eyes blank.

“You went out on a date with him.”

Kyle closed his eyes. There was no way around it. “Yes. Just one date.”

“Did you kiss him?”

Kyle opened his eyes to stare at Oliver, but Oliver refused to look at him. “Oliver...”

“Did you kiss him!?”

“Yes! Yes.”

He reached again for Oliver, but Oliver flinched away. He knew how Oliver was feeling: he felt it every time Oliver went out with a girl. He approached cautiously. 

“Oliver, you barely called. When you did call, it seemed like y’ didn’t want to. You called me Lewis. I missed you and I was hurt. So I went out on one date. One, stupid date. It meant nothin’.”

But Oliver shook his head, opening the door, walking to the elevator. Kyle followed him out. “Oliver, come on. Talk to me. Yell at me. Do somethin’!”

“No. No.” He got in the elevator and jammed the button hard. The doors closed. 

And this time, Kyle blamed himself.


	7. Chapter 7

School began and Kyle moved into the frat house with the rest of the brothers, bunking with a junior named Mike. His original plan was, of course, to bunk with Oliver, but by the time Kyle arrived at the House, Oliver had already moved into a room down the hall, leaving Kyle to fend for himself.

He desperately wanted to talk to Oliver, to explain the situation with David, but with all the new recruits coming in and out of the House, there was no time. Kyle sat watching the group of first years, clinging to every word Phil (who was now the senior head) was saying, watching them fidget with excitement and nervousness. They all looked so young. He felt like he had aged a century the past twelve months.

They all scattered as Phil gave them their first assignment. Kyle reminisced, remembering Oliver’s face as they stole the bras, how they snuck back in a few days later to return them. He also remembered the fight: Oliver’s face when he learned Kyle was gay. Last year had its ups and downs, but Kyle still loved every minute of it.

With this in mind, he went to go find Oliver, ready to apologise and do whatever he could to fix it. He wasn’t in his room, the kitchen, or the game room. In fact, the house was pretty much empty. He turned to Phil, who was shrugging on a coat, keys in hand.

“Dude, where is everyone?”

Phil glanced up, surprised to see Kyle standing there. “Party at Delta Delta Delta, man. I told Fish to tell you. Started a while ago.”

Kyle stared at Phil. Oliver hadn’t told him. No one had. He clearly wasn’t invited. That stung. When he spoke, his voice was weak. “I didn’t know.”

“Grab your coat. I’m going out with my girl, but I’ll drop you off.” But Kyle was already shaking his head.

“I think I’ll stick ‘round here for a bit. Catch up with some old friends. I’ll stop by the party later.”

Phil shrugged. It was something Kyle liked about him - he never asked questions. “Whatever”. The door closed and he was gone.

Kyle sunk into the nearest kitchen chair. Not inviting him to the party was low, even for Oliver. Even though he couldn’t face Oliver at the party, he refused to sit around and mope. He grabbed his phone and called Josh. 

“H-h’lo?”

“Hey, it’s Kyle. Want t’ hang out tonight, catch up?”

There was a giggle, then a muffled snort. He heard Josh shushing someone. When he spoke, he was breathless. “Uh, not right now, man. I’m...kinda busy.” More giggling.

Oh. Oh. “Right. Uh, say hi to Cass for me.”

He heard Cass call out ‘Bye Kyle!’ before the call ended. Jesus, how awkward. Why was everyone hooking up except him? He had no doubt that Oliver was currently wooing some sorority girl, and his hands clenched around the phone in jealousy. But then he stopped and stared at the phone.

Yes, he had screwed up. Yes, he had tried to explain. And it wasn’t going anywhere, obviously. So why couldn’t he call David? Just to hang out? Oliver ran away a lot, but now he had an excuse to. He could blame Kyle. So why would he come back?

He flipped open his phone and dialed the number. Then flipped it shut again. Oliver had called Kyle his boyfriend. There was clearly something there. Couple’s fight all the time - maybe they could get through this. 

He flipped the phone open again and redialed, pushing the green call button. If Oliver really thought of Kyle as his boyfriend, they would have fought, dueled it out. The fact Oliver walked away meant Kyle wasn’t worth it.

David answered, his voice cool. “Kyle.”

That’s not a good sign. “Hey, David. Look, can we talk?”

He waited as David took his time, considering. “Yeah, I guess.”

“I’ll meet y’ by the courtyard. Y’know the one w-”

“I know.” His tone was clipped.

They picked a time, and Kyle snapped the phone shut, wondering if he had made the right decision. Refusing to think about it, he grabbed his coat and left in a hurry.

David was already waiting when he arrived, and they smiled politely and began to walk, silence surrounding them. Kyle stopped walking and turned.

“David, I’m sorry I didn’t call. Really. I did have a good time.”

“But your boyfriend came back.”

“No! No, Oliver isn’t a boyfriend. He’s just a friend.”

“A friend that you’re into.” When David smiled, it was condescending. “I know that expression when I see it, Kyle.”

Kyle thought back, remembering Oliver’s face as the elevator doors closed. “Oliver and I will never happen.”

“It still hurts.”

Kyle nodded. He could never argue with that. “Yeah, it does.”

There was a lull in the conversation, Kyle thinking back to all the bad times with Oliver. Then the tender moments: Oliver hugging him, stroking his hair. He realized at that moment that he couldn’t date David, even if he wanted to. He just wasn’t ready.

He voiced his concerns. “David, look, I’m new at this, and I’m just not ready t’ be...” He wasn’t sure what to say.

David smiled. “It’s okay. I understand.”

“Really?”

Now it was David’s turn to laugh. “You look surprised.”

Kyle’s smile widened as they replayed the scene. “Well, I am, actually. I didn’t think you would be.”

They both laughed now, walking to the coffee shop on campus to grab something to drink. They began to talk about the classes they were carrying that semester, joking about some of the professors, discussing the material. It came so easy, just like last time. As if they were old friends. They both finished their coffees, grabbing another, the conversation getting intense, leaning closer together. Hollering from outside pulled them apart.

The murmurs of the coffee shop drifted off as they all turned towards the source of the noise. A bunch of drunken college men, arms wrapped around each other, singing. Kyle recognized the song: it was their fraternity anthem. Evidently, so did David.

“Isn’t that your fraternity?”

Kyle sighed. “Yeah. Come on, I should break ‘em up before the police do.” They threw some money on the table and approached the rowdy crowd.

His eyes immediately went to Oliver, watching his flushed face as he laughed. He hadn’t seen Oliver laugh in a long time. 

An arm slung around his neck. Mike. “Kyle! Why aren’t ‘chu out with us?!”

The whole crowd cheered, ‘Kyle!’ Some raising their bottles to him.

Kyle ignored them. “Y' need to keep it down. What happened t’ the party?”

“Ended ages ago, man. Girls are no fun.” The stench of his breath made Kyle’s head turn. “So come on and join us! You’re behind!”

Another voice came out from the mob. “Leave him alone, man! He’s obviously on a date!”

Kyle froze and turned to look at Oliver. His smile was receding, as he had now noticed David. In fact, the whole group had now turned to stare at David. Saying nothing, David watched the fraternity with interest. 

Kyle decided it was best not to broach the issue. “I’ll walk y’ back to the House. Come on.” The guys grumbled and groaned, but did as Kyle said. Oliver took a few steps ahead of the group and stumbled. A panicked look crossed his face and then he was leaning over, vomiting on the pavement.

The brothers cheered and laughed, leaving him behind. Kyle raced up to him, hand on his back, rubbing it in gentle circles. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Just breathe.”

He turned to David, who was staring at Oliver, repulsed. “Do y’ mind grabbing some water from the shop?” David nodded, backing away from Oliver, and left quickly.

After what seemed like ages, Oliver stopped heaving, breathing heavy, pale and shaky. 

“Are y’ alright?”

Oliver wiped his hand on his sleeve and nodded. “Y-yeah, I think so.” He turned to Kyle, his eyes clouded with alcohol. “D-do you have any water?”

Kyle nodded. “I sent David t’ get some. He’ll be back in a sec.”

At the mention of David, Oliver shoved Kyle away. “Nevermind. ‘M fine.” He stumbled as he stood, and Kyle reached for him again.

“Look, let me just walk you back t’ the House.”

“No! I’m fine! Just...just fuck off, Lewis.”

Oliver stumbled down the road. David walked up, water bottle in hand. “Everything okay?”

Kyle turned to David, to apologize and cut their evening short, but the water bottle was already pressed into his hand. “You should go. I don’t think he’s going to make it home.”

Relieved, Kyle nodded. “Thanks, David. For everythin'.” He raced after Oliver, not having to go far, as he was bent over, dry heaving. Kyle uncapped the bottle and handed it over.

Oliver took it and guzzled the water. 

“No! Small sips!” Kyle reached for the bottle, tilting it downwards slightly. “Little sips.”

Oliver did as he was told, but he was shaking, and Kyle knew he was going to give out. He all but carried him to a nearby bench and handed the water back to Oliver.

“How’s your throat?”

“Hurts.”

The conversation ended there. After a time, Kyle stood up. “Let’s go back to the House.”

Oliver shook his head. “ ‘M fine. Y’should go back to yer date.”

The malice in Oliver’s voice was obvious, and although Kyle felt guilty, he concealed it in anger. 

“It wasn’t a date, Fish! I was just hangin’ around with someone ‘cause apparently I wasn’t invited to the Delta party!”

“I didn’t want you there.”

Kyle snorted. “Yeah, I know.”

“Delta brought gay guys.”

It came out slurred and too fast, and Kyle stared at Oliver for a moment. “What?”

“For you. They said you looked lonely last time.”

Adrenaline began to pump through his veins. “So, what? You figured I’d go off and fuck every one of ‘em?! ‘Cause I went on ONE date ‘cause YOU refused to call me? Ever?”

Oliver shook his head, and a tear trickled down his face. “Didn’t want to see you with someone again. Hurts too much.”

Kyle stared. Surprised. He slowly sat on the bench, careful to keep a safe distance between them. “It hurts me when y’ go out with girls.”

“I know. Don’t mean to.” Another tear.

They were breaking new ground, but Oliver was drunk. To him, this would be a dream in the morning. Kyle considered what to say, but the moment had passed. Footsteps approached them, and he turned. 

Phil was staring down at them. “Everything okay?”

Kyle shrugged. “He’s drunk. Can’t walk.”

“Why’s he crying?”

“Uh, ‘cause he was throwin’ up earlier.”

Phil, being taller than Oliver, picked him up easily, slinging him arm around him. “Come on buddy, let’s get you back to the House.” Oliver groaned in response.

Kyle helped them by opening doors ahead of time, moving things out of the way. They made it to Oliver’s room, his roommate still out partying. Phil dumped him on the bed, then faced Kyle.

“Turn him on his side. I’m going to go grab some stuff for him.” He left the room.

Kyle pulled off Oliver’s shoes, coaxing him to lie down, pulling a blanket around him. Oliver was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, Kyle gently rubbing his back in a soothing motion. Phil returned with some supplies, and Kyle jumped off the bed, helping out.

They placed two water bottles and some aspirin on the bedside table, as well as a lined garbage can on the floor. Flicking off the light and closing the door, they both went to the kitchen, Phil handing Kyle a beer.

“Thanks for helpin’ out. I never would’ve gotten Oliver here by myself.”

Phil grimaced. “Sucks being the president. I’m out on a date and I get a drunken call sayin’ they left Fish behind. Figured it was my duty to find him and give him a hand.”

“Well, I appreciate it.” They clinked their bottles and drank. 

When Phil spoke again, it was deliberate, slow. “You and Oliver aren’t hanging much these days. I was sure you’d bunk together.”

A red alarm went off in Kyle’s mind, and he proceeded cautiously. “I guess we just fell apart after first year.”

“It’s unusual for brothers to fight in this house.”

Now Kyle was embarrassed. “I didn’t know we were obvious. Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You’re a good guy, Kyle. Don’t beat yourself up.”

Kyle looked at Phil in astonishment, wondering when he became so mature. But Phil finished his beer, throwing it into a bin full of empty bottles. He stood and placed his hand on Kyle’s shoulder.

“The brothers in this house are family. We look out for each other.”

Kyle nodded. “Y-yeah. I know.”

The hand on his shoulder squeezed tightly. “So be careful, Kyle. Oliver might never come around.” 

With that statement, he left, leaving Kyle staring at his bottle, his eyes beginning to water.

 

\--------------

 

It was the first night of many. Oliver, still avoiding Kyle like the plague, would disappear after dinner, coming home late in the night, not even making it to his bed. Kyle often found him in the second year bathroom in the morning, hugging the toilet, asleep. He would drag Oliver back to his room, sometimes with the help of Phil, placing a garbage can next to the bed. And in the morning, Oliver refused to acknowledge that Kyle existed.

Kyle cornered him one day in the common room. Oliver tried to escape, but Kyle laid a hand flat on his chest. Oliver flinched at the contact, and Kyle ignored it, even though a shot of pain went straight to his heart.

“Look, Fish. I know y’ hate me, but we’re brothers. We need t’ be cordial with each other, at least. The other guys are startin’ t’ notice.”

Oliver glared at Kyle for a long moment, then relaxed. His hand went to his head, rubbing his hair. “Y-yeah, yeah, okay.”

They shook hands. Kyle left quickly before he said anything stupid.

His time became more and more occupied, grabbing a volunteering job with an environmental organization, studying his butt off, hanging out with Josh and Cass when he could. When he filled them in on David, Cass had hugged him. “It’s good that you’re moving on.”

But it was hard, living in the fraternity. If they weren’t hosting a party, they were cleaning up after one, or traveling to a neighbouring fraternity for a party there. His roommate Mike was a huge partier, crashing around drunk as Kyle studied. He tried to take it to the library, but he tended to speak aloud as he memorized, and the librarian didn’t appreciate that. Which is why, in early October, he received his first D grade.

He stared at it, unbelieving. His first D. He had never gotten a D. This test had been a large percent of his mark. It could affect everything. If he didn’t pull A’s for the rest of the year, this course could end badly. He raced to the professor, begging for extra credit, but he was waved away.

Which is why, when the brothers went to Sigma Pi Fraternity for a party, he joined them, bonding with Mike over shots. Rounds and rounds of shots.

The world was spinning, but he didn’t care. The numbness felt so good. After dealing with Oliver and then nearly failing a test, it came as a sanctuary. He and Mike tripped and stumbled over the cobblestones on the walkway, laughing and singing, having the time of their lives. It was ruined by a figure coming towards them. Oliver.

“You guys need to keep it down. I could hear you a block away.”

Kyle giggled. “We’re bondin’. Roommate bondin’!”

Mike chimed in. “And drinking! Roommate drinking!” They hit their plastic cups together and guzzled the rest of their beer. 

Kyle’s was pulled out of his hand mid-gulp, some liquid spilling down his shirt. “Hey!”

“I think you’ve had enough. Both of you.”

Kyle snorted. “Since when d’you have the right to decide what’s too much?!”

He delighted in the embarrassment on Oliver’s face. But Oliver didn’t give up. “I’m bringing you back to the frat.”

Mike pulled away. “Not me! I’m not going!” He began to run back to the party. 

Kyle found this hilarious. “Ooo! We have a runner!” But Oliver didn’t pursue Mike, still tugging on Kyle’s sleeve. 

“How much have you had to drink?”

“In cop mode now, Fish? Gettin’ ready for y’er trainin’? Should I call you Officer Fish now?”

Oliver said nothing, still carrying Kyle back to the fraternity. But Kyle wouldn’t relent.

“I’m surprised you’re touching me. You might catch somethin’. Like gay cooties.” He giggled again. Still Oliver said nothing.

“ ‘nd to answer your question. I had shots. Lots and lots of shots. Y’wanna know why?”

They had now reached the fraternity, Oliver dragging Kyle up the stairs and into his room, shushing him. So Kyle leaned towards Oliver, their faces mere inches apart.

“‘Cause you don’t talk t’ me anymore. And that hurt. Then I failed a test. Shhh!” He roughly placed his finger on Oliver’s lips. “Y’can’t tell anyone that. But now I’m goin’ to fail out of school.” 

He laughed and flopped on the bed. “All my hard work and I fail out second year.”

For the first time, Oliver spoke. “You’re smart, Kyle. You won’t fail.”

Kyle closed his eyes. “I like that. Kyle. I like when you call me Kyle.”

Oliver stood. “I’m goin’ to get you something to soak up all the alcohol.”

Kyle giggled. “A sponge’ll do it.” He made a slurping sound to emphasize all the alcohol being sucked out.

Oliver laughed at that. “I’ll be right back.”

“I like when you laugh.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Oliver stood there for a moment, then left the room. Kyle fumbled out of bed and reached into his backpack, his vision blurry. He pulled out the Scantron answer sheet from the test, staring at the D, written in block letters. He burst into tears.

He felt a hand on his back and leaned into it. “What’re you doing out of bed? Come on.” Gentle hands went under his armpits and pulled him up, back into bed. He was still clutching the test, and he shoved it at Oliver.

“Look? See? Fail. I failed. I’ve never failed.” The tears were now openly streaming down his face. 

Oliver pushed some bread into his hands, but Kyle did nothing with it. So Oliver took it back and ripped off a piece. “Open your mouth.”

Kyle did as he was asked and Oliver popped the bread in. He chewed, swallowed, then shook his head. “I don’t want bread.”

“Shhh, I know.” Another piece was put into his mouth. Then another. And another. On the last piece, he kissed Oliver’s fingertips. 

“If I fail, I’d have to go back home. Back to my empty house. With no you.”

He felt Oliver’s hand on his face “You’re not going to fail, Kyle.”

But he kept talking. “You’d like that. You don’t want me here. You’d never phone me if I left.”

Oliver pulled him into a hug. He inhaled his scent, burying his head in Oliver’s shoulder. “I miss you so much.”

Stroking his hair, Oliver sighed. “I miss you, too.”

“It’s all my fault.”

The stroking stopped. “No, it was mine.”

Kyle pulled back. “But I kissed David. I was so mad at you.”

“I was jerkin’ you around. It was my fault. Now go to sleep, Kyle.”

“Will you stay with me?”

Oliver nodded. “Go to sleep.”

When Kyle woke up the next morning, his head felt like it was going to explode. Groaning, he pushed himself up. Bad idea. A wave of nausea hit him like a truck and he gasped, grabbing the garbage can next to his bed. He tried to slow his breathing: in through his nose, out through his mouth. The nausea eventually passed with no aftermath. He grabbed the glass of water on the bedside table, surprised it wasn’t stale. There were also two Advil on the counter. He took both of them, the hesitantly stood up. He was shaky, but otherwise okay.

After showering and carefully consuming dry toast, he went to Housing to try and find a spare room. There was a waiting list, and the secretary told him that he probably wouldn’t get a room until after Christmas. He couldn’t wait that long, so he went and bought a newspaper. He was sitting at the kitchen table circling ads when Oliver walked in.

Oliver. The memories flashed into his mind, like a dream. Oliver carrying him home. Oliver brushing away his tears, telling him he wouldn’t fail. He looked away, embarrassed. He never wanted Oliver to see him cry.

“Hey.” Oliver sat down across from him. “Feeling better?”

He stared intently at his pen. “Yeah, thanks. For, y’know...”

“No problem.”

He twirled the pen around and around his fingers. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For unloading on you. About the test. I didn’t mean t'.”

“It’s okay. It was a bit of a change, you drunk and me sober.” Kyle smiled a little at that.

“What’re you doing?”

“Oh.” Kyle glanced at the open newspaper in front of him, random circles here and there. “I’m lookin’ for a place t’ move into.”

There was a deadly pause. “Because of what happened last night?”

Kyle jerked his head up. “What? What happened last night?” His heart beat nervously. What had he done? He played the foggy memory over in his mind, but could only remember saying he missed Oliver. Humiliating, yes, but not too bad.

“N-nothing. You were, y’know, crying and upset about the test.”

He breathed out in relief. “Oh. Well, yeah, in a way. I can’t study here and I need t’. I think I need my own place.”

“Do you have the money?”

Kyle nodded. “I have enough saved up to get started. My parents won’t have a problem with sendin’ me the rest.”

Oliver’s eyes flicked up and down Kyle’s face, but he said nothing. It was made Kyle self-conscious and he returned back to his work.

“I guess I’ll see you later, Lewis.” When he looked up, Oliver was gone.

 

\----------------

 

Kyle taped up the last box and scribbled ‘Miscellaneous’ across it. He had found a place right off campus, a tiny little studio apartment. The bathroom was so small he had to get out of the shower just to reach up and shampoo his hair, or else his elbows would smash into the glass door. The paint was chipped, the fridge looked like it was from the 60’s, and the living room and bedroom were the same room. But it was his. He spent the week stopping by department stores, buying linens, kitchenware, cleaning items, and anything else he could think of.

Phil had generously offered to drive Kyle’s things to the apartment and a few of the brothers tagged along, helping to load and unload boxes. When Kyle unlocked the door, he halted. There, in his apartment, was a bed and mattress, a bedside table and bureau nearby, and a desk and chair in the corner. A microwave and kettle stood in the kitchen. A floor length mirror was laid gently against the wall, with a small bookcase next to it. On top of the bookcase was a miniature television.

He whipped around to the brothers, who were all grinning. He opened his mouth but had no idea what to say. He was so grateful. And overwhelmed. They all laughed.

“S’okay, you don’t have to say anything”. Phil patted him on the back.

“Guys, this is so generous. It’s too much. How did you do this?!” A million questions whirled in his mind. 

Phil threw him a beer. “Well, the fraternity has a lot of crap up in the attic, so we pulled some stuff down and drove it over here. Oliver stole the keys.”

He turned to Oliver, who was nursing his beer, bashful. Kyle smiled and turned back to Phil, who was still talking.

“Anyway, we all felt kind of bad about you moving out. It’s our fault a bit, for all the parties. So we bought you a microwave and some kitchen stuff.”

He tripped and stumbled over words, not knowing what to say. “Guys...wow...thank you so much...I don’t know what I can do t’ pay y’back.”

One of the brothers grinned. “How about drinks on you?”

He laughed. “Okay! Drinks on me.”

They all had a beer or two, occasionally helping Kyle unpack his things. Eventually they stood up and left, waving goodbye to Kyle, bumping fists as each one left. Oliver stayed behind, staring at the pastel orange fridge.

“Kyle. You can’t live here. This place is a dump.”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “Of course it’s a dump. But it’s not so bad. There’s no roaches or weird bugs.”

Oliver crinkled his nose. “And because of that, this is a good apartment?”

“Yep.”

“I disagree.”

“Well, that’s too bad.” Now Kyle was annoyed. He was proud of his apartment. He thought it looked rather cozy. And now Oliver was pissing all over it. “If you don’t like it, you can leave.”

A pause. Then Oliver set down his beer. He walked slowly over to Kyle, then leaned down and kissed him. Gently, softly. Nothing more. He began to walk out.

“Wait!” Kyle stood there in shock. “Why did you kiss me?” It sounded idiotic, but he didn't want Oliver to dodge around it.

“...What?”

“I thought you hat- didn’t want to talk to me.”

Oliver, his face filled with indecision, walked over, placing his hands on Kyle’s arms. “Look, I know you don’t remember when you were drunk, but...but you said you missed me. Said you missed being my boyfriend. That you wished things were better.” His eyes grew soft. “And then you kissed me. A lot.”

Kyle stared. He definitely didn’t remember that part. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. It was my fault. What happened with...him.”

Kyle smiled slightly. “David.”

Oliver’s mouth made a line. “Do we have to give him a name?”

Now Kyle chuckled. They hugged tightly. 

“I’ll pick you up before class tomorrow, okay?”

Kyle buried his head in Oliver’s neck. “You better.”

Another kiss.

"Have you seen the fridge? It's orange!"

Kyle laughed and pushed Oliver out the door, then leaned against the frame, watching Oliver turn the corner. Smiling.


	8. Chapter 8

The fall was filled with new beginnings, but most importantly, Kyle and Oliver were reunited. They cocooned in Kyle’s apartment and to the outside world, they were best friends once again. The brothers joked between themselves, saying it was a lover’s quarrel - Oliver had fled for a few days when that came out. But otherwise, things were great. He introduced Oliver to Cass and Josh, both who welcomed him with almost open arms. Cass was hesitant at first, but became closer and closer to Oliver as weeks passed.

When they went out together, Kyle loved to imagine it was a double date, even though Oliver kept the appropriate distance between them at all times. He forced himself to ignore the cravings to reach out and grasp Oliver’s hand as they walked to their classes, grabbed coffee and hung out at the fraternity. These feelings intensified when they were around Cass and Josh, who acted like a pair of doves. They were antsy when they weren’t around each other, and when they were, Josh was constantly touching her hair or the small of her back in slight brushes while Cass would rub his arm, or touch his chest, or press against his side, almost unconsciously. Kyle yearned for that. Ostensibly, so did Oliver.

Kyle often caught him watching Cass and Josh with a peculiar expression on his face. Different from how he looked at Kyle. The wanting was clear on his face, but whether it was for companionship like theirs or something else, Kyle didn’t know. When Cass and Josh shared a moment, Oliver would look away, embarrassed, and the expression would fade.

They walked to a movie one night, stopping at the caf to grab a bite. Oliver hadn’t said a word during that time, picking at his salad. Kyle was worried, waiting until the couple divulged in one of their ‘staring each other in the eyes’ moments before leaning over to Oliver.

“You feelin’ okay? You haven’t touched your food.”

Oliver nodded but said nothing. Kyle’s worrying increased. He placed his hand gently on Oliver’s knee underneath the table. He felt Oliver’s leg tremble, as if considering pushing his hand off, but he didn’t.

“We don’t have t’ go t’ the movie. We can just hang out at my place. Or the frat.”

Shaking his head, Oliver reached down and removed Kyle’s hand. “I’m fine. Really.” Kyle wasn’t convinced, but turned back to his meal, chatting with Cass about which movie to see, and keeping Oliver in the corner of his eye.

As they walked to the movie, even Josh and Cass began to notice Oliver’s silence. Cass filled the air with meaningless conversation directed at Oliver, telling him about her classes and day-to-day activities. Josh trailed behind with Kyle, watching them.

“Is he okay? Oliver, I mean. He looks...I don’t know. Weird.”

Kyle shrugged, trying to hide his anxiety. “He says he’s fine.”

“Maybe you should talk to him. He seems really upset about something.”

Josh strode forward and wrapped his arms around Cass, who smiled and arched backwards for a kiss. They strolled ahead, leaving Oliver and Kyle walking together, a good distance behind them. Oliver was slightly hunched over, his hands in his coat pockets. Kyle said nothing, trying to think of the best way to approach the issue without Oliver running off. He decided to go for being direct without being too confrontational.

“Oliver I know something’s wrong, and I want you t’ know that you can tell me. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

Oliver said nothing.

“Oliver...”

“Didn’t you bring gloves?”

“Huh?”

“Gloves. Your hands look freezing.”

Kyle glanced down at his hands, which were red and beginning to crack from the cold. “Oh. No. I don’t usually wear ‘em. I forget how early it gets cold up here.” He really didn’t want to be on this topic, so he tried again.

“Oliver, listen...”

Oliver pulled his hand out of his pocket, holding a pair of gloves scrunched into a ball. “Put these on.”

He took the gloves without argument, noting that Oliver was looking straight ahead, not even a glance at him. “Are you mad at me?”

“What? No!”

Kyle’s anxiety was back. “Did I do somethin’...?”

Oliver turned to face Kyle, but his eyes were distant. “You haven’t done anything, Kyle. Let’s catch up to Cassie and Josh, okay?”

Nodding, Kyle picked up the pace, following Oliver. He’d drop it for now, but as soon as the movie finished, he was going to wrestle it out of Oliver. Whatever it took.

They grabbed tickets to the latest thriller, Cass and Oliver going to find seats as Josh and Kyle stood in the never-ending line at the concession stand. When it was their turn to order, Kyle stopped. He had no idea what Oliver liked to eat at movies. They had never seen a movie together, Oliver always shying away because he was afraid it would make them look like a couple. He ordered an iced tea and a small popcorn, throwing in a package of Twizzlers at the last second. Couldn’t hurt.

Juggling the food into the dimly lit theatre, they craned their necks, searching for Cass and Oliver. It wasn’t hard. They were at the very back of the theatre, Cass waving her arms in a theatrical way, and Josh chuckled as they walked up the steps. They jostled this way and that and Kyle finally settling down between Oliver and Cass. He handed Oliver the food.

“I got y’ some iced tea. Wasn’t sure what you wanted.”

“Iced tea is fine. Thank you.” Oliver turned to the screen, advertisements flashing by.

Kyle didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t even know what was going on. He wanted to grab Oliver by his shirt collar, drag him out of the theatre and beat him senseless.

Cass leaned towards him, a box in her hand. “Junior Mint?”

He shook a few into his hand, popping them all into his mouth. The lights went out and the movie began. As the trailers started, which was usually Kyle’s favourite part about seeing a movie, he couldn’t concentrate, continuously peeking at Oliver through the corner of his eye. But Oliver wasn’t watching the movie. His eyes were downcast, looking at the seat ahead of him, lost in thought.

The film began and the theatre settled down, now engrossed. Kyle tried to pay attention to the film too, but couldn’t keep up with the plot. His mind was spinning. What would make Oliver so upset? If it was about them, Oliver would have left, no question. So what else was there? His parents?

He turned to stare at Oliver now, watching the lights from the movie flickering across his face, his lips glistening in the bluish light, his hands in his lap. The wanting was back, his body craving Oliver’s, needing to hold his hand. He tried to ignore it, but it wouldn’t go away. There was only one way to make it go away.

He took a deep breath, checked on Cass and Josh, who were cuddled up in their own little world, then reached out and took Oliver’s hand. Oliver, still staring at the movie, jerked his hand away, spilling popcorn everywhere. Kyle had expected it and still staring forward, he leaned over gently.

“We’re at the back of the theatre, Oliver. No one can see us.” His whispered voice was hoarse.

Oliver shook his head, his whole body tense, but Kyle wasn’t going to give in so easily. He reached for Oliver’s hand again, this time rubbing gentle circles on his thumb. Oliver let him, but his hand was loose, not holding Kyle’s back. Eventually Kyle let go, his heart hurting.

The movie ended, the lights turned on, and Kyle just couldn’t look at Oliver’s face. They walked down the stairs, Cass chittering away like she had watched the entire film, commenting on the make-up and acting. Neither Kyle nor Oliver uttered a word.

By the time they had pushed their way through the crowd and into the street, Josh and Cass knew something was up. They awkwardly stood between Kyle and Oliver, now waiting for someone to speak.

Surprisingly, it was Oliver who spoke, staring at the pavement with his hands in his pockets. “How long have you two been together?”

Josh and Cass turned to stare mushily into each others eyes. “I asked Cassie out summer of grade eight. Just over five years. But we were best friends since childhood.”

Cass wrinkled her nose. “He was too shy to ask me out sooner, even though everyone knew we were crushing on each other.” It sounded accusing, yet it was so smothered in love it made Kyle turn away.

“You two never dated anyone else in high school?”

Josh shook his head. “Didn’t need to. She’s it for me.”

“But how do you know?”

Cass walked over and linked her arm with Oliver’s. “Girl troubles, Oliver dear?”

He shook his head. “No, nothing like that.” Silence.

When Cass spoke, it came out softly, “I just knew. There’s no way to explain it.” 

Kyle finally understood where this was coming from. He looked at Oliver, a feeling creeping into his chest. Was Oliver thinking about a future with Kyle? Was he thinking of Kyle as something...more?

They kept up the pretense everything was okay until they reached campus, Cass wrapping her arms around Oliver first, then Kyle. 

Her breath brushed his ear. “Whatever’s going on, I want details tomorrow.” She took Josh’s hand and left.

Oliver nodded at Kyle. “I guess I’ll see you later.”

Kyle snorted. Nuh-uh. They were going to talk, and it was going to be good. “Later is right now. My place. Come on.”

Oliver looked reluctant, so Kyle grabbed his arm and pulled him along until Oliver kept up with his rhythm. Both their eyes were on the ground, as it was dark now and they didn’t want to trip.

“Do they know you’re gay?”

He turned to look at Oliver, surprised. Oliver never acknowledged Kyle’s sexuality unless he was extremely intoxicated. 

“Yeah, they know.” And unlike you, they don’t care!

Kyle continued to stare at Oliver. Just when he thought he understood his train of thought, Oliver was asking another question, completely out of left field. He couldn’t keep up.

They made it to Kyle’s apartment, Oliver walking straight to the refrigerator and pulling out two beers, the light illuminating his haunted face for a millisecond. He popped the tab of one and sank into a chair by the kitchen counter. 

Kyle reached for the light switch, but Oliver stopped him. “Can you leave the lights off?”

“Uh, sure.” The apartment was small enough there was ample moonlight from the windows to see. 

He sat down cautiously across from Oliver, taking the beer but not opening it. When Oliver finished his, Kyle handed him his own. He didn’t speak, allowing Oliver to think things through, to speak when he was ready to.

It was nearly thirty minutes before Oliver said anything.

“Kyle, do you ever dream of getting married someday?”

Kyle nodded slowly, but realized Oliver couldn’t see him in the dark. He cleared his throat. “Yeah, someday, I guess. If it ever becomes legal.”

“And kids? Did you ever dream of kids?” The same monotone voice, staring at the wall.

Now Kyle was distressed. “Uh, I don’t know. I never thought ‘bout it. Oliver, are you okay?”

Oliver paid no attention to Kyle’s question. “I want to get married, Kyle. I want to get married and have kids.”

Oh. “You can still git married, Oliver. Go up t’ Canada. Kids are still possible, too.”

Oliver put his beer can down, the aluminum making a hollow noise against the ceramic. 

“I want to have a wife, Kyle. I want to have a wife and have kids and a dog and a cat and even a bird. I want to live in a house with a fence and kiss my wife goodbye and walk my kids to school. I’ve always wanted it. ”

Now Kyle didn’t know what to say. He stretched out his arm to hold Oliver’s hand, but he pulled away.

“I want it, Kyle. I want to be like Cass and Josh so badly! A perfect couple!”

He heard Oliver stifle a sob, and now got up, walking around the countertop, his arms automatically going around him, rubbing his back. “And who says we can’t be the perfect couple?”

“Everyone, Kyle! Everyone! God, my parents, the world. I just want to be normal.”

Now Kyle pulled away, staring directly into Oliver’s face. He placed his hands on Oliver’s cheeks. “Oliver, look at me.”

Oliver tried to look away.

“Look at me!”

He waited until those blue eyes stared at him and held tight. “Just ‘cause we’re not the ‘norm’ doesn’t mean we’re not normal. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.”

The blue eyes were filled with tears, and Oliver blinked, making them cascade down his face. Kyle bundled him up in his arms. “Come on, let’s git into bed, okay?”

He didn’t have to go far, and crawled into bed with Oliver, his arms going back around him. Oliver was still crying. 

“If my p-parents found out, found out about this, they’d never speak to me again. I’d be d-dead to them!”

Kyle tightened his hold. “You have good parents that adore you, Oliver. You’re their son. They’ll always love you.”

But Oliver was already shaking his head before the sentence was complete. “N-no. You don’t know them. They’d hate me.”

“They’d understa-”

“NO!” His body was now wracked with sobs, and Kyle rubbed his chest gently, shushing him.

“I just want to be normal. I just want to like girls and be normal.” Oliver’s voice was muffled in the pillow.

“You are normal, Oli. You’re perfect.”

But now Oliver was turning, facing him, his face puffy and red. “When I saw you with D-David, you looked so happy. You were in your own little bubble.”

Kyle opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by Oliver. 

“And then I see Cassie and Josh together, and they’re the ideal c-couple. And then there’s me. I don’t b-belong anywhere!” More sobs choked Oliver, so much that he couldn’t speak anymore.

Kyle wished there was something he could say to make Oliver’s pain disappear. Some comforting word that would make Oliver stop crying and realize that everything was going to be okay. But there was no word, no phrase. All he could do was wipe away his lover’s tears. 

Lover. At that moment, Kyle understood. Understood why he could never leave Oliver alone when he wouldn’t talk to him. Understood why he allowed Oliver to bring him back into the closet. Why his heart broke watching Oliver cry. It was so simple.

He loved him. 

And Oliver didn’t feel the same way.

If his heart could break any more, it just did. He placed gentle kisses along Oliver’s forehead, stroking his hair, telling him to go to sleep. There were a few snuffling noises out of Oliver, but then he was asleep, breathing evenly.

Kyle stared at the ceiling all night.

 

\----------

Oliver was gone in the morning, avoiding him. But Kyle understood that Oliver was embarrassed, that he needed time to process. Which is what he told himself over and over every time Oliver spun away at the sight of him.

The Halloween fraternity party was coming up, and Kyle had a huge midterm the same day. He didn’t even have time to grab a costume, and ended up rummaging through the science lab, grabbing his lab coat, a pair of latex gloves, and using his charm to get a nurse at the sick center to steal a stethoscope for him. He arrived at the party late and disheveled, pretty much how everyone else was.

He didn’t recognize any of the females at the party, figuring it was a smaller sorority on campus. Pulled onto the dance floor, he danced with a few, ignoring their grinding and bumping, never bothering to learn their names.

When one began to grind against his crotch, reaching back to press her hand there, he pulled away, going for a drink. The brothers standing around the keg had noticed the performance, laughing and teasing.

“She’s so hot, dude. Are you sure you’re not into that?!” Tyler had asked.

Kyle shook his head. “If y'er into her, she’s all yours.”

The brothers laughed as Tyler set down his drink, fixing his collar. “Watch me work.” He grinned, and strutted out towards the girl. He began to dance, jiving with her, using the same grinding technique she had. The guys hooted and raised their drinks. Kyle shook his head, smiling.

A first year, Gavin, handed Kyle another beer. “Not into those types, eh?”

Kyle chuckled. “Definitely not.”

A brother next to them laughed. “Dude, Kyle’s gay. He’s so not tapping that!”

At that moment, Kyle saw Oliver on the dance floor with some girl. It had almost been a week since he last saw him. His short hair was slightly tousled from the effort, and he was energetically moving in time with the girl, smiling and talking over the music. Kyle stood, mesmerized. Oliver was so hot when he danced.

He stood straight and began to walk towards Oliver, to talk to him, but a hand was placed roughly on his arm, spinning him around.

“You’re gay!?”

The brothers around the keg stood back, letting Kyle deal with it, but ready to jump in when necessary. 

“Yeah, I’m gay. Is that a problem?”

“It’s disgusting is what it is.” Gavin sneered.

Kyle shifted his weight back and forth, agitated. “Look, man, I don’t have a problem with ya. Let’s just leave it.”

“I think that’s the best idea. It’s a party, after all.” Phil intervened, stepping between the two.

Kyle refused to break eye contact, forcing Gavin to look away first. 

“Yeah, Phil. We’re cool.” Gavin stuck his arm out, and Kyle gripped it, both men trying to break the other’s hand.

“Enough! Gavin, go outside, cool off.” Phil grabbed Gavin and pushed him outside, presumably to lecture him on fraternity behaviour. Kyle looked for Oliver, but he was gone. He really needed him right now, needed to know he wasn’t disgusting. Needed Oliver to wrap his arms around him and tell him Gavin was just shooting his mouth off, all bark with no bite. 

He slipped up the stairs, checking the bathroom and the upstairs common area. He walked to the end of the hallway, and the spare bedroom door was open. Their bedroom. The bedroom where everything began. He peeked inside. Sure enough, Oliver was in there, leaning against the wall, looking towards the ceiling. He hadn’t noticed Kyle, leaning against the doorframe. Kyle smiled, studying Oliver’s face, his body. He really did love him.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

Oliver nearly jumped a foot in the air, whipping around to stare at Kyle. “Jesus, Kyle!”

He smiled, walking into the room. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Kyle reached out, running his hand along Oliver’s arm. “Just wanted t’ make sure you were okay.”

Oliver bobbed his head a little too enthusiastic. “I’m fine.”

“Y’know what I’ve noticed?”

“What?”

“Y’always say you’re fine when you’re not.”

Oliver stared at him a long moment, his eyes tormented, a slight panic there. Then he covered the distance and pulled Kyle’s body to his own, enveloping him in a hug. Kyle wrapped his arms around Oliver, rubbing his back, feeling Oliver’s breath against his neck.

“I hate these parties.” It came out mumbled, Oliver kissing Kyle’s neck.

Kyle chuckled. “They aren’t so bad.” Especially these parts.

He felt Oliver smile, and reached up to stroke his soft hair. Oliver lifted his head up, searching Kyle’s eyes, leaning down...

Then he froze, his eyes looking to the doorway. He pushed Kyle away hard, shrinking in to the dark corner of the room. Kyle spun around. Phil stood there awkwardly, one foot backwards, as if he was trying to escape before Oliver and Kyle had noticed. Once he knew he had been caught, he walked into the room.

“Hey guys, sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to make sure Kyle was okay.”

Oliver said nothing, terrified. Kyle coughed. “Y-yeah, I’m okay. Thanks for askin’.”

Phil nodded, his eyes on Oliver. He leaned over, close to Kyle. “Can you wait out in the hall for a sec?”

Kyle stared at Phil. He wanted to talk to Oliver? About what? He hesitated, unsure.

“It'll be okay. Go wait in the hall.”

Kyle turned to stare at Oliver, who was looking firmly at the floor, like he wanted to sink into it. He wanted to go over and wrap his arms in Oliver’s embrace, but he knew Oliver would never allow it. Just like he knew they were back to square one - Oliver would avoid him and push him away with a distant look in his eye.

He slowly walked out the door, looking behind him, taking comfort in Phil’s nod. He went out into the hallway and immediately sank to the floor. Phil closed the door.

He strained his neck towards the door, but could only hear murmurs. What were they talking about? Him? What was Phil saying? Would it make a difference? Would it help at all? His heart was beating fast with nervous adrenaline. 

Then he heard Oliver, a muffled shout. He jumped up, hand on the doorknob, waiting. Another yell like that and Kyle would burst through that door. But there was none. After a long moment, Phil opened the door and came out, gently closing it behind him.

“What happened? Is Oliver okay? What did y’ say? Do? Phil!” The panic was obvious, creeping into his voice.

Phil pulled him away from the door a good distance. “I just wanted him to know I was okay with it. That I wouldn’t tell anyone, even under pressure. That he’s still a brother to me.”

Kyle’s eyebrows went up. Way up. “That’s it? What was the shout?”

Phil shrugged. “I said some things are worth fighting for.”

Kyle’s eyes softened. He couldn’t believe Phil would help him like this. “Thanks, man.”

“Kyle, look. When you first came to the frat and said you were gay, I didn’t know what to do. My parents condemn homosexuality. So I was awkward around you, which I’m sure you know.”

Kyle nodded. “Yeah, I noticed.”

Phil shrugged. “And I realized over the last year that it’s not worth the internal argument. It’s your life, and you’re alright. I am not my parents.”

Kyle smiled. “You’re growin’ soft in y’er old age, Phil.”

He laughed at that. “Yeah, maybe.” They did their brotherly handshake, Phil ready to leave. He turned back to Kyle.

“Give him some time. Come back down to the party.”

Kyle looked at the closed door, desperately wanting to go in, to comfort Oliver. But he knew Phil was right. Oliver would push him away at this moment. He followed Phil down the stairs.

\--------

Another week passed, Oliver not running away from Kyle, but not speaking to him either like they once did. But Kyle reminded himself that Oliver wasn’t running away, thanks to Phil. He was grateful.  
Cass pressed for questions about Oliver, but Kyle kept with his original statement, saying that Oliver was stressed from work and getting homesick. Yes, it was a downright lie, but it figured it was vague enough for Oliver to fix when he was talking to Cass again.

Kyle holed himself up in the tiny apartment, studying frantically for midterms every night. Without Oliver as his study partner, it was lonely. So lonely. He tried to study with Josh, but they just didn’t have the same vibe. He considered calling David, but rejected that idea. He didn’t want to make anything else worse since he had already screwed up so much. With both of them.

Somewhere along midterms he caught the worst cold he had ever had. His nose was stuffed and rubbed raw from all the tissues, his eyes watery, and his voice practically gone. He didn’t have a fever but constantly felt hot, headaches coming and going as they pleased. His coughing began to sound similar to a seal’s. Kyle was a firm believer in cold medicines, but even the worst tasting ones weren’t working.

He finished his last exam, the professor picking it up with a tissue to avoid Kyle’s horrible germs. Kyle stuck his tongue out immaturely, grabbing his backpack and heading home. He curled into bed, the covers over his head, groaning.

Cass and Josh came to visit before the long weekend, Josh standing outside in the hallway, germaphobic and terrified of catching Kyle’s disease. Cass bustled in with instant soups, tea, plastic forks and plates.

“So you don’t have to wash up after! Just concentrate on getting better!”

He tried to give her a hug for that, but she wrinkled her nose and flitted away, pulling out her hand sanitizer.

There was another party at the fraternity, celebrating the end of midterms. Phil and Mike had come knocking, but one look at Kyle and they ran out the door, saying ‘There will always be other parties, man!’ They also grabbed the rest of his beer before they left.

A knock at the door told Kyle that Cass had arrived, as she promised to sometime over the weekend. Too lazy to get out of bed, he hollered out.

“S’open!” It came out horribly cracked and hoarse, and he winced at the pain.

The door opened slightly, and a blond head popped in. But it didn’t have long, flowing hair like Cass’s. Oliver.

“You look terrible.”

Kyle groaned again and pulled the covers over his head. “Go away. I’m deadly.”

“Is it a cold or the flu?”

“I don’t know.” His voice cracked, and he winced again. Oliver pulled the covers off him.

“Aren’t you the one studying to be a doctor?”

Kyle glared. “Fine. I diagnose this the cold from hell!”

Oliver rolled his eyes. “When did you last have a shower?”

Kyle paused, thinking back. “I...don’t...know...”

Oliver grimaced and pulled him out of bed, shoving him towards the bathroom. “Shower. Now. You really need it, Kyle.”

Kyle wanted to argue, but his head was too clogged. He also didn’t want to question why Oliver was here or why he was acting as though nothing had happened between them. He stumbled into the bathroom and closed the door. The hot water came as a relief, pounding out the knots in his back and making his sinuses lose pressure. He knew that he stayed in a lot longer than he should, but he couldn’t make himself leave. He jumped out when the water turned cold. 

Toweling off, he threw on his sweats, grabbing his shirt to pull over his head. One whiff of it and it was back on the floor. He walked out shirtless instead.

When Kyle walked out, it was like walking into a different apartment. The windows were open, fresh air circulating in the apartment, pushing the stale air out. Light streamed in, making Kyle flinch away. He felt like a vampire.

The bed had new linens, the old ones piled into a corner on the floor. But otherwise the rest of the house was spotless: all his dirty clothes had been picked off the floor, his dirty dishes put away.

“Holy crap. Y’ did all this when I was showerin’?!”

Oliver turned from putting plates away, a smile on his face. He froze when he saw Kyle, staring at his chest.

Kyle felt his face flush, but secretly reveled in the glance. It was nice to know that although he felt awful, he still looked good. He had to stop himself from strutting to the bureau, pulling out a fresh shirt.

Oliver cleared his throat. “I think half the reason you’re sick is from all the junk. The place was filthy.”

Kyle laughed. “It was not that bad.” He walked to the kitchen.

Oliver shuddered. “I was afraid to find mould on the floor when I pulled away your clothes!”

Kyle huffed, leaning over Oliver’s shoulder. “What’s that?”

“You sound terrible, so I made you some tea with lemon and honey.” He passed it to Kyle, along with a package of pills. “Take two of these as well.”

“Pills make me tired.”

“They’re non-drowsy. Take them.”

“Sure...Mom.”

Oliver shoved him lightly, and Kyle crawled into the bed, sliding his legs into the fresh sheets. He took the pills and drank the tea, which made this throat feel instantly better. Oliver joined him a few minutes later, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I put on some soup I found in the cupboard. It’s spicy, so it’ll help your sinuses.”

Kyle nodded. “Cass left it for me.”

They said nothing for awhile, Kyle playing with the edge of his duvet. 

“Oliver, are we okay? I mean, when Phil...”

“We’re okay.”

He glanced up, but Oliver’s face was open, smiling. “What did Phil say t’ ya?”

“Nothing.”

“Oliver...”

He leaned over and kissed Kyle’s forehead. “Nothing important. Don’t speak, your voice is getting worse.”

Kyle glared and Oliver laughed, getting up to stir the soup. He came back with a steaming bowl, gently setting it on a textbook in front of Kyle. Kyle all but devoured it - he didn’t realize how hungry he was. Oliver watched him, and it made him feel self-conscious.

“Y’don’t have t’ stick around. Y’er missing the party.”

Oliver shrugged. “You know I hate parties.”

“Really. I’m goin’ t’ make you sick if you stay any longer.”

So fast Kyle didn’t have time to think, Oliver leaned over, pressing his mouth to Kyle’s. His body immediately responded, opening his mouth to Oliver’s, a tiny moan coming out when Oliver’s tongue licked his. Just as quickly, Oliver pulled away and grinned.

“I have excellent immunity.”

Now it was Kyle’s turn to roll his eyes. “O’course. Y’er the All-American boy.”

“Eat your soup and shut up.”

They sat in silence until Kyle was finished, Oliver grabbing the bowl and spoon and washing them, putting them away. He turned on the television as he climbed back into Kyle’s bed.

During that time, Kyle sat thoughtfully, indecisive. He decided to go for it.

“Oliver?”

“Yeah?”

“There’s an envelope on the counter by the phone. Could y’ bring it over here?” It came out as a hoarse whisper, but Oliver understood, walking over and grabbing it, handing it to Kyle. Kyle shook his head.

“It’s for you.”

“Me?” Oliver’s eyes widened, looking down at the envelope, turning it over in his hands. “What's in it?”

“Open it.”

Oliver carefully slid his finger under the seal, breaking it smoothly. He opened the envelope and reached in, pulling out a key. He stared.

“A key?”

“To here.”

“Here?”

This was going badly. “To my place.” Kyle sighed, turning to face Oliver. He reached out and held his hand. “I want y’ t’ trust me again, Oliver. I don’t like t’ see you so...hesitant. So this way, y’ can come in whenever you want. No surprises.”

He hadn’t directly said he loved Oliver, but through his actions and words, although spoken hoarsely, he had laid it out on the table. Through a key. His heartbeat tripped as he waited for Oliver to respond. Which he did.

Just not verbally.

His mouth crashed into Kyle’s, pressing him down on the bed, his hands automatically sliding under Kyle’s shirt. It felt so good, Kyle’s body jumped at the contact, pushing into Oliver’s. Even his toes tingled. But he removed his mouth from Oliver’s and pushed them back up.

Oliver misunderstood and shook his head. “I won’t get sick, Kyle. It’s okay.”

“You will get sick, trust me. Although it’s probably already too late.” He paused, unsure of how to say this, to avoid sounding like a high school girl.

“Oliver, I want t’ take things slow.”

There was a long pause. “Slow.”

“Yes. Slow.”

“Why?”

He looked around the room, trying to put his thoughts into order. “‘Cause last year I felt like a toy. And -”, he stared at Oliver, who had opened his mouth to argue, “I know things are gettin’ better. But last year, all we did was make out, fight, make up. Over and over. ‘Nd...and I want this year t’ be special.” Kyle groaned. "Not 'special'. But different. Y'know."

He grimaced at his own wording. It sounded horrible, even if he took away his crackled voice.

“Okay.”

He looked up at Oliver. “Yeah?”

Oliver reached over, pulling Kyle into his arms. “If you want me to trust you, I want you to trust me.”

Kyle nodded, then realized how tired he was. “I’m sleepy.”

He felt Oliver smile. “I lied. The drugs aren’t the non-drowsy kind. You need sleep.”

“Jerk.”

“Shh.”

His eyelids felt heavy and he closed them, leaning into Oliver as he slept.


	9. Chapter 9

Take it slow? Take it slow?! Was Kyle crazy?

Yes. The answer was yes. He was crazy.

Every time he saw Oliver, he had to resist the urge to run over, grab him by the belt and pull him into a spare classroom. And Oliver wasn’t making it easy: he had joined a gym nearby and signed up for a weight lifting class, giving him impeccable arms, legs, pecs... pretty much everything. It made Kyle drool every time he had a glimpse.

As for their relationship, it was actually becoming a relationship. Oliver was better than he ever was, even though they were taking it slow. He and Phil had gotten closer, too, hanging out together when Kyle studied. They still hadn’t told Kyle the specifics of what went down in the spare bedroom, but Kyle left it. If Oliver was happy, he was, too.

There was only one flaw: Oliver didn’t want to hang out with Cass and Josh anymore. He never outwardly said it, but Kyle knew, noticing Oliver would leave the room quietly if they entered, or claim he had a test whenever they called to make plans. But Kyle ignored this, too, giving Oliver time. If it meant going another stretch without crying, then he was all for it.

By mid-November, he sat at his tiny desk, exhausted from a huge assignment. He couldn’t concentrate - the reason being that Oliver was currently in his weight class, probably sweating as his arms bulged and his muscles...

No. Concentrate. He was all riled up, and he could only blame himself. He was the stupid idiot who had chosen to take things slow. Oliver didn’t seem to have a problem with it, staying close by, but not reacting to Kyle in any way. 

He got up and turned on his radio, Aretha Franklin belting out ‘Respect’. He turned to look around the apartment in a paranoid gesture, then cranked it up. It was a guilty pleasure, and he was in a bad mood, anyway. It was the perfect time to listen to her sing with attitude.

Walking over to the kitchen and opening the fridge, he pulled out sandwich supplies, singing off-tune as loudly as he could. As he piled the sliced turkey on his bread, he flushed slightly. It was Oliver who had gotten him into eating turkey sandwiches every day. All he needed was a salad and iced tea and he’d have the perfect Olivarian meal. 

The chorus came on again, and Kyle grabbed a knife to cut his sandwich. 

“R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me! R-E-S-P-E-ARGH!”

Arms had slid around his waist and he twisted away, terrified, still holding the knife, now as a weapon rather than a utensil. Oliver was standing behind him, still in his workout clothes, hands up, palms facing Kyle. He was smiling, but his eyes were on Kyle’s hand, looking worried. Kyle looked down, realized how he was holding the knife and dropped it.

His panic came out in anger. “Jesus, Oliver! I could have killed ya!”

Oliver’s eyes squinted slightly. “What?”

“I said, I could’ve killed you!”

“What?!”

Kyle stomped over and turned down the music, now adding embarrassment to the equation. “Are you crazy? I could’ve killed ya!”

Oliver shrugged, leaning over to look at the sandwich. “Can I have half?”

Kyle stared. He almost just stabbed Oliver, and here he was, asking if he could eat half of a sandwich?! He waved his hand noncommittally, and Oliver grabbed it, taking a bite so large he almost ate the entire sandwich in one go.

They stared at each other as Oliver chewed, his cheeks now turning slightly pink. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out Kyle’s key, swallowing before he spoke.

“I thought I’d, uh, try it out.”

Kyle stared at the key he had given to Oliver over a week ago. He had never used it, preferring to knock and be let in to the apartment. Now his face felt hot. Of course Oliver had to walk in the one time he was doing something utterly humiliating.

A grin began to spread across Oliver’s face. “So, Respect, huh?”

Kyle grabbed half his sandwich and sat on a kitchen stool. “Shut up.”

Oliver didn’t push it. “Any iced tea?”

Kyle mumbled around his bite of sandwich. “Fridge.”

He watched as Oliver walked over, opening the door and looking in. God, he was so attractive, from his blue eyes right down his body. Kyle stared up and down appreciatively, wishing Oliver would take off his shirt. Maybe if he accidently spilled something on it...

“This fridge is gross.”

That snapped Kyle out of his thoughts. “Oliver, y’ cleaned it last week. With bleach. Twice.”

He made a face as he poured iced tea for both of them. “It still looks dirty.”

Kyle shrugged. “It works. That’s all that matters.”

Oliver had a funny look on his face. “Look, I’ve been talking to Phil, and we were thinking that once Dan graduates, you could have his single room in the fraternity.”

“Why? This place is fine.”

“This place is a dump.”

“Oli, come on.” Kyle grinned. “It’s the perfect sex pad, in my opinion.”

Then he realized what he had said. Both boys flushed and looked away. Kyle coughed.

“It’s, uh, good for studying, too. Quiet.”

Oliver nodded, but Kyle noticed his hands were trembling slightly. Any mention of sex and he was skittish. “Do you mind if I use your shower?”

Kyle had to smile. Oliver couldn’t shower in communal showers, using the excuse that he was going to ‘jog home’ and would have to shower afterwards anyway. But Kyle knew better: a bunch of fit naked men showering. He could almost picture Oliver there, staring pointedly at the floor, his whole body blushing. He nodded.

“Y'er so cute. Towel’s are in the cupboard.”

Finishing off the last of his drink, Oliver stood, his hand brushing Kyle’s shoulder as he made his way to the bathroom. Kyle heard the shower start, imagining Oliver as he pulled off his shirt. Slowly, so every muscle would teasingly be revealed. Then his shorts and boxers, stepping into the shower, water cascading down his spine, wetting his hair...

Kyle ran a hand through his hair. Down, boy. He didn’t know how he was going to last.

He cleaned up lunch, then sat down to continue his assignment, desperate for something to take his mind off a naked Oliver not even 10 feet away. But his fingers impatiently tapped on the wooden desk, his body screaming at him to open the bathroom door and sneak in.

Finally, the water stopped. He let out a sigh of relief. Listening to Oliver bumble around the bathroom, he smiled as a soft humming filled the apartment. Oliver’s voice. 

What he didn’t expect was for the door to open and Oliver to come out without a shirt on. He gawked; he couldn’t help it. His abs still had some water on them, making them glisten in the light. His hair was wet and dark, making his eyes pop out even more. Oliver shifted back and forth uncomfortably.

“Can I borrow a shirt? Any one that fits?”

All Kyle could do was nod. He opened a drawer, clenching one of his fists to stop it from trembling. He was annoyed at himself for acting like such a hormonal teenager. Pulling out the largest shirt he owned, he threw it at Oliver without looking. If he watched Oliver pull on a shirt, he might lose it. 

After a sufficient time, he turned around. The shirt fit perfectly. A little fitter than Oliver usually wore, but not too tight that every muscle showed. Kyle smiled, forcing himself to return to normal.

“So, did ya come here just to mooch my shower?”

Oliver shook his head. “I actually need a favour.”

Anything. “What’s up?”

“Remember that cold you had last week?”

“The cold from hell? How could I forget?”

Oliver smiled. “The rest of the House has it.”

Now Kyle had to laugh. “How mad are they?”

“Pretty pissed.”

He gave Oliver an accusing stare. “And y’er not sick?”

Oliver smile turned a little smug. “I told you, I have excellent immunity.”

They both froze, remembering the heavy kiss before that sentence. Kyle shook his head and grabbed his coat, needing a distraction. 

“I guess I’ll go o’er with ya. Help out.”

Oliver shoved on his shoes. “Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you!”

Kyle laughed, then leaned over to kiss Oliver. It started off gentle, a smooth peck, but then Oliver opened his mouth, and Kyle couldn’t stop himself from sliding his tongue inside. A warm hand went up to touch his neck, drifting to his hair before he pulled away. They both looked a little frazzled.

He stared into Oliver’s blue eyes. “We should go.”

“Yeah.”

More staring.

Kyle tore himself away and walked down the hall. Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

\---------

The House was a disaster. 

During Frosh, there were beer stains on the floor, scuff marks on the walls, broken glass, usually some vomit that missed the toilet. It was a fraternity, after all, and these things happen. But walking in there, it looked like a tornado had struck. The kitchen was a mess of rotting food and dirty plates, the guys too sick and lazy to clean up their messes. The toilet water was brown, the garbage was overflowing, and the fridge was empty. 

He walked upstairs and knocked on Phil’s door. He heard a groan, and then a hoarse ‘come in’. Opening the door, the place was dark, the stale smell of sweat and body odour filling the tiny room. Phil sat in bed, pale, greasy hair plastered to his head. Kyle really hoped he looked better when Oliver came to visit that time. He immediately doubted it.

“I’m going to kill you for this.” His voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard.

Kyle winced. “Sorry, man. How many others are sick?”

Oliver stepped in at this point. “At least half. The others have abandoned ship, staying at other fraternities or with their girlfriends.”

Kyle nodded. “Phil, I need y’er keys, man.”

A sweaty hand pressed the car keys in Kyle’s hand. He grimaced at the touch but said nothing, leaving Phil to crawl back under the covers as he quickly exited.

Oliver followed him down the stairs. “So what’s the plan?”

Kyle shrugged. “I have no idea. Clean up, I guess.” He really, really didn’t want to. He turned to Oliver, who had the same expression of disgust on his face. Then he remembered something.

“How the hell have y’ been livin’ here? With y’er perfectionist ways?”

Oliver made a face. “Mostly by not living here. I only come back to sleep.”

He shouldn’t say what he was going to say next. He knew it, but his mouth betrayed his brain, speaking anyway. “Come stay with me.”

Oliver’s eyes widened. “Really?”

Kyle shrugged. “It wouldn’t be a big deal.” As long as it came out casual, maybe they could do this. He would just be...sexually frustrated. Even more than he was now. Damnit.

“Well, uh, sure. I guess. Thanks, Kyle.” His hand gently brushed against Kyle’s. Kyle swallowed hard, nodded, and turned back to the room.

“Okay. Okay. Plan… We’re goin’ t’ make the guys pool together and hire a cleanin’ service. And we need food.”

Oliver nodded. “I’ll go talk to the guys.” He went upstairs, and they began their work.

It was exhausting, even with the help of the cleaners. They pulled out garbage bag after garbage bag, went to the store with the brother’s cash and bought instant soups and sliced bread before helping with the dishes. They drew the line at the bathrooms, letting the cleaners completely handle those. They just couldn’t. The cleaners even pushed the boys out of their rooms, putting on fresh linens and opening windows, the crisp air a relief from the stuffiness.

Phil had pulled Kyle aside while Oliver was out paying the cleaners for their services.

“What’re you plans over the break?”

Kyle shrugged. “I’m stayin’ in town.”

Phil’s eyebrows raised. “You’re not going home for Christmas?”

He shook his head, not wanting to go into detail. The phone conversation was too fresh in his mind.

As usual, Phil didn’t push. “Well, a few of the brothers are staying, also. Freshmen. Would you mind staying in the house? Break’s only a week, but I’m only gone four days.”

Kyle didn’t really want to babysit freshmen, but he didn’t have a good enough excuse not to. “Sure. No problem.”

Phil sighed. “Thanks man, I owe you big time.”

“Not even. We’ll consider this payback for the Halloween party.”

A smile touched Phil’s lips. “You don’t owe me anything for that.”

A thought crossed Kyle’s mind as Phil began to walk away. “Phil!”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell Oliver.”

There was a pause as Phil stared at him for a moment, wondering. But eventually he nodded and went back into his room.

Oliver walked into this house. “So the service was a fortune, even split between the brothers. Let’s never let this place get gross again.”

Kyle laughed. “It was better than cleanin’ it ourselves!”

Just then, Gavin walked in. Kyle watched him cautiously as he went over and slapped Oliver’s back in greeting. He sneered at Kyle. “So, you got this place cleaned up.”

“We had a service come in.” Kyle shrugged.

“Aw, upset you didn’t get to play maid? I bet you would have loved to tend to the brothers.”

Kyle eyes hardened, putting on his best ‘watch it’ expression. Oliver’s eyebrows furrowed, not understanding the scenario. 

Gavin laughed and slapped Kyle’s back a little too roughly. “Just joking, man.” 

Oliver coughed. “I’m going to grab my coat. Want to grab something at the caf?” Kyle nodded, and Oliver walked off, twisting his head to look at Gavin and Kyle one last time.

Gavin waited until Oliver had turned the corner, speaking softly so his voice wouldn’t carry. “Stop hitting on the brothers, or you’ll pay”

“I wasn’t hittin’ on him.”

“Seemed like you were to me.”

Kyle shoved him. “Watch it, man.”

Now Gavin grinned. “I really think you should, brother.” He walked off just as Oliver returned.

“Everything okay?”

Kyle’s eyes were on Gavin’s back. “Yeah, let’s go.”

\------

They sat in the caf, Oliver eating his salad and talking, Kyle pretending to listen at he shoved whatever he had bought into his mouth. His mind was still back at the fraternity with Gavin. Should he take the threat seriously? He hadn’t paid much attention to the first year pledge, noticing he was constantly shooting his mouth off about something. There was one thing he did know: he couldn’t tell Oliver. One accusation that Kyle was flirting with him would be a disaster that even Phil wouldn’t be able to fix. So he kept his mouth shut, smiling and laughing as Oliver talked about a professor.

He went back to his apartment as Oliver returned to the fraternity to sort out his things. Then he noticed his bed. A single bed. He had completely forgotten in the fraternity fiasco that his apartment could barely contain his things, let alone another person. They might have to rethink Kyle’s policy of taking it slow.

He heard fumbling outside his door, and knew Oliver was hesitating, wondering if he should knock or use his key. Kyle smiled, sitting down at his desk, pulling out a book to pretend he was reading. He heard the key in the lock, and his heart leaped, the first thing coming to his mind, ‘Oliver’s home!’

Home? Not home. Oliver’s home was back at his parent’s place, or at the fraternity. This was Kyle’s home. He still couldn’t help but smile as he stood up and helped Oliver with his things, giving him a peck on the cheek in greeting.

“Jesus, how much stuff did ya bring?”

Oliver shrugged. “Well, I’m going home in a week, so I just thought I’d bring...everything.”

There was a suitcase that could fit Kyle and all his possessions, some miscellaneous bags, school books, a pillow...by the time they had dragged it all in, it almost completely filled Kyle’s apartment. 

Oliver gave a sheepish smile. “Sorry. I forgot how small this place was.”

Kyle laughed. “I don’t mind clutter. If y’ can live with it, I definitely can.”

They studied for finals, legs hooked together, occasionally reaching out to touch each other’s hand, or looking up to smile. The sexual tension was back in full force. Kyle caught Oliver staring at the single bed numerous times, relieved he wasn’t alone in his feelings. They definitely couldn’t last.

Finally, when Oliver was deep in concentration, biting his lip in a way that made Kyle’s body jump, he stood up and grabbed Oliver, literally crashing his mouth against his. Oliver moaned in response, his hands going around Kyle’s waist, pulling him flush against his own body. Kyle’s hands couldn’t stay still, running up Oliver’s shirt to touch his back, going around to grab his head and pull him closer, running down his chest, heading towards...

Two hands grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away. He stared at Oliver, mouth still open, breathing hard. Oliver was the same way, cheeks pink, lips shiny. He leaned in again to lick...

“We should buy a Christmas tree.”

Pause. “W-What?”

“A Christmas tree. For your apartment.”

What?! Where did that come from? Kyle nodded slowly. “A Christmas tree.”

“For. Your. Apartment.” Oliver grabbed his hand. “Come on, grab your coat.”

Kyle let himself be pulled out the door.

As they walked to a lot to buy a tree, Oliver was chatting about his Christmas traditions, saying how he couldn’t wait to get home and eat and open presents. Kyle smiled and nodded, wondering if Oliver would even think about him in all the confusion at home.

“I’ll miss you, too. Obviously.” There he was again, reading Kyle’s mind. He smiled and brushed his gloved hand against Oliver, who pulled away, eyes checking around to make sure no one saw. Kyle rolled his eyes and looked away.

“So what’s Christmas at your place like?”

Kyle shrugged. “Pretty much the same.”

“Excited to go home? See family?”

“Yeah, sure.” The fraternity brothers were considered family, right? And they pledged that the House would be a second home. So it wasn’t exactly lying.

As it turned out, Oliver’s perfectionist ways continued over the holidays. He spent almost an hour checking out each and every tree, noting that the needles were too sparse, or dry, or prickly, or that the tree didn’t smell ‘Christmas-y’ enough.

“Maybe we should check out another place...” His hand was on his chin, considering.

Kyle snorted. “Oliver, there are a million trees here.” He grabbed a tiny one, just shorter than him. “This one is perfect.”

“It’s so short! And it has holes in it!”

“It’ll be like Charlie Brown’s tree. I think it’s great.”

Oliver stared at Kyle for the longest time, and Kyle knew he was internally debating whether to argue or not. Then he sighed, grabbed a stand from the corner, and brought the tree up to pay. He had pulled out his wallet and handed the guy some cash before Kyle could stop him.

“Hey! Let me pay for half!”

“Nope.”

“It’s my tree!”

“Consider it an early Christmas gift.”

Kyle smiled. He didn’t know Oliver was going to give him a gift, especially a tree. He, of course, had noticed Oliver’s expanding shot glass collection, and had bought a Star Trek one to go along with it. It was neatly packaged in a corner of his room. 

They dragged it all the way back to the apartment, the landlady making them take the stairs instead of the elevator. When they reached Kyle’s apartment, they were both out of breath.

“See? Aren’t ya glad we bought a tiny one?”

Oliver rolled his eyes and set it up. They both stood back and smiled at the tiny tree. A Christmas present. From Oliver. 

“It’s too small.” Oliver’s mouth was in a line.

Kyle just kept smiling. “It’s perfect.” It really was. He turned to Oliver, clasping his arms, ready to say it. Those three little words. He opened his mouth.

“Oliver, I...”

Oliver smiled. “You don’t have to say anything.” He hugged Kyle tight.

The moment passed, probably for the better. But Kyle couldn’t help but feel disappointed as he hugged Oliver back.

They couldn’t afford decorations, so they went the old fashioned way. Kyle taught Oliver how to make paper garlands.

“Where’d you learn to do this?”

Kyle treaded cautiously. “Family tradition”. That sounded nonchalant enough, and luckily Oliver didn’t press.

When they were finished, it looked as though a 5 year old had decorated it, but Kyle loved it. It made the entire apartment smell fresh, and it was something they had done together. Something he could see and smell and touch while Oliver was away. Something real.

It was time for bed, and both men awkwardly got ready, brushing their teeth and stripping down to boxers. Kyle threw on a pair of pajama bottoms at the very last second, deciding he didn’t want to make Oliver any more nervous than he was. He turned off the light and crawled into bed. They’d have to spoon if they were both going to fit, and Kyle trembled, excited.

He heard Oliver leave the bathroom and walk to the side of the bed, but not get in. He turned over. Oliver stood, shaking so hard Kyle thought he was going to have a heart attack. When he spoke, it was gentle.

“I can sleep on the floor, Oliver. S’no big deal.”

But Oliver shook his head and climb in, wrapping his arms around Kyle. The effect was instant: Kyle was aroused. By an innocent touch. He rolled his eyes, hating his hormones, staying still so Oliver wouldn’t notice and be scared off.

There was no way Kyle was going to sleep. He was too tense, so wound up. Oliver’s arms were warm, and he smelled amazing, just out of the shower. His breath was brushing against Kyle’s neck and he resisted the urge to shiver.

“Kyle?”

He took a deep breath before responding, hoping it sounded normal. “Yeah?”

“Has Gavin been bugging you a lot lately?”

He froze. That wasn’t something he wanted to talk about. Especially right now. “No, just that time.”

“Kyle, he doesn’t like you. I think you should tell Phil.”

He sighed and rolled over to face Oliver, a difficult task in such a small bed. “Phil knows. It’s fine.”

“But - “

Kyle leaned in and kissed Oliver, a long and deep kiss. He licked his mouth open, planting kisses on each corner before plunging inside. Oliver pulled him closer, but then pulled away.

“Kyle, wait, we should tal-”

“Shut up, Oli.”

He pulled Oliver’s shirt off, his mouth diving down to finally (finally!) kiss his chest, lick at his neck, smell that wonderful Oliver smell. He was almost annoyed when Oliver started pulling at Kyle’s shirt, not wanting to break away for even a second.

They rolled together, back and forth, Kyle gasping when Oliver shoved his hand down Kyle’s boxers. He reached for Oliver, teasing strokes, pausing often to rub his thumb over the tip, until Oliver pulled away from his mouth, his words coming out softly, like a caress. 

“Kyle.”

He wanted to hear it again, so he continued with the soft strokes. It came out more urgent. 

“Kyle!”

He chuckled and kissed Oliver, picking up the pace. In turn, so did Oliver, and he gasped into his mouth. For the longest time they stayed that way, alternating between fast and slow strokes, mouth’s open, lips barely touching.

Finally, Kyle stepped it up, biting Oliver’s lip, his chin, his neck. Oliver made a strangled groan and sped his hand up, Kyle responding in a similar manner.

There was a gasp, a moan, and then shivering and shuddering at they came. Together. Kyle didn’t know that was possible. And his heart literally burst from his chest when he found out it was.

They kicked off the covers, the room now hot, and lay there. Then Oliver laughed, Kyle’s head bouncing on his chest.

“So much for taking it slow.”

\-----------------------

It was a sad farewell when Oliver packed up his bags and got ready for his flight. Kyle gave him the shot glass as his present and he smiled, turning it over gently in his hands, thanking him. He packed it up carefully with his possessions. A kiss goodbye and a promise to call, and then Oliver was gone.

Kyle sighed and sat beside the Christmas tree for a while, cell phone in hand. He dialed his mother’s cell.

“Mom?”

“Kyle! You got a cell phone. Baby, that’s great.”

He winced. “Uh, yeah. How’s everyone?”

“We’re just packing up to see your sister now. Are you sure you won’t join us? I can have you on a flight in an hour.”

“No, I don’t want t’ go.”

“Kyle...”

“I’ll talk t’ you later, okay?”

“...Okay.” There was a pause. “Your father and I sent a present in the mail.”

“Thanks, Mom. Bye”

“I love you!”

He clicked the phone shut, and went to pack. He had moved into the spare bedroom in an hour. Phil had left his car incase of emergencies, as well as a list of all the boys staying in the fraternity over Christmas. There was only 4, other than Kyle. One was Jewish, a boy named Michael who had already taken a week off to go see his parents. The others were Gavin and his friends, too far away from home to make it for the holidays. Great. It was only four days.

Kyle spent most of his time out of the fraternity, helping out with shifts at the coffee shop, starting assignments in the library for his full-year courses, which were due in January. Oliver phoned every day, albeit for only a few minutes, but it was something Kyle looked forward to. On Christmas, he opened the box from his parents, filled with store-bought treats and some clothes, a new Walkman and headphones. He called his parents and his aunt and uncle, catching them up on his life in Llanview. Otherwise, it was relatively uneventful.

He only had one run in with Gavin, at Christmas.

“Your parents don’t want you to come home? Disgusted with your ways, fag?”

Kyle glared. “Parents didn’t want your foul mouth at home, Gavin?”

Gavin chuckled, but it sounded forced. “Decided to stay around here. Thought it might get interesting.” He strolled off.

Kyle knew it was a threat, and wondered if this guy was actually planning something. He phoned Oliver, ready to talk about it and get reassurance, but gave up on the fourth try, Oliver not answering his phone.

Boxing Day came and went, Kyle still being unable to reach Oliver. He received his paycheck early from the shop and put it to good use, buying some items for his apartment such as groceries, as well as some basic first aid equipment and a toolbox. Deciding it was too late to walk to his apartment, and too cold, he went to the fraternity instead, dropping it off. 

There was a knock on his bedroom door, and he yelled out. “Come in.”

The door slammed open and three guys burst in, grabbing Kyle’s arms. Kyle knew where this was going. He jerked free and threw his fist, catching one in the jaw. But it was still an unfair fight, and soon two had him pinned, Gavin smiling.

“You’re disgusting. I can’t believe they let you into this fraternity, tainting it.”

He opened his mouth, but a fist came out, making his face snap to the side. He tasted blood in his mouth, salty and warm. He spat it out, struggling against the two freshmen holding him.

“Faggot!” The fist flew out again, probably aiming for his nose but hitting his eye instead. His eyes watered. The guys laughed.

“Aw, does that hurt?” Another fist, aimed at his stomach, doubling him over.

Just then, Michael appeared at the door. “I called the cops!”

“Shit”, Gavin swore, and one of the guys raced forward, punching Michael in the face. Blood spurted out of his nose, and he hit the floor. The boys ran off.

Kyle, the pain in his stomach worse than his face, walked towards the boy, crouching down. “It’s okay, it’s okay. Sit up.”

He helped the boy up and brought him to the bathroom, grabbing toilet paper, wiping up the boy’s face. “I think it’s broken. We’re goin’ t’ have to bring you t’ the hospital.”

Michael shook his head, blood splattering. “I didn’t call the cops. I panicked.”

Kyle felt blood dropping down his lip and onto the floor, but ignored it, putting pressure on Michael’s nose, who winced.

“Y’ did good. It’s going t’ be okay. Can y’ stand?”

The boy nodded, and Kyle helped him into the car, driving to the hospital. He explained the situation to the doctors in the ER, who confirmed that Michael did have a broken nose. As they mended him, Kyle called Michael’s parents, explaining what had happened. They immediately booked him a flight home. Next Kyle called the campus police, reporting everything. The cops took his statement and went to the fraternity. If it was just him, he never would have bothered. But Michael was injured and he felt he needed to. He decided not to press charges, and neither did Michael.

The doctor wanted to look Kyle over, but Kyle knew it probably looked worse than it was. That was confirmed, saying it was a busted lip and a black eye, but they insisted on stitches for his lip. Kyle didn’t think he needed them, but got them anyway, not bothering to phone his parents to explain.

Phil was notified, of course, and came knocking on Kyle’s apartment door the next morning. He took one look at Kyle’s face and looked horrified.

“Jesus, are you okay? Kyle, I had no idea...”

Kyle shrugged. “It looks worse than it is.” It came out lispy, due to his swollen mouth.

“It looks pretty bad, Lewis.”

Kyle shrugged. He actually hadn’t looked in a mirror yet, knowing his lip was probably swollen and bruised, knowing his eye was swollen shut.

“Is Michael okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. Drove him to the airport this morning.”

Kyle nodded. “His parents seemed pretty freaked.”

“I’m pretty freaked, Kyle.”

Phil made sure he had ice and medication, swearing at he did so. “Can’t believe I let those guys into the fraternity...they are so out. I’ve already grabbed their pins...campus police say the school is considering suspension.” He paused at this, looking over at Kyle. “They want you to testify. It’s not like a trial or anything, it’s just in front of the Dean.”

Kyle shrugged again. Even that hurt. “Sure.”

Phil grasped Kyle’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry, man.”

“Don’t beat y’erself up over it.”

Phil’s mouth made a line. “You’re already beat up enough for the both of us.”

Phil left, a string of apologies following him out the door. Kyle didn’t really want to hear them. It was his own fault. He knew Gavin was up to no good and had done nothing about it. He paused, then slowly walked to the bathroom, flicking on the light, looking in the mirror.

His eye was swollen shut, black, blue and green radiating out in all directions. His mouth was twice its normal size, red with dried blood, black stitches in the corner. He lifted up his shirt and saw a black bruise there as well, traveling across his ribs.

He wanted Oliver. Wanted him so badly. Wanted Oliver to hug him and kiss him and make him feel like the most special guy in the world. But he couldn’t have any of those things. He needed to avoid Oliver’s calls until he could talk properly again. If Oliver found out, found out it was a gay bashing...he’d never see him again.

He sank to the floor and cried.


	10. Chapter 10

Kyle’s cell phone rang. 

And rang again. Another ring before he switched it to vibrate. Then it nearly buzzed off the table. He picked it up, his thumb running across the screen, staring at the name.

Oliver.

This was the tenth time. At first it was just one phone call, which he ignored, even though he held the phone, desperate to answer it. There were no more phone calls until he was getting ready for bed a few hours later. He ignored that one too. Then there was another in the morning and another by lunch. By the time dinner rolled around, Oliver was calling almost every hour.

He stood in the mirror, practicing. “Hey Oliver, what’s goin’ on? Yeah, Christmas was great. Lots of presents.” It still came out lispy, even worse than before now that it was two days later, the stitches feeling tight on his mouth, pulling every which way. There was no way Oliver wouldn’t notice. So he kept ignoring the phone calls.

Kyle knew Oliver would find out eventually; the bruising and stitches wouldn’t completely disappear for a couple of weeks, and the bruise across his chest was now turning red, the doctors guessing it was a cracked rib. Kyle refused to go in for x-rays and observation.

Phil visited often, saying he was ‘in the neighbourhood’, but Kyle knew better. They sat having breakfast early in the morning, Phil reading the paper, commenting on this and that.

“I don’t need t’ be checked up on, Phil.” It had gotten to the point where he couldn’t move his bottom lip, speaking mostly through his teeth.

Phil put on a wide-eyed innocent expression. “I’m not checking up on you! I was just -”

“In the neighbourhood.”

“Yeah.”

They stared at each other for a long moment before Phil folded the newspaper in front of him. 

“Most of the brothers are returning today. Later this afternoon, for New Year’s.”

Kyle nodded casually, but his heart beat faster. “Oliver?”

Phil shook his head. “Not until tomorrow. Are you sure-”

“I’m sure.” 

They had gone over it a million times, Phil telling Kyle he’d phone Oliver and tell him the situation. But Kyle didn’t want Oliver to know, even if it meant ignoring his phone calls and pissing him off. Anything for a few more days. Once his face healed up, he could say he was in a bar fight. Maybe.

“So what’re we going to tell the brothers?”

Kyle shrugged. It wasn’t like they could hide it, as the three guys had their pins taken away and were facing expulsion from the university. Michael was still at home, his parents unwilling to send him back to the fraternity. “The truth, I guess.”

“Would you like to tell them?”

“No.”

“You should be there, Kyle.”

“Why? So they can gawk?”

Phil stared at him. “No, man, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Uh-huh.” He was tired, he was aching. He wanted Oliver and couldn’t have him. He didn’t want anything more to do with this. He stood up. 

“Tell them want y’ want, Phil. Just try not t’ emphasize the gay part.”

Phil nodded and left, and Kyle sank into his bed, imagining the faces of the brothers. Some would be annoyed, glad to be rid of Gavin and his buddies. And some would be annoyed because Gavin and his buddies were kicked out. But most would be completely indifferent, nodding their heads sympathetically but not wanting anything to do with it. He really didn’t want to be there for that.

He pulled out his genetics textbook, getting a head start on his readings. He still couldn’t completely see out of his left eye, and it watered and blurred the pages. He slammed the book closed and turned on the television instead.

It had only been two days, but Kyle hadn’t left the apartment. Even the walk yesterday morning to grab his things from the fraternity had been an hour of stares and whispering from students on the street. But more than that, he was humiliated.

Humiliated he couldn’t hold his own in a fight. Even though his mind told him over and over that three guys against one is an impossible situation, it pissed him off even more that he wasn’t Batman, able to kick their asses and walk out without a scratch. It pissed him off that Gavin had won, and yet didn’t see the point in pressing charges, as the trial would go on forever and he just wanted it done with. 

He spun around and punched the wall, then gasped. He had hit one of the guys in the jaw, a slight bruise over his knuckles. Now he had punched the wall so hard that they split open, bleeding. A piece of drywall was sticking in his hand.

Wincing and pulling it out, he stared at his hand watching the blood beginning to pool, traveling down the valleys between his knuckles, almost enjoying the painful throbbing. He had expected this to happen when he came out, but he never believed the brothers would beat on him. For a while he had expected some weird looks and some whisperings, but nothing like this. He hated himself for not expecting it.

There was a knock at his door and he inwardly cursed, realizing he hadn’t locked it. He scrambled up, hoping to lock it in time, but his ribs twisted and his legs gave out, throwing him back on the floor once again.

Cass’s voice sang out. “Kyle! We’re backkk! Come catch a movie with -” She saw him on the floor. 

“Oh my god! Kyle? Are you okay?” Josh looked equally horrified, racing over to help Kyle up. He jammed his fist in his pocket so they wouldn’t see.

He groaned, embarrassed to be unable to help himself. They sat him on the bed, Cass’s worried hands brushing over his face. Josh grabbed his jaw, turning his head back and forth to see the damage.

“That’s quite a bruise, man. What the hell happened?”

Cass’s horrified expression turned into a mask of anger, her voice like ice. “Did Oliver do this?”

“What? No! Why would he?”

“He’s been so moody lately. I just thought...”

Kyle angrily pushed away her hand. “No! Oliver didn’t do anythin’. It was a couple of guys at the frat.”

Josh’s expression was grim. “Have you reported this?”

“Yeah. They’re out of the frat, and there’s a college hearing next week.”

Cass’s expression was still cold. “I want to know everything.”

So he started from the beginning, telling them about staying around for Christmas and moving into the fraternity to watch over the freshmen. He glossed over the beating the best he could, but Cass would always stop him with a calculated stare, making him go back and re-cap all the details. There was a long pause before anyone spoke.

“So how bad are the injuries?”

“Why didn’t you go home for Christmas?”

They spoke at the same time, now both of them with troubled eyes. Kyle looked away.

“Stuff at home. Didn’t feel like goin’. And mostly what you see, as well as a bruise on my chest.”

Cass immediately grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulling it up to expose his chest. “Cass! Hey!”

Her fingers traced the rib. “Have you showed the doctor’s this?”

“Yes.”

“Kyle...”

“Okay, no, but it’s fine. I phoned ‘nd they said it was probably cracked.”

Josh went and grabbed Kyle’s jacket. “We’ll drive you to the hospital.”

“No!”

Cass’s voice was shrill. “Kyle, you can barely talk, your eye is swollen shut, your entire body is black and blue. Have you pressed charges?”

“I don’t see the point. I just want it done with.”

Cass bristled and looked ready for a fight, but her and Josh exchanged a look. She grabbed the keys and left without another word. Josh sat on the bed with Kyle, knees apart, hands entwined between them. He sat there for a long time looking at his hands before he spoke.

“Look, man. I know it’s probably humiliating, but I think you should seriously consider pressing charges. And -” Kyle made a noise of argument, but one look and he was silent. “And I think you should have someone stay with you. You’re in rough shape. Give Oliver a call.”

Kyle nodded, saying nothing.

“I mean it, Kyle.”

“I know! I know.”

Josh stood, bumping his fist on Kyle’s shoulder. “I’ll leave you alone for a bit. Cass is probably storming the university center, ready to kill someone.”

Kyle laughed, but it was feeble. Josh left, and he stared at his fist, now encrusted in dried blood, swollen to twice its usual size. His cell phone buzzed again, and he whacked it off the table.

\------

Kyle grumbled as he dragged his groceries home. The straps from the bags were cutting into his hands, the weight making sharp pains spread across his rib area. Yet he persevered, refusing to stop, even to take a moment. He was sick of everyone hovering around him, gasping at every stumble he made. He refused to show weakness. 

He finally made it to his apartment unit, gasping for breath as he dropped the bags on the floor, heading to the bathroom. He slammed the toilet lid down and sat, trying to slow his breathing. The cuts on his hand had been pulled open from the strain of the bags, so he grabbed some toilet paper, swearing as he realized he had dripped blood all over the floor of the apartment. The landlady was going to kill him.

Every breath he took made a sharp ache, so he heaved himself up, grabbing two pain pills and popping them in his mouth. Staring in the mirror, breathing hard, he wondered if he should go to the hospital. Maybe he had done too much in a day. 

There was a knock on the door and he jarred himself out of his self-pitying attitude. He was fine - his eye had healed enough so he could actually squint out of it, even though it still looked terrible, and the swelling had gone down significantly on his face. He could do this.

The person knocked again, and he grumbled as he walked over, holding his hand to his ribs, as if to stop them from twisting with every movement. He fumbled with the lock, opening the door with annoyed eyes. Annoyed eyes met him right back.

He trembled. Kyle wanted to fold his body into Oliver’s, so relieved he was here, as if everything was going to be okay. The annoyed blue eyes turned into shocked ones, which quickly turned into a look of panic.

“Kyle! What happened?!”

So apparently Oliver hadn’t gone to the fraternity, yet. At least it brought Kyle back to reality. He needed to stay away from Oliver and stay strong. 

“Nothin’. I fell.” He turned to walk into the apartment and Oliver followed, shutting the door with a loud bang.

“You fell?” Hands reached out to gently touch his face. He flinched away and the hands fell.

“What actually happened, Kyle?”

“I told you, nothin’.”

“Why won’t you tell me? Why didn’t you call?”

“‘Cause it’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?” Oliver voice became louder and louder. “So why is there blood all over the damn apartment?”

Kyle’s eyes followed Oliver’s to the floor, following the trail of blood leading to the bathroom, the bit of blood on the wall where he had punched it. It looked bad, but he couldn’t tell Oliver. He just couldn’t.

“I got into a fight with a few guys. It’s no big thing.” He smiled the best he could, but the stitches pulled and it turned into a grimace. “How were y’er holidays?”

“What was the fight about?”

“Oliver...”

“Kyle.”

He rolled his eyes. “I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. Okay?” It came out worse, now that his stitches were aggravated. He clenched his jaw.

Oliver stared at him a long moment. Then gently reached over, the back of his hand brushing Kyle’s cheek. 

“Why didn’t you answer my calls? I was worried.” It came out softly, rid of all anger. Kyle looked away. He hadn’t anticipated this, and wasn’t sure what to do.

“Y’ were with family. I didn’t want t’ disturb you.”

“You wouldn’t have.”

He turned to look at Oliver now, an accusing stare, thinking about all the two-minute phone calls, ending with Oliver quickly hanging up. Oliver flushed a little, obviously thinking about it too, but held Kyle’s gaze.

“You wouldn’t have disturbed me.”

Kyle patted Oliver’s knee and stood up, wincing at his ribs, but hiding it well. “Well, it’s over, now.”

Oliver grabbed Kyle’s hand, the one that had patted him, and turned it over, looking at the bruises and bleeding knuckles. Kyle realized that it looked like he had fought back, and Oliver thought he was brave and strong. Just how he wanted Oliver to think of him.

Oliver leaned over and kissed each knuckle, and Kyle trembled again. He knew as soon as Oliver returned to the fraternity, it would all be over. Yet he didn’t want to show weakness. 

He tried to smile again. “So tell me ‘bout your holidays.”

They started off a bit awkwardly, Oliver’s eyes on Kyle’s face everywhere he went, and Kyle tried his best to seem like nothing hurt. Which was easier said than done when he leaned down to pick up the groceries. He could win an Emmy for his acting abilities.

He also hid his jealousy when Oliver talked about his perfect Christmas, complete with snow, presents, ice skating and family. But he smiled and nodded, laughing at the appropriate times, memorizing Oliver’s face so he could have an image in his mind when he was gone.

Phil had taken out Kyle’s Christmas tree a few days before, its needles dry and falling everywhere. He stepped on one now, swearing as it lodged itself into his foot. 

Unable to lean forward, he sat on a stool to pick it off, swearing again as he rubbed his foot. Oliver watched the entire performance, a sad smile on his face.

“I missed you.”

Kyle froze. He hadn’t expected that either. Usually when Oliver came home it was awkward at first, like two long lost friends. He nodded slowly.

“I missed ya, too.”

Oliver leaned over, hesitant, his eyes on Kyle’s wounds, then kissed the top corner of Kyle’s lip. Even though it was on his good side, Kyle winced.

“Sorry.” Oliver’s eyes were dark, thoughtful.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it.”

Oliver stood and grabbed his coat. “I’m going to go. Have to unpack.”

Kyle went and opened the fridge, keeping his eyes firmly on the contents in front of him. “See y’ around.”

There was a long moment as Oliver stood there. He left without another word, and Kyle sighed. Oliver obviously didn’t believe a word he had said. He had always been an excellent liar, but hadn’t won this performance. But then Phil phoned about the trial, a good distraction, and Kyle pushed Oliver from his mind. The best he could, anyway.

\-----

Phil picked him up a couple days later, helping him put on his blazer. It was time to see the president of the university as a witness. Kyle was more nervous than he should be. He kept reminding himself that Gavin was already as good as gone, and he was just confirming the story. Yet his foot tapped a nervous rhythm in the car, his hands wrung together. There was only one thing that could calm him down, and he couldn’t have it.

Oliver.

There hadn’t been any contact the past two days, and Kyle knew it was because Oliver had heard the rumours, now knowing the true story. And of course, he had fled, avoiding Kyle, which was easy now that Kyle didn’t live on campus. He wanted to ask Phil about Oliver, to see what was going on, but chided himself. Phil wasn’t their marriage counselor, and he wasn’t about to be dragged into this.

Phil turned into the parking lot and shut off the engine, taking a deep breath while he ran a hand through his brown curls. He turned to look at Kyle.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

“Some of the brothers said it would be a good idea to, uh, lean against me when you walk in. Make it look like...”

“Like I can’t walk by myself?”

Phil gave a half-smile. “Yeah, pretty much. I know you don’t want to, but Kyle, if it’ll help with a conviction...”

Kyle was annoyed, but knew the brothers were right. “Yeah, okay.”

“Really?”

“Sure.”

Phil unbuckled his seat belt. “Then let me help you out of the car, just in case they’re watching. There’s an envelope in the glove compartment. Can you grab it?”

Kyle glared, but pulled out the envelope, turning it over in his hands. His door opened, and he unbuckled his seat beat, letting Phil ‘help’ him out.

“This sucks.” He leaned against Phil, who put an arm around his waist.

“Yeah, I know. Can you limp a bit more? And sag into me. Make it look like it really hurts.”

He turned to glare at Phil again, who in return grinned.

With all the limping and leaning, it took forever to reach the President’s office, and they were late. Kyle was also exhausted, more than he would be if he had just walked himself. 

But Phil was nodding to himself. “Late is good. Gets the pity vote because of your limp.”

They knocked on a giant oak door and it opened, letting them into a large conference room.

Kyle’s eyes immediately went to Gavin, who was sitting smugly beside his parents. The other two boys were alone, but Kyle smiled at the huge bruise on one’s cheek.

“Sorry we’re late, sir. Kyle Lewis has a cracked rib from the incident, and the doctor strongly recommended he take his time.”

Phil reached out and shook hands with a gray-haired man in a suit, and Kyle did as well.

“Well, let’s sit and get started, then. I know we all don’t want to be here when the clock strikes midnight.”

Kyle realized that it was New Year’s Eve. He had completely forgotten. Phil walked him over to a side of the conference table, sitting down next to another older man. At a second glance he realized it was the ER doctor. Next to Phil sat Michael, his nose taped. He grinned and gave Kyle the thumb’s up. Kyle returned it, a small smile on his face. The campus police officer sat beside him. 

At the front of the table were the president and four other people, pens and paper in front of him. A panel. Of judges. Kyle swallowed hard.

Phil had told him that this wasn’t a huge deal, that it would just be him and the president, but he had obviously lied. Kyle fidgeted nervously, and Phil patted his arm.

The campus officer began first, confirming his belief that Kyle was attacked becuse he is gay. He outlined dates and times, the judges nodding and occasionally writing something down.

They turned to Kyle, asking questions about what he was doing before the attack, why did they attack him. Kyle outlined everything he could think of with as much conviction as possible. A female judge with glasses turned and stared at him.

“And why were you unable to go home for the holidays?”

Phil bumped his leg against Kyle’s, reminding him to talk through his teeth to emphasize the lisp. He fidgeted even more. “My family went t’ visit my sister, and I decided not t’ go with them.”

“And you have no other family?”

“Just an aunt and uncle. They went with my parents.”

“Are you not close with your sister?”

He stared at the women now, who waited for him to speak. Her voice was almost...knowing. She obviously knew Rebecca, his sister, from somewhere. He tried not to sound too hostile.

“We haven’t been close in years. She left home when I was young.”

“Why did she leave? Trouble at home?” The voice was mocking, and he wanted to slap her.

“Nothin’ like that.”

Phil spoke up at that point. “Sir, I don’t see what Kyle’s family has to do with this trial.”

The president nodded and continued with the proceedings, letting the doctor speak next, who outlined Kyle and Michael’s injuries in detail. Phil slid the envelope down to him, who passed it to the people at the head of the table.

“In the envelope are pictures taken by Philip of Mr. Lewis after the accident. You can see his injuries were much more severe.”

Kyle kept his cool, but wondered when the hell Phil took photos of him. The judges passed it along, each looking at the photos and jotting down notes. Then it was Gavin’s turn.

He sniffed and sniveled, and Kyle wanted to kill him.

“I was at the fraternity, and Kyle asked to see me in his room. I was so excited because he’s an older brother and I respected him so much. But then, t-then”, he paused to add a sob, his mother patting his back, “He came on to me. Said he had his eye on me for a long time, and that if I s-slept with him he’d get me higher status.”

What? Kyle’s fist clenched in anger, but Phil stepped on his foot, a warning look in his eye.

“So then he started kissing me, and I said I wasn’t gay, but he didn’t listen, so I hit him. And then he got really mad and started yelling, so Steve and Charlie came in, and Steve tried to pull Kyle off of me, but Kyle hit him. So then he wouldn’t get off me, so then Charlie hit him, and that’s when Michael came in. Then Kyle panicked and hit Michael, but they’re friends, so Michael is protecting him.” 

Gavin’s smile became condescending. “It’s okay, Michael. You can tell everyone the truth.”

Michael couldn’t keep his cool. He leapt up, pointing his finger at Gavin. “You were holding Kyle down and repeatedly smashing your fist into him! He never came on to you!”

The female judge glared at Michael. “Please restrain yourself, Mr. Rosset.” He sank back into his chair.

The President told everyone to leave while they debated, and Phil helped Kyle up, walking out of the room. 

“You told me this wasn’t a big thing”

Phil shrugged. “I lied. I didn’t want you worried. You need to heal.”

“You put the entire case together? Witnesses and everything?”

“S’practice for my future law career.” Kyle paused, surprised. He didn’t know Phil was planning to become a lawyer.

“Where'd the photos come from?”

“I took ‘em when you were sleeping.”

“Creep.” Phil laughed.

“Why hold the event on New Year’s Eve?”

“Gavin’s parents are alumni. They basically demanded it.”

Kyle snorted. “What a fucker.”

Phil grimaced. “Pray for expulsion.”

They sat anxiously on a bench in the chilly hallway and waited for almost half an hour. Even Phil, the most chill guy Kyle knew, was fidgeting nervously. Finally, they were called in. He leaned into Phil and limped to his seat.

The president waited until everyone was settled before he began. “We are in agreement with what the doctor and officer have said, confirming that this indeed was an attack based on Mr. Lewis’ sexuality.” Kyle and Phil bumped fists.

“However, as it was a 3-2 vote, Gavin, Charles and Stephen will face a semester’s suspension, and will be allowed to return to Llanview University in the fall.”

Kyle was betting the bitch of a judge voted against him, but said nothing. It was still eight months without the trio. 

“Thank you everyone, and have a happy New Year.”

Gavin and his parents stayed behind, presumably to weasel their way out of the suspension, but Kyle and Phil grabbed their coats quickly and left. 

As they walked down the hallway, Kyle began to walk faster, his ‘limp’ disappearing the further away they went. Phil laughed. “Run, Forest! Run!”

Kyle snorted but said nothing. It was dark when they arrived at the car, Phil adjusting his headlights before pulling out. 

“So, party at the house. Want me to drive you home to get dressed? Or we can just go like this.”

Kyle shook his head. “I’m exhausted, dude. I think I’m just goin’ t’ stay home.”

They pulled into Kyle’s parking lot. Phil reached behind and pulled out two beers and a flask, two tin shot glasses on top. “Well, I brought these along in case you’d say that.”

Kyle smiled as they each took two shots and drank the beer in celebration.

“Thanks, man. Really.”

Phil shrugged and finished his beer. He threw Kyle his keys. “I’ll come pick up the car in the morning. Need help going up?”

He shook his head as they got out of the car and said their goodbyes. Phil walked off humming and Kyle went up the elevator, pulling out his keys. He had won eight months. It was good. Not as good as permanent expulsion, but not bad either. His mind was on this as he unlocked the door.

Pulling off his shoes, he winced as he slowly removed his jacket. Then flipped on the light. Oliver was sitting on a kitchen stool, staring at him.

“Oliver, what the hell are y’ doin’?!”

Oliver stood up and walked towards Kyle, his eyes blank. He grabbed Kyle’s shirt and lifted it up, exposing the reddish bruise across his ribs. His fingers trailed across it, hitting a sore spot that made Kyle flinch. Then his eyes turned furious, his fists clenching.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was Gavin? That he hit you because you were g-g...”

“Gay?!” Kyle spit out the word. “You can’t even say it, Oliver!”

“Okay! So what? Why didn’t you tell me?! Why did you lie?!”

Kyle threw his coat on the floor. His mouth ached from the yelling, but he couldn’t stop. “That’s why! Because you can’t handle the fact we’re gay!”

“I’m not gay!”

“Whatever.” He turned to open the door. “Get out.”

“No.”

Kyle glared as Oliver slammed the door shut. “Phil said you didn’t even press charges.”

“I didn’t see the point.”

“The point?!” He had never seen Oliver so mad. He grabbed Kyle’s arm and dragged him to the middle of the apartment.

“There’s blood all over the floor. I thought it was because you had defended yourself. But then,” he dragged Kyle again to the wall that he had hit, “I saw this! And realized YOU did that to yourself! So I asked Phil, and he said they h-held you down and a-attacked you!”

Kyle sneered. “Excellent detective work, Oliver. You’ll make a fantastic cop.”

“You should have pressed charges!”

“It’s dealt with, Oliver. I was gay bashed. It happens.”

Oliver flinched. “No it doesn’t.”

Kyle laughed at this, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “What? So y’ think it only happens on television? In the movies? As a warnin’ t’ remain straight? No Oliver, it happens in real life too. Surprise!” He flung his hands out, ignoring the pain.

Oliver’s expression changed. He was afraid. It was exactly what Kyle had been expecting.

“K-kyle, it doesn’t have to be like this. There are camps, places that’ll help people l-like you.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me, Fish.”

“You just got bashed for being g-gay!”

Kyle was furious, his heart pumping pissed-off adrenaline throughout his body. “And you think a camp will, what? Cure me?”

Oliver looked away. “It’s a choice.”

"So y'er saying it's my fault I was bashed?"

"No!"

"It's my fault because I'm gay, huh?"

"No! It's a-"

“It’s not my fault I love you!”

It came out loud, angry. Kyle was so angry, so hurt. There was always that hope drifting around inside him that Oliver would find out and hug him instead. A tiny hope, but it was there. And now it was gone.

As he breathed hard and stared at Oliver, he realized what he had said. He stammered.

“I mean, l-like you. It’s not my fault I l-like you. Shit.” He ran his hand through his hair.

Oliver stood still, staring at Kyle, mouth slightly open, not saying anything. Kyle walked forward.

“Oliver, look. Y’ don’t have to say anythin’...”

Oliver shook his head and walked to the door. Kyle snorted. He knew this was going to happen, wanted to hit himself for being so stupid, for letting it slip.

Then Oliver stopped and came back. Paused. Reached out and brushed his finger against Kyle’s lip, which came away with blood. His stitches had split open from the yelling. 

Oliver stood frozen, his eyes torn, and Kyle knew he wanted to leave, but his Superman instinct told him to fix Kyle’s lip. It wasn’t love - it was Oliver trying to be a good cop.

He glared. “Just go, Fish.”

Oliver left without saying a word. 

Kyle held his hand to his lip, the throbbing pain nothing compared to the pain in his chest.


	11. Chapter 11

The clock struck midnight. Kyle heard the people below him hooting and laughing. A new year. And he had screwed it all up.

He paced back and forth in his apartment, going over the fight in his head. He had said he loved Oliver, probably at the worst time imaginable. But was there ever going to be a good time? And Oliver had come back, even if it was just to point out Kyle’s bleeding lip.

He paced some more, deep in thought.

He reached up and touched his lip, now crusted with dried blood.

It wasn’t the end of the world. There was still time to correct this. After all, Oliver hadn’t really run away when he found out about the gay bashing. He just wanted Kyle to be straight. It wasn’t the worst thing that could have happened. He could have hit him or ran away. He fought. 

Like couples do.

There was still time to correct this. Kyle knew it. So he paced back and forth until six a.m., deeming it an appropriate time to go knocking on Josh’s door. There was a loud groan, but no movement. He knocked again.

“What?!”

“Dude, get up.”

Thudding across the floor, and Josh opened the door, his eyes red and hair in every which direction.

“Kyle.”

“I need help.”

“Dude, you better’ve robbed a damn bank to wake me at six.”

Kyle pushed his way inside, pacing in the tiny room. It smelled of sweat and stale air. “Where’s Cass?”

“She left after midnight to celebrate with her family. Why?”

More pacing.

“Dude, you’re freaking me out.”

“I told Oliver I loved him.” Even more pacing, now with added hand-wringing.

There was a long pause, but he couldn’t look at Josh’s face. It was embarrassing enough having to say it, as he was hoping Cass would be around to mediate. So he continued pacing, nervously awaiting Josh’s answer.

When he spoke, it came out slowly, every syllable pronounced. “So you told Oliver you loved him?”

“Yes.”

“Friendship love or like, in love?”

He turned to look at Josh now, an incredulous expression on his face. Josh flushed. “I’ve been reading Cass’s Cosmo.”

“So what do I do?”

“I don’t know, man” Josh sat on the edge of his bed and rubbed his hair. “Tell him you didn’t mean it? I mean, he’s straight, so he’s probably just a little freaked his best friend is like, into him. Give him time?”

Kyle looked away. “He isn’t straight.” A promise broken. He felt like such a dick.

“...What?”

He sighed and turned to look at Josh. “He isn’t straight. He thinks he is, but we’ve been...t-together.”

“For how long?”

“Since freshmen year.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah.”

“I mean, I thought...well, Cass thought...we suspected...but I had no idea...huh.”

“Yeah.”

There was an awkward silence in the room as they both digested it. This wasn’t something guys usually did, yet they were too far in to pretend it never happened. Kyle was so distraught he didn’t care.

Finally, Josh mumbled something like ‘I can’t believe I’m doing this’, and sat down next to Kyle.

“Are you sure Oliver doesn’t feel the same way?”

Kyle shrugged miserably. “If he does, he’ll never admit it. He’s too far in the closet.”

“Okay, okay.” Josh rubbed his face, looking tired, but searching for an answer. “He definitely heard you?”

“I pretty much yelled it at him.”

“Right.” A long pause. “Why don’t you tell him he doesn’t have to say it back? Or that it doesn’t matter when he does. Or that the entire incident should be ignored.”

Kyle winced, and Josh put on a sympathetic half-smile. “Want me to call Cass?”

“Nah. I’ll, uh, figure somethin’ out. I just needed t’ talk.”

Josh wrapped his arm around Kyle’s shoulders and gave an awkward squeeze. “Hey, at least your face looks better. It’s now green and blue instead of black.”

Kyle grimaced, remembering the hope he had that Oliver would hug him and care for his injuries. Visions of cuddling in bed and gentle kisses swirled in his mind. So much for that. Now he was sitting in Josh’s room having the most awkward conversation of his life. 

Josh mistook the grimace and sighed. “I’m no good at this stuff.”

“No, it’s cool. I’ll go. Thanks.”

“Are you sure? You can crash here.”

“I’m sure. See ya.” 

He walked out the door, the sun just beginning to shine on the university, a few students mulling around who obviously, like Kyle, hadn’t done much partying on New Year’s. Kyle considered grabbing some breakfast, his stomach growling at the fact he hadn’t eaten since... he couldn’t even remember. But he needed to think things through. He wished he could run, but his ribs simply wouldn’t allow it.

So instead he made endless loops around the university, taking it slow, ignoring the stares he received because of his face, dried blood still all over his mouth. He needed an explanation that wouldn’t make Oliver run. That they could just return to what they were and pretend like the bashing and the ‘incident’ didn’t happen. Maybe acting as though he had never said it.

He was turning the corner towards the dorms when he smacked into someone he least expected. A sandy blond with freckles. David.

“Kyle! What happened to you?!” Hands reached out to clasp his forearms.

“I got bashed. M’fine.” He wondered why it was so easy to tell David.

“You don’t look fine.”

“Well, I am.” It came out short and David stared at him, but he didn’t need to be treated like a child. He tried again.

“It just looks bad. Nothin’ permanent.”

“You can barely talk!”

Hands reached out and touched his face, gently examining his eye, brushing the dried blood off the stitches. He felt tears coming on but pushed them back. He wished, more than anything in the world, that the hands were Oliver’s. 

“Sorry, did I hurt you?” David had noticed his watery eyes, and he looked away, embarrassed. 

“No.” His voice broke, but it was hidden by his lisp.

“Why don’t you come inside? It’s freezing out here.”

Kyle shook his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

David dragged Kyle to a bench outside the dorm instead and sat down. “So you were bashed?! Kyle! How?”

“Couple of guys from the fraternity.”

“Did you report it?!”

He snorted. “Yeah. Suspended ‘til September.”

“God, Kyle. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not like it’s your fault.”

David’s eyes searched his face for a long time. “I guess not. But I’m still sorry.” He leaned over, grabbing the back of Kyle’s neck gently as he pulled him into a hug.

Kyle was rigid. He didn’t want a hug, he didn’t need a hug. He didn’t really know what he needed. Still, the hug felt nice. Warm and comforting. And as time went on, it became what Kyle needed. His eyes stung. It was exactly what he needed, just not from David. This entire conversation was how he wanted it to go with Oliver - and it could have been that way the first time Oliver came to the apartment. Kyle had pushed him away, preparing for the inevitable, but it turned out Oliver had stayed. Would have stayed. It was Kyle’s fault. All his fault.

He leaned into the hug now so David wouldn’t see him cry, his hands circling David’s back to pull him closer. Yet David seemed to know anyway, rubbing his hand in gentle circles. He turned, softly speaking in Kyle’s ear.

“We’re friends, Kyle. You could have told me.”

“I just...” Didn’t want to tell anyone because it's humiliating. Because that sounded great. He left it at those two words.

“I know.” David hugged him tighter, then pulled away and noticed Kyle’s watery eyes.

“There’s something you’re not telling me.” He reached out, gently wiping away a stray tear, and Kyle blushed and turned away, searching the campus, debating how much he should tell David. Not everything. Definitely not everything. But something?

He opened his mouth, ready to speak, to admit he had a thing for Oliver without giving away their relationship, when Oliver himself strolled around the corner, hands in his pockets, head down. He looked up, as if sensing Kyle there.

And there was Kyle, cheeks flushed, eyes watery, nose dribbling. He thought he couldn’t look any worse after the fight, but apparently he was wrong. 

Then the surprise came. Oliver walked up, bending down to grab Kyle’s shoulder.

“Are you okay? What happened? Did you fall? Is it your ribs? Was there another fight?” He turned to look at David, demanding, “What the hell happened?”

David raised his hands up in surrender. “Nothing happened. Kyle’s okay.”

Oliver looked to Kyle for confirmation. “M’fine, Fish.” His cop instinct, once again.

Oliver, of course, didn’t believe him, searching his face for more injury. David brushed Kyle’s arm gently and slipped away without a word. Kyle was grateful.

Once the inspection was over and Oliver had deemed Kyle okay, an expression came back on his face, like a caged animal. He didn’t want to be there, with Kyle. Yet he didn’t know how to escape from him, either. 

Kyle stood, beginning to regret all the walking he did, gripping the bench as he pulled himself up. Oliver reached out to help him, but one look from Kyle and he retracted his hand.

They walked in silence for a while, Oliver obviously following Kyle back to his apartment. Kyle knew he wasn’t going to come in, so he waited until they were alone before turning to Oliver and stopping.

“Oliver, look. I meant what I said - I love you. But I don’t expect you t’ say it back. At least not right away. Say it when y’ feel it. Take as long as y’ need. I’ll wait for you.”

His heart pounded as he realized the statement wasn’t completely true. He was hoping Oliver would break down and say, ‘Yes, I do love you, Kyle. More than anything’. But when Oliver said nothing, he brought himself back into reality.

“Okay?”

Oliver nodded, hands in his pockets. Then he turned around and left without a word. Kyle stood there, wondering if he had done the right thing.

\------

As it happened, it was the wrong thing to say. He didn’t see Oliver for the rest of January. Of course, he could have gone into the fraternity and cornered Oliver, but every time he walked to the house, he couldn’t bring himself to go inside. Cass had recommended that he see a counselor, but he felt he didn’t need to. 

So instead he worked on school projects, picked up extra volunteering when the swelling around his eye went down. The stitches on his lip were removed, leaving a mostly-healed wound that the doctors said should leave no permanent damage. Most of the bruising was gone; however, his cracked rib wouldn’t be completely healed for another few months and a sharp pain came with every twist and turn. He was banned from exercising and any physical activities. Which didn’t help with his Oliver anxiety.

David had phoned to check up on him, chatting about their day-to-day lives. He offered to come by and help Kyle out whenever he needed, but Kyle rejected the offer. Although David was becoming a good friend, he didn’t see them hanging out every day. Replacing Oliver.

He sat at his desk working on a lab report late into the night, the brothers all at a neighbouring fraternity party. He had chosen not to go. In fact, he never went to parties anymore - the ones in their house impossible due to his irrational fear, and the uncomfortable tensions between brothers too much to handle when he did bother to show up. 

As he had predicted, most were indifferent, giving him a slap on the back and saying ‘that’s too bad, man’ before moving on to bigger and better things. But a few weren’t so laid back. Even members of other fraternities and sororities brushed by him, whispering in his ear.

“Is that all the damage they did? That’s too bad - I was hoping more.”

“You’re sick for coming on to Gavin.”

“You got exactly what you deserved.”

The insults were constant, coming out under their breaths when they were close enough, walking off as though nothing had happened. Trying to provoke Kyle to start a fight and leave the fraternity. Phil repeated over and over, every time Kyle showed his face: “Dude, remember to stay cool. This’ll blow over eventually. But you have to stay. cool.”

It was hard to just sit there and take it, but Kyle knew fighting now, even with his minor injuries, could end up much worse than the fight before. Especially in a frat house full of drunken men who wouldn’t mind getting in on the action. So he kept his mouth shut, trying to block out the words.

The worst one came at the last party he attended. He didn’t even know who said it, whether it was a brother of his own or a complete stranger. He had been refilling his beer when the comment brushed by, so smoothly anyone could have heard. But when he whipped around, no one was there, everyone around him chatting amongst themselves.

“Heard Fish fucked a girl last night. Does that hurt, Lewis?”

It was the one comment he couldn’t ignore. The one that seeped into his bones and stayed put. Oliver had sex with a girl, after Kyle told him he loved him. After Oliver had said he wouldn’t date girls anymore. He wouldn’t admit it, but yes, it hurt. It hurt a lot. He had tried to keep his cool, but ended up storming out of the party.

So here he was, alone on a Saturday night, trying to write a lab report, but unable to get the image out of his mind. Oliver and some girl. Kissing. Touching. Naked. Wondering if Oliver made that throaty noise with her, the noise when he was ready for more. 

He really needed to run.

He sat rubbing his temples, trying to get the images out of his head so he could concentrate on the assignment. There was a knock on his door.

“Who is it?”

“Oliver.”

He glanced at the alarm clock on his beside table. One in the morning. Which guaranteed a drunken Oliver.

“Fuck off.”

“Kyle, come on.”

He ignored it, closing his laptop and getting ready for bed. He took his time pulling off his shirt, as it was the worst movement possible for his ribs, twisting and turning as he lifted his arms. He was putting on his ratty bed t-shirt when he heard the key in the lock.

He had forgotten about the damn key.

Standing up, only one arm and his head in the shirt, he raced to the door, but Oliver had already opened it. 

They stared at each other for a few seconds, Kyle noting Oliver’s eyes were glossy from drink, but otherwise no different. In his mind, Oliver had turned into a different person when he had sex with that girl. He guessed he would look different, too.

He turned away from the door, shivering slightly from the fresh hallway air, and tried to put on his t-shirt, wincing as he tried to put his other arm through. Oliver watched him, and he felt embarrassed. It was too late to take off the t-shirt, as it would be equal in pain, if not more. 

It’s just like ripping off a band-aid. He took a deep breath and shoved his arm through the sleeve, an involuntary gasp of pain escaping. Immediately Oliver stumbled over, his hands cold, pressing gently on Kyle’s ribs.

“Kyle! Are you okay? Sit down.”

He sat, inhaling Oliver’s smell, realizing how much he had missed him. Then he remembered the girl.

“Get out.”

Drunken hands stroked his side. “ ‘M sorry.”

“Get. Out.” He shoved Oliver off the bed, who stumbled as he stood up.

Tears welled up in Oliver’s eyes. “I’m sorry for leaving you.”

Kyle climbed into bed, wishing he could turn on his side, away from Oliver. “Just get out, Fish.”

“P-please don’t call me Fish.” He felt the bed creak as Oliver climbed in, and shot up, forgetting his ribs. A sharp pain flashed through his torso and he grimaced, grabbing his side. Oliver’s hands reached up and pulled Kyle back down, stroking his hair. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Kyle hated he wasn’t well enough to drag Oliver out the door. The next course of action was to ignore him. He said nothing, letting Oliver brush his hair, stiff as a board.

Oliver’s hands brushed against his eye, traced the scar on his lips, examining Kyle gently. “I s-should have been there. I should have protected you.” More tears. Kyle ignored him. Oliver buried his wet face in Kyle’s neck.

“I’m a dick. I’m such a dick, Kyle. Please. I’m so sorry.”

“I want my key back.”

It was the first thing Kyle had said, and he said it staring at the ceiling. Oliver removed his face from Kyle’s neck, staring at him.

“W-what?”

“I want my key back.”

Oliver’s lips trembled. He stared at Kyle, then slowly leaned over, his mouth touching Kyle’s. Kyle didn’t move his lips, and Oliver pulled away.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I’m so sorry. I should have stayed. Seeing you hurt....I never want to see you hurt.” A watery smile and his hands brushed Kyle’s face. Kyle turned away.

“Kyle, p-please.” Oliver tried again, wet kisses across Kyle’s jaw. Kyle pushed him away angrily.

“I don’t want you! Go see y’er girlfriend. She’ll get y’ off.”

There was a sniffle and a long pause, Oliver’s drunken brain unable to process very quickly. “G-girlfriend?”

Kyle said nothing, wiping his face of Oliver’s saliva. 

“I don’t have a g-girlfriend. I have a boyfriend.” It came out so simple for Oliver, so easy. Kyle wished it were like this when Oliver was sober.

“The girl y’fucked, then. Whatever.” He grasped the headboard and pulled himself up, running his hands through his hair. Angry, jealous, hurt. The emotions swirled through Kyle.

Hands wrapped around his waist and tried to pull him back down. “No girl. Jus’ you. I miss you.”

“And whose fault is that?!”

Oliver’s mouth opened, but he said nothing. Then he sat up too. “Kyle, I feel it. I jus’ can’t say it. I just can’t. My parents...” Tears fell down Oliver’s face.

What? Kyle didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. He stared at Oliver, who was still talking.

“Kyle, I can’t. I can’t say it. But I feel it. I do.” Oliver drunkenly bobbed his head, hand on his chest. “And it hurts. It hurts because my parents would hate me.” His voice cracked. “They’d hate me, Kyle.”

Kyle tried to process. Oliver...loved him? He couldn’t say the words, but he definitely loved him? The momentary pleasure was stomped on by the hurt that came back twice as hard when he thought about the girl.

“So y’ just decided that you’d go off and fuck a chick? Because y’ love me that damn much.”

“No! We f-fooled around but I c-couldn’t. I couldn’t! Because... you’re it for me. I l-l-l...” Oliver sobbed. 

Kyle sighed. He didn’t believe Oliver, but at the same time, they’d get nowhere tonight. He gently rubbed Oliver’s back.

“Please don’t make me give you the key. Please don’t. Please.”

He shushed him, laying them both down, hands stroking Oliver’s face. He began to wrap his arms around Oliver. “We’ll talk in the mornin’”

“No.”

“What?”

Hands pushed his away, then pulled Kyle towards Oliver, so he was being held instead. His head was pushed onto Oliver’s chest. 

“You’re hurt. I want to p-protect you.”

“I’m fine, Oliver.”

“But you weren’t! You weren’t and I w-wasn’t here.” Hands went under his shirt, brushing at his ribs.

“I hate him!” It came out so loud and angry Kyle actually jumped.

“What?”

“Gavin. I hate him. Hate him so much.”

He gently stroked Oliver’s arm. “Shh I know. Go to sleep.”

But instead he felt his face being lifted up, Oliver’s mouth kissing his eye and his scar before kissing his mouth. So gently, as if he was afraid Kyle would push him away again. But Kyle returned the kiss, and Oliver smiled.

“I missed you.”

“I know.”

With that, Oliver went to sleep, snoring so loud he could wake the entire building. 

\-----

Kyle woke with warm arms still wrapped around him, smiling as the previous night came back to him. He turned to look at Oliver, who was fast asleep, his eyelids fluttering gently, dreaming. Kyle cautiously got out of bed, walking over to make coffee, taking his pain pill before Oliver woke up. 

After his shower, he decided pancakes would be the best hangover food, grabbing an instant mix out of the cupboard, working quickly. Once they were done, he put them in the oven to keep warm, grabbed his coffee, and sat on the bed, watching Oliver, using the time to think.

They had agreed to start over not long ago, that pact obviously being a disaster. Kyle told Oliver he loved him and Oliver ran. To a female. But according to a drunken Oliver, nothing had happened. Could Kyle keep doing this? He tried to imagine a year from now, but was unable to. What would happen when university ended? Would Oliver stick around? The truth hurt - probably not. But that was two years away. Things could change.

Oliver stirred and Kyle smiled. “Hey, you.”

Turning over, Oliver froze as he looked at the room around him, trying to get his bearings. Then he saw Kyle. “Hey.”

“How’s y’er head?”

Oliver sat up cautiously, his feet swinging over the side of the bed. Then he stood up. “Not bad. Could use some water, though.” 

They walked into the kitchen and Kyle poured him a glass, but Oliver was more interested in the empty frying pan, his nose twitching. “Pancakes?”

“In the oven.”

Oliver grinned. “Really?”

Kyle glared at him. “Don’t expect it often.”

He leaned down to take out the pancakes, and felt hands gently grasp his sides. He put the plate on the counter, and turned around, a mouth already on his before he could even speak.

They kissed, Oliver’s hands gripping Kyle’s hips more tightly. Kyle pulled away.

“We need t’ talk.”

Oliver nodded, reaching over to grab a pancake, shoving it in his mouth. Kyle rolled his eyes and grabbed Oliver a fork and knife, pulling out the bottle of syrup. Oliver ate in silence, watching Kyle.

“Not going to eat?”

“Not hungry.”

Oliver stared at him for a long moment, and Kyle went up to grab another cup of coffee, thinking of how to begin. When he turned around, Oliver was staring at his key.

“I remember you saying you wanted it b-back.” He placed it on the counter. Kyle left it there, his hands on his coffee cup.

“Did y’ have sex with the girl?”

Oliver’s eyes bugged out. "Who told you?"

Kyle wasn't ready to tell Oliver about the snide comments, so he kept it simple. "You did. Last night."

Oliver miserably shook his head. “No. Definitely not.”

“Y’er not sayin’ that ‘cause you don’t remember?”

“We just f-fooled around. Promise.”

Kyle regarded Oliver for a long time before speaking. “Oliver, when I gave y’ the key...”

“I know.”

“You do?”

The tears were back. “I screwed up, Kyle. I screwed up so bad. I should have been there for all of it and I wasn’t. I’m so sorry.”

“I just...I don’t want y’ t’....” Kyle didn’t even know where to begin. Oliver waited patiently.

“If y’ take the key back, there’s no one else. No chick. No one. It’s all or nothin’. And y' can't tell me to go to a 'camp', Oliver. I won't-”

The key was picked off the table, and Oliver held it in his fist. They stared at each other.

“I mean it, Oliver.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Kyle smiled now, forgiving Oliver. He leaned over and kissed him. 

Oliver walked around the table and kissed Kyle, hard, hands wrapping around Kyle’s waist, running under his shirt, around his back. Kyle made a noise and pulled Oliver’s mouth closer, hands in his short hair. The kiss became heavier, and Oliver grabbed Kyle and pulled him to his body. Except he grabbed Kyle’s rib.

Kyle gasped and pulled away, his hand on his side. Immediately Oliver was horrified. 

“Oh God, Kyle. Sorry! I’m so sorry! Are you okay?”

Kyle smiled, rubbing it. It hurt like hell. “Yeah, it’s cool. Don’t worry.”

But even though Oliver reached out and pulled Kyle to him, he looked thoughtful. “Why is your side still bruised? All your other bruises are long gone.”

Kyle shrugged, trying to play it off as nothing. “I dunno. Takes longer to heal, I guess.”

Oliver stared at him. “You’re lying.” Before Kyle could speak, he lifted up his shirt again, staring at Kyle’s side. There was only the tiniest bruise. He reached out, tracing it, pressing gently on Kyle’s rib. Kyle pulled away.

Oliver’s voice was low. “Your rib is broken?”

“It’s not a big deal, Oliver.”

“Your rib is broken?!”

“It’s only cracked!”

Oliver’s eyes were dark, his jaw clenching. “I hate him.”

Kyle laughed sarcastically. “Join the club.” He turned to clean up breakfast, but arms surrounded him, pulling him back against Oliver’s body as a voice whispered in his ear. “I’m never letting anyone hurt you again. Ever.”


	12. Chapter 12

“I can’t believe it’s already midterms.”

Oliver and Kyle sat in the library with Kyle deeply absorbed in a chemistry textbook. It was the end of February. Midterms were starting the following Monday, and Kyle was trying to shove as much material into his mind so he could conquer each test. Oliver just kept staring at Kyle, making random conversation.

“Can you believe it’s already midterms?”

“Nope.” He returned back to reading.

“Wow. Midterms already.”

Kyle sighed and looked up at Oliver, who was looking at the tables surrounding them, watching students study as though it was the strangest activity he had ever seen.

“Oliver?”

“Yes?”

“What’re y’ doin’?”

An innocent expression flicked over Oliver’s face. “Nothing. Why?”

“Why aren’t y’ studyin’? Y’ have a midterm Monday.”

Oliver returned to looking around at the surrounding tables. “I am studying.”

“Uh-huh” Kyle returned to his readings.

“Look at all the people studying!”

So much for studying. Kyle thumped his head against his textbook, closing his eyes. Oliver was never able to just say what he wanted to say, was he?

“Oliver?”

“Yes?”

He smiled slightly. “Would y’ like to move away from the other students?”

“Oh.” Oliver pretended to consider it. “Well, there is a table in the east corner that’s available...”

Kyle lifted his head and closed his chemistry textbook, gathering random papers into a messy stack and placing them on top. Grabbing his backpack, he moved through the desks of other students, following Oliver, getting dirty glances for all their disturbances.

They reached the table in the corner, Oliver settling down, his back facing the students. Kyle took the other chair, re-opening his textbook, trying to organize the lump of papers. Finally back into the studying routine, he pulled out a pen, eyes skimming the pages. 

Oliver kept staring at him. He ignored it.

“Spring break is coming up.”

“Huh.”

“The brothers are going to Canada again.”

He looked up at Oliver, who was now twirling his pen. Why does this always have to come up in the library?

“Oliver, if y’ let me study, I’ll go t’ Canada. Okay?”

Oliver smiled. “Cool. Study away.”

Kyle rolled his eyes and kept working, feeling Oliver’s foot tapping against his. He moved it away.

He thought that getting back together with Oliver would solve all his problems: they’d be together and he’d be happy. He’d be able to get past it. It was completely the opposite.

Every time they kissed, all he could think about was Oliver getting naked with some mystery girl. Whenever he casually brought it up, Oliver veered away from the topic or just completely ignored it. He believed Oliver when he said that they hadn’t had sex, but there’s a lot two people can do before the actual sex act. Different scenarios ran through his mind.

It also brought to light some other concepts. If someone had seen Oliver and that...bitch...going at it, then Oliver obviously had nothing against public displays of affection. He’s just ashamed of being gay, and therefore ashamed of Kyle. And that... sucked.

Oliver never spent nights at Kyle’s, afraid the brothers would ask where he was spending his time. Kyle refused to walk upstairs to the fraternity bedrooms. Even the stairs brought back horrible memories: holding Michael’s nose as he walked down the stairs, blood dripping, pain everywhere. It was too much too soon. And in spite of everything, he still blamed Oliver for not being there.

Once Kyle and Oliver had finished studying, packing up their books, they stopped by the fraternity to sign up for Spring Break. As Kyle signed his name to the sheet, a few of the brothers approached him, Phil leading. None of them were smiling, and none of them greeted him.

“Kyle, can you come into the kitchen for a second?”

Oliver turned to stare at them. “What’s going on?”

Phil gave a small smile, but it still didn’t look good. “We just need to talk to Kyle for a minute.”

Kyle shrugged. “Sure.” They walked into the kitchen, Phil closing the door.

Phil took his time, planning what he was going to say. Kyle’s heartbeat quickened. It wasn’t like Phil not to smile, and with the other top seniors in the room, it couldn’t be good news. He also couldn’t wait any longer.

“What’s goin’ on?”

Phil leaned against the kitchen table, arms crossed. “A big-shot Kappa alumnus heard about the incident with you and Gavin, and he’s unwilling to donate anymore to the fraternity unless you leave.”

Kyle froze. Were they serious? He was going to get kicked out because some ass wasn’t going to give money to the fraternity? He didn’t even know what to say. He pushed off the table and glared at them.

“So that’s it? I’m out?”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Of course not. I told the guy he could shove his money up his ass.”

Kyle stared, wondering if he should be relieved or mad. “So why am I here?”

Another senior stepped forward. “‘Cause some of us want the money, and we don’t care if you’re here or not.”

Kyle raised his eyebrows. “And what’re y’ planning t’ do about that?”

Phil once again stepped in to mediate. “Fraternity handbook states that in cases like these, after a year, a meeting can be held to determine if the brother can hold their membership.”

Kyle glared. “Cases like these? You mean cases where the gay guy gets bashed and everyone wants him out? Those kind of cases?”

No one said anything. Kyle slammed his hand down on the table. “Fuck!”

The senior members shuffled out the door, calling to Kyle as they left. “Meeting’s tomorrow night. Six sharp. See you then.”

He turned to look at Phil. “Y’ can’t be serious.”

Phil spoke, his voice low. “I need to be diplomatic in order to keep my presidency. I’m much more useful to you at the top, trust me. You know I’ll do everything I can, Kyle, but the meeting has to be held.”

“And if I just left?”

Phil shook his head. “Don’t even think about it. We’ll get through this and move on.”

He laughed, a sarcastic laugh, turning to grab his bag off the chair. Phil was still staring at him.

“What? Is there somethin’ else?”

Phil said nothing but continued to stare, his mouth tight.

“Oh, y’ gotta be kiddin’ me. What?”

He pulled out a crumpled envelope from his back jean pocket. “I’ve been getting a few of these since the attack.” He passed it to Kyle.

The envelope was blank, the seal broken by Phil. He pulled out the crumpled letter and unfolded it. It was only one line, typed, but it pretty much said it all:

“Get the fag out of the House or things will get ugly.”

He stared at it, his eyebrows furrowed. “‘Nd you’re takin’ this seriously?”

Phil shrugged. “I have to. Most likely it’s from Gavin. Just watch yourself, okay?”

Kyle nodded, folding the letter and handing it back to Phil. He grabbed his bag and left.

He was almost at the front door when Oliver caught up to him. “Kyle! Wait! What did they want?”

Kyle motioned for Oliver to go outside with him. They walked away from the fraternity before Kyle spoke. It was dark out, a chilly breeze blowing over them, making the atmosphere eerie.

“There’s goin’ t’ be a meeting.”

“About what?”

“My place in the frat. Apparently a fraternity contributor doesn’t want me in.”

“What? Kyle, that’s crazy! No one told me about this.”

“I know. Phil’s probably tellin’ everyone now. They have t’ vote tomorrow night.”

Oliver scrunched up his nose. “You’ll win. No sweat.” Kyle thought about the snide comments at past parties and wasn’t too sure, but nodded anyway.

They made it to Kyle’s apartment, Oliver following him inside. Flipping on the light and dumping his books, he reached into the fridge and pulled out two beers, throwing one to Oliver. The letter was still in his mind and he tried to squelch the paranoid feelings that made him want to go check under his bed.

“Something’s wrong.”

He turned to look at Oliver, who was leaning against the wall, studying him. He smiled. “I’m just nervous ‘bout midterms.”

“They’ll vote for you, Kyle. You know they will.”

He nodded, wanting to tell Oliver about the comments, about the letter, but unable to. He could get through his on his own - the last thing he needed was for Oliver to be equally stressed. So he took a giant swig of beer instead.

Oliver set down his beer and flicked off the light, making Kyle’s heart flutter. He walked towards Kyle, hands running down his sides, gently pressing on his healing rib, a new habit. Kyle leaned into the touch, wanting it. Needing it. Their mouths touched, and he pulled Oliver towards the bed.

The kisses deepened, Kyle moving away to kiss Oliver’s neck, that soft spot below his ear, following the jaw line with gentle kisses. Hands slid up under his shirt, stroking his chest, tracing his abs, making them clench. He made a soft hiss as Oliver bit his ear, and Oliver responded with his throaty one, mouth meeting Kyle’s to kiss harder, tongues touching. Hands grabbed at his shirt, trying to pull it up.

That throaty noise. 

Did he use it with her?

Suddenly the image changed. Kyle was standing by the bed watching a gorgeous size two underneath Oliver, kissing him to make that throaty noise. Naked. Writhing. Kyle and his love confession discarded.

He pushed out of Oliver’s embrace and sat on the edge of the bed, trying to slow his breathing.

“What? What’s wrong?” Oliver’s voice was low, still throaty, his breathing heavy. He wanted Kyle. But for how long?

“I have t’ study.”

There was a deafening silence until Oliver moved, sitting beside Kyle, a hand reaching out to stroke his arm. “Kyle, it’s ten p.m.”

“I know. I’m behind.” He stood up and walked over, switching on the light. Oliver sat on the bed, blinking, confused. Almost hurt. Kyle stood by the door.

Yet Oliver stayed on the bed.

“Oliver, I really need t’ study.”

“Are you mad at me?”

Yes. “No. I’m just stressed.”

Oliver slowly stood, walking over to Kyle, hesitating before placing his hands on Kyle’s shoulders. “I can, uh, I can s-stay here tonight. I-if you want.”

He smiled gently, but was still thinking about Oliver and the girl in his bed. “No, I don’t need any distractions.” He kissed Oliver’s nose to lighten the mood. “I’ll see y’ in the mornin’, ‘kay?”

Oliver studied his face, and Kyle forced himself not to look away, to meet brown eyes to blue. Oliver leaned forward and kissed him, softly at first, but the kiss quickly becoming more and more aggressive. Possessive. Kyle kissed back, but kept his lips closed.

Ending it as it started, with a gentle kiss, Oliver stared at Kyle, his expression unreadable. “We’ll get coffee in the morning.”

Kyle nodded and opened the door, letting Oliver step through. Usually he waited, peeking out until Oliver’s elevator came, sometimes even walking out with him. Tonight he closed the door, locked it, and crawled into bed. It smelled like Oliver.

He flipped around and slept the other way, the headboard at his feet.

\--------------

Kyle was back in the spare room, sorting through some empty bags. The door burst open, light streaming into the dark room

Three men came rushing it, grabbing at him, throwing punch after punch to his face and ribs. But it didn’t stop there. His stomach was repeatedly hit, his nose, making his eyes water. He screamed out for Oliver, but no one else came through that door. Not even Michael.

He managed to pull away, tearing down the stairs a hundred miles an hour, tripping and stumbling, but running as fast as he could go. Faces of the senior brothers spun around him at he ran. 

“Kyle Lewis, you have been voted out of the fraternity. Your pin, please.”

He threw the pin at their faces, terrified, finally making it back to his apartment. The door was unlocked. He all but crawled into the space, hearing an odd noise. Looking up, relief spreading through his body, Oliver standing over him. Although smiling, it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Sorry, man.”

A gorgeous blonde came up behind him, wrapping her arms around Oliver, who turned for a kiss. A flash and they’re naked on the bed, Oliver on top, laughing and kissing. Kyle laying on the floor, bleeding. Completely alone.

\------------

Kyle bolted out of bed, sweat pouring down his face, looking around at his room before realizing it was just a dream. Just a stupid dream. He buried his face in his hands, slowing his breathing. 

It’s irrational. He repeated it in his head. Utterly irrational. Oliver thought Kyle was going home for Christmas. He had no idea the attack was going to happen. And more than that, he was upset when he found out. Oliver had made out with tons of girls freshmen year and Kyle didn’t care then. At least not to this extent. Why now?

Why did he have to love him?

He turned to check the time. Six a.m. Sighing and rubbing his eyes, he went to shower and get ready for the day. The day of all days. 

He paced around the small apartment, cleaning up a bit, waiting for Oliver to arrive. Usually Oliver came around 8am. He looked at the clock again. 7:15am. He couldn’t wait 45 minutes, so his grabbed his coat and left, heading down to get some coffee from the shop. 

Grabbing a lid for his coffee, Kyle’s cell phone rang. He reached into his pocket, ready to apologise to Oliver for standing him up, but it was Phil.

“Hey man. Did I wake you?”

He juggled the cellphone and coffee for a minute, holding it between his shoulder and head as he put the plastic lid on. “No, already up. Grabbin’ coffee.”

“Good. Can you meet me at the bioscience complex in ten minutes?”

He walked outside, light just beginning to peek out of the clouds, wind scattering dead leaves around. “Sure. See y’ in a minute.”

“Grab me a latte, will ya?”

He laughed and went back indoors. “Later.”

Carrying Phil’s latte and his own cup, they met at the entrance, Phil pulling Kyle into a spare discussion room.

“I wanted to go over your case before the trial.”

Kyle grinned. “So you’re actually fillin’ me in this time?”

Phil rolled his eyes and pulled out a few papers. “I have some sample arguments here, as well as some counters. We’ll run through your story a few times, and then I’ll basically grill you and coach you how to answer correctly.”

Kyle flipped through the sheets. “Jesus, y’er even more anal than Oliver.”

Phil grimaced jokingly. “Really don’t want to know, dude.”

They began, Kyle telling his story, careful not to miss out on important details, Phil interrupting occasionally to show Kyle how to properly sit, or in what tone to speak. It was long, it was tedious, but Phil knew what was best, so he went along with it.

A few hours in, his cell phone rang. Oliver. He turned to Phil. “I really need’ta take this...”

Phil was scribbling down something frantically on a sheet of paper. “Five minutes. It’s all the time we have.”

He stuck his middle finger out jokingly and left the room, turning on his cell. “H’lo?”

“Kyle? Are you okay?”

He glanced in at Phil. Debatable. But he didn’t want to worry Oliver. “Uh, yeah. I’m fine. Why?”

“Where are you?”

“Oh. Yeah, I went t’ git coffee earlier. Sorry I bailed.”

There was a long pause and Kyle wondered if they lost the connection. “Oliver?”

“Yeah?”

“Look, I’m sorry. Just stressed about this meetin’.”

“You’ve been stressed out a lot lately.”

“I guess.”

Another pause. “So where are you? Maybe we can, like, hang out.”

“No can do, buddy. Phil has me in here practicin’ for the trial.”

“Right. I guess I’ll...”

Kyle looked up at the ceiling. He knew his old self would immediately invite Oliver to come along and regretted it. He did, after all, want to remain as normal as possible.

“Wanna join us? We’re at the biosci complex. Room 117B.”

“Do you want me to?” It came out bitter, and Kyle was surprised. What did Oliver have to be pissed about?

“Sure. If y’ want to.”

“I’ll think about it. See you, Kyle.” 

The call ended, and Kyle stared at the phone. Phil poked his head out the door. “Time’s up.”

He kept staring at the phone. “Yeah.”

\-----

They spent all day in that damn classroom. Phil wrote and rewrote the things Kyle was going to say, making Kyle tell him over and over every single second of the attack. He was beginning to feel like he was going to actual trial.

It was nighttime before Phil stopped talking, staring at the clock. “We should get ready to go soon. Maybe a few more -”

Kyle groaned. “I’m startin’ t’ think gettin’ kicked out is a good idea, Phil.”

Phil chuckled. “Okay, okay. We’ll take a break.”

There was a knock on the door, and Oliver stuck his head in. Kyle smiled. “Y’ made it.”

Oliver cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah.” He lifted up a brown bag. “Mexican day at the caf. Your favourite.”

Kyle’s smile widened and, for the first time in a long time, that feeling was back in his stomach. For Oliver to say that in front of Phil was a big step, and he recognized that. He was being too hard on Oliver. He stood up and took the bag, his hands brushing against Oliver’s.

“Thanks.” He looked into the bag. “Y’ didn’t forget the hot sauce, did ya?!”

Oliver reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful. “Almost. But then I remembered.”

They shared a secret smile, Kyle wanting to pull Oliver’s mouth to his. He almost did: Phil knew they were together, Oliver knew that Phil knew. What could go wrong?

Phil coughed. “You two are just adorable, but I’m starving. Anything in there for me?”

Oliver turned tomato red. Even his ears were red. When he spoke, he stuttered. “Y-yeah. In the b-bag.”

They all pulled out their food and ate in silence, Oliver keeping a good foot away from Kyle at all times. Phil’s eyes slid between them, catching Kyle’s eye, one eyebrow raised. Kyle shrugged.

Phil crumpled up his wrapper and stood up, the first noise in the room besides chewing for the longest time. “I should be the first to arrive at this shindig.” He tossed the wrapper in the bag, glaring at Kyle. “You better not be late.”

Kyle saluted him. “Sir yes sir!”

Oliver snorted around his burrito, grinning. Phil pointed at him. “I mean it!” He slapped Oliver on the back and left.

Kyle turned to Oliver. “Thanks for the food.”

“No problem.”

Oliver cleaned up the food, putting it in the brown bag. Kyle gathered his things. “We should git goin’.”

“Are we okay?”

Kyle turned to Oliver, surprised, but Oliver was staring at the carpet. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

“You’ve just been acting weird. And I thought that maybe...it was about me.” He turned now, looking for a garbage bin around the room. Kyle stayed where he was.

“I told y’, I’m just-”

“Stressed. I know.” Oliver threw the bag into the trash.

“Yeah.”

Oliver walked back towards Kyle, reaching out as though to touch him. But Kyle knew he wouldn’t since it was daylight. Far too risky. He moved away and grabbed his bag.

“Ready t’ go?”

They walked out in silence and headed to the fraternity.

The basement held all the chairs and podium, where most of the important meetings were held, including initiation. A few brothers mulled around, the meeting not starting for another thirty minutes. A chair was beside the podium, presumably for Kyle. He took his seat.

He watched Oliver hesitate, wanting to sit in the front row to be supportive, but not wanting to seem too supportive, especially with the topic at hand. He chose the end of the second row instead and gave Kyle a shy smile as he sat down.

Phil walked in, slapping a few brothers’ hands before approaching Kyle. He leaned in close. “Remember, it’s all about the attitude, and -”

“Phil.”

“I know, I know. Just remember what I said about-”

“Phil!”

Phil looked even more nervous than Kyle was. “It’s going to be okay.”

Kyle laughed. “Finally. Thank you.”

The seniors came in them, brushing by Kyle. “We’ll see you around Lewis - oh wait, maybe not.” They cackled as they took their seats.

Phil called the meeting in, explaining to the brothers what was happening. 

“Thanks for coming. We know midterms are tomorrow, so we’re going to make this quick. The reason we’re here tonight is because Jack Herst, an alumnus of this house, has chosen to cease his generous donations.”

There was a murmur among the brothers, some of them booing in outrage. Phil raised a hand for silence. 

“Now, Mr. Herst says he will continue his donations, but only if Kyle Lewis leaves the fraternity, the only reason for that being that Kyle is gay.”

More murmurs. Phil began speaking again, but Kyle tuned it out. He thought the bashing would be the most humiliating day of his life, but he was wrong: this was much, much worse. He turned to find Oliver in the crowd, who was clinging to Phil’s every word, blending in perfectly with the rest of the brothers. Kyle managed to catch his eye and Oliver smiled comfortingly. 

Phil stepped down from the podium, allowing one of the senior brothers, Drake, to step forward.

“So here’s the deal: We lost Steve-o, Charlie and Gav. Three great guys… great people for this fraternity. And now we’re losing our donations from Herst. Can you imagine this fraternity with no trips, no drinking money, no ski chalet up in Canada? It would fucking suck. Bad. And Kyle’s an okay guy, but I don’t see how he”, he pointed to Kyle in the chair beside him, “is worth all of that. We need to draw the line somewhere, and three good men for one just seems unreasonable to me.”

A few of the brothers nodded in agreement, some even clapping, and Kyle’s hands turned sweaty. It was his turn to speak. Phil’s coaching slipping out of his mind. He had never been a bad public speaker, especially since he wasn’t shy, but he didn’t know how to do this. Wasn’t sure if he could. He stood up at the podium, the faces of the brothers blurring. Except for Oliver’s. He kept his eyes firmly on him as he spoke.

“I’ve never lied t’ any of you. Y’knew I was gay from the moment I walked in here and y’voted for me anyway. Of course, some didn’t, but that’s how it is with all pledges, right? We got along until December, when I offered t’ look out for the frat over break. Gavin, Charlie and Steve attacked me and Michael. I had a cracked rib and a busted up face, he a broken nose, yet we didn’t press charges. Michael’s parents made him drop out.” It was getting harder and harder to speak, especially looking at Oliver, so he looked away. “Now I find out y’er goin’ t’ kick me out for a few bucks. I was initiated as y’er brother, and I want y’ to remember that.”

He sat down. It wasn’t the eloquent speech Phil had made him memorize, but he didn’t think a speech would change anyone’s opinion. Phil glared at him but he ignored it. Oliver was sitting, sneaking him the thumb’s up. He smiled, wiping his sweaty hands on his jeans.

Phil stood back at the podium. “Are there any questions before we begin voting?”

A first year spoke up. “How important is this guy’s cash?”

“It is a significant amount of money; however, we have other alumni who contribute annually. We’ll still be the best frat on campus.”

Another voice spoke out of the crowd. “Lewis, why stay?”

Kyle stood up, angry now. “‘Cause I’m not gonna let a bunch of homophobes drive me out.”

There was a pause in the group and Phil pulled out paper. “I know usually it’s a raise of hands, but ‘cause this is rather...ugly, we’ll going to do it paper-wise.” He passed out paper and pens. “Write down Kyle if you’d like to him to say. Write down Herst if you’d like him to leave. Throw it in the bucket at the front. If I don’t see all fifty papers, or I see more than that, we’ll do it again.”

There was scrambling and scribbling, and the brothers stood and threw their paper in the bucket. Kyle stood, stretching his legs which had been locked from nerves. Phil gave him a reassuring glance, and he looked around.

It was obvious who hadn't voted for him, as they were either giving him death glares or passing by with a ‘sorry, man’ look on their faces. Oliver walked by and dropped off his paper without a glance at Kyle, but he brushed close to Kyle, bumping gently against him as he walked back to his seat. 

Phil counted up the votes, first making sure there were exactly 50 before the tallying began. Kyle tried not to squirm in his seat. Kyle held his breath, but Phil smiled.

“Motion defeated, 37-13. Kyle, keep your pin. Let’s get out of here.” He knocked the gavel against the base and walked off.

He let out a whoosh of breath. He had won. More than half. That was far more than he ever expected. Brothers began to come up and thump him on the back, even ones that he hadn’t officially met before. 

“You’re a brother, man. We look out for each other.”

“Like we’d ever kick you out, dude.”

“Listen, I have a cousin who goes here...”

He smiled, laughing and joking as the beers came out in celebration. Finally, for a minute he was alone, and Oliver approached him.”

“See? I knew you’d win.”

Kyle smiled. “Yeah. I should be gettin’ back soon. Chem midterm tomorrow.”

Oliver looked around before spoke. “Let me know when you’re, uh, leaving, okay?”

Kyle nodded and returned to the rest of the brothers. Phil approached. “I’m kinda pissed you didn’t use my awesome speech.”

Kyle grinned. “I think y’ take your judge status a little too seriously, man.”

Phil chuckled. “I should. I was accepted into law school.”

“No way!” He shook Phil’s hand. “Congrats.”

“Thanks. You should get going.” He nodded towards the door and walked off. Kyle spun around and saw Oliver, coat on, leaning against the exit. He held his hand up to say ‘5 minutes’, but paused and held his other hand up to make it seven. Oliver rolled his eyes.

He said goodbye to the brothers, thanking the ones who weren’t anonymous in their vote. He grabbed his coat and walked out the door, Oliver following a few steps behind to make sure they weren’t spotted together. They were almost off campus when Kyle heard Oliver’s steps quicken, catching up.

“I’m glad that’s over with. We can concentrate on midterms now.”

Kyle nodded, saying nothing, walking into the elevator. The doors closed and Oliver’s hand found Kyle’s.

“You looked nervous up there.”

“Y’ have no idea.”

He unlocked the door to his apartment and stood aside, letting Oliver walk in. He closed the door as Oliver flicked on the light, both slipping off their shoes, Kyle going into the bedroom, turning on more lights, Oliver digging through the fridge. It was oddly...easy. Natural. As though they had been doing it forever.

With this knowledge, he wrapped his arms around Oliver, something he hadn’t initiated in a long time. Oliver jumped with surprise, turning around. “I think we should celebrate. Just us. Don’tcha think?” He grinned and pressed his mouth to Oliver’s.

It wasn’t slow and leisurely, but fast and accelerated. Shirts came off within seconds, mouths refused to disconnect as they stumbled towards the bed. Oliver’s hand slid through Kyle’s hair, held his chin to kiss him harder, slid down his chest, making him shiver. Those hands fumbled with his belt buckle, unable to get it open, but not bothering to figure it out, shoving into his jeans anyway. Those hands tugged him, stroked him. Hands, hands, hands. It wasn’t enough.

He fumbled at his own belt, pulling it off as Oliver simultaneously pulled down his jeans and boxers. He scrabbled around, working Oliver’s jean button with one hand, his other pulling Oliver’s head closer. Finally, the jeans were off and he grabbed Oliver.

This was when Oliver buried into Kyle’s neck, kissing and licking until it was over. But this time, Oliver stayed. Watched Kyle as he stroked, the corners of his mouth quirking when he hit a special spot, making Kyle’s breath catch. When Kyle closed his eyes, the eyelids were kissed back open. 

Oliver came first, his eyes closing momentarily, shuddering, yet his hand didn’t stop. They opened just in time to watch Kyle as he tumbled over the edge, staring at his face as Kyle gasped and shivered. It was the most vulnerable moment of Kyle’s life and he reached up to kiss Oliver, to end it. Yet Oliver’s eyes stayed open.

They lay together afterwards, catching their breath, Kyle’s head on Oliver’s arm. Kyle did it. He had sex with Oliver and didn’t think about the girl. He could do this. So long as Oliver didn’t make that throaty noise.

Oliver shifted, kissing Kyle’s forehead.

“Kyle?”

“Yeah?”

“You know I think this place is a dump, right?”

Kyle groaned. “Not this ag’in. Please shut up and don’t ruin it.”

There was a pause. “I’m staying here this summer.”

Kyle looked up into Oliver’s blue eyes, seeing himself reflected in them. “What?”

“I signed up for summer school part-time.”

Kyle’s eyebrows raised. “Y’don’t want t’ go home? It’s summer vacation.”

Oliver shook his head. “I want to stay here.”

Kyle nodded, thinking this over, wondering if Oliver would resent him later, blaming him for not going home.

“I...I have enough money to buy a place. Something near campus.”

Kyle smiled, leaning up for a quick kiss. “Find somethin’ near here. That’d be awesome.”

Oliver looked away, out the window. “I was actually hoping...that’d...we’d find a place.”

Kyle froze. He needed clarification. “As in, me goin’ t’ help you?”

“As in, finding a bigger place. Together.”

“Y’ want me t’ move in with you?!” He wasn’t ready to smile. Not yet.

Oliver shrugged. “This place is miserable, Kyle. It’s small and cramped. This way, we could pool together and get something nice. You wouldn’t have to live here in fear of getting shot.”

Kyle snorted. Of course this had to do with convenience. Oliver didn’t have enough money to buy something better, and if Kyle came along, he wouldn’t have to live in his worst nightmare.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

He pushed away from Oliver, pulling on his clothes. “‘Cause we should live together for the right reasons. Not ‘cause it’s convenient.” It came out bitter, but he didn’t care.

“That’s not what I meant!” Oliver pushed out of bed, pulling on his clothes, also. 

“So what would y’ introduce me as, Oliver? Y’er roommate? Y’er friend? Definitely not y’er boyfriend, right? You’d have t’ have girls over, prove we aren’t together, right? Maybe we could call what’s-her-name, let her join in on the rent!”

Oliver said nothing, staring at Kyle. Kyle snorted. Of course.

“You haven’t forgiven me!”

It came out fast, and Kyle turned. “What?”

“For being with h-her. For not being here when you were a-attacked. You haven’t forgiven me!”

Kyle turned away. “That’s idiotic.”

Oliver reached out, grabbing Kyle’s arm, pulling him back around to face him. “I didn’t sleep with her!”

He laughed sarcastically. “And that makes me feel so much better!”

“I said I was sorry!” Oliver ran his hands through his short hair. “Why are you acting like this?!”

Now Kyle was overwhelmed with anger. It burst out of his mouth before he could stop it. “I tell you I love you, Oliver. I tell you to your face I love you, and the next thing I know you’re fucking some girl! How can I not take that personally?!”

“I didn’t f-fuck her!” 

Their words were getting louder and louder, and Oliver glanced around at the apartment, as though expecting an audience. Kyle shook his head and pulled on his shirt. “Get out.”

“No.”

“What?!”

“Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t going home for Christmas?”

Kyle froze, turning around. “I didn’t think it mattered.”

“Why didn’t you?!”

“‘Cause I didn’t want y’ thinkin’ about it!”

“And why didn’t you tell me you were s-seeing David again?”

What? “I’m not seeing David!”

“He was touching your FACE!” Oliver looked away, and Kyle almost laughed from exasperation. Oliver didn’t do emotional outbursts.

“Oh, don’t hold back now, Fish. Please.”

“I didn’t say anything about David, and you won’t forgive me for one stupid girl?”

“Oliver, I was fuckin’ bashed. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t talk, I could barely fuckin’ move around. Where the hell were you?!” He laughed. “Oh, that’s right. With some girl.”

“I tried! You pushed me away! Went to David!”

Kyle knew Oliver was partially right, but he didn’t care. He was too mad, too stubborn. “Get. Out!”

“You said you’d wait for me!”

Kyle studied Oliver for a long moment. He was flushed with embarrassment from this fight, but his legs were apart, fists clenching. He wasn’t ready to leave, and Kyle didn’t need this right now. He needed to study. He needed to be a doctor. He delivered the final blow.

“It’s been two years, Oliver. I’ve waited long enough.” 

They both knew this was more than saying those three little words and stared at each other. Oliver walked out the door without another word, Kyle watching the door slam behind him. Tears pooled in his eyes, but he brushed them away, pulling out his textbook to prepare for exams. 

He wouldn’t cry over him.

\---------

Midterms were a blur, Kyle almost robotic in his actions. He wrote the test, left, went to his apartment, studied. He slept, he ate, he used the washroom. And then he studied some more. Anything to get Oliver out of his head. Anything to avoid seeing him.

Turns out he didn’t have to. Oliver acted as though he didn’t exist, his eyes looking away whenever they passed each other on campus. Kyle looked away, too, ignoring the ache.

Since Mr. Herst’s chalet was no longer up for grabs, Phil had to find another chalet for cheap. Kyle helped out, feeling slightly guilty for Phil’s stress. They looked up and down Canada’s mountain ranges, but nothing good came along. They even phoned a few of the alumni, but to no avail. It was two days before spring break when Michael phoned.

“My friends told me about the frat trial. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“It’s no big deal, man. How’s...whatever university y’er at now?”

Michael laughed over the line. “NYU. It’s not bad. I miss Llanview, though. But that’s not the reason I’m calling.”

“What’s up?”

“I heard that alumnus dude won’t let you guys stay in his chalet in Canada.”

“Yeah, but -”

“My dad travels a lot, does business up in Canada. He owns a big house next to Blue Mountain, by Toronto. Lots of land. He said you’re welcome to use it.”

Kyle gaped. It was only a seven hour drive, and Michael was willingly giving up a mansion for free? 

“For real?!”

Michael laughed. “Yeah. Here’s the address.”

Kyle scribbled it down and thanked Michael profusely, shoving on his shoes and running to the fraternity. He skidded into the common room where Phil and a bunch of the brothers sat, raising the slip of paper in the air triumphantly. 

“Michael has a chalet in Canada and he’s giving it up for free!”

It was as though someone scored a touchdown. Hands raised as the brothers hooted and hit each other on the back. Phil grabbed the slip of paper and stared at it like it came from the heavens. “This is for real?”

Kyle grinned. “That’s what I said.”

A figure approached him, and Kyle knew it was Oliver. He hadn’t seen him in his excitement over the chalet. Oliver shoved his hands in his pockets. “That’s pretty cool, what Michael did.”

Kyle nodded but said nothing, walking out of the fraternity, leaving Oliver behind. Now the reality hit him: an entire week with Oliver. They’d probably be thrown into the same room together, the brothers knowing they were close. An entire week of listening to Oliver sleep, of being in his presence, trying to avoid him at all costs. The whole fraternity would know something was up. And as much as he wanted Oliver to come out of the closet, he didn’t want to shove him out. His parents did that with him, and he scurried back in further than before. 

He sat in his apartment, thinking it over. He went to his midterms, bought groceries, cleaned his apartment, it still in the back of his mind. Finally, the night before they left, he phoned Phil.

“I’m backin’ out of the trip.”

“What?! Why? It’s going to be awesome!”

“Yeah, somethin’ came up. A...a job. And I really need the cash right now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. Give it to someone else.”

“Alright, man. If you’re sure. See ya.”

“Have fun.”

He clicked the phone shut, trying to look at the positive side. All he could come up with was he didn’t have to babysit the frat brothers.

Waking up the next morning and looking at the clock, the brothers had already left. He reminded himself that he had done the right thing and to make the best out of this entire week off.

He cleaned his apartment thoroughly, having to go out and buy cleaning supplies first. He did laundry in the basement. He phoned his mother and said a quick hello. He went out and bought a few needed items. And then he was done. Kyle looked at the time. Noon. Four hours down, two hundred and twelve to go.

He went down to the community center and found some community service at an animal shelter every other day. Perfect. Then he went to the coffee shop, asking his manager Mandy if he could up his hours. She agreed and he started right away. It still didn’t make time go any faster.

The days dragged on, hanging out with Cass and Josh (who had also stayed) when they were available, but otherwise throwing himself into his volunteering and job.

His cell phone rang, jarring him awake at 2 am. He looked at the screen, Oliver’s name written across it. A drunken call. He angrily threw the phone away and tried to go back to sleep. He had almost dozed off when a thought struck him. What if there had been an accident? What if Oliver was in the hospital and it was one of the brothers phoning, trying to let Kyle know? 

He scrambled out of bed and dove for the phone, searching through dirty clothes, unable to find it. Damnit. He ran, hit the lightswitch, and started searching again, finding it in the corner of the room. One message. Fingers trembling, he called his voicemail, the automatic message women popping up.

“Please enter your password.”

He fumbled over the keys, frantic now, his heart beating quickly.

“You have one unheard message. To listen, press 1.”

He pressed one.

Oliver’s voice came out of the cell phone. Drunk. “Hey Ky-ull. What a dick move, not coming on his trip-”

He deleted it, angry. All that worry for nothing. Of course Oliver was okay. Why wouldn’t he be? He climbed back into bed, punching his pillow to mold it properly. Stupid.

\-------

He was sitting in his room, classes beginning the next morning, getting a head start on readings. He heard the key in the lock and sighed, looking up, pen still poised. Oliver walked in, tracking in snow on his boots.

“Hey! I just cleaned this place!”

Oliver rolled his eyes. “When do you ever clean?”

He glared, but Oliver didn’t notice. “I’ll clean it up later. Come on, I want to show you something.”

He knew he was supposed to be mad at Oliver, but curiosity got the best of him, and he put on his shoes and coat. “Where’re the brothers?”

“Still in Canada - snowed in. I left the day before, took a Greyhound back.”

“Why?”

He didn’t respond, just grabbed Kyle’s arm and dragged him out. They walked for what seemed like forever, the cold air biting Kyle’s face. Oliver walked up the steps to the fraternity, unlocking it and stepping inside.

Kyle had never seen it so...empty. The lights were all off, not a noise in the house except for the occasional creak. Oliver dragged him to the living room, stopping at the door frame. 

“Stand there.” Kyle did, annoyed now.

“Oliver, what is this?”

Oliver went and stood across the room, at the other side, across from Kyle. He took a deep breath.

“You were standing there when I first noticed you, talking to a bunch of brothers. Laughing.”

Kyle’s eyebrows raised. “Okay? So?”

He walked over and grabbed Kyle’s hand, pulling him up the stairs, stopping on the first landing. Kyle shifted back and forth uncomfortably - he really hated the stairs.

“You came to rescue me here. From those girls.”

He sighed. “Yeah, I remember that, Fish. But -”

Hands pushed him back down the stairs, back outside the house. “Oliver, what the hell-”

They stopped at a random patch of grass by the forest. “We stopped here, after stealing the bras. You called me Oliver. I thought...I thought you were the coolest guy I had ever met.”

Kyle paused now, looking at the grass, remembering the attraction he had felt to Oliver. And all Oliver felt was brotherly bonding? He shifted back and forth, angry now. “Oliver, listen. I don’t want - woah!”

Oliver grabbed his sleeve, walking down the empty road, pulling Kyle along. They stopped in front of the coffee shop, not far from the fraternity.

“Here I came back to apologise. I missed you. You bumped your knee against mine and my heart tripped.”

Kyle looked at the closed shop, dimly lit, staring at the table in the back. When Oliver grabbed his arm this time, he said nothing, letting himself be pulled along. They stopped outside of the Arts building, Oliver facing Kyle.

“I was standing here when you walked past with Josh one day. I thought he was your boyfriend, and it hurt. I wanted it to be me. I realized then how much I liked you.”

Kyle smiled now, realizing was Oliver was doing. “Oliver, y’ don’t have t...”

“I’m not done.” 

They walked, stopping halfway between the coffee shop and the fraternity. “I met that girl here. After our fight.”

Kyle looked away. “I don’t wan-”

“Her name was Kyla.”

Her turned to stare at Oliver, who looked away embarrassed. “I only kissed her. Right here. I was drunk. A few of the brothers saw. I never slept with her.”

Relief flooded Kyle. He smiled. “Okay.”

Oliver dragged him back to the fraternity, walking up the stairs. Kyle stood at the bottom. He didn’t want to go up. Oliver turned, saw Kyle’s hesitation, and walked back down. Leaned in and kissed him. “I’m right here this time.”

He slid his fingers through Kyle’s and gently pulled him up. Kyle’s heart was thumping as they approached the room. Oliver twisted the knob and the door slowly swung open. Kyle swallowed hard as they stepped in.

The room was dark, nothing had changed. Oliver dragged him over to one side of the room. “Everything happened here. I saw you flirting with guys at the party, and I realized that one day, you’d be with one of them. And I didn’t want that.”

He walked over to the other side, his face barely illuminated from the hallway light. “Phil caught us here. He told me to ignore fear, because sometimes the person you love is taken from you, and he didn’t want me to miss that chance.” Oliver’s eyes grew softer. “He told me his girlfriend died his first year in a car accident.”

Kyle was floored. He had no idea - it wasn’t even gossiped about in the fraternity. Good natured Phil, who was always joking, laughing. He felt guilty for not knowing, even though he had no reason to. Oliver brushed Kyle’s hair gently. His palms were sweaty, but Kyle ignored it.

“I was so scared, Kyle. Scared my parents would find out. Scared the brothers would. Scared I’d never have that chance. I didn’t want you hurt.”

He pulled over to The Spot. The spot where Kyle was bashed. They both cringed. “And you were. Right here. In o-our room. And I...I wasn’t there.” Oliver’s voice sounded choked, and Kyle reached up to touch him, but Oliver flinched away. 

“I’m not done.”

“I think that’s enough - “

“No.”

He grabbed Kyle’s hand once more and dragged him out of the fraternity, turning off the lights and locking up. As they were walking, Oliver spoke, staring ahead.

“I followed you after the bashing.”

“What?”

“When we weren’t speaking. I followed you to make sure you were okay. It’s how I bumped into you with David.”

Kyle said nothing, thinking that over. They ended up by the lake off-campus.

“We came here when it was snowing.”

Kyle smiled gently. One of his favourite memories. “I remember.”

“You were right here”, Oliver walking Kyle to a certain area, stopping. “You were looking up at the snow, laughing, even though it was getting in your eyes.”

He paused, took a shuddering breath. Kyle said nothing, but his heart was beating so fast he could barely breathe.

“It was right here when I realized...when I knew...” Oliver’s breath shook, trembling from the cold, looking terrified. Kyle still said nothing, afraid to ruin the moment. 

“I l-l-love you.”

He said it.

He actually said it.

There were about five seconds where they both stood there, looking at each other. Then Kyle grabbed Oliver’s neck, pulled him in for a kiss. Oliver let him, but glanced around when they broke apart. Kyle laughed.

“Y’ should really go t’ Canada more often.”


	13. Chapter 13

April arrived and the miniscule amount of snow that had fallen over the winter slowly melted, causing Kyle to switch his winter jacket for a much lighter spring one. He took the scenic route to the fraternity, walking to the edge of the university campus, where he could just get a glimpse of the lake. Their lake. 

He paused for a moment on the sidewalk, the students walking to their classes glancing at him in annoyance. But they didn’t know. They had no idea how far Oliver had come. How different things were now. Every time he saw Oliver, another feeling fluttered in his chest. The wanting was still there - he was positive it would never go away - but there was something else. Something that made him want to cling to Oliver and never let go. Not just sex, but companionship. Love.

He was smiling as he approached the fraternity, sliding through the entrance and trying his best to sneak upstairs. Which was nearly impossible with the common area visible from the doorway. The brothers waved him over and he had to shake hands and catch up with every one of them. Yet the entire time, his body screamed at him that Oliver was close, only a floor away. He wondered if Oliver knew he was there. 

Finally, he managed to leave, running up the stairs two at a time, following the familiar pathway to Oliver’s room. He still held his breath as he passed their room - even with all the wonderful memories, it was tainted by the worst. He made it to Oliver’s door, knocking crisply, praying Oliver’s roommate wasn’t around

The door opened, Oliver’s blond head peeking through. Surprised filled his face; this was the first time Kyle had come upstairs on his own. “Kyle!”

He smiled, that fuzzy feeling back in his chest. “Hey. Wanna grab lunch?”

Oliver looked back into his room, the door not completely open. “Uh, yeah, just give me a sec. Well...”

“What, Fish? Gotta girl in there?” Oh please God, don’t have a girl in there.

Oliver turned red. “Well, y-yes. But it’s not what you think!”

Kyle’s heart fell into his stomach. His eyes narrowed. “‘nd what am I supposed t’think?”

Looking back into the room, Oliver apparently got confirmation from whoever was inside, and he swung the door open. A blonde sat on Oliver’s bed, her entire face blotchy, even a bit of snot running with her tears. 

Cass.

Immediately Kyle went into emergency mode. “Cass? What’s wrong? Are y’okay? Is it somethin’ t’do with Josh?”

The mention of Josh brought a new round of tears, and she sobbed hopelessly, holding the heels of her hands to her eyes in a feeble attempt to stop crying. Oliver rubbed her back, giving Kyle an obvious ‘help me!’ expression. Finally she sniffed and spoke, her voice coming out horribly rough and cracked. “God, this is so embarrassing. I never meant to do this. I just-” she waved her hands vaguely and grimaced.

Kyle pulled the wet strands of hair away from her face and smoothed it back behind her ear. 

“What happened?”

“I just - well, I just wanted some advice from a straight guy, but not someone Josh is close with and who would tell him, and all I could come up with is Oliver but I wasn’t sure he’d talk to me because it’s like he’s been avoiding me lately, and I would have gone to you, Kyle, I swear, but I was like, afraid you’d tell Josh and he’d think I’m way too clingy and then everything would get worse!” 

Her voice cracked on the last word, leaving a long silence in the room. Kyle and Oliver shared a glance. Thank god Josh hadn’t told her about Oliver being gay.

“Do y’want me t’ go?”

“No!” She grabbed at Kyle’s shirt. “No, stay. I just...need a minute.” Cass pulled out a compact mirror, her face turning from miserable to horrified in seconds. “Oh my god, why didn’t you tell me I looked terrible?!” She started pulling random products out of her enormous purse, and Oliver and Kyle backed out of the room slowly, using the excuse of privacy.

They stood in the hallway, Kyle holding back a laugh. “What the hell d’you do t’ her?!”

Oliver sighed. “Nothing! She just came in and did...that.” They both made a face.

“Did y’ find out what’s goin’ on?”

“No. She wouldn’t say anything except that it’s about Josh. Then she’d sob.”

Kyle rubbed the back of his head thoughtfully. “I guess no lunch, then.” He slapped Oliver on the shoulder, wishing he could lean in and give him a kiss. “Call me, ‘kay?”

“Wait! Where are you going?” Kyle grinned at the frantic expression on Oliver’s face.

“She came t’ see you. Not me. So I’m just gonna...”

The door opened, Cass’s face still blotchy, but the redness definitely receding. “Okay, I’m r-ready.”

Kyle smiled and backed up towards the stairs as Oliver awkwardly slid into the room. “I’ll see y’later, Cass.”

“Where’re you going?!”

He stopped. “Y’ came t’ talk t’ Oliver, so I figured...”

“Get in here.” With the look on Cass’ face, he didn’t even try to argue.

He sat beside Cass on the bed, Oliver across from them. Cass fiddled with her purse for a minute, putting the contents away and zipping it up, fixing her hair. Finally, she placed her hands in her lap and smiled at Oliver, even though her lips trembled slightly.

“Josh’s been avoiding me. Sometimes he won’t even take my calls, or he leaves early with a lame excuse. Or he’ll be on the phone and when I come up, he’ll snap it shut really fast.” The trembling got worse, and tears began to pool in her eyes. “And...and he doesn’t kiss me the same.”

Kyle immediately knew where this was going. “Oh, Cass...” He wrapped an arm around her comfortingly. She curled up in a ball, hands surrounding her legs, looking vulnerable.

A tear slid down her cheek, her voice getting choked. “So I followed him after he left one day. I’m not like, proud of it, but I just had to know, y’know?” Both Oliver and Kyle nodded robotically.

“So...so I follow him...and...” Cass stifled a sob, and Oliver and Kyle winced, knowing what was coming.

“And he was with some girl!” She turned into Kyle’s chest, crying all over again. He rubbed her back gently, shushing her. 

“Did you see them together?”

Kyle shot a ‘what the hell’ glance at Oliver, who immediately clamped his mouth shut. It was the wrong thing to say.

Cass lifted her head from Kyle’s chest. “No! That’s the problem! They didn’t like, do anything, but they had like, a connection. You could see it!”

As much as he wanted to comfort Cass, he felt the need to stick up for Josh, too. “Cass, Josh loves you. He’s loved y’ since the moment he saw y’a. He wouldn’t do that t’you.”

She wiped her tears away. “But this is college, right? This is what happens in college. You meet new people.”

Oliver chimed in. “I don’t believe it, either. He loves you, Cass.”

“Then what other explanation is there?!”

Silence. They had no idea. “Maybe she’s just a business partner in class.” It came out lame, and Cass gave him a look that said she agreed.

“I just...I wanted to know if this is what guys, like, did.” She looked at Oliver pointedly. So did Kyle.

Oliver blushed again, knocking his fists together uncomfortably. “N-no. It’s not common. N-not with guys like Josh.”

She sighed, gathering up her things, brushing her hair systematically across her face to cover the puffiness. “Don’t tell him I said anything. If this is nothing, then I’m the worst girlfriend ever. But, if you notice something...”

Oliver stood up to give her a hug. “We’ll let you know.”

Cass sniffed. “Thanks”. She slid on a giant pair of sunglasses, covering half her face. “Can you tell I’ve been crying? Do I look okay?”

Kyle smiled. “Y’look like y’ve been swallowed by a giant pair of sunglasses.”

She stuck her tongue out, giving Kyle a hug, then Oliver. “Thanks, guys.” Oliver kissed her on the cheek, and she smiled. “You’re going to make a girl really happy one day, Oliver.”

Kyle grimaced as she left. He didn’t want Oliver to make any girl happy. In fact, he secretly wanted girls to hate Oliver so he’d never have to see him flirt with anyone else. But the good part was, Cass was gone. Which meant he could finally touch Oliver.

He stood up, rubbing Oliver’s neck gently as he came up behind him, pressing a kiss to it. 

“Lunch now?”

Oliver jumped a foot in the air, immediately turning to the doorway. Kyle was disappointed, but tried not to show it.

“No one’s around, Oli.” He brushed Oliver’s cheek gently. 

“Y-yeah, lunch. Should we invite Josh?”

Kyle shook his head. “Nah. They need t’ deal with it on their own.”

“But Cass looked so upset...”

“We’ll make it worse by diggin’, Oliver. Come on.”

They walked to lunch in silence, Kyle resisting the urge to hold Oliver’s hand. He repeatedly reminded himself that just because Oliver said ‘I love you’ didn’t mean anything had changed. He still wasn’t willing to come out of the closet. Yet Kyle still hoped things would change; that maybe saying the words would be a turning point. 

He brushed his hand against Oliver’s, the lightest touch, and Oliver pulled away, putting more distance between them. Okay, maybe not.

They sat in the caf, Oliver with his salad, Kyle with whatever meatloaf-like item they gave him. He played with his food as Oliver ate, watching him cautiously. Oliver caught him staring. 

“What?”

“Are y’ sure y’ want t’ stay the summer?”

An expression flicked across Oliver’s face, too fast for Kyle to catch. “Do you not want me to?”

“No! No. I just want ‘cha t’ be sure.”

“I’m sure. I already got a filing job at the local police station.”

Kyle raised his eyebrows. “That’s pretty cool.” 

Oliver flushed with embarrassment, but also puffed out his chest a little in pride. “Yeah, I guess.”

An awkward silence ensued. Kyle knew the topic, whether meaning to or not, had led back to the main fact: Were they going to live together? It had only come up that one time, but it was constantly flitting through Kyle’s thoughts and he knew Oliver thought about it too. 

Oliver scraped his chair back and picked up his tray. “I should probably get studying. Finals are in a few days.”

Oliver was trying to get rid of him and Kyle knew it. Oliver knew he knew it, which was why he was avoiding eye contact. Kyle refused to give him the satisfaction. “‘kay, see ya.” He stayed firmly in his chair, eating his meatloaf-thing in dainty little bites.

He knew Oliver was torn between staying with him or leaving, obviously expecting Kyle to walk him back to the frat. When Kyle didn’t move, Oliver leaned over. “A bunch of the guys are going drinking later. If you want to come.”

Kyle sighed. They always picked the worst times for drinking. “Wish I could, but I have a final the day after tomorrow. Don’t wanna be hungover and studyin’.”

Oliver nodded slowly. “So I guess I’ll see you...later?”

As in, a drunken booty call? “Yeah. Later.” He returned to eating, trying to seem nonchalant about the entire thing, biting his tongue to stop from saying those three words in parting. Oliver still stood there awkwardly, undecided, then lurched away, dumping his tray and leaving without looking back.

Kyle wished he had stayed, but since the ‘I love you’, it had become a little awkward. He dumped his own tray, heading back to the apartment for a hardcore study session.

Studying turned out to be an impossible task, Kyle catching himself staring at the wall blankly, fantasies of Oliver and him together filling his head. In an apartment. With a dog. The perfect couple. The visions swirled in his head, calculus forgotten.

He didn’t even notice when he fell asleep, but woke up to knocking on the apartment door, lifting his head from his papers, groaning at the pain in his neck from sleeping at such an angle. He rolled his neck as he stood, going to answer the door. Oliver. Drunk. Of course. He turned to glance at the clock. Midnight.

“How’d y’ even make it here?” He helped Oliver stumble through the door. Oliver pulled away and immediately veered towards the fridge, opening it roughly and pulling out a beer.

“Full.”

“What?” Kyle eased the beer out of Oliver’s hands. Oliver reached for another one.

“Full. Fill. Phil? Why the extra p? Should be Fill.” He giggled.

Kyle reached again for the beer, putting them both back in the fridge. Oliver pouted as he was pulled away to the bedroom. “I want a beer.”

“I think you’ve had enough.”

“Nuh-uh!”

He pulled off Oliver’s shoes, then reached for his jacket. Oliver spoke again. “Yoo jus’ want me naked!”

Kyle said nothing, rolling his eyes. But yes, truthfully, he did want Oliver naked. Oliver being sober would also be a plus. He walked to the kitchen to get Oliver some Tylenol and water, but Oliver grabbed his arm, pulling him back.

“Hi.” He was close enough to smell the alcohol on Oliver’s breath.

“Hey.”

And with that, Oliver smashed his mouth against Kyle’s, wet and sloppy. Although Kyle wanted to pull away, he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. Grabbing Oliver’s neck to pull him closer, he deepened the kiss, running his fingers up through Oliver’s soft hair, glad he hadn’t added gel to it tonight.

Oliver moaned, a tiny moan in the back of his throat, and heat spread through Kyle’s body. God, he wanted him. But not like this. He wanted Oliver to remember every moment, every touch. And at this point, he wasn’t even sure Oliver could...well, perform.

He pulled away, dodging Oliver’s mouth when he dove in for another kiss. “Y’need water.”

“I need you.”

More heat. He felt his eyes glaze over. “Water.” 

He turned and walked back to the kitchen, cursing his body for reacting so quickly. He poured a glass of water, then took down another glass and poured that, too. One glass of water probably wouldn’t be enough for Oliver. Hesitating, he reached up and poured another glass for himself. He needed to cool down, and to get the alcoholic taste out of his mouth. He brought the two glasses back to Oliver.

Oliver took a few sips, but then put it down and jumped towards Kyle, kissing his neck. “Oliver, not tonight.”

“Why?”

He guided the glass back into Oliver’s hand, passing him a pill. “Drink this.”

Oliver did what he was told but his eyes were on Kyle, their blueness darker than usual.

Kyle walked towards the kitchen to flip off the lights, but Oliver stumbled forward, tripping over his own two feet and tackling Kyle down to the ground. They both landed with an ‘oof!’, Oliver laughing hysterically.

“Don’t...go....”

Kyle rolled his eyes and crawled up, switching off the lights before returning to a laughing Oliver, helping him up and into bed. He didn’t bother to even brush his teeth, instead chucking his jeans and socks aside and crawling into the bed with Oliver. Immediately arms were wrapped around him.

“Too much.”

“Hmm?”

Oliver tugged at Kyle’s shirt and his own simultaneously. “Too much stuff.”

Kyle wriggled out of his own shirt before helping Oliver. Warm skin to skin, it was a wonderful feeling, and Kyle couldn’t help but move closer, entwining their legs, breathing each other in. He closed his eyes to savour the feeling.

“I love you.”

He smiled, keeping his eyes closed, his heart fluttering hysterically. “I love you, too.”

A wet kiss was planted on his eye, and he opened them, laughing. Oliver grinned a goofy, drunken grin. “I love you sooooo much.” His smile faded almost instantly. “I love my parents, too.”

Uh-oh. Kyle treaded carefully. “They love you, too.”

“Nope.” He drunkenly shook his head. “They don’t anymore, because I love you.” His eyes began to water, and Kyle reached out, pulling him close. “I love you so they hate me.”

He stroked Oliver’s hair. “They don’t hate you, Oliver.”

Oliver sniffed. “They will. They’ll hate me. They’ll hate me because I’m with you.”

“Oliver...”

“You don’t know them!” Oliver pulled away, his voice rising, obviously agitated through his tears. “You don’t know! You had a perfect family with perfect everything. And I...I was perfect until I met you!”

Kyle closed his eyes against the remark, the sting fresh. Oliver didn’t know what he was saying; he was drunk. “You were gay before y’ met me.”

A hand slid down his face, cupping him under the chin. “I could ignore it. It was easy. Then I met you and it wasn’t easy. I couldn’t ignore it. I wanted to.” Oliver’s eyes were so open, so honest. It was hard to ignore. He leaned in for a sloppy kiss, but Kyle pulled away.

Immediately tears began to fall again. “I’m going to lose all of you.”

He gathered up Oliver, kissing all over his face. “I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

Oliver shook his head again. “You will. You’ll leave me for some dick like David. Dick David. David’s dick. You’ll leave me for his dick.”

Kyle couldn’t help but smile at that, swearing almost an exotic language coming off Oliver’s tongue. “I’m not goin’ anywhere. Go t’ sleep.”

Oliver mumbled something, but Kyle couldn’t catch the words. Slowly, Oliver drifted off. Kyle’s eyes were closing when he heard Oliver’s last mumble.

“I wanna give you a key.”

\-----

Kyle woke the next morning to his alarm beeping furiously. He detangled himself from Oliver, running over to turn it off, glancing back. Oliver was still snoring steadily. Good. 

He showered, brushing his teeth, which were now fuzzy, having not brushed them the night before. He remembered Oliver’s pleasant surprise when he made pancakes and decided to make them again. Even if Oliver threw them up, he’d have a few minutes of enjoyment. 

He threw the ingredients together from scratch this time. Once that was done, he went and pulled out a new shirt for Oliver, the same one he had given him the first time. He smiled as he brushed his thumb over the fabric, then placed it in the bathroom on top of a towel. As a second thought, he added boxers and socks, too. He also stuck a sticky-note on the mirror telling Oliver to use his toothbrush, knowing Oliver would never touch it without permission.

He idly studied as Oliver slept, glancing over to watch his sleeping form once in awhile. He even sat on the edge of the bed once, stroking Oliver’s hair. He was so cute when he slept - on his side, one hand curled under his head, the other laying palm up on the sheets. Which gave him an open invitation to hold his hand, even though Oliver was sleeping.

A groan finally came from the bed, Kyle getting up to walk to Oliver. He stroked his hair gently.

“Mornin’”

Another groan.

“How’re y’feelin’?”

Oliver opened his eyes groggily, staring at Kyle with confusion. Then he groaned again as memories came back to him. “Ugh.”

Kyle laughed and Oliver glared, shushing him, making Kyle laugh harder. He helped Oliver up slowly, noticing the panic look in his eyes and grabbing the garbage can seconds before Oliver threw up into it. He stayed, rubbing Oliver’s back comfortingly, murmuring soft nothings.

When Kyle was sure Oliver had vomited everything he could have eaten in the last 24 hours, he gave Oliver a towel to wipe his mouth and some water to rinse it. “I put a towel and some clothes in the bathroom.”

Oliver nodded, standing up and stumbling, holding his head, eyes closed. Kyle guided him to the bathroom, starting the shower for him. 

“Y’ gonna be okay? I can...help y’ out in there.” Oliver’s blush was enough, and Kyle laughed as he closed the door, giving Oliver some privacy.

While Oliver showered, he pulled the batter out of the fridge, pouring it on the skillet, setting the countertop with plates and cutlery. He forwent the syrup and butter, deciding Oliver should have them plain before getting complicated with the breakfast. 

He heard the shower stop and poured Oliver a glass of water, placing it on the counter with some aspirin. He shook his head, chuckling at himself. He felt like a 50s housewife. 

Oliver came out in Kyle’s shirt, Kyle taking a moment to appreciate the view: Oliver’s wet hair, wearing his t-shirt, his boxers rubbing up against Oliver’s...

“How’re y’ feelin’?”

Oliver drank half the water before responding. “Better.” He looked at the skillet. “Pancakes again?”

Kyle blushed, hoping Oliver wouldn’t notice. “I figured you could use some, if you can stomach them.”

“Perfect. Thanks.”

That one word brought Kyle back to the night before, Oliver saying he wasn’t perfect anymore because of Kyle. He squelched the feelings, sliding a few pancakes onto Oliver’s plate.

Oliver pouted. “No syrup?”

“Test those out and we’ll see.”

They ate together in comfortable silence, Kyle watching out of the corner of his eye to make sure Oliver wouldn’t upchuck on the table. It seemed like everything went down okay, judging by how fast Oliver ate the pancakes, searching the kitchen for more. Kyle gave him the rest of his own.

“These are great.”

He smiled. “I’m glad y’like ‘em.”

Afterwards, Oliver was unwilling to leave, helping Kyle carry out the garbage (and the vomit) as well as make the bed. He started punching his fist into his palm, and Kyle knew something big was coming.

“Oliver.”

“Yeah?”

“What’s goin’ on?”

Oliver flushed. “Nothing.”

“Look at your hands.” Oliver looked down, stopping mid-punch. “Y’always do that when y’er nervous.”

There was a long pause, and then Oliver spoke, the words coming out rushed. “Doyouwanttolivewithme?”

Kyle blinked. “What?”

A deep breath before he spoke again. “Do you want to live with me?”

Kyle stood up, walking over to Oliver, forming his words carefully in his mind. “Oliver, are y’sure?”

Oliver said nothing, just nodded. Kyle wasn’t so ready to commit. “Sit down.”

They sat on the edge of the bed, facing each other, Kyle rubbing his temples. “Oliver, if I move in, what’re we goin’ t’ tell the guys?”

“That I need to get serious about university and we decided to split the rent for a nicer place.”

Kyle hesitated, then spoke what was on his mind. “So this is for convenience only?”

“No! Well, yes.” Oliver grinned nervously, and Kyle laughed. When did Oliver make dirty jokes? Oliver tried again. “I want to move in with you. But Kyle, I’m not...I’m not ready...to...”

Kyle sighed. “Yeah, I know.”

Oliver reached out, paused, then grabbed Kyle’s hand gently. “Please?” He scrambled off the bed, pulling some folded papers out of his jeans, handing them to Kyle. Apartments near the university for rent. Kyle’s eyebrows raised. Clearly Oliver had thought this through.

He sighed. “No girls over.”

Oliver nodded.

“Separate bedrooms, I assume?”

Oliver looked away, but nodded. 

Kyle deliberated, thinking every aspect over. The entire thing could end horribly. Or it could be great. If they rented the apartment, he could find a suitable roommate if it didn’t work out. And being with Oliver all the time was...appealing. He nodded slowly, Oliver’s face lighting up.

“Really?”

“We’ll try it.”

Oliver leaned forward and kissed him. “We should start looking for places right away. We only have a month. Something nice, near campus...” and boom, Oliver was on a roll, talking statistics and location. Kyle sat cross-legged on the bed, smiling, shaking his head.

\-------------

“Is that all of it?”

“Better be. I don’t think I can lug up any more.”

They flopped onto their new couch, Kyle amazed that he now had a living room that was completely separate from the rest of the apartment, that bedrooms had closed doors, and that you could actually walk around in the bathroom. It really was a nice apartment: Giant windows lined the living room , the bedrooms small but tidy, a good workplace for studying. In other words, it was the complete opposite of the apartment he previously lived in.

Oliver, of course, had to buy furniture for his bedroom, raiding the attic of the fraternity for anything useful. He also bought a bigger T.V. and a brand new couch from Ikea, which they spent all day setting up. It looked good. No one would know they screwed up five times.

Kyle dragged himself up and went to the kitchen, wanting a beer. Oliver ran up towards him. “Wait!”

He stopped mid-beer grab, turning on his heels. “...Hm?”

Oliver grabbed Kyle’s arms and held them, making him face the fridge. “Kyle, this is what a modern fridge looks like. Now, I want you to pay attention, because I know you’ve never seen one before...”

Kyle rolled his eyes and threw Oliver his beer, Oliver bouncing around him. “This place is awesome. It’s so great. And so close to campus!” Now that Oliver wasn’t nearly as shy, he talked. A lot. But Kyle didn’t mind, smiling and laughing as they sat back on the couch, flipping through channels.

Oliver stared off into space, lost in thought. Kyle leaned in close, nuzzling his neck. “Thinkin’ ‘bout me?”

He jarred out of his thoughts and stared at Kyle. “What? You? Never.” He wrinkled his noise, making Kyle smile. Oliver’s face turned serious.

“I was thinking about Cass, actually. We haven’t heard anything from her in three weeks. Josh either.”

In all the drama of trying to find an apartment, then trying to move in, with finals included, he had forgotten about Cass and her problems. Guilt filled him. “Yeah. I guess we should phone her.”

Oliver nodded, pulling out his cell phone and dialing her number. “Cass? What’s up”

Pause.

“Oh.”

Pause.

“Whoa.”

Long pause.

“Do you want to come over? See our new place?”

Pause.

“Cool. Here’s the address.”

He gave her instructions and hung up, turning to Kyle. “I don’t think things have gotten better.”

They mulled around the apartment waiting for her, Oliver idly cleaning up. Finally the door knocked and there was Cass.

“Wow! Guys, this place is great. Look at those windows!” Oliver flushed and raced around, giving her the tour. Kyle stayed in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, smiling. It honestly felt like their home.

Finally, Cass and Oliver finished and Kyle handed her a beer. He decided to dive right in, “Cass, how ARE you?”

She grimaced, embarrassed. “Not running around crying anymore, thank god.”

“But things haven’t...”

She clenched her beer, her face covered in anger. “He always comes to Australia with me over the summer to see my relatives. He’s been going every year since Grade Ten. And now he tells me ‘I have to work, Cass. Sorry’.” She lowered her voice to match his tone, and Kyle had to smile slightly. She knew him so well she even imitated Josh’s facial expression when he talked, getting it perfectly. 

“Sorry? Sorry?! Four years of going with me to Australia and he just waves a lame apology? Now it’s going to be two months before I see him again, and he doesn’t even care!”

“He cares, Cass.”

She glared the iciest glare Kyle had ever seen. “I’ve known him virtually my entire life. I know when he cares. He. Doesn’t. Care.”

Oliver and Kyle had no idea what to say, Oliver leaning towards her for a hug. She allowed it, for only for a few seconds. “I’m going to go to Australia and have the time of my life, and he...he can go to hell!”

Kyle smiled. “‘Atta girl.”

Oliver hesitated before speaking. “Cass, what if you… y’know...instead of him...” He turned to Kyle for guidance. 

“Cass, don’t let him string y’ along.”

She held her chin up. “I’m not taking the easy way out. If I break up with him, either way I’ll still be the dumpee. He’s already made up his mind and I’ll take it proudly.” Her jaw trembled, and they watched her clench it.

She leaned forward, giving both of them a kiss, grabbing her purse and saying goodbye. Cass was almost out the door when she turned back. “You haven’t...seen him...have you?”

Kyle shook his head. “It’s like he’s disappeared off the planet.”

“Don’t I know it.” It came out bitter, and Kyle grimaced. He hated seeing Cass this way. But then she was gone. Oliver sighed. 

“Poor Cass.”

“Yeah. She’s tough, though. She’ll be okay.”

He placed his beer down on the counter, pulling Oliver’s out of his hand as well. “Y’know, it’s tradition to make love in every room of your new house...” He leaned in close, sliding his hand down Oliver’s chest.

“Really.”

“Mmhm.”

“Even the bathroom?”

Kyle nibbled Oliver’s ear. “I think the shower would suffice.”

He felt Oliver tremble and grinned. “W-what about the kitchen?”

“Countertop.” He kissed along Oliver’s jaw, blatantly avoiding his mouth.

“A-and the living room?”

He pushed Oliver down to the couch, straddling him. “Somethin’ like this.”

Oliver moaned, his mouth searching for Kyle’s. And then they were making out, gloriously, gloriously making out. Until there was a knock on the door.

They broke apart, breathing hard, listening. Kyle spoke first, his voice grainy, trying to be quiet. 

“Let’s ignore it.”

“What if it’s Cass?”

“Why would she come back?”

“I dunno.”

A voice came out from behind the door. “Is this Cass hot?” Phil.

Kyle groaned and pulled off the couch, adjusting his hair and shirt, Oliver blushing furiously, doing the same. He went over and opened the door. Phil grinned. “Bet she’s not as hot as me, right?”

“Ehhh.” Kyle grinned and Phil punched him, walking inside. He took one look at Oliver’s flushed face and his grin widened. “Did I interrupt something?”

“Nah, we were just moving the couch.”

“I bet you were.”

Oliver looked like he wanted to shrivel up and die, so Kyle gave Phil a warning glance, and he backed off immediately. “I was wondering if you’ve finished moving, ‘cause I need my car back. Gotta pack up.”

“Oh. Crap. Here. Sorry, man.” Oliver threw him the keys, Phil catching them in one swift movement. 

Kyle had forgotten Phil was leaving. “The frat’s gonna be so weird without y’around, man.”

Phil laughed. “It’s going to be weird not being there. But Harvard, here I come!”

He stayed for a while, drinking a beer and catching up with Oliver and Kyle, saying their goodbyes. Finally, he stood up. “Well, goodbye little brothers.” They all shook hands, Kyle feeling a slight ache in his chest. He was going to miss Phil. The fraternity would be completely different without Phil as president, a perfect balance between refereeing the brothers and having fun too.

“I’m not supposed to tell you the next prez, but it’s going to be Marcus. I would have made it one of you if I could.”

Kyle nodded. Marcus was a good guy and didn’t have any problems with Kyle. Although he may not jump to help Kyle out, he wouldn’t plan an attack on him, either. He smiled. “Come back and visit, man.”

“Definitely.” One more handshake and Phil walked towards the door. Kyle turned to Oliver, sharing a look, then ran out into the hallway. 

“Phil!”

Phil turned, walking back towards Kyle. And now that he was there, standing in front of Kyle, he didn’t know what to say. “I, uh...well...thanks.”

Phil smiled. “Anytime. I’ll e-mail you.”

“Yeah.”

There was an awkward pause, and then he reached in, giving Phil an equally awkward pat-on-the-back hug. Phil returned it without comment, then walked into the elevator, Kyle borrowing from Oliver, knocking his fists gently together.

He went back inside, crawling towards Oliver for a real hug. As Oliver wrapped his arms around him, Kyle mumbled into his chest. “It’s gonna be so weird.”

“I know.” Kyle felt Oliver stroke his hair and smiled. He was much more comfortable being a boyfriend when they were in their apartment. Maybe this could actually work.

Oliver pulled away. “I have something for you.”

“Mmm?” Kyle leaned up for a kiss.

Oliver laughed and walked over to the counter, holding something in his fist. They sat on the couch, Kyle’s curiosity peaked. “What is it?”

“I know it’s our apartment, but I wanted to...I just wanted to.” He opened his palm, revealing a key. 

Kyle laughed and kissed him again.

\-----

May ended and June began, classes and work taking up Kyle and Oliver’s time. They managed to jack each other off in every room in the apartment and then celebrated their victory by taking another lap. Cass sent postcards from every town she visited in Australia and they placed them like a mosaic on their wall, giving it a splash of colour. 

Whereas Oliver’s job was exciting and new, practically buzzing with excitement over the latest cop gossip when he came home each evening, Kyle’s job at the coffee shop was long and tiring, as the place had mysteriously gotten busier over the year. Every night, he’d drag himself into the apartment, giving him just enough time to study before crashing into bed. He learned very quickly that when Oliver’s door was shut, they wouldn’t be sleeping together that night. 

He was sitting in a late night lecture which ended at 10pm, listening to the professor drone on and on in a monotonous voice, clicking useless slide after slide. Kyle stopped copying notes, his eyes glazing over. A buzz in his pocket told him someone was texting him, and he pulled it out, smiling. Oliver. An excellent distraction.

‘Hows class?’

He texted back, his fingers flying over the keypad. ‘boring as hell. better now. ’

Only a few seconds later his cellphone buzzed again. ‘Come home!’

He grinned, glancing up at the professor, who was still droning on, not paying attention to his audience. Kyle snuck out the back door, texting to Oliver: ‘On my way. <3’

As he went outside, night was just starting to fall and he noticed dark storm clouds rushing in with an eerie warm wind blowing over the campus. Despite its warmth he shivered, picking up his pace to make it back to the apartment on time.

Unlocking the door, Kyle dumped his books. “Oliver?”

“Over here.”

He followed the voice to the windows, looking out at the storm clouds. “Looks like it’s gonna be major.”

Oliver’s hands were gripping the edge of the window ledge. “Yeah, didn’t want you walking through it.”

“Aw”. He turned Oliver around for a kiss. “My very”, another kiss, “thoughtful”, another kiss, “boyfriend.”

Oliver kissed him back, but he was tense. Kyle noticed immediately. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t really like storms.” The rain started, a gentle pitter-patter on the window, and Oliver flinched.

“Seriously?” Kyle’s adrenaline was pumping. He loved storms. Loved when thunder rumbled so loudly it shook the floor beneath him. Loved watching the bolts of lightening streak across the sky, illuminating a dark room. Loved the wind whipping trees around, hurricane-style. Pretty much loved everything about them.

“Yeah, seriously. We should get flashlights and go to the basement of the building.”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “Oliver, it’s goin’ t’ be okay.”

“I know.” A crack of thunder was heard in the distance and Oliver glanced out the window, worried, pulling Kyle away and into the middle of the room. “We should go to the bathroom, away from windows.”

The rain became harder, the outside now completely dark. Kyle grinned. Oliver shivered. “I love storms.”

The lights flickered and Kyle hooted but noticed Oliver’s hands were sweaty. “Aw, come on, Oli. I’m not gonna let anythin’ happen t’yeah.” He gave Oliver a gentle kiss. “Follow me.”

He took Oliver’s hand and led him to his own bedroom, digging through his closet. He came out with a box of candles.

One look at the candles and Oliver was practically shaking. “Candles? You think the lights are going to go?”

He shrugged. “Probably. My sister sends them t’ me.” He pulled them out, placing them strategically around the room as he went. He smiled as he lit them, remembering forgotten childhood memories. 

After he was done, a nice glow surrounded Oliver and himself, and he couldn’t help but notice how handsome Oliver looked. The fire turned his skin a rustic tone, the flames flickering off his eyes. He gathered him up in bed, wrapping his arms around him. The lights flickered again, then went out. Oliver made a strange noise of fear.

“Shh. It’s goin’ t’ be okay.” He kissed Oliver’s face softly, over and over.

“I hate storms.”

“I know. It’ll be over soon.”

A massive crack of thunder happened directly overhead, and Oliver shrank into Kyle. Kyle started talking, mainly to distract Oliver.  
“My sister would do this when we were younger. My parents travelled a lot, and were never home, and durin’ storms like this, she’d pull out ev’ry candle and we’d have a seance.” He smiled. “I used t’ love it.”

This was the most information he had ever shared about his family, and Oliver seemed to relax a bit, following Kyle’s words. Then a weird question popped up.

“Kyle, when’s your birthday?” 

He looked down at Oliver, glad he wasn’t nearly as scared. “November 17. When’s y’ers?”

“August 20th.” He looked annoyed. “We never celebrated mine because of summer, but why didn’t you tell me about yours?”

“Birthday’s weren’t really a big thing in my house.”

“Did you get presents? Cake?”

“Yeah. I got a cheque, usually.”

“A cheque?!” Another crack of thunder, and Oliver winced. “That’s not a gift!”

Kyle shrugged, not wanting to talk about it anymore. “Listen t’ the rain!”

There was a pause in the conversation as they both did, the heavy rain so loud they could hear it fall onto the sidewalk a few stories below. A huge bolt of lightening streaked the sky, lighting up the bedroom in an eerie blue light, only for a millisecond. Oliver grabbed Kyle’s hand. “We’re going to get hit.”

“No, we’re not.”

“We’re going to get hit and will have to evacuate.” He was crushing Kyle’s hand, but Kyle continued to stroke his thumb over Oliver’s, soothingly.

Kyle laughed - he really couldn’t help it. “Nothing’s goin’ t’ happen, Oliver. The thunder’s movin’ off.”

Eventually the storm moved off, leaving the heavy rainfall. Oliver’s hand gradually let go of Kyle’s, and he looked embarrassed. 

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He curled up next to Oliver, grinning. “It’s not often I get t’ cuddle my boyfriend.”

Oliver reached out, tracing the scar on Kyle’s lip with his index finger. “It still hasn’t healed.”

Kyle shrugged. “Works fine.” Then he grinned devilishly, moving closer to Oliver. “How ‘bout we test out this new mouth of mine?”

He had wanted to give Oliver a blow job since...well, forever. But he was nervous. What if he couldn’t get Oliver off? What if he did something wrong? What if he didn’t like it? The questions swirled in his head, but one look at Oliver’s glazed eyes and knew he wanted to. For Oliver.

Their kisses became deeper, longer and Oliver moaned into Kyle’s mouth, causing a jolt to jump right to Kyle’s groin. His heart beat sped up, his breathing becoming laboured. He removed Oliver’s shirt, burying in face in his chest, inhaling his scent. He was trembling from arousal, from nervousness. He could do this.

Jeans and socks came off, too, Kyle pausing to remove his own clothing. He put his hands on Oliver’s boxers, ready to pull them down.

“W-wait.”

He looked up into Oliver’s flushed face, reveling in the fact he did that: he could make Oliver like that. He smiled, leaning in for a kiss, pulling Oliver’s boxers down. Oliver didn’t say anything else, only making an intelligble noise.

Holding Oliver in his hand, stroking gently, he glanced up one more time. Oliver’s mouth was open, his eyes were closed, head back. Another rush of heat spread through him. God he loved him.

He kept his pace slow, getting used to it, wincing at he bumped his teeth against Oliver more than once, his heart pounding furiously. Except Oliver didn’t seem to notice. He mewed, gasped, moaned, his hand reaching out to Kyle’s head but not touching it. When Kyle flicked his tongue across the crown, exploring, Oliver gasped, his legs trembling. Kyle grinned, getting into rhythm, more comfortable. He wanted to make Oliver scream. He wanted to hear those sounds for the rest of his life. 

Kyle wished he could say it went smoothly, that he gave a blowjob like a pro, but it wasn’t the case. Aside from the teeth-bumping, he couldn’t go down very far, gagging in frustration as he tried. He used his hand instead, tuning into Oliver’s noises, figuring out what he liked, sometimes getting it wrong. But he wasn’t embarrassed: they were learning, together.

Oliver’s hips began to roll, his hand grabbing at Kyle’s hair, pulling him closer, his breathing more and more erratic. It was so hot - everything about Oliver was hot.

“K-k-kyle....Kyle!”

Hands tried to pull him off, but he looked up, making eye contact with Oliver. He wasn’t going anywhere. Oliver gasped, head back, hips surging, hands still in Kyle’s hair.

It was bitter. Salty. Oliver.

Afterwards he slid up, wanting contact, aroused at Oliver’s sweaty, flushed face. Oliver turned to him, eyes glazed, a half smile on his face. They cuddled. Kyle wanted to ask whether he had done it right, whether it was okay, but forced himself not to.

Soon Oliver’s arms became tense, his face twitchy, and Kyle understood, although disappointed. Oliver wanted space. He wanted to return to his room. And although he knew this, he reached up, kissing Oliver’s neck. “I’ll be right back.”

He went to the bathroom, replaying Oliver’s face in his mind, the sounds. He showered afterwards, head against the tile. He didn’t want to be vulnerable, but if Oliver rejected him...

He toweled off, walking back naked. The candles were burning low and he blew them out. Oliver was in bed, on his side, either asleep or pretending to be. He cautiously got into bed, wrapping his arms around Oliver, his head buried in Oliver’s back. He wasn’t pushed away.

Before he fell asleep, he reached up, kissing Oliver’s neck. “I love you.”

It wasn’t returned.


	14. Chapter 14

The door stayed closed.

Every time Kyle came home from class, or work, or from exercising, he walked past that door. It never opened. He wasn’t even sure Oliver was in there half the time. The only indication Oliver was still living in the apartment was the milk level lowering every morning. But when Kyle woke up, Oliver had already left, usually returning late in the night when Kyle was falling asleep, a gentle click as the front door closed.

And he was lonely.

Phil had left, Cass had left, and Josh was still missing in action. His few school buddies had all returned home for the summer, leaving him with just Oliver. Who he hadn’t seen a glimpse of in days. After an entire ten days, that loneliness had turned into anger. Kyle had given Oliver a blowjob, he had said he loved Oliver, and nothing. No response. Nada. It made him feel stupid, insecure, like the worst person on the planet. Which brought his overactive imagination into play.

What if Oliver didn’t want to lose his fuck buddy? Would that be the reason he said ‘I love you’? The first time wasn’t a drunken admission, so maybe it was a deliberate act. Maybe those words meant nothing to Oliver. For some people, they’re just words. This accusing thought spun in Kyle’s mind, creating a chain reaction. The ‘I love you’ made Kyle suck Oliver off. A calculated move to make Kyle do that, perhaps? Kyle also moved into the apartment because of it, which meant Oliver could afford a nicer place. His disgust of Kyle’s previous apartment had been clear, and he knew Oliver would do anything not to live in something similar.

But at the same time, he remembered Oliver coming back early just to see him. Walking around the campus, showing him his descent into love. Gentle kisses, heavy looks. It was frustrating, complicated, infuriating. He found himself staring at the lake one day, in the same spot it all really, truly began. Pulling out the key, he turned it over in his hands, remember how cute Oliver was handing it over. He threw it as hard as he could into the lake.

But now he had no key to get into the apartment.

Fuck.

So now he was faced with a problem: Dive into the lake and retrieve it or wait for Oliver to open the door. He immediately started pulling off his shoes and socks. The chances of Oliver opening the door in the first place were slim to none, and even if he did, Kyle refused to be the one to break this silence. He pulled off his shirt. Oliver can go to hell.

Despite it being summer, the water was surprisingly cold. He realized how much of an idiot he looked like, standing knee-deep in a public lake, clad only in boxers. He realized he was being a stubborn idiot; that the chances of finding that tiny key were miniscule. But he didn’t care.

Taking a deep breath he dove in, opening his eyes and seeing nothing but a murky greenish gray. Great. Shutting them tightly, he dove to the bottom, searching blindly. He found quite a few rocks and soda cans, but nothing key-shaped. After making ten trips down, he had to quit. That key was in the murky depths forever. 

He came out of the water, dripping wet and muddy, sitting in a pool of water on the concrete, glaring at the lake. This was the most miserable day of his life. He pulled on his clothes, his socks and shirt immediately soaking through, his boxers clinging to his body as he pulled his jeans overtop. And then they were soaked, too.

“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK.”

The dog walkers and little old ladies glared at him, but he didn’t care. Kyle stormed back to the apartment, his hair and hands caked with mud, his clothes clinging to his body, making it hard to walk in his jeans. He got to their door, closed his eyes, and knocked.

Nothing. Oliver was probably locked in his room as usual, not hearing him. He pounded his fist against the door.

“Oliver - open the damn door!”

Still nothing. He slid to the floor beside it, staring at the wall. If Oliver was out, he’d just have to wait, knocking on the door every five minutes or so incase he actually was in there. The mud began to cake in his hair and clothes. It was highly uncomfortable, the mix of wet clothes and air conditioning making him shiver. He pounded on the door again. A muffled voice answered him.

“Who is it?”

“Kyle.” Who fucking else?

He stood up, waiting. There was a long pause, and then he heard the chain slid off, the door opening. Oliver stood there, also dripping wet, a towel across his hips. And nothing else. His abs were glistening, his ‘happy trail’, as Kyle secretly called it, wet and even more pronounced.

Life just was not fair.

He kept his eyes firmly away from any part of Oliver, stepping into the room, trying to look dignified despite his muddy mess. He nodded at Oliver and began to walk to his room.

“What happened to you!? Where’s your key?”

He ignored the first question, grunted out a ‘lost it’ as he entered his room, pulling off his shirt and jeans, grabbing a towel, walking to the bathroom.

“Kyle...”

He slammed the bathroom door closed, then locked it, just in case.

The water was heaven. Pure, hot heaven. If that was possible. He washed the grit off his body, then just stood there until the water turned cold. He toweled off, slung it around his hips and walked back to his room. And, of course, Oliver was there. Fully dressed this time, and easier to deal with. But he still smelled amazing: that signature Oliver smell, pronounced because of his shower, wafting throughout Kyle’s room. 

Do not give in.

He opened drawers, pulling out boxers, socks, jeans, blatantly ignoring Oliver sitting on his bed. Kyle dropped his towel off, not caring if Oliver saw him naked, not caring if it made him uncomfortable. This was his damn room.

The atmosphere was tense, the silence speaking volumes. He could hear Oliver’s nervous breathing as he pulled on his clothes, running his hands through his hair, leaving it messy. Just the way he liked it.

“Kyle...”

And with that, he lost it. He had been doing so well, too.

“So we’re speakin’ now?”

Oliver sat on the bed, tense, nervous. “I’m sorry.”

Kyle snorted. He was so sick of hearing that word. As if some word would make the past ten days disappear. As if it would make the hurt disappear. He said nothing, grabbing socks out of his drawer, leaning against the wall to put them on. He heard Oliver stand and walk over to him. A hand reached out and squeezed his shoulder, and he pulled away hard.

“I...I freaked. I didn’t-”

“Y’ never mean to, Oliver, but y’ always do!”

Oliver said nothing, his eyebrows furrowing, his whole body twitching uncomfortably. Kyle shifted back and forth, angry, ready for a fight. Yet none came. Oliver backed out of the room and left, Kyle hearing the click of Oliver’s bedroom door. Oliver didn’t think he was worth fighting for. He ignored the ache as he pulled out his books, studying.

It took some time, but eventually he got into his studying mode, the hours quickly passing and nighttime nearby. He didn’t bother getting up to switch on his bedroom light, opting for his tiny desk light, the yellow aura surrounding him and the pages, leaving the rest of the room in darkness.

Suddenly the overhead light switched on. Kyle groaned, blinking against the brightness. “Jesus.”

He heard a creak and turned, Oliver standing there, a plate in his hand. “Sorry.”

That word again. He sighed, staring at Oliver impatiently. “Whad’dya want, Fish?”

Oliver flinched slightly at the name and Kyle felt like laughing. He approached Kyle’s desk, placing the plate down. Kyle stared in shock.

Sitting on the plate was a steak. A perfectly grilled steak. And potatoes. And salad. With thousand island dressing on the side. He loved steak. More than anything.

He turned to stare at Oliver, then back at the food. Then back at Oliver, who was now shuffling uncomfortably at the silence. He finally found his voice. “How’d y’grill this?”

Oliver smiled slightly and shrugged. “There’s an apartment-shared grill in the back. Who knew?”

He grabbed a fork and knife and started shoving the food in his mouth. He and Oliver were usually far too lazy to make real meals, always going for something frozen, microwavable, or in a can. To have real food sitting in front of him...his mouth watered as he cut the steak and bit into it. Perfection. Then he remembered Oliver was still in the room.

“‘Fanks” It came out muffled from the steak, and he chewed and swallowed before continuing. “Really. This is awesome.”

A small blush crept up Oliver’s cheeks and he nodded. “Yeah.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a key, leaning forward to place it on Kyle’s desk before backing up, giving Kyle his space. “I, uh, had another one made.”

He smiled at the freshly-made key on his desk, another memento of Oliver’s cuteness. He waved his hand to the bed. “Wanna sit?”

Oliver did, hands awkwardly on his knees. Kyle chewed his steak, looking at Oliver. While his heart screamed at him to forgive, his brain was more cautious, wanting to play this out, give Oliver a true warning. He decided to go slow.

“Aren’t y’ goin’ t’ eat?”

Oliver shook his head. “I ate earlier.” There was a pause. “I’m thinking about becoming vegetarian.”

Kyle scoffed. “Why? ‘Cause all the cool kids are doin’ it?”

Oliver laughed slightly and ran his hand through his hair. “No. I dunno. It was just a thought.”

More silence ensued. This was obviously going to take time. He finished his steak, putting down his knife and fork and sighing, patting his stomach. “That. Was. Great.”

Oliver smiled, but still looked nervous. “Kyle...a few people from my sociology class are going out tonight. Do you want to come? With me?”

The words came out tripped as Oliver fumbled over them, but Kyle still understood. He stared at Oliver for a moment in awe. Did he mean as a date? He pictured himself and Oliver surrounded by blank faces, their hands connected. He nearly rolled his eyes. No, definitely not as a date. As if.

He said the first excuse that came to mind. “Can’t, buddy. Have plans.”

He watched Oliver’s eyes widen slightly, his hands rubbing against his jeans, wiping sweat from them. “Oh. With who?”

Kyle stared blankly. Good question. He opted for vague. “No one y’know.” 

Oliver immediately looked hurt and Kyle felt terrible. Then chided himself. Ten days. Ten entire days. He shouldn’t feel terrible at all. He grinned and picked up the key, putting his best acting abilities into use.

“At least now I can get back in after.”

Oliver smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah.” He stood up. “I guess I’ll, uh, l-leave you to get ready.”

Kyle looked at the alarm clock to make the lie more realistic. “Yeah, I gotta git goin’.”

Oliver continued to stand there, clenching his fists, a strange expression on his face. Kyle immediately went to the closet, pulling out a nice shirt, getting ready. When he turned back, Oliver had left.

\-------

Wandering the streets on a hot, muggy night, dressed in his best shirt, his hair gelled. Yet not a friend in sight. Having a paranoid feeling Oliver might have followed him, he dove for the nearest bar, using his fake i.d to get in, knowing Oliver didn’t own one. He escaped through the back, and now he was here. Nowhere.

It was pathetic and he knew it. He needed to make friends, and fast. But this was where it became tricky: Kyle wasn’t shy and could easily hold a conversation, being almost immediately likable. But truthfully, inside, he was an anti-social geek, preferring to be alone or with one good friend than going out and making them. But he could do this. Where would he start? Where do men go to meet people?

A bar. But not a gay bar. He didn’t want another David-Oliver showdown. In fact, he didn’t want to flirt his way through anything. He needed another idea. How did men meet friends? He thought back to past television shows.

A pub. When a game’s playing. Perfect. 

He immediately turned around and headed for the local pub called Fathers and Sons, where university life was thriving, even during summer vacation. He flashed a smile and his id at the bar, grabbed a beer and turned his eyes to the game. Now what?

He gave a quick glance to the guy on the right of him, staring at the television screen in boredom. He turned to the left: same problem. This wasn’t going anywhere. Maybe he could just see a movie by hims-

“Kyle?”

He turned, relieved at the sound of a voice, a familiar face. Then paused. A redheaded girl, slightly drunk, a plastic tiara on her head.

Kristie. The girl who practically mauled Oliver that first frat party. The entire reason why they met. He grinned and nodded at her tiara. “Kristie.”

She squealed. “Ohmygod Kyle hi! HI! It’s my birthday!”

He looked at all the girls surrounding her, a perfumed swarm, equally red-faced, ogling him. Maybe he could make friends tonight.

“Happy birthday! Big plans?”

She grabbed his hand. “Ohmygod. Kyle, pay and come with us! You’ll love it!”

He did as he was told and was dragged out of the pub, girls grabbing onto his shirt, his arms, his hands, asking him a million questions.

“So you’re, like, gay?”

“Yeah.”

“Like, really gay or just college gay?”

College gay? Was that what Oliver pretended to be? “Uh. Really gay. 100%.”

They all squealed and out came a torrent of questions: If he had a boyfriend (he grinned but didn’t answer), if he ever kissed a girl, if he’d take them to a gay bar sometime. Kristie pulled him out of the throng, wrapping her arms around him. 

“I’m the birthday girl! You have to talk to me. It’s like, the rules.”

He laughed again. She may be ditzy, but she was confident and fun, a stereotypical college girl. And one who knew he was gay. It was just what he needed. 

They went back to her apartment, and more drinks were poured, the music blaring. He danced with all the girls, having the time of his life. No shame, no regrets. Kristie had yelled that out throughout the night, and it was exactly how Kyle was feeling. No regrets.

There was a knock on the door and one of the girls opened it, a police officer walking in. The music was turned off immediately.

“A few of the neighbours called us. The noise level is too loud.”

A few girls stammered out apologies, but Kyle stared. Oliver was always talking about how officers had partners. They never went anywhere without their partners. And yet this man was alone. Unless...

“But that’s too bad, ‘cause it’s about to get louder!”

The hat was thrown off into the room, the ‘officer’ strutting towards a grinning Kristie.

Oh. Crap.

The girls hooted, squishing to sit on the couch beside Kristie, clapping and laughing. Kyle stood awkwardly. A stripper? He wasn’t sure what to make of it. He began to back towards the door. Except Kristie turned around to look at him that exact moment.

“Nuh-uh!” She jumped off the couch and ran towards him, the music so loud he could barely hear her. “Come on, Kyle!”

He resisted, grinning but making a steady pace for the door. “I think I’ll leave y’girls f-”

“Kyle.” Her drunken eyes were serious now, grabbing him by the shoulders. “No shame. No regrets. Come on.”

He let himself be dragged back to the couch area, the stripper now slowly pulling off his shirt, button by button, his hips gyrating. He was hot, and Kyle couldn’t help but stare. Hot in that fantasy ‘this can’t be reality’ hot. His abs perfectly contoured, a little sweaty from the heat of the room, the exertion from dancing. His hips rolling.

Jesus.

He watched the entire show, the stripper’s pants coming off, his exotic dance moves. Watched him give Kristie a lap dance, placing his hat on her head. Clapped and hooted and laughed. The night was fantastic. He slipped out while the girls were occupied.

The muggy air outside did nothing to cool him down. He was hot and bothered, and that disturbed him. He wasn’t sure how Oliver would react if he found out Kyle had watched a male stripper. Would it be the same reaction as a simple fully-clothed kiss from David? Probably. So the obvious solution was to never tell Oliver.

He made it back to the apartment, slightly tipsy, struggling to put the key in the lock. It finally swung open, and he went inside, fumbling through the darkness, passing by Oliver’s closed door. So he had made it home after Oliver had. That meant something, at least.

He closed his door, stripping down to his boxers and climbing into bed. The covers were too hot. The room was too hot. He crawled back out groaning, opening the door a few inches, getting a fresh air-conditioned breeze. He lay on top of the covers, enjoying it. But it didn’t nothing to cool him down.

The stripper was still in his mind, the gyrations, the movements, the sweat. He reached down and grasped himself, fantasizing. Suddenly that stripper had blond hair, a shy smile. The new-and-improved stripper was giving them the lap dance, Oliver’s sweaty smell surrounding him. Oliver kissing him in that cop uniform, kissing down his chest, Kyle breathing heavily.

He came quickly, but took longer than usual to bask in the afterglow. Finally sitting up to find a towel, he glanced around his bed, finding nothing. In fact, the room was oddly spotless. He considered using his shirt, just because he was lazy, but it was his favourite, so he hopped out of bed once again, heading for the bathroom. He opened the door the rest of the way and there stood Oliver.

His first reaction was embarrassment for standing there naked. But how long had Oliver been standing there? They looked at each other, both with a panicked expression in their eyes. Then Oliver whipped around and bolted for his room, the door slamming loudly.

He sighed, got cleaned up, threw on his boxers and went to Oliver’s door, knocking gently. “Oliver?”

Silence.

“Oliver, come on.”

Still nothing. He tried the doorknob, but it was locked. So he headed back to his room and closed the door, alone again.

\-------

Luckily, this time the door didn’t stay closed. Oliver sat in the living room watching T.V., occasionally making Kyle something for dinner when he came back from his late labs. But otherwise, it was...uncomfortable. Kyle felt oddly disjointed - Oliver was acting as though they were roommates. Not even friends, let alone boyfriends. 

This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.

Yet, sometimes, only sometimes, he would catch Oliver staring at him, a strange expression on his face. And he had no idea what it meant.

He kept his door wide open, inviting, yet Oliver never came in. Finally, he had had enough. He was done with being patient and waiting. If Oliver wouldn’t come to him, he was going to go to Oliver.

Oliver had gone out with his friends again, and Kyle sat in bed, waiting up, watching videos on the internet. Around midnight, light rain began to fall. Still no Oliver. One in the morning, a flash of lightening flicked across the sky. He pulled out his cell phone and called Oliver, worried now, but there was no answer.

He clutched his phone and tried to calm down. Oliver probably stayed at a friend’s house, not wanting to go out into the rain. It was the logical thing to do. But still his heart hurt: he couldn’t be there for Oliver with his fear of storms. And when the lights went out again, he didn’t want Oliver sleeping on some couch, terrified. 

He phoned again. And again. And again. Nothing each time. The lights went out and he lit a few candles, his mind solely on Oliver, pacing around the dark apartment. He went into Oliver’s room and pulled out his battery radio (sitting in a box of emergency equipment including non-perishable foods, batteries, blankets, bottled water, as well as a million other things), turning it on. The radio announcer was saying a hurricane-like storm had blown from the south and was still going strong, hitting Llanview and surrounding cities, power out in many, the wind at extreme speeds. And judging by the windows rattling noisily, they were right in the thick of it.

He raced to his bedroom, throwing on clothes, grabbing his coat and shoes. If Oliver was at a bar, he’d find him and bring him home. He had just closed the front door, using his cellphone to illuminate the hallway when it rang. He answered, sliding into immediate darkness. “Oliver?”

“Hi, Kyul. Big storm.” Drunk. His heart beat faster.

“Where are y’?”

“Come get me.” His voice was cutting in and out, and Kyle was losing reception.

“Where are you?!”

There was a crackle then, and all Kyle caught was “Stairs.”

“Stairs? Where? Oliver, what stairs?”

“”m- down-airs. Kyle, come ge-” He was cut off and there was nothing. Kyle pulled away his phone, looking at the screen. Call failed.

Downstairs? In the building? He immediately went to the flight of stairs, running down them in complete darkness, not bothering to illuminate his way. He finally reached the main level and stepped off. His eyes already adjusted, he saw Oliver curled up on the floor, facing away from the windows. 

He ran over, kneeling down. “Oli? Are y’ okay?”

Oliver looked up and smiled. “Hi.”

“Why are y’ on the floor?”

Oliver blinked at him. “Sittin’ on it makes it stop spinning.” Of course.

The thunder rumbled them, the wind smacking the rain against the glass. Oliver shivered. “Hate storms.”

“Shh, I know.” Kyle rubbed his back. “Come on, let’s get y’ home.”

“Home.” Oliver smiled and let himself be pulled up.

They took the stairs one at a time, taking forever in the darkness, but Oliver feared the dark as well, whimpering he didn’t like it.

“I don’t like this.”

“I know.”

“I really don’t like this.”

“Shh, we’re almost there.”

They made it to the top, Kyle unlocking the door with one hand, the other tightly gripped in Oliver’s clammy one. He pulled Oliver to his room.

“No.” Oliver’s hand pulled at his.

“Hm?” He wasn’t really paying attention to Oliver’s drunk babble, focusing on putting Oliver to bed, thinking ahead.

“My room. Not yours.”

He stopped at that, turning to look at Oliver. After all of that, he still didn’t want Kyle near him. Would now be the right time to challenge Oliver, to argue? One look at Oliver’s drunken eyes and the answer was immediate: No, of course not. He’d do it some other time.

He sighed, turning back to Oliver’s door. “Alright. Come on.” He sat Oliver down on the edge of his bed, but the room was still pitch black. He stood up to get the candles from his room.

He heard a whimper behind him. “Don’t leave me here.”

“I’m gettin’ candles. I’ll be right back, okay?” He left before Oliver could reply, running to his room, walking back with the lit candles as fast as he could go. He placed them in Oliver’s room, hearing him sigh.

“S’better.”

Kyle smiled. “Yeah.” He pulled off Oliver’s shoes, unbuttoning his shirt, reaching into the emergency box to pull out a bottle of water. “Drink.”

While Oliver did that, he pulled the covers back, taking the bottle back and maneuvering Oliver into bed. He tucked him in, hesitated, then placed a gentle kiss on Oliver’s temple. Oliver made a small mewing noise, eyes closing.

He backed out of the room quietly, thankful that the thunder had settled down, only lightening and rain left. He carefully closed the door and began to walk back to his room. A muffled voice came out from behind the door.

“Kyle! Kyle!”

He strode back quickly, opening the door. “What’s wrong?”

“Where’re you going?” Oliver was sitting up in bed, hands clenching the duvet.

Kyle paused for a moment. “T’ bed?”

“You don’t wanna sleep with me?” Oliver’s voice cracked.

“I thought y’ didn’t want me...to.” Although the first part probably applied, too.

Oliver sniffed. “I always want you to.”

Slowly Kyle entered the room, pulling off his jeans and shirt, carefully climbing in beside Oliver, feeling his heat, closing his eyes and inhaling. They had been living in the same apartment, yet so far apart. He moved closer.

“You’re b-breaking up with me.”

He pulled back slightly, having his face buried in Oliver’s neck. “What?”

Oliver’s eyes were watering. “You don’t want me anymore.”

Kyle reached out, stroking Oliver’s jawline gently. “What are y’ talkin’ about? I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

Oliver didn’t seem to hear him and continued talking, eyes becoming more and more watery with every passing second. “Kyle, I just...I-I can’t. I’m not r-ready. To do what you did. I-I’m not ready!”

He thought Kyle was mad at him for not returning the blowjob? He sighed, tightening his hold around Oliver. “I don’t care about that, Oliver. You ignored me.”

“I-I needed time. I need time. I’m not ready!”

He closed his eyes. Trying to have a serious conversation with a drunken man just wasn’t possible. Why was he even trying? He shushed Oliver, rubbing his back soothingly. “We’ll talk in the mornin’. Go t’ sleep.”

“I hate storms. Can’t sleep.”

“Just close y’er eyes.” Kyle kept his closed, his hand moving up to rub Oliver’s hair. He felt a mouth on his and pulled away. “No, Oliver.”

“Y-you don’t w-w-want me!”

Not again. “Oliver...”

“I d-did everything! I made you food and cleaned your r-room and said I was sorry! And you didn’t l-listen to me! You didn’t care!”

“Sh, Oliver. I did care. Now please, go t’ s-”

“You weren’t thinking of me! You were thinking of s-someone else!”

He opened his eyes, confused. “What?”

“In your room.” Oliver was openly crying now. “You were t-thinking of someone else. You didn’t s-say my name when you...when you....y’know.” He hiccupped and turned away from Kyle. “You always say my name. No one else’s. Mine.”

So that was what Oliver was thinking? Kyle was jacking off to someone else? Okay, that was true. Originally. But that someone else had quickly taken on the form of Oliver. He wrapped his arms around Oliver tightly, spooning him, saying nothing, finding his hand and holding it. Oliver fell asleep, and Kyle wondered what the hell he was going to do in the morning.

\----

Morning came, and Kyle didn’t make Oliver pancakes. Instead he placed Advil and a huge glass of water next to the bed and went back to his own after showering. At least he didn’t have classes, so he sat in bed and waited.

He heard Oliver’s door creak open around noon, luckily no vomiting sounds before or after it. Heard the thudding walk to the bathroom and the shower being turned on. And surprisingly, Oliver’s voice coming out as he sang. Kyle closed his eyes, listening. He loved Oliver’s voice.

He stayed in his room as Oliver went back to his, stayed until he heard Oliver in the kitchen. Then he stood up and walked in, catching Oliver making eggs.

“Eggs? Isn’t that a little hard on y’er stomach?”

Oliver turned around, embarrassed. “Uh, I think I’m okay, actually. Only a small headache. But thanks. Want some?”

Kyle nodded, sitting down at the kitchen table, watching Oliver cook. Oliver put the ketchup on the table without being asked to and they sat in silence while they ate. Finally, Kyle pushed his plate away, making Oliver look up.

“Oliver, listen.” Oliver opened his mouth, but Kyle shook his head. “No. Just listen.” The mouth closed.

“I was thinkin’ about y’ that night y’ caught me.” Oliver’s face flushed, but Kyle ignored it. “I always think about y’. And I don’t care that y’ didn’t...get me off. Only when y’er ready. I’d never pressure you.”

Despite his obvious embarrassment, Oliver nodded. “I know.”

“Good. I’m not done.” He paused, trying to figure out how to word the next statement.

“Y’ can’t keep ignorin’ me. We live in the same house.”

Now Oliver looked up, surprised. “I wasn’t ignoring you!”

Kyle raised an eyebrow, and Oliver’s face went from pink to red. “Okay. At first, yeah. But afterwards...I tried to say sorry and you ignored me. Every time. So I just...I gave you space. I thought...I t-thought you were going to b-b-b...” He sighed. “I thought you were seeing someone new.”

Kyle just stared. All of his worrying was just...miscommunication? They had always been so in-tune with each other, he just never figured it would happen. “I’m not.”

“I know. It was dumb.”

Kyle still stared. “Then why close y’er door all the damn time?!”

Oliver looked surprised. “My professor’s lecture slides are audio only. I didn’t want to bother you when you’re studying so hard. The slightest noise and you lose your concentration.”

He laughed. He couldn’t help it - it just bubbled out. Miscommunication. Unbelievable..

Kyle stood up and walked around the table, kissing Oliver heavily, grinning as he pulled back. Oliver seemed to understand, also, smiling. “We need to work on our communication.”

Kyle laughed again. “Definitely. I love you.”

Oliver smiled. “You too.”

Kyle slid his hands up Oliver’s shirt, reveling in the contact after such a long time and groaned at the lightest touch Oliver made, his heart picking up speed when Oliver’s hand ran through his hair, gripping it.

Oliver’s phone rang. They pulled away, looking at each other, Kyle staring at Oliver as if to say ‘don’t you dare’. Oliver grimaced. “Let me just see who it is.” He pulled out the phone, staring at the screen. Kyle looked also. ‘Mom’.

He sighed and pulling away, their moment definitely over. Oliver took a few deep breaths before answering. “Hey, Mom.”

Kyle grabbed the dishes and went to clean up, turning on the sink full blast to give Oliver a bit of privacy. He knew a call from the parents meant Oliver locking himself up in his room, not wanting to see Kyle until it was over. He finished cleaning up, heading back to his room to do some studying. Oliver’s voice was clear through his door.

“You’re doing what? No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I-I have classes. I’m busy. I wouldn’t be able to show you around”

A long silence followed, Kyle standing at the door to his room, listening attentively.

“Yeah, I miss you, too.” More silence.

“His name is K-Kyle. We split the costs. He’s a f-friend from the frat. I’ve told you this.”

Another long silence.

“W-When?”

He heard Oliver stand up and ran into his room, sitting at his desk and trying to appear casual. He heard Oliver say goodbye and opened a textbook, pretending to study. The door opened and Oliver walked into his room.

He turned to smile, but stopped at the look on Oliver’s pale face. Kyle stood up immediately. “Is everythin’ okay?”

“My parents are coming to visit.”


	15. Chapter 15

"My parents are coming to visit next week"

Kyle just stared. “Next week? For y’er birthday?” 

Oliver kept staring blankly at the wall. “Yeah.”

Kyle would never admit it, but he had wanted to spend Oliver’s birthday together. Just the two of them. But that was stupid, of course. Oliver’s parents would never leave him for his 20th birthday. They hadn’t seen him in months. It made sense.

So Kyle put his best smile on and tried to appear excited. “Awesome! Y’can hang out with y’er parents on y’er birthday, and we’ll do somethin’ after.” He let his voice soften. “Just us.”

Oliver turned to look at him now, a peculiar expression on his face, one Kyle had never seen before. Then he wheeled around and walked out of Kyle’s room. Kyle stood in shock before following.

“Oliver! Wait! What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” Oliver spun to face him, breathing hard, his eyes filled with...fear? Now it was Kyle’s turn to stare blankly. 

“God, Kyle...” Oliver ran his shaking hands through his hair. “If they find out...if they have any idea what we’ve been...” He choked on a sob, cutting off his words. 

Kyle sighed. “Oli...c’mere.” He took his hand and dragged Oliver to the couch, wrapping his arms around him once they were sitting. Then he pulled back to stare into Oliver’s face.

“It’s goin’ t’ be okay. Y’ think I’m going to run around with a gay pride flag on my shoulders?” The smallest smile appeared on Oliver’s lips, but it was better than nothing. He put his hand on Oliver’s neck, thumb rubbing against his cheek.

“Do I want y’ to come out t’ y’er parents? Yes.” Oliver jolted a little but Kyle held on. “Do I think it would make y’ happy? Yes. But I respect y’er decision not to. We can be best friends sharin’ an apartment.”

Oliver stared at him for a long time before speaking. “You need to be s-straight.”

“Huh?”

“I can’t have gay friends. You need to say you’re straight.”

Kyle was willing to pretend nothing was between them, as he had done for the past two years, but he wasn’t willing to hide who he was. “Oliver, I’m not going t’ announce I’m gay right as they walk in the door. It probably won’t even come up.”

“I don’t care!”

“Oliver...”

Oliver grabbed at his shoulders, staring at him with a mix of panic and seriousness. “Kyle, please. Please. Do it for me. Please!”

Or what? It was on the tip of Kyle’s tongue, ready to be rolled out. Or what? What would happen if it came up Kyle was gay? He tried to imagine the scenario of two shocked faces, almost smiling as he imagined the utter silence. Then his glance went to Oliver. A devastated Oliver. He could never do that.

“Kyle. Please.” It jarred him out of his thoughts. “Please.”

“Fine. Just this once, Oliver.”

Oliver let out a deep breath, but didn’t look any more relieved. Kyle tried to sound reassuring. They were just parents. “It’s goin’ t’ be fine.”

He leaned in for a kiss, and was surprised that it was returned. More than returned. A hand wrapped around the back of his head to pull him in closer, a little sound made when their tongues touched. They broke apart eventually, still close enough so their mouths could touch.

“You’re going to be late for work.”

Kyle didn’t hear the words, only Oliver’s gravelly voice. He leaned in for another kiss, but Oliver pulled away. This time his head cleared.

“You’re going to be late.”

He tightly gripped the hem of Oliver’s shirt. “Don’t care. Skipping is healthy once in awhile.”

“Kyle...”

Kyle ignored him, pulling Oliver by his shirt towards him, the kissing heavy. Yet Oliver still pulled away. They stared at each other for a long time, Oliver defiantly standing his ground, Kyle figuring out how to get past this. 

Finally, he dropped his head on Oliver’s shoulder. “Fine. We’ll pick this up when I git home.”

“Yeah?”

He looked straight into Oliver’s eyes, knowing the arousal in his own. “Oh yeah.”

Oliver shivered and Kyle grinned, jumping off the couch and leaving for work without looking back. 

\-----

Work was torture. Pure torture. Oliver was on his mind every second, his body craving to dump whatever he was doing and go back to the apartment. He was never volunteering for closing shift ever again. 

Kyle kept thinking Oliver might come in and visit him like he had in the past, sitting at their table while Kyle slipped him drinks, even sitting down to talk when things were slow. But no gorgeous blond man walked through those doors. At least it gave him time to process.

Oliver might think that his parents coming was the end of the world, but Kyle was curious. He wanted to know who they were, what they looked like… George and Barbara. The way Oliver painted them made it sound like they were villainous monsters who carried a Bible and Holy water with them everywhere they went. Like those preachers on street corners saying everyone but themselves are evil.

But more than that, he needed some information out of Oliver. Were they planning to stay in the apartment for the week? Would they be eating all their meals in? Should Kyle stay or leave them to their family time? Nervousness coursed through him. Even if he pretended he was straight, what if they didn’t like him? What if they saw through his lies?

What a terrible way to meet the parents. 

But that sprung even more questions to mind. Did Oliver ever mention him? He heard his name in the telephone conversation - did that mean they spoke about him in passing? If so, what did they say? Was Kyle ‘his roommate’ or ‘his best friend’? He had never felt this confused about himself.

Finally, it was time to lock up. He did a last minute check to make sure everything was clean and that everything was turned off before going outside, locking the door behind him. Disappointment filled him again: Usually Oliver was waiting outside by the bench, waiting for Kyle to finish up, where they’d walk home together, side by side. But the bench was empty tonight. 

There was a chill in the air, a reminder that August was soon ending, and the fall semester was close by. Which just brought more questions into Kyle’s mind. Oliver could barely deal with people they were closest to knowing they lived together. What would happen when the frat buddies returned? Would he freak out, end the lease, send Kyle back to his shit studio? 

He rubbed his head to make the questions stop. The obvious solution was to talk to Oliver about all of it. He stepped into the elevator, tiredly waiting just to go home and see Oliver. To be with Oliver. Remembering their last conversation, he smiled, unlocked the door and stepped in. Then stared.

The entire apartment was spotless. Bleached, shined, polished, vacuumed. Every dish was gleaming, not a speck of dirt on the windows. He went to his room to see that was cleaned too. Even his sheets were changed. The bathroom was spotless, Oliver’s room was spotless. Yet Oliver wasn’t in it.

“Oliver?”

“Here.”

He followed the voice to the living room, but it was also empty. “Where?” It felt like a dumb game of Marco-Polo.

“Right here.”

Oliver was sitting on the floor, leaning against the kitchen countertop, bottles of beer and alcohol everywhere. Kyle stared at the bottles in shock.

“How much did you drink?!”

Oliver shrugged. “Until I didn’t feel like it anymore.”

Alcohol free house, from now on. Kyle crouched down, cleaning up the bottles and putting them in the recycling. Then he went back to Oliver, and without saying anything, picked him up, carrying him to bed.

“Why bed?”

“It’s late. Y’ need to sleep this off.”

“No. I just cleaned it!” Oliver pulled out of Kyle’s grasp, wobbling slightly. 

Kyle stared at him. “What’d y’ plan t’ do for the rest of the week?”

Oliver just blinked. “I didn’t think that far ahead.”

Rolling his eyes, Kyle grabbed Oliver again and dragged him into his room. He got him settled and turned to leave.

“You’re mad at me.”

He thought about denying it. Really, he did. But it came out anyway. “Yes, Oliver. I’m mad at you.” Every syllable was clipped.

“I’m sorry, Kyle. I’m s-” His voice cracked. Kyle stayed against the door. Finally, he sighed.

“I’ll be right back.” He left before Oliver could say anything.

He walked to the fridge, opening it, looking inside the leftover beer. There wasn’t much left. He grabbed it, popped the top, and took a long swig. Then dumped it all down the drain. He continued until there was nothing left, getting a glass of water for Oliver, walking back to his room. Oliver was still awake, silently crying, staring at the wall. He went over, sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing Oliver’s back.

“It’s goin’ t’ be okay.” He had no idea how many times he had said that, but there was nothing else to say. 

“I don’t want you here when they come.”

Kyle snorted. “nd where am I supposed t’ go?”

“The frat.” Despite being beyond drunk, Oliver was oddly clear.

“Oliver...”

He turned to look at Kyle, his eyes red and watery. “I don’t want you talking to them. The things they’ll say, Kyle...” More tears rolled down his cheeks.

Kyle reached over for a hug, the realization hitting him. As much as Oliver said they were excellent parents, and that may be true, they were unintentionally hurting him. Badly. Every time they mentioned homosexuality being a sin, it was probably a shot in the heart for Oliver. And he had been holding it in for years, probably right up until he met Kyle. He hugged Oliver tighter.

“I’m not leavin’ you with ‘em either. We’re goin’ to git through this together, ‘kay?”

“They’ll find out.” Oliver’s voice was muffled, Kyle feeling wetness from the tears on his shoulder.

“How?”

“By the way you look at me.”

He pulled away to stare into Oliver’s face. By the way he looked at Oliver? He had no idea what that meant. Sure, he’d stare at Oliver sometimes, when he walked around the apartment, but it wasn’t like he was going to do that in front of Oliver’s parents. 

“Like that.” Kyle focused on Oliver and saw that he was smiling, reaching up to touch his face with clammy hands. “When you look at me like that. They’ll know.”

Kyle smiled. “Then I won’t look at ‘cha.”

“Promise?”

Kyle laughed at that. “Yeah.”

Oliver snuggled down then, into Kyle’s arms, and was asleep almost instantly. Kyle sat still, stroking his hair. The nerves that Oliver felt were being projected onto him, making him anxious, and forming a knot in his stomach. Even though he logically knew it was going to be fine, that nothing would happen, the knot didn’t go away.

\-----

He woke up before Oliver the next morning, calling Oliver’s work and telling them he was sick with the flu. The man on the phone wished him better, saying Oliver could take all the time he needed. Just as he hung up, he heard vomiting in the bathroom. He wet a face towel and knelt beside Oliver as he dry heaved, placing it on his sweaty neck.

“This is what happens when y’ drink everything we own.”

Oliver just groaned, wiping his mouth. 

“Do y’want me t’ leave?” Kyle knew that when he was vomiting, he didn’t like anyone around. He didn’t know if Oliver felt the same.

“N-no.”

That’s all that needed to be said. He stayed with Oliver, murmuring comfort as he vomited, got him water to rinse his mouth with, even turning on the water in the shower. 

He waited in Oliver’s room while he showered, watched him walk in, pale but still gorgeous in a towel. Oliver seemed awkward as he pulled out his clothes, clutching his towel tightly, staring at Kyle.

Kyle grinned. “I’m not goin’ to maul you, Oliver. I’ve seen y’ naked. Although”, he added with a glint in his eye, “I’d be more than happy to help y’ dress.”

Oliver flushed bright red, but dropped his towel, getting dressed quickly. Kyle watched him with a slight smile on his face, happy with himself that he could make Oliver uncomfortable. 

Oliver looked at the alarm clock, eyes widening. “Work! I’m going to be late.”

Kyle shook his head. “I called in for you. Said y’ had the flu.”

Oliver looked embarrassed, but smiled. “Thanks.”

They walked into the kitchen together, Oliver settling for dry toast and water, his colour slowly coming back. Kyle sat, pushing his eggs around his plate. 

“Are y’er parents stayin’ here?”

He saw Oliver grip his glass tighter. “They’re staying at a hotel. Three nights.”

Kyle nodded. “Will they be eatin’ here?”

“Probably for cake and presents. They’ll want to see the place.”

Kyle nodded again, processing. It was an awkward conversation, but they needed to have it. He needed to be prepared, at the very least.

“Don’t buy me anything.”

He looked up from his plate, but now Oliver was staring at his steadily, making sure to avoid Kyle’s gaze. “What?”

“For my birthday. Don’t buy me anything.”

Kyle sat, staring, thinking of the Battlestar Galactica set currently sitting in his closet. “Why not?”

“Guys don’t buy each other presents.” Oliver said it as though it was written in the Criminal Code, like reciting it off by heart. 

Kyle’s eyebrows raised in return. “I don’t think I got that memo.”

Heat spread across Oliver’s cheeks again, but he held firm. “Just don’t, okay?”

“Fine.”

“Good.”

More awkward silence. Kyle scraped his chair back. “I’m going to work.” He walked out the door.

\------

Every night, it was the same. Kyle would come home from work, Oliver on the floor drunk. It didn’t matter that Kyle had rid the house of beer, because it turned out Oliver wasn’t carded when he went to buy some. So he went and bought a lot, hiding it in his room. Kyle had no idea what to do. Oliver’s parents were coming the day after tomorrow and at the rate Oliver was going...

The only explanation he had received for Oliver’s behaviour came the night before. Oliver had said it ‘blocked them out of his head and dulled everything’, whatever that meant. 

For the third night in a row, he came home, pulling Oliver off the floor and onto the couch. Then an idea came. He walked into Oliver’s room and pulled out some bottles. Three beers and a bottle of vodka. He walked back towards Oliver, who stared at the alcohol.

“What’re you doing?”

He placed them on the coffee table, sitting next to Oliver, twisting the cap off one of the beer. “For every beer you drink, I’m goin’ t’ have one.” He emphasized this by chugging the first beer down. A minute passed, then two, and he placed the empty bottle on the table.

“So how many more do I have t’ go?”

“Why are you doing this?”

“We’re a team, Oliver. And if this is what y’er doin’, if you want t' feel numb, I’m grabbin’ the same ride.”

He reached for the vodka bottle, taking a swig. It was like medicine sliding down his throat, making him wince, but he kept going, forcing it down. He was already feeling the buzz. Oliver stared in horror before grabbing the bottle out of his hands. “Stop!”

“Why? I’m not nearly as drunk as you, yet.” He reached for a beer, taking a swig, then another.

He heard Oliver’s voice crack. “Stop.”

He winced as he finished the second bottle, already feeling nauseated. He reached again for the vodka, but Oliver put it out of reach. “Stop!”

“Why?”

Oliver choked. “Because I don’t want to see you like that!”

“And you think I like seeing you like this?”

Oliver just stared, the realization of what Kyle was doing hitting him. “That’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair, Oliver. But we keep goin’.”

He stood, wobbling slightly, and put the beer away. Then he turned back to Oliver, who was now curled on the couch, crying. “I’m sorry.”

He sat next to him, wrapping his arms around him. “Three days. We git through this, then we move on. Okay?”

Oliver nodded, leaning in for a kiss. And then they were kissing hard, it had been so long. They stumbled and tripped to the closest bedroom, falling into the bed, shirts being ripped off. There was nothing slow about this. 

Kyle smelled alcohol everywhere, whether it was from Oliver or from himself he didn’t know. He didn’t care. Oliver’s mouth was on his neck, on his mouth, on his chest, and that was all that mattered. He flipped Oliver over, fumbling with his belt buckle, Oliver watching with dark eyes, his breathing laborious. He finally got them off, pulling at the boxers, up and off Oliver’s legs. 

And then there was all of Oliver, completely laid out for him. He grinned despite himself, taking his time, kissing every inch he could find. And this time, Oliver’s hands slid through his hair, pulling him closer, moaning and writhing. He came with Kyle’s name on his lips, and Kyle never felt so in control.

He thought it was over, rolling off Oliver onto his back, taking a minute before going to the bathroom. But Oliver rolled on top of him, kissing him hard, reaching into his jeans. Kyle gasped, completely involuntary, as Oliver shimmied down his jeans and boxers. Was he really going to...?

There was a pause where Oliver looked into Kyle’s face, Kyle trying to look reassuring. Then Oliver clambered off him. 

“I can’t....I-I can’t....” He stumbled out of the room. 

Kyle lay on his back, tipsy, trying not to be disappointed. At least Oliver was trying. He probably even wanted to. He finished up, put on some boxers and crawled into Oliver’s bed.

Oliver kept his back turned. “I’m s-sorry.”

“Shhh. Don’t be. It doesn’t matter.” He buried his face into Oliver’s back, and they fell asleep.

\------

The next few days were a rush, dumping the rest of the alcohol down the drain (Kyle rubbing Oliver’s back as he did so, soothingly), cleaning the house, getting ready for Oliver’s parents. Oliver was constantly coaching him how to act, what to say, what to do. And as annoying as it was, he allowed it, as it made Oliver more relaxed. 

“Just remember, only shake her hand if -”

“If she holds her hand out first. I know, Oliver.”

“And remember to stand up if -”

“If she stands up. Oliver...”

“And remember to always-”

“Stare at your dad when he’s speaking. Oliver, it’s goin’ t’ be okay.”

Oliver didn’t respond.

Eventually, the house was as spotless as when they first leased it, everything in place. Oliver supervised Kyle’s dressing, pulling shirts on and off him until he settled on a black t-shirt and dark jeans, deeming casual better. Oliver himself had on a button-down, sleeves rolled up.

As they waited for Oliver’s parents, Kyle watched him, noticing he just couldn’t stay still. If he wasn’t bouncing his knee, his hands were on his jeans, on the table, rubbing his head, knocking together. Kyle stood and walked over, giving him a gentle kiss. “Relax.”

“No kissing.”

He rolled his eyes. “They’re not here yet.”

“You promised.”

“Relax!”

Oliver took a deep breath and shoved Kyle into his room. “Just stay here until they come in. So it doesn’t look like we were waiting for them.”

Kyle snorted, but sat at his desk chair anyway, opening a textbook. “Better?”

Oliver smiled. “Thanks.”

There was a knock on the door and the change was instant. Oliver became stiff, his smile disappearing, his face tight with no expression at all. He turned and opened the door.

Kyle smiled when he heard Oliver’s mother. She sounded...motherly. “Oliver! Look at you! C’mere! It’s so good to see you - I missed you so much!” followed shortly by, “You’re thin. Have you been eating properly?”

He heard Oliver’s groan. “Mom...”

Then Oliver’s father, his voice deep. “Leave him alone, Barb. He looks good.” Kyle imagined a handshake during the pause. “It’s good to see you, son.”

“You, too.”

Kyle stood, deeming it an appropriate time to enter the living area. He wiped his clammy hands on his jeans and stepped out with a smile on his face. Mr. and Mrs. Fish were standing there, in all their glory. And they looked...normal. Just like any other parents from the suburbs. 

Oliver turned to look at Kyle. On the surface, Oliver looked happy - slightly flushed, a smile on his face. But underneath Kyle could see he was stressed, nervous. He tried to lighten the mood.

Oliver’s father spoke first. “You must be Kyle.”

He nodded. “Yes, sir. Kyle Lewis.” They shook hands, Kyle gripping tightly.

Oliver found his voice. “Sorry. This is Kyle. My roommate, and a friend from the fraternity. Kyle, this is George and Barbara Fish, my parents.”

He turned to smile at Barbara politely. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Fish.”

She smiled, and it was warm. “You’re Oliver’s best friend?”

He wanted to look at Oliver that moment, to see what he should say, but held his ground. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Next came something he didn’t expect. She grumbled, pulling him into a hug. “Then you’re like family! We love getting to know Oliver’s friends.” 

He stood there, inwardly in shock, but smiled and leaned into the hug. “Thank you.” He was truly touched.

Oliver fumbled for words. “Let me show you guys around.”

Kyle stayed behind, getting drinks for the Fishes while Oliver showed them every room. They ended up back in the living room, Kyle passing them drinks. “Here’s yours, Mrs. Fish.”

She waved her hand. “Please, call me Barbara.”

He smiled. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

She laughed. “Oliver, he’s so polite!”

Oliver smiled tightly, Kyle sitting on the couch next to him, but not too close. He didn’t know if he could go three days without touching Oliver.

“So what’s the plan?” George spoke, putting his drink down.

Oliver cleared his throat. “Well, if you want to rest first...”

Both shook their heads. “We’ve been in a car for ages. It’ll be nice to stretch our legs, catch up with our son.”

Oliver nodded. “I can show you around campus, the fraternity, and then take you to dinner.”

Mrs. Fish smiled and stood. “That sounds perfect. Kyle, will you be joining us?”

He stood also, but shook his head. “I think I’ll leave y’ t’ catch up with y’er son.”

“Good man.” George Fish shook his hand again. “Join us tomorrow for Oliver’s birthday.”

He smiled. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

He waved goodbye as they left, Oliver glancing back at him with a strange expression on his face. He had thought he knew Oliver’s expressions by now, but when his parents came, it was like a completely different Oliver – one who didn’t talk and didn’t laze on the couch like he used to. 

One day down, two to go. 

He cleaned up the drinks and went to bed early, reading. He heard the door click shut and paused, listening for voices or multiple people, but only heard Oliver’s footsteps. He snuck out of his room.

“Oliver?”

Oliver kept his back turned to Kyle, hand on his doorknob. “Yeah?”

He wasn’t sure what to say. “How was dinner?”

“Fine. Goodnight, Kyle.” He went into his room and shut the door. Kyle crawled back into his own bed, repeating his mantra.

Two more days.

\----

He woke up early. Six a.m., to be precise. He had a feeling the Fishes were early risers, and he wanted to be the first one. He walked slowly out of his room, avoiding the creaks in the floor, making it to Oliver’s room. He opened the door carefully, smiling at Oliver’s sleeping form. He went to sit on the edge of the bed, leaning down, kissing Oliver’s ear, nibbling along his jawline. He felt Oliver smile and grinned himself as a hand placed itself on Kyle’s knee.

“Mmm.” Kyle grinned, happy to see him awake. 

“Happy birthday, Oliver.”

Oliver groggily opened his eyes and smiled. “It’s my birthday.”

“Yeah.”

“Ugh. 20. I’m old.”

Kyle laughed. “Old?!”

“Two decades.” Oliver pushed himself into a sitting position.

“Well”, Kyle leaned close, giving Oliver a soft kiss, “I like older men.”

Oliver snorted, but kissed him back. Then seemed to remember reality.

“Where’re my parents?”

“At the hotel, I guess. It’s early.”

“How early?”

“6:15am early.”

Oliver immediately pushed out of bed. “We need to get ready. They’ll be here in an hour.”

“Oliver, it’s y’er birthday.” He reached out and grabbed Oliver’s hand, willing him to come back to bed. “Sleep in.”

But Oliver pulled out of his grasp, grabbing a fresh change of clothes. “They’ll be here soon. C’mon.”

Kyle sighed and let Oliver go, taking turns showering (he didn’t think a joke about showering together would go very well), getting dressed and ready to go. At 7:30 a.m., there was a knock on the door. Kyle rolled his eyes. These people are nuts. 

“Happy birthday sweetie!” Oliver was covered in kisses, his father patting his back. Kyle stood in the background, keeping a smile on his face, slightly jealous. He was lucky if he got a phone call on his birthday. 

He went through the usual pleasantries with the parents, with the promise of dinner afterwards, retiring to his room as they cooed over Oliver and how old he was. He watched movies, studied, wrapped Oliver’s present, but left it in the closet. Oliver came home early, knocking on his door before entering.

“Dinner at Lorenzo’s. We should get going.”

Kyle nodded, but stayed in his seat. “Are y’ sure y’ want me t’ come?”

“My parents want you to.” Ouch.

They walked in complete silence to the restaurant, one of Oliver’s favourites. They met the Fishes there, shook hands, and ordered their meals. Now was the time for conversation.

“So Kyle, what program are you in?”

He made sure to keep eye contact with Mr. Fish. “I’m in pre-med. Health sciences, technically.”

His eyebrows went up. “A doctor. Interesting. Any chosen specialty yet?”

Kyle shook his head. “I’m seeing what’s out there before I decide.”

“Always a good plan, weighing your options. Oliver here has always known he wanted to be a cop. No hesitation at all.”

Kyle heard the insult through the words, but chose to ignore it. Oliver gave him a glance, saying nothing.

“So, Kyle,” Mr. Fish continued, Kyle realizing the interrogation had started, “Being a future doctor, are you religious?”

Crap. He could say he was, but honestly, he knew nothing of church, nothing of the ceremony. He went for honesty instead, knowing the consequences. “No, sir. I wasn’t raised in a religious household.”

Silence. Oliver stared at Kyle like, ‘you idiot’, but Kyle ignored him. Finally, George spoke. “I see. So you don’t believe in God?”

Kyle shook his head. “No, sir.”

Mrs. Fish spoke up, then. “Let’s change topics. It’s Oliver’s birthday, after all.”

She and George shared a heavy glance, but he changed the topic rather reluctantly; however, the interrogation was still on. “Have a girlfriend, Kyle? Oliver keeps saying he’s too busy.” He laughed.

Kyle froze. He had promised Oliver he would lie, and his parents might think something was, well, fishy, two boys with no girlfriends in a small apartment. He cleared his throat. 

“Yes, sir. Her name is...Olivia.”

Oliver choked on his water and Kyle felt like grinning. Barbara’s eyebrows raised. “Well, that must be confusing when she’s over.”

Kyle took a sip of water to hide his smile. “We call her Livy so no one gets too confused.”

Barbara smiled. “How did you two meet?”

Kyle was about to speak, but George cut him off. “Men don’t discuss those things, Barb.”

Kyle’s eyes flashed. “We actually met at a fraternity party first year.” He bumped his leg gently against Oliver’s under the table, but Oliver pulled sharply away. He was mad. Kyle felt guilty, but didn’t care.

Barbara sighed. “Oliver, I wish you’d meet a nice girl.” Oliver flushed and said nothing.

The night was awkward for Kyle, but the Fishes didn’t seem to notice, chatting amongst themselves about politics. They returned to the apartment, Mrs. Fish presenting a cake she had made, as well as a few presents, mostly clothes. 

George sat beside Kyle. “Kyle, you should come to church with us tonight. Might do you some good.”

He knew he should say yes, but he remembered Oliver’s words. They’d ruin you, Kyle. I don’t want them near you. He smiled, “Thank you for askin’, but I think I’ll have t’ pass.” He saw Oliver release a deep breath.

The Fishes left for church and Kyle pulled off his shirt and sat on the couch watching T.V. Clearly if you weren’t religious, you weren’t part of the Fishes anymore. Barbara and George had practically ignored him for the rest of the night, and he didn’t think he’d be invited to go with them tomorrow. It was late when Oliver finally came home, stiff, walking straight to his room. Kyle followed. He leaned into Oliver’s back, smiling slightly.

“Hey, Olivia...”

“Olivia?! Olivia?! Kyle, what is wrong with you?” It came out angry, so angry Kyle stumbled back. He hadn’t been expecting it.

“It was the first name that came to mind, Oliver.”

Oliver was shaking, his finger pointing accusingly at Kyle. “You promised, Kyle. You said you’d be normal, for me!”

Kyle snorted. “I am normal. And I didn’t break the straight routine, did I? I said I had a goddamn girlfriend!”

“That’s not the point!”

“Then what is?!”

Oliver stared at him, anger still written on his face. Slowly, it disappeared. “I don’t know.”

He saw how tired Oliver was, how stressed. He reached an arm out towards him. “Oliver...”

“I just need time, Kyle, okay?”

Kyle stared. “Okay. Fine.” He turned and walked out the door, angry. There was no reason Oliver should be angry with him. He hadn’t done anything wrong. Olivia was a common girl’s name. He had said he was straight, had been polite, had followed Oliver’s every instruction. The whole thing was ridiculous, but he had done it. For Oliver. And now Oliver wouldn’t speak to him.

The next morning was a blur, Kyle leaving for work early in the morning, not wanting to deal with Oliver. After work, he went to the mall, perusing the bookstore and the electronics shop waiting for the Fishes to leave. Finally, just before dinner he headed home, assured they had gone before it became dark. He was right - the apartment was void of Fishes.

He dropped his bag and went into the kitchen, settling on a bottle of water now that their place was alcohol-free. A figure came up behind him, and he whirled around. Oliver.

“Jesus, Oliver. I didn’t know y’were home.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“No. I’m sorry.” Kyle just stared at him, but Oliver continued. “I was so stressed. I’m sorry I snapped at you. You didn’t...you didn’t deserve it. It was my fault.”

Kyle leaned against the counter, twisting the cap off his bottle. “Do continue.”

He saw Oliver smile slightly before continuing. “I was a royal jerk and I never meant it. I’m so sorry.”

“And what if I don’t accept your apology?”

There was a pause. “Then I’ll have to get on my knees and beg.”

Kyle grinned. “Please do.” But he wrapped his arms around Oliver before he could. Oliver hugged him back and leaned in for a kiss.

“So we’re allowed to kiss, now?”

Oliver flushed but said nothing. Kyle kissed him again, anyway. “See? Was that so bad? Other than the religious thing.”

Oliver sighed. “It wasn’t too bad.”

Kyle smiled. “Y’ have nothin’ t’ be worried about.”

“I know.”

“I’m a pretty good straight guy, if I say so myself.”

Oliver rolled his eyes, but Kyle laughed. “Stay there.”

“Why?”

“Just stay.” He went into his room and pulled out the gift, slightly hesitant, remembering Oliver’s expression when he said men didn’t buy each other anything. He walked back into the room. Oliver looked at the packaging, eyes widening.

Kyle tripped over his words, embarrassed. “Look, I know you said y’ didn’t want me t’ getcha anythin’, but I...well, I thought that was fucking stupid.”

Oliver laughed and took the gift, kissing Kyle on the mouth. “Thank you.”

“Not mad?”

He shook his head. “No.” He opened the packaging carefully, typical Oliver fashion, following the tape folds instead of just ripping the thing apart, like Kyle would have done. He saw the present and grinned.

“Battlestar Galactica?! I’ve been wanting you to watch it for ages.”

“I figured we could watch it together.”

They leaned in for another kiss, Oliver’s hand on Kyle’s waist. “Together.” He agreed. Then he flushed. “There’s still a week of vacation left.”

“And?”

He looked away, but not before Kyle saw the blush spread across his cheeks. “We could go somewhere. Out of town. Get away for a while. W-watch Battlestar.”

Kyle smiled. He would love to get away, picturing a summer cabin with him and Oliver, no one else. But school was only a few days away, he had books to buy, he still had his job at the coffee shop. He groaned. 

“I can’t. I’d love to, but I can’t. Christmas?”

Oliver grinned. “Christmas.”

Oliver leaned in for another kiss and Kyle felt warmth spreading through this chest.

Things couldn’t get any better than this.


	16. Chapter 16

Third year. 

Kyle couldn’t believe it. 

Although each year seemed to drag on slowly, looking back, it had all gone by in a blur. He remembered walking into his single room first year, not knowing a single person in the entire campus. He remembered watching people prepare for frosh week, thinking that he had made a mistake, that he should refund his money and return home to his friends. And then he saw a flyer on a light post to join Kappa Alpha Delta, formed a plan, and began to stake out the other fraternities on campus. And most of all, he remembered seeing that blond haired boy, who was now sleeping beside him, snoring slightly. 

Kyle lay on his side, hand propping his head up, staring at features he had memorized a long time ago. He followed Oliver’s perfect jawline with his eyes, resisting the urge to lean over and nip it. As much as he wanted sex, watching Oliver sleep was...comforting. Peaceful. He felt as though he could do it forever. 

Oliver stirred, and Kyle deemed it the appropriate time to lean over, burying his face in Oliver’s neck. A murmur of contentment came out of Oliver, making Kyle smile. Oliver didn’t turn around, but leaned into the touch, his hand reaching for Kyle’s, fingers entwining. 

“Mmm. It’s early.”

Kyle laughed softly, nipping at Oliver’s ear. “Yeah.”

Oliver’s voice was rough from sleep as he pulled Kyle’s arm tighter around him. “What time do we have to be at the frat?”

“‘bout an hour.”

Oliver groaned and flipped over, his legs entwining with Kyle’s. They both smiled, and Kyle leaned in for a soft kiss. “We still have some time.”

“What did you have in mind?”

Kyle’s smile grew mischievous as he flipped Oliver over, slamming his wrists onto the mattress, clambering on top. Oliver gasped, looking at Kyle with startled eyes. “Somethin’ like this.”

He kissed Oliver again, but Oliver kept his mouth closed, trying to wiggle out from underneath Kyle. “Wait- Lemme just go -”

Kyle nearly rolled his eyes. Of course Oliver would be self-conscious about morning breath. He connected his mouth with Oliver’s harder, sneaking his tongue in when Oliver gasped in surprise. And then Oliver’s hands wrapped around him, pulling them flush, and Kyle grinned. Checkmate.

There was no need to pull clothing off, as there was no clothing. Contact was instant, and Kyle couldn’t hold back the small moan in his throat. Oliver responded with a tiny noise, running his hands down Kyle’s spine, making him shiver.

Kyle’s focus was cut off from everything except Oliver. The fire alarm could go off and he wouldn’t notice, listening instead to Oliver’s heavy breathing, his frantic heartbeat. Feeling the way Oliver’s mouth travelled down his throat, the way Oliver arched up into him.

He took his time, starting at Oliver’s mouth, his chin, his neck, pausing there, taking time to explore even more. Then he felt, rather than heard, Oliver’s stomach gurgle. He was hungry. Kyle glanced up at Oliver, who just shook his head. “Ignore it.” 

It came out breathless, raspy, and Kyle’s heart did a pop of excitement. Their mouths met again, urgently, but Oliver’s stomach rumbled again. Loud enough for Kyle to hear over the thrumming in his head. He pulled away and cleared his throat.

“You’re hungry.”

Oliver tried to pull him back, his eyes dark. “Don’t care.”

Kyle grinned, leaning down as if to kiss him, and Oliver closed his eyes in anticipation. But Kyle kept his mouth a whisper away, barely touching. “When I suck y’ off, I want y’er attention fully on me. Nothin’ else.” 

Oliver shivered, closing that last few centimeters to kiss Kyle. “Jesus, it is on you.” He arched up again, rubbing against Kyle to prove his point. “Completely on you.”

Kyle laughed but rolled out of bed, sliding a pair of jeans on, careful of the zipper. “Come on. Eat now, play later.”

Oliver continued to lie in bed, pouting. He pulled off the covers and lay out like a Greek god, and it took all the strength Kyle had not to jump back into bed. Oliver grinned. Bastard.

“I’ll make y’ pancakes.” 

He turned away from Oliver, walking to the kitchen. He reached down, grabbing a bowl out of the cupboard, but hands stopped him, putting it back. They circled his waist, sliding under his shirt, Oliver’s hot breath against his ear. 

“Toast.” 

The atmosphere was almost tense as they waited for the bread to toast. Kyle jumped, as always, when the toaster popped, and caught Oliver’s stare, a mix of amusement and...love. Kyle stuck his tongue out, but his heart flipped anyway.

Oliver looked at the time. “Damn. We’re going to be late. Maybe...later.” The last word came out as a question, and Oliver looked nervous.

Kyle was disappointed, but nodded, handing Oliver his plate. “Yeah. Later.”

They ate in tense, but not awkward, silence.

All of a sudden, Kyle felt nervous. He stood up, putting his dish in the sink. “We should git goin’ soon. Gonna shower.”

Oliver nodded slowly, staring, and Kyle left the room. He turned on the shower and stepped in, the heat doing nothing to soothe him. He turned the dial to cold - he couldn’t show up to the fraternity hot and bothered.

He was willing himself to step into the cold water when arms circled him. Although, logically, he knew it had to be Oliver, he still jumped a foot. So did Oliver. He hissed. “Ah! Why is the water cold!?”

Kyle blushed and turned the dial, hoping Oliver wouldn’t notice. “Takes awhile t’ warm up.” As it got warmer, he leaned into Oliver’s body, now wet, trails of water running down his chest. 

“Hi.”

“Play time?”

Kyle laughed. As much as he loved cute, cuddly Oliver, he loved aggressive Oliver, too. He pulled away from the kissing, giving Oliver an accusing stare. “Was all that t’ get me in the shower?”

“Maybe.” The kissing deepened, Oliver sliding his hands over Kyle’s wet skin.

“We’re gonna be late.”

Oliver murmured against his lips, his hand sliding down to touch. “Really don’t care.”

\------

 

“Where the hell have you two been?”

Their new fraternity president, Marcus, stood on the frat lawn, glaring at them. Kyle’s mind kept thinking how weird it was, to see Marcus wearing the Presidential pin, how Phil wasn’t the one striding across the lawn, grinning his usual grin. Oliver flushed deep red, but Kyle kept his cool.

“Had’ta talk to our landlord. What’s up?”

“Pledges are starting to show. All the brothers were supposed to be here ages ago.”

“Well, we’re here now. Whaddya want us t’ do?”

Marcus belted out instructions and Kyle and Oliver separated for their tasks, greeting the other brothers, who they hadn’t seen all summer. Kyle was relieved that all the jerks who had voted against him last year had graduated, the remaining brothers friendly. Marcus kept picking a fight with one of the brothers, and Kyle had to go numerous times to keep the peace. He reminded himself that Marcus wasn’t a bad guy, just stressed about having to host the event.

By the time they had finished cleaning, shining and getting the drinks ready, it was past noon. Marcus called out to them as they left. 

“Party starts at seven! Y’all better be here! I mean it!”

Kyle groaned, looking back over his shoulder at Marcus. “What crawled up his ass?”

Oliver shrugged. “He’s just nervous. Give him time.”

Kyle just snorted. “If he keeps it up, we’re not going to have any pledges.”

“Relax. He’ll be -” He noticed Oliver beside him stiffen, and turned, following Oliver’s gaze. Josh was sitting on a concrete wall, reading. Looking no different than he had last year. 

They both started to walk towards Josh, like men on a mission. Kyle spoke first. 

“Cass isn’t with him.”

“Yeah.”

“Cass is always with him.”

Oliver said nothing, his mouth tightening. Josh looked up as they approached, smiling. “Hey guys. How was your summer?”

Kyle had never felt so much anger. How could he act like everything was fine after all the shit he put Cass through? He sneered. “Spoken t’ Cass lately?”

He watched as Josh’s expression changed, making him look almost...desperate. “She’s supposed to be back next week.”

“How could you do that to her?!” Oliver stood, clenching his fists, mad. 

Whatever wall Josh had built around him crumbled, and he closed his book, hands running through his hair, his face miserable. Kyle had never seen a face so miserable, as if the world was ending. As if Josh had lost everything. It made his heart hurt. 

“I screwed up. I screwed up so bad.”

Kyle kept his eyes stony. “So y’ did cheat on her.”

Josh looked horrified. “No! No. Is that what she thought?!”

Despite his anger, Kyle took a seat next to Josh. No one could fake that kind of misery and he would at least hear him out. Oliver looked outraged, but slowly sat down on the other side, following Kyle but not willing to forgive.

“She said she saw y’ with some chick.”

Josh just stared. “What? Who?”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “Christ, Josh. The point is she didn’t know her.”

“So you didn’t cheat on her?” Oliver’s voice, carefully controlled, his eyes dark.

“No! God no. Cass is it for me.”

“Then what the hell happened this summer?”

Josh stared at Kyle, then at Oliver, then at Kyle again. “I...can’t tell you.”

Kyle raised an eyebrow. “Why the fuck not?”

“Because I want to talk to Cass first.” Josh slid off the wall, grabbing his bag, his face more determined. “I’m going to fix this.”

Kyle delivered a blow he knew would hurt. “It’s been months. Maybe she’s moved on. Who says she’ll talk t’ ya?”

Josh was pale, his whole body shaking. When he spoke, it came out on a whisper. “No. No. She has to. She has to.” And repeating that, he left, Oliver and Kyle watching him go.

Oliver spoke first. “What the hell was that?”

Kyle kept his eyes on Josh’s disappearing figure. “No idea.”

\-------

The parties were endless, continuing past frosh and into the school year. The fraternity reeked of stale beer and vomit, and Kyle never felt happier that he didn’t live in the fraternity than he did at that moment. Marcus had relaxed and loosened the reigns, but now he was partying as hard as the freshmen, drowning in shots. 

The first years who had schmoozed up to Kyle during frosh week were now brothers, and he smiled and stopped to chat as he made rounds through the party, looking for Oliver. He found him in the corner of the living room, a beer in hand, smiling and chatting with a girl.

She was leaning into him, her hand on his chest, a flirtatious smile playing across her face. Kyle could see his face was flushed, could see he was flattered, could see the flirting wasn’t one-way. Yet he didn’t feel jealous. 

Last year, he knew he would have been hurt, he would have stormed out. Now he knew better. Oliver loved him; really, truly loved him. And although he hadn’t been able to reach that step sexually, Kyle saw it in Oliver’s face. The haunted look that used to appear hadn’t shown its face in weeks. And although Oliver would never admit it, at least not right now, he knew Oliver was gay. Not bisexual. Definitely not straight. But gay. The girl was no threat.

Still, something stirred. Maybe jealousy, maybe a little resentment that Oliver would flirt openly with this girl but not with him. Yet something more was churning inside him.

Possessiveness. Oliver was his.

He held his beer by the neck with his fingers, casually, strolling towards Oliver. As if sensing him, Oliver turned, his look immediately turning into one of guilt and embarrassment as Kyle approached. At least he feels guilty.

“Hey, buddy.” He gave Oliver a hard slap on the back.

“H-Hey. This is Melissa”, he added, pointing at the girl. “Melissa, Kyle.”

She smiled, her teeth unnaturally white. “Hi Kyle.”

“Hey y’erself.”

“Oooh, I love your accent!”

He grinned, playing it up. “Why thank y’, darlin’.” 

She giggled and blushed, batting her eyelashes. He refrained from rolling his eyes, turning to Oliver. “I need t’ borrow ya for a minute, brother.” He turned to the girl. “I’ll return him soon.”

She pouted, leaning back into Oliver, cradling herself in his arm. “Very soon?”

Now he wanted to punch her. Instead he grinned. “Sure.”

Oliver coughed out an awkward goodbye and followed Kyle upstairs, entering their room. Goosebumps crawled up Kyle's neck when he entered, but he said nothing. He waited until Oliver entered, closed the door, turning to face him. Oliver looked terrified.

“She was hitting on me. I wasn’t hitting on her. I swear. I was just being friendly.” Every sentence came out fast, short and stilted. Kyle wondered if Oliver thought he was going to break it off.

“Friendly, huh?” He made his tone accusing, fighting back the urge to laugh.

Oliver began to use his hands to explain himself, what he always did when he was nervous. “F-friendly. Nice. She’s from Iowa too. Kyle, I didn’t k-kiss her or anything.”

He laughed now, hands going to Oliver’s waist. “I know.” He kissed Oliver, who pulled away.

“Kyle...”

“Aw, Oli. We’ve been together all summer and now y’er gonna deny me?” 

He leaned in for a kiss again, grabbing Oliver’s head and pulling him close. And then they were really kissing. He kissed down Oliver’s neck, leisurely, until he reached the spot he wanted, just above Oliver’s collar.

Then he sucked hard.

He had almost finished when Oliver figured out what he was doing, grabbing his arms and pushing him away. “Kyle!”

It was too late, a red mark practically glowing on Oliver’s skin. “Just tellin’ the world y’er taken.”

Oliver covered the spot with his hand, looking at Kyle like he was insane. “The brothers...”

Kyle paused. “Would it really be so bad if they knew?”

He didn’t wait for an answer, just walked out the door and returned to the party. He waited close to the stairs, watching Oliver come down a few minutes later, veering away from Melissa and hanging out with a few frat brothers. Kyle grinned when they pointed to his neck and hooted, slapping him on the back. And his grin widened when Oliver turned as red as the fresh hickey.

“Hey Kyle.” It was Jonathan, a senior member. “Can you help me close off the party? People are starting to drop, and I don’t want the cops called.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

“Grab Fish, too. We could use the extra manpower. Marcus is gone.” He pointed to the couch, where Marcus lay, mouth open. Kyle laughed, approaching Oliver and the group of brothers.

“Hey Lewis, score with anyone?” 

He hated drunken conversations, but laughed anyway. “Wasn’t lookin’.” He glanced at Oliver’s embarrassed face and smiled.

“Looks like we all struck out. Fuckin’ sucks.” The brother point to Oliver. “Not Fish, though. Fish scored! Look at his neck!”

Kyle grinned. “Who’d ya score with, Fish?” Oliver was totally going to kill him later.

“Just s-some girl. No one special.” He knew it should have stung, but he just grinned harder.

“We’re shuttin’ down, brothers. Start gettin’ people out.”

It was slow and painful, but they managed to empty the party, Oliver and Kyle escaping before being asked to clean the place. Jonathan promised he’d get the freshmen up nice and early to start scrubbing, and Kyle and Oliver both grimaced, remembering all those freshmen 8am hungover mornings. 

As always, Oliver kept his distance as they walked home, but once they got into the elevator, he took Kyle’s hand, as he did every time. 

“I hate you.”

Kyle laughed. “You love me.”

“Not right now.”

“Nope. Always.” 

He hadn’t meant for it to come out so serious. He turned to Oliver, apprehensive, wondering if he’d freak out. Oliver turned to Kyle, startled, but smiled gently. “Yeah. Always.”

\-----

 

They sat at the kitchen table in late October, still preferring to study together than in their rooms separately. Kyle was taking a break from memorizing proteins, staring blankly at the wall covered in Cass’s postcards. She had phoned a few weeks ago, saying she had taken a semester off to travel through Asia, but would be back by mid-October. She still hadn’t called. Kyle wasn’t worried, but he missed her, the last postcard arriving two weeks ago and nothing since. 

“I need to join a club.”

Kyle left his thoughts, turning to Oliver incredulously. “A club?”

Oliver’s brow was knit, staring at his laptop screen, presumably at the list of clubs posted on the university page. “It’ll look good on my applications. You should join something, too.”

Kyle snorted. “I do volunteering, have a job, and I’m on the fraternity football team. I don’t need a stupid club.”

Oliver’s tone turned defensive. “They’re not stupid!”

Kyle smiled at Oliver’s outrage. “Okay, Mr. Fish. What’s it gonna be? Chess club? Environment club? Ooo, I know. Do they have a Battlestar Galactica club? Or a Future Cops of America club? That would be perfect.”

Oliver glared at him. “I’m never sharing anything with you again. Battlestar Galactica is an amazing show.”

Kyle grinned. “And who doesn’t love Lee Adama?”

Oliver blushed at that. “I was thinking newspaper. I like to write.”

Kyle’s sarcasm fell, realizing Oliver was feeling self-conscious. “I think that’d be awesome.”

“Really?”

Kyle smiled. “Yeah.” There was a knock on the door, and Kyle stood to answer it. And then he gaped.

Cass stood, nervously clutching a bag, grinning. “ ‘Ello mate!”

He laughed at her horrible Australian accent. “Cass!” They hugged as she came inside. 

Oliver stood and hugged her also. “When did you come back?”

She looked guilty. “Just over a week ago. Sorry I didn’t come sooner. But I brought PRESENTS!”

They sat as she told them all about her trip, how she had started off in Australia but flew to Indonesia with her cousins, traveling up through Cambodia and Thailand, ending up in Japan. She sat excitedly, waving her hands as she explained the amount of people and the culture.

Oliver wrinkled his nose. “How was the food?”

She laughed. “Nothing like here, I’ll say that. Even our sushi is completely different!”

She showered them in gifts from everywhere she visited, including strange Asian candies and soda (Kyle was actually excited about the cotton candy flavoured soda she gave to him), as well as some Vegemite from Australia. They both grimaced at that but pretended to love it.

Oliver began to knock his fists together awkwardly, nervously, and the feeling spread to Kyle and Cass, both knowing what was coming. “Cass, have you spoken to...”

Her smile fell, but she sat cross-legged on the couch. “I guess I should tell you two everything.” She tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace. “No crying this time, I swear.”

They both waited as she composed herself, holding their breath. Kyle’s heart beat nervously in anticipation. 

“He asked me to marry him.”

Complete silence filled the apartment. Even the fridge wasn’t humming as it usually did. Kyle gaped. He had no idea what to say. He turned to Oliver, who had the same shocked expression on his face.

She bit her lip nervously. “I said no. Obviously. He had bought a gorgeous ring and everything.”

Kyle found his voice. “And he didn’t say why he ignored ya?”

Cass shrugged. “He said he was working, trying to afford the ring and a house. Didn’t want to give away the surprise. The girl was apparently his cousin - she was helping him.” Cass sounded bitter. 

“You don’t believe him.” It came out as a statement, not a question. Kyle almost laughed - Oliver was going to be the perfect cop.

“He’s not telling me the truth.”

Oliver spoke again. “How do you know?”

“I know.”

More silence filled the room. Finally, Kyle wrapped an arm around her. “I’m so sorry, Cass.”

She hugged for a short second before pulling away. Kyle understood that she was trying to move on. “What’s done is done.” She stood up, grabbing her bag. “I still need to visit some more friends, but we’ll hang, okay?”

Kyle smiled. “Definitely.”

Oliver spoke up. “There’s a Halloween party tomorrow at the frat. Come.”

Kyle wanted to lean over and kiss Oliver for the excellent idea. He had completely forgotten about the fraternity party. Cass was bound to love it - costumes and all.

Her eyes lit up. “Really? I have the perfect costume and everything!”

Kyle let out a breath, glad she was smiling again. “We’ll pick ya up. Eight?”

She squealed and bounced, and they both laughed. Despite the breakup, she was still Cass.

He let her out, then closed the door, turning to Oliver. But Oliver wasn’t on the couch anymore. He was shrugging on a coat.

No words were exchanged. They didn’t have to be. Kyle grabbed his, and they stepped out of the apartment, walking to Josh’s dorm.

\-----

 

The place was a mess. Kyle knew he was often guilty of having a dirty room, but this was beyond dirty. It was dirtier than the frat house after a blowout party. Takeout food and stained clothing littered the floor, along with books, paper, and things Kyle couldn’t even identify. The room smelled like stale sweat and rotting food, Kyle almost gagging at the stench.

Josh sat in his bed, staring at the television blankly, almost in a catatonic state. Empty beer cans filled the bed. Oliver flicked on the light as Kyle approached him. 

“Dude.”

“She said no.” Josh kept staring at the wall.

“Yeah, we know. She told us.” Oliver tread carefully over the debris, his nose wrinkled. 

Now Josh turned to look at them. “You saw her!? Does she look okay?”

“She looks fine. Like Cass.”

He smiled. “Good. That’s good.”

Kyle sat on the edge of the bed, the cleanest spot he could find, sifting through words, trying to find the right thing to say. As it turned out, he didn’t have to. Oliver spoke first. 

“She said you’re lying. That you’re not telling her everything. I believe her.”

Josh smiled slightly. “Of course she knows. We’ve been together for years.”

“Then why don’t you tell her the truth!?”

Josh turned to stare at Oliver. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t.”

Kyle chimed in. “Not even us?”

There was a long pause. Finally, Josh spoke, but there was no emotion in his voice, it being almost robotic.

“Last year I went to her dad, asking permission to marry. He said no; that she was too young. I argued with him and he finally cracked, saying I wasn’t good enough. That a boy with a biology degree could never hold a professional job. That I’d never be able to take care of her. That I was pathetic.”

There was a pause, and Kyle and Oliver exchanged a look, not fully comprehending.

“Cass is rich.” Josh added, seeing their confusion. “Really rich. Her grandfather founded Shippe Enterprises. I met her at private school in second grade. My mom worked as a teacher there so we didn’t have to pay.”

Kyle’s eyebrows rose. He had no idea Cass was worth millions of dollars. 

“I had always thought Mr. Shippe liked me. I had no idea he didn’t all these years. He told me not to bother coming to Australia with them, told me that ‘it would be in my best interest not to tell Cass’.” It came out bitter and Kyle was starting to see the story unfold, realizing the outcome before Josh even spoke.

“So I got a job, starting working hard to pay for a house and ring; to prove I can take care of her. I picked up some summer credits - law credits, and I studied. Studied hard. Took eight courses instead of five, so I can write the LSATs soon.”

Kyle interrupted. “You want t’ be a lawyer?”

Josh turned to stare at him. “I want to be with Cass. The rest is irrelevant.”

He settled back into his story. “I knew I was becoming obsessive, that Cass was starting to see something was wrong, but I couldn’t tell her what her father said. I couldn’t. So...I didn’t. And now I’m here.”

Oliver spoke for the first time. “You need to tell her.”

But Josh was already shaking his head. “Never.”

Kyle grabbed him by the shirt collar and dragged him out of bed. “You are pathetic. Git up, git dressed, go talk t’ her.”

And with that, Oliver and Kyle both left. They said nothing until they reached the elevator.

“Do you think he’ll talk to her?”

Kyle shifted back and forth. “I hope so.”

Cass and Josh were the perfect couple. Seeing them like this, unhappy and upset, it made Kyle uneasy. If the perfect couple couldn’t keep it together, how would Kyle and Oliver, with all their problems? They were far from the perfect couple. He grabbed Oliver’s hand and squeezed. 

And even though it wasn’t their elevator, Oliver still held it, squeezing back.

\------

 

Kyle knocked on Oliver’s door. “Oliver, come on. We’re going t’ be late!”

The door opened, Oliver in his cop Halloween costume. As always. Kyle appreciated the view - Oliver always looked amazing in black. Oliver took one last look at himself in the mirror before leaving, looking at Kyle.

“Where’s your costume?”

Kyle grinned, placing a cowboy hat on his head. “Howdy, partner.”

He expected Oliver to roll his eyes, but instead they darkened. “You look good.”

The flutter in his chest started up again. Kyle was beginning to think it would never go away. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They stared at each other, Kyle wondering if they should skip the party altogether. But then he remembered Cass - she had been so excited. He sighed. “We should go.”

Oliver reached out to stop him, pulling him around for a gentle kiss. “Later.”

Kyle grinned, and they left their apartment, heading to Cass’s. She was dressed in a kimono, her hair held by two sticks, a paper fan in her hand, her lips red. She put on a sultry expression. “How do I look?”

They both laughed. “Amazing.” She really did.

They made it to the party, every fraternity brother flocking Cass as she entered. She delighted in it, laughing and fluttering her fan as she went deeper into the room. Marcus approached Oliver.

“That your girl, Fish?”

Oliver shook his head. “Just friends.”

“Idiot. You should go for that!”

Kyle’s mouth tightened. “What’s up, Marcus?”

Marcus laughed. “Not drinking, if that’s what you’re asking. I learned my lesson.” He slapped both boys on the back. “See ya around.”

Oliver turned to Kyle. “Wanna beer?”

Kyle nodded and Oliver disappeared into the crowd. He went through the rooms, slapping the hands of the frat brothers, saying hello to familiar faces from the Delta Delta Delta sorority and keeping a close eye on Cass to make sure she was okay. 

He was trying to make it back to the kitchen to find Oliver when something was pressed into his palm, a voice whispering in his ear, barely heard over the beat of the music.

“Gavin says hi.”

Kyle whipped around, but whoever had spoken was lost in a sea of costumes. He looked down at his hand, a piece of paper scrunched up in it. He pushed through to the back of the house, nearly empty, and unfolded the letter. Another single typed line on a blank sheet of paper.

It’s disgusting what you’ve done to Oliver, fag.

He stared at it in shock. He thought this had ended when Phil left. If Oliver found out about this...

“There you are.” Kyle jerked his head up to see Oliver, two beers in hand. He passed one to Kyle, noticing the letter. 

“What’s that?”

Kyle feigned a laugh. “Just some girl’s number. I found it in my pocket.” He crumpled it up, throwing it to the floor.

Oliver smiled. “Let’s go back to Cass.” He walked out of the room.

Kyle waited, then leaned over and picked up the crumpled sheet of paper, sticking it in his back pocket. Something was brewing, and he needed to be prepared.


	17. Chapter 17

Kyle did everything he could to appear normal.

He went to classes, kept up with his studies and watched movies with Oliver, making out on the couch. When Oliver was busy, he hung out with his school buddies. When they weren’t around, he was at the frat, befriending the first years. Anything to stay busy, to be distracted.

At night, though, it was worse. The feelings came back, an irrational fear that someone was hiding in his closet, or under his bed, or outside his door, holding a knife like a B-rated horror movie. On those nights he’d slip into Oliver’s bed, curl up against his sleeping form, burying his face in Oliver’s back, breathing in his scent. Sometimes that touch would be enough for Kyle to fall into a dreamless sleep. Sometimes it wasn’t.

The fact was this just didn’t happen in real life. He pulled the folded piece of paper out of his bedside table, staring at it in the darkness. Who received threatening letters in real life? Blackmail was kept for soaps on television, bad movies or novels. And in them, good always triumphed over evil. Was that even possible in reality?

And Oliver. God, if Oliver had any idea, everything they had built, every fragile brick, would come crumbling down. And that scared Kyle more than the letters. So he kept them hidden in his bedside table, under his old textbooks so Oliver would never have to know. And he planned.

As soon as he had enough evidence - a handwritten note, a signed letter, a confrontation with Gavin himself - he could go to the police with everything he had. He just had to keep quiet and wait for that moment to come. The fact Gavin was sending him letters was a bark with no bite. As long as Kyle didn’t start the fights, nothing bad could possibly happen. 

He just had to stay distracted. And Oliver could easily help with that.

He had gotten into the habit of waiting for the click of the front door, a sign that Oliver had come home, and then pouncing on him in the front hall. And even though Oliver was still unable to give him a blowjob, it was comforting knowing someone loved him, that he wasn’t gross, that Oliver wouldn’t leave him if the threats turned out to be true. 

So comforting, in fact, they usually didn’t make it to the bedroom. 

Just for those few moments he felt safe.

So, on a cold November morning, he sat waiting for Oliver to come home, trying to watch television for a distraction. But it was a losing battle, Gavin’s letter slipping into his head, filling his thoughts. He tensed, trying to push them out. This is ridiculous. This is exactly what Gavin wants.

He heard the key in the lock and let out a deep breath. Oliver. Finally. As soon as the door closed, Oliver still facing it, Kyle slid his arms around him, mouth already attached to Oliver’s neck.

Oliver laughed. “Hey, Ky-whoa.”

Kyle spun him around, pulling off his jacket in one smooth motion, hands sliding under Oliver’s shirt. “Hey, you.” Then he covered his Oliver’s mouth with his own.

They barely made it to the couch, kicking off their shoes, Oliver clutching Kyle’s shirt tightly as he groaned. And Kyle...was everywhere. Hands in Oliver’s short hair, sliding down his neck, his sides, slipping into Oliver’s jeans. Rubbing against Oliver, sliding against him, making wanting noises. He knew Oliver was overwhelmed. 

And he loved it.

Oliver hands finally moved, pulling off Kyle’s shirt, touching his chest. And they were freezing.

So, so freezing.

Kyle jerked away, breathing hard. He meant to say something sarcastically witty, but all that came out was, “Arghhh.”

Oliver, not comprehending, his eyes dark, kept touching, his mouth moving from Kyle’s face to his neck. Those hands slid further up Kyle’s chest, goosebumps appearing all over Kyle’s body. Kyle reached down, pulling Oliver’s hands away. 

Oliver pulled up to stare at him. “Mmm?”

“Y’er hands are freezin’!”

Oliver continued to stare. Then looked down at his hands. Then back up to Kyle’s face. “So?”

Good point. Their mouths connected again, hands undoing buttons, jeans sliding off. They only stopped once, when Oliver was about to slide his hands into Kyle’s boxers. Kyle had to stop him, grab them, warm them up. He kissed each finger before he let go, Oliver shivering.

And then they were clutching each other, crying out.

They lay on the couch, Kyle still with one sock on, Oliver’s boxers and jeans pooled at his ankles.

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

More silence. Then a knock on the door. 

Oliver turned to look at Kyle, horrified. “The guys said they’d stop by after they dropped their bags off. For football.”

Kyle sat, stunned. “Why didn’t cha tell me this?!”

“Like you gave me any time!”

Kyle grinned at that. They both raced to the bathroom, cleaning up, frantically pulling on their jeans. Kyle still couldn’t find his sock, Oliver couldn’t find his shirt. Another knock on the door, this time with a “What the hell, guys.”

Kyle ruffled his hair, taking one last look in the mirror. His face was flushed, his eyes still dark. Sex was written all over his face. Hopefully the guys wouldn’t notice. Oliver stayed in the bathroom as Kyle opened the door. Faces peered back at him.

“What the hell, man.” 

He said the first thing to come to mind. “Studyin’. Thought Oliver would git it. Sorry.”

“Fish tell ya we’re playing football?”

Kyle nodded. “Yeah. We’ll meet y’out there.”

The guys nodded, some leaving automatically, some giving Kyle a weird glance. He tried to play it cool until they all left, closing the door, knocking on the bathroom one.

“They’re gone.”

Oliver opened the door, still shirtless. Kyle grinned. “Good thing it was a quickie, huh?”

Oliver blushed bright red. “We should go.” He made to move to his bedroom.

Instead, Kyle wrapped his arms around Oliver’s waist, leaning in close. “Or we could stay. Say we’re too busy for football. That we,” he leaned close now, nipping Oliver’s lip, “have better things t’do.”

Oliver let it happen, his eyes clouding over as they kissed softly, again and again. Then he pulled away. “Come on, we said we’d meet them.”

Kyle sighed, but they bundled up, ready to go outdoors. Oliver repeatedly tried to shove a hat on Kyle, who waved it away. They finally compromised by having Kyle wearing gloves instead, heading out to meet the guys, where the game had already started.

The game was long - longer than Kyle wanted, anyway - but at least it was another distraction. Not only was he exercising, focusing on the game, but he was watching Oliver. The way he ran, tackled, laughed. Kyle wished it was summer, that Oliver was shirtless, so he could watch his muscles move, too. And he secretly took pleasure when he ran, laughed, tackled, knowing Oliver was watching him. 

There was only one moment, where Kyle scored a touchdown, he and Oliver hugging, slapping each other’s backs, where they shared a real moment. Oliver pulled away from the hug first, putting some calculated distance between them, smiling.

“Good job.” His hand was still on Kyle’s arm, squeezing, and Kyle felt its warmth through his jacket. But mostly Oliver’s blue eyes, flashing with adrenaline and something else, made Kyle stutter, unable to look away.

“T-Thanks.”

And then he was swept up in the crowd, Oliver ignoring him, probably trying to play the moment off as nothing, hoping the guys wouldn’t notice. But Kyle didn’t care. The moment was enough.

They made it back to their apartment, stopping to get their mail out of the box, talking about the game. Oliver shuffled through the mail as they went up the elevator.

“Anythin’ good?”

He shrugged. “Bills, flyers. Oh, hey - here’s one for you.”

He handed Kyle a thin, white envelope, addressed to him. No stamp or return address on it. Immediately Kyle’s hands began to sweat. Oliver looked at him with interest.

“No stamp. That’s weird. Who’s it from?”

Kyle held the letter tightly, pulling it away from Oliver. Act normal.

“I, uh, lent money t’ this guy in my Calc class. Guess we weren’t home when he came t’return it.”

Oliver nodded. If he knew something was up, he said nothing, continuing to flip through the mail. Kyle almost let out a breath of relief. But the letter was still unopened, and he had no idea what was inside. 

They unlocked their front door, Oliver pulling off his coat, walking towards the bathroom to shower. He gave a shy glance over his shoulder before going inside, the door closing but not locking it. Kyle headed to his room, staring at the letter before throwing it into his bedside table. He didn’t need this right now. 

Oliver was naked, in the shower, waiting for him. 

Naked Oliver. Tiny ribbons of water sliding across Oliver’s bare skin. His hands sliding down Oliver’s slippery abs. Licking the warm water off Oliver’s neck as he stroked. 

A perfect distraction.

He pulled off his clothes and joined him, pushing the letter from his mind.

\------

 

A week later, and Kyle still hadn’t opened the letter. It sat in his bedside table, haunting him every night, but he refused to give in. He had nothing to be scared of - Oliver wouldn’t leave him. He had already been beaten up once by Gavin, so he knew to be on his toes. There was no reason for the fear. And yet it was there, eating at him slowly.

Two more letters had arrived, each one being thrown into the bedside table, also unopened. The first he found under the apartment door, snatching it up and hiding it before Oliver could see. The second was handed to him by Marcus.

“Dude, found this in the mailbox. No stamp or anything.”

He almost told Marcus right then, pulling him aside and saying he knew it was Gavin. He knew that, although Marcus wasn’t Phil, he still would have done something about it. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He could fight his own battles, even if Gavin wasn’t playing fair. So he took the letter, not saying a word, and stashed it with the others.

Kyle opened the door that night, wanting more than anything just to curl up with Oliver, pretend to be interested in Battlestar Galactica, just thinking about how Oliver always started out all stiff but slowly relaxed, even occasionally holding Kyle’s hand. But when he came inside, Oliver was pulling on his coat, getting ready to leave.

“Where ya goin’?”

Oliver looked up and smiled. “Hey - newspaper meeting. Special edition coming out tomorrow.”

Kyle’s heart sank, but he tried to hide it by wrapping his arms around Oliver. “This late? Can’t y’ cancel? Just this once? I’ll make it worth. y’er. while.” He emphasized this with kisses.

Oliver groaned, but pulled away. “Can’t miss this one. I’ll be home soon, okay?”

Kyle nodded as Oliver grabbed his bag and left. He sat on the couch, fingers drumming against his leg. Then stood up and walked to his bedroom. He could do this. Just open the letters. They couldn’t be as bad as he was imagining them.

He pulled out the three letters, walking to the kitchen, sitting down at the table. With trembling hands, he opened the oldest letter, the one from the mailbox.

‘People like you disgust me, fag.’

He let out a breath. Nothing too bad. Empty, meaningless words. Kyle let out an annoyed snort. All that worrying for a line that sounded like it came from a high school student. He opened the second letter, the one found on the floor of his apartment, with more confidence.

‘Leave the fraternity or I’ll tell them exactly what’s going on with you and Fish.’

Kyle faltered. He had no doubt Gavin would do it. And although part of his brain shouted Oliver wouldn’t leave him, he knew that kind of blow would end everything. Oliver wouldn’t stand by him. He would be on his own. He tore open the last envelope, the dark letters staring back at him.

‘Watch your back, Lewis.’

His heart started to pump faster. The others were almost meaningless, not intending to hurt, just to embarrass. Now it was a real threat. A real, true, physical threat. One he couldn’t ignore, hoping for it to go away. 

Kyle carefully re-folded the letters, putting them back in their envelopes and throwing them in the drawer. He needed time to strategize. A plan that wouldn’t hurt Oliver in the process. He sat back on the couch, his eyes on the television, his mind elsewhere. He could leave the fraternity easily, saying it just wasn’t for him anymore. Then he could stay in public, waiting for Gavin to come. With witnesses he could go to the police. And then maybe all of this would be over. 

He didn’t hear the key in the lock this time, and when a cold hand was placed on his shoulder, he jumped a foot. Oliver gave a half smile, passing him a beer, sitting on the couch beside him.

“You okay?”

Kyle nodded, giving Oliver a weak smile. “Just worried about a test.”

“You’ll do fine.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Oliver took a swig of his beer, his other hand awkwardly clenching at his side. Kyle reached down to hold it, and Oliver smiled, embarrassed. “Bed?”

Kyle smiled. Another distraction. “Definitely.”

\------

Kyle woke up to a fantastic aroma seeping into his room. He stretched and smiled, looking at his clock. 9am. Someone had turned off his alarm. Oliver.

He followed the scent into the kitchen, where Oliver stood. Eggs, pancakes, toast and bacon were sitting on the stove, waiting. Fresh fruit sat on the table. He sniffed, enjoying the smell, and Oliver turned around, laughing.

“I knew it’d wake you up.”

Kyle glared at him. “Y’ turned my alarm off.”

Oliver shrugged. “Why go to class on your birthday?”

Kyle stared at him. November 17th. His birthday. He had totally forgotten. A grin spread across his face. “My birthday!”

“You forgot?”

Kyle ignored it, sliding over to Oliver, a sly grin. “Don’t I get a birthday kiss?”

Oliver blushed but leaned down, kissing Kyle softly on the lips. “Happy birthday.”

Kyle’s hand snaked around Oliver’s neck, pulling him that extra centimeter closer. “Mmm, not good enough.”

Kyle took his time, nipping Oliver’s lips, keeping his mouth closed, until Oliver groaned, their tongues finally touching. Just as Oliver reached around to pull him closer, Kyle pulled away, grinning. “Food?”

Oliver kept staring at Kyle, licking his lips, causing a warm glow in Kyle’s chest. Then he blinked and the expression was gone. “Yeah. Breakfast.”

He handed Kyle a plate and they dug in. Everything was amazing and Kyle went back for seconds. No one had ever made him breakfast for his birthday before. Not that he’d tell Oliver that. 

“Are you sure you don’t want a fraternity party?”

He turned to look at Oliver, who was staring at him, a strange expression on his face. Kyle shook his head, standing to get more coffee. 

“Nah. Gotta test tomorrow - can’t really afford t’ get drunk. And I don’t really want a big...thing.” He waved his coffee cup in the air.

Oliver just stared at him. “You. Of all people. Don’t want a big thing.”

Kyle grinned, walking over and sliding next to Oliver. “Oh, I want a big ‘thing’. Just not a big party thing.” He waggled his eyebrows and slid his hand over Oliver’s thigh.

Oliver’s eyes widened and he stood up, visibly upset. “Kyle!”

“Aw, come on, Oli. I was just jokin’.”

“Why don’t you want a party?”

Because I don’t want Gavin to show up. “ ‘Cause birthdays aren’t a big deal t’me.”

“Why not? I don’t under-”

“They just aren’t, ‘kay?”

Kyle stood up now, annoyed. Why couldn’t Oliver accept he didn’t want to party? Just this once? He walked over to wash the dishes, but Oliver stopped him. 

“I’ll do it. You should get ready for class.”

They stared at each other for a long time, Oliver’s face distant. Kyle finally retreated back to his room, getting ready for the day. Things were finally good between him and Oliver, and now Gavin was going to screw everything up. Screw everything up so much Kyle wouldn’t be able to mend it.

He walked out of his room towards the front door, his eyes on Oliver, but Oliver stayed firmly with his back to Kyle, washing dishes.

Kyle left without saying a word, heading to his first class, a crummy start to the day.

And it got worse.

He spent the day alone, hopping from class to class, hoping for a ‘happy birthday’ phone call from his parents, other friends, anyone. 

No one called.

He ran across Cass on campus, but she only gave him a distracted kiss before she was on her way. He tried not to be disappointed, remembering how stressed she was. The only good part was David, having stopped by before Kyle’s biology lecture, giving him a cupcake from the local bakery downtown. 

“I had to get you something.”

Kyle laughed, looking at the tiny cupcake. “You didn’t have t’.”

“I wanted to.”

He smiled, touched. “Thanks, David.”

David left with a smile and a wave, and Kyle enjoyed the cupcake throughout his lecture, in a better mood. Maybe he had been too snappy with Oliver. He pulled out his cellphone, texting a basic ‘I’m sorry’. 

Oliver never responded. Kyle felt worse.

By the time classes had finished, it was nine p.m, the sky black. And Kyle was exhausted. His lab was more difficult than he had anticipated, and he was sure he had failed. He just wanted to curl up on the couch with Oliver, where he could lay his head on Oliver’s shoulder and forget the day.

And then maybe bed. Seeing as it was his birthday, after all.

He ran a few apologies through his mind as he went up the elevator, then walked down the hall, unlocking the door. He could tell Oliver partial truths. Maybe he could say Gavin was after him, and didn’t mention Oliver in the notes at all. And then pretend he threw out the notes...

“SURPRISE!”

Kyle jumped, stumbling backwards. The tiny apartment was crowded with people, some donning party hats. A pile of multi-coloured presents sat in the corner of the room. He picked a few faces - Oliver’s, Cass’, Josh’s, and even David’s- among the throng of people. 

A surprise birthday party.

For him.

He wanted to cry, he was so touched, but instead grinned, strolling into the crowd, receiving slaps on the back and hugs as someone turned the music up loud. Cass threw her arms around him, speaking into his ear.

“I’m so sorry. It was my idea, pretending we forgot your birthday. I’m a horrible, sadistic bitch.”

He laughed, too pumped with adrenaline to care. “Who planned this?!”

She grinned. “Oliver and I. Ohmygod, we were sooo sure you’d figure it out! We had all these secret meetings to plan everything!”

He blinked. “Newspaper meetings.”

Cass laughed. “Is that what he told you? Anyway, happy birthday!” She kissed him on both cheeks, smearing lipstick on his face. He groaned as he brushed it away. Then he remembered something.

“You and Josh git back together? I saw him in the crowd earlier.”

She smiled, bobbing her head, obviously pumped with caffeine. Cass never drank. 

“We’re taking it slow. My plan was to hate him forever, but y’know.” She rolled her eyes. “I can’t live without him.”

Kyle’s eyes immediately went to Oliver, who was talking with a frat buddy. “Yeah, I get whatcha mean.”

He started towards Oliver, wanting to grab him and kiss him, to apologise, but people kept grabbing his arm, saying happy birthday, handing him a beer. David stepped in front of him, an awkward smile on his face.

“I know the deal was to pretend we didn’t know, but you looked like you were having a really bad day.”

Kyle slapped him on the back. “It was awesome, man. Thanks.” 

He looked over David’s shoulder, but Oliver had left. He was about to excuse himself when David put his hand on his shoulder, spinning him around. A giant cake was being carried over, everyone beginning to sing, Oliver in the background, nursing a beer.

So he cut the cake for everyone, switching his beer for soda as the night wore on, dancing and partying, having a good time. Yet his eyes kept searching out Oliver in the crowd: Oliver drinking, Oliver laughing, Oliver awkwardly dancing. And when the first moment came, the moment they were both alone, he pounced.

When Oliver caught his eye and noticed Kyle was walking over, he started knocking his fists together. Then he realized what he was doing and shoved them into his jean pockets. If Kyle wasn’t so nervous, he would have laughed. He approached Oliver casually, watching Oliver’s eyes darting around the room to see if anyone would notice.

“Y’ did this? For me?” 

Oliver looked away. “Yeah. Well, n-no. Cass planned it. I just...followed along. And I know you didn’t want a big thi-, a big party” he coughed, and Kyle couldn’t stop the grin spreading across his face, “But it’s not a fraternity party, and Cass had already planned it, so...”

Kyle shook his head. “I love it.” He glanced up at Oliver, starting to feel shy, his voice becoming softer. “All of it. Thank you.” He hesitated, a slight smile on his face. “Y’even invited David.”

Oliver’s face immediately turned into one of disgust. “Cass’s idea.”

Kyle chuckled at that. “Well, thank y’. For putting up with it.”

Oliver nodded, looking away, desperately trying to avoid eye contact. But Kyle still had one more thing to say. Something he wasn’t used to saying. He stared at the floor awkwardly. 

“Oliver, I’m s-sorry. For this morning. I didn’t mean t-”

But Oliver was already shaking his head. “Forgotten.”

He looked up, surprised Oliver had accepted it so easily. “Really?”

“Yeah.” He opened his mouth to say something else, but an arm looped through his, pulling him back into the crowd. His eyes were on Oliver’s the entire way.

“Presents! Presents, presents, presents!” Cass bounced around, shoving one into his arms. “Start opening!”

So he did. The mountain of gifts slowly lowered, the floor littered with paper. Kyle had never received so many gifts: video games, gift cards, cash, shot glasses, giant beer glasses, movies. The list was endless. Cass would shout out who bought what before handing the present to Kyle. And as the presents were coming to an end, he realized one simple thing: not a single present was from Oliver. He was disappointed, but tried not to dwell on it. But as the party continued, it invaded his thoughts. Not even a card? He made breakfast - that could count - except Kyle screwed it up. 

Finally, Cass began to collect car keys, call cabs, and shove people out the door. At the right time, too, as Kyle was exhausted. His feet felt numb, he had a test in the morning he hadn’t studied for, and he wanted to crawl into bed. 

Eventually it was just him, Oliver, Cass and Josh. Cass looked around at the mess on the floor. 

“Jesus. If we hurry, we can have this clean in an hour. Maybe two.”

Oliver stepped forward, his face red. “I-I can do it tomorrow. It’s late - y-you should head home.”

Kyle’s heart tripped, looking at Oliver, who was obviously avoiding his gaze. Cass stood, her eyebrows furrowed, but Josh understood immediately, grabbing Cass’ arm and dragging her out the door. 

They were alone. He walked over to Oliver, leaning into him. “Did I thank y’for the party, yet?”

Oliver nodded, and Kyle leaned up for a kiss. He was just about to deepen it when Oliver pulled away. “W-wait. C’mere.”

He began to walk towards his bedroom, glancing back to make sure Kyle was following him. Kyle grinned, his second wind coming back, ready to go. He all but ran to the bedroom, wrapping his arms around Oliver’s waist as soon as they got inside.

Oliver kissed back, but pulled away again, laughing. “Wait, wait.”

Kyle sighed. “What now?”

“I have to get your present.”

Kyle stared. So Oliver did buy him a present? The warm, fuzzy feeling was back in his chest, and he grinned. “A present? F’er me? Really?”

Oliver nodded now, embarrassed, reaching to his desk and shoving something rectangular in Kyle’s arms. Kyle pulled back and sat on the bed, staring at it. It was wrapped in simple blue wrapping paper, nothing special. With one last glance at Oliver’s face, who was looking uncomfortable, he ripped it open, curious.

And then made a sharp intake of breath.

It was the picture of them, freshmen year, in their fraternity t-shirts. Oliver grinning, holding a football in his hand, Kyle barely smiling. The picture for the newspaper that never seemed to be published. He remembered how mad he was at Oliver, how it seemed like eons ago. But that wasn’t the best part.

It was in a frame. A real frame. With a glass front, a black wooden outline and a back to hold it up.

A frame. So he could display it. Him and Oliver. Together. Not hidden away in a sock drawer, or a wallet, but something he could place on his bedside table. A future.

He traced it gently with his fingertips.

“Where’d y’ get this?” His voice cracked, but he didn’t care.

Oliver coughed. “Uh, the newspaper committee. It was in their folder of unused photos.”

He kept staring at the photo - he couldn’t help it. Then, Kyle immediately stood up and walked out of the room, straight to his bedroom. Oliver followed. “Kyle, wait...”

Kyle didn’t listen. He placed it on his bedside table, adjusting it so it angled towards his bed. Then stepped back beside Oliver to stare at it. It looked perfect, sitting there. Completely right. He had a million things to ask Oliver, a billion more things he wanted to say, yet when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. He turned, looking at Oliver, trying to convey how much he loved him, how much this meant to him. 

Then he leaned forward and kissed him. So Oliver wouldn’t see the single tear sliding down his cheek.

\---------

The next week was perfect. Absolutely, unbelievably perfect. There were no letters from Gavin, no fights with Oliver. Cass and Josh had gotten back together, their group of four complete once again, filled with late-night hang outs, study sessions, coffee breaks and more. 

When Thanksgiving rolled around, Kyle wished more than anything the stupid holiday didn’t exist, so he and Oliver wouldn’t have to spend the four days apart.

“It’s just four days.” Oliver stared at the floor, looking at his duffle bag, Kyle trying not to choke up.

“Call me. Okay?” He tried to convey it with his eyes, knowing Oliver wouldn’t want a sappy goodbye. Call me. Call me. Call me.

Oliver nodded, and Kyle reached out, squeezing his arm. “Have a safe flight. I love you.” 

“Y-You, too.” Oliver reached down, grabbing his bag, getting ready to leave. The door was open when he turned back.

“You’re actually leaving, right? This isn’t like...like Christmas.”

Kyle rolled his eyes, pulling his train ticket out of his back pocket. “This evenin’. Scout’s honor.” He made the crossing motion with his fingers, and Oliver smiled. 

Then Kyle was alone.

For awhile he wandered around the empty apartment, idly cleaning up, his thumb rubbing against his phone, as if Oliver would call right away. Then he began to pack up his clothing, smiling as he picked up the frame and placed it gently on top.

He paused as he pulled out Gavin’s letters, staring at the blank envelopes. There had been nothing for over two weeks. Maybe Gavin had had his fun and was done. Should he throw them out? No. He couldn’t. Not yet. Just in case. 

He threw them into the drawer and closed it, turning his attention back to the picture. He picked it up, kissed Oliver’s smiling figure, placing it back on the clothing. Then rolled his eyes at his childishness. Like a teenage girl. He shut off the lights and left.

The train ride was long. So very long. And his parents were too busy to pick him up, so he ended up paying for a $50 cab ride back home. He only received one text from Oliver, a simple “Got here fine.”

Thanksgiving, as always, was boring. Instant mashed potatoes and a pre-cooked chicken from the store before his parents were back at work. And Oliver still hadn’t called. He reminded himself that it was only four days and that Oliver’s parents were weird, that it meant nothing. It was the picture that was important. He picked it up again in his bedroom, smiling at it.

“Boyfriend?”

He whirled around, his mother standing behind him, still in her work clothes. He shook his head. “Just a friend. Oliver. We’re roomin’”

“Must be an important friend, huh?”

“Mom, he’s just a friend.”

She smiled that sly smile of hers, the one thing Kyle and her had in common. “Not from where I’m standin’.” Her smile faltered. “Y’can tell us, y’know. I thought you’d grow out of this once y’went t’ college.”

He rolled his eyes and said nothing, placing the frame back on the desk top. She kept persisting.

“He’s cute. Dorky.”

Kyle had to smile at that. “Yeah. Dorky’s a good word.”

She leaned forward, giving him a cool kiss on the forehead. “I want t’ meet him someday.”

“Yeah, when y’er not so busy, right?” It came out bitter, and Kyle didn’t really mean it. But old habits died hard, and the bitterness never faded.

She pulled back. “That’s not fair, Kyle.” But he shrugged and was gone.

\----

Kyle got in the cab excitedly, nearly buzzing with the anticipation of seeing Oliver. It was like a fix - the more time they spent together, the harder it was to let go. Even for four simple days. And living without Oliver was like a big hole in his chest. 

They had spoken briefly on the phone, just a simple ‘hello-goodbye’, and a few minutes each day instant messaging, but it wasn’t nearly enough. He missed his smell, his taste, the way he laughed, the blush that spread across his face when Kyle said something particularly dirty. 

The cab wasn’t going nearly fast enough.

When they arrived, he all but shoved the bills into the cab driver’s hand, telling him to keep the change as he grabbed his bag and raced upstairs. He shuffled back and forth in the elevator, the numbers slowly ticking by. Then he ran to the door, stopping, taking a deep breath to calm himself, trying to look casual. Yet his hands shook as he put the key in the lock, opening the door.

And right there, in his view, was Oliver. Sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the wall, lost in thought. His eyes flashed to Kyle as he entered, Kyle pulling off his coat and grinning. 

“Hey! What’s happenin’? How was your Thanksgivin’?”

Oliver didn’t say a word. He didn’t smile. He didn’t stand up to give Kyle a hug. Instead, he looked...upset. Really upset, wringing his hands together. Almost miserable. As though...

Oh crap. Did Oliver come out to his parents? 

Kyle’s heart pounded, the emotions confusing. He was so, so proud of Oliver. Yet his pride was laced with concern. Oliver looked miserable. Heartbroken. Angry. Sad. Scared. Every bad emotion that existed, it looked like Oliver was feeling it. It obviously hadn’t gone well.

Kyle stumbled over, arms outstretched, ready to wrap them around his Oliver, to hold him and give him anything he wanted, to help in any way he could...

Then he saw the letters on the table. Four open. With crumpled blank envelopes, the paper folded and unfolded many times. The simple, black typed lines. A new one, a fifth, was in Oliver’s hands.

Gavin’s letters.

Oh. Shit.


	18. Chapter 18

Kyle stood still, staring at Oliver, a million excuses shifting in his head. But all fell short. What could he say? He needed to say something. Anything to get a reaction out of Oliver. But that fear on Oliver’s face... 

What if he left? Why wouldn’t he leave? Who in their right mind would want to deal with creepy letters when they could easily escape? His heart was pounding so hard he could feel it jolting in his stomach, in his neck. This was it. Their break up. 

No more dreaming of a future, a cop and a doctor living happily together. No more visions of their wedding, Oliver in a sharp black tuxedo, all their friends and family around them, smiling. No future with kids, a baby girl with Oliver’s eyes, a boy with Oliver’s smile. Nothing. It all ended here. Every wish, hope, dream Kyle had ever had ended at this moment.

Oliver was directly staring at him, obviously waiting for Kyle to sit, but Kyle couldn’t. He just couldn’t. He needed to stand in order to run when Oliver broke up with him. He didn’t want Oliver to see him cry. He needed to be mad, to pretend this had no effect on him whatsoever. Kyle needed to pretend he was just some guy. Just some random, meaningless guy. Please, please don’t start crying.

Oliver opened his mouth, and Kyle shifted back and forth, ready for the blow.

“What are these, Kyle?”

Oliver’s voice was rough, scratchy. A stranger would think he was upset, but Kyle knew better. Oliver’s voice only became that way when he was angry. He shifted through his excuses. What could he play to his advantage? Something to hide the panic. Anger. Play anger.

“Y’went through my mail?”

“It was already open!”

“Oh, real nice, Fish.”

He walked over, bunched up all the notes and walked to his room, stopping only to glare at Oliver.

“Kyle. What are they?”

“None of y’er fuckin’ business!”

He heard Oliver’s feet pounding against the floor, following him, and although his heart beat in time with them, he kept going, opening the door to his room. And then stared.

The entire place was trashed. His pillows were out of their pillow cases, lying on the floor. His bedside table was pulled away from the wall, its drawer open, the contents scattered. The boxes from his closet were lying in the middle of the room, torn open, his things spilling out. For a minute, Kyle stared in complete shock. Then he slowly turned on his heel, his face deadly. Now he could really feel anger coursing through his body, adrenaline pumping into his veins. For an instant, Oliver looked extremely uncomfortable. Then his face froze, looking resolved. 

“What. the. fuck.” It came out soft, every word laced with anger. Oliver held his ground.

“I had to check there were no more letters.”

“You didn’t have t’ do anything!” 

Kyle’s voice raised, and he shifted back and forth again. “This isn’t any of y’er business!”

Oliver jabbed a finger towards the letters, his face angry. “My name is written on those! How does this not involve me?!”

“Stay away from me.” Kyle reached to slam the door closed, but Oliver stuck his arm out, stopping it. He advanced into the room.

“Who sent those?”

Kyle said nothing, dropping the letters on the bed, trying to clean up his disastrous room. His hands were shaking from fear. He hoped it looked like anger.

Oliver tried again. “Who sent them, Kyle?”

Kyle felt like screaming at him, telling him every single piece of information, but he forced his mouth to stay shut, to remain quiet. If Oliver was going to leave, Kyle refused to make a fool out of himself and give Oliver something he could laugh about with his stupid future girlfriend. ’This boy in college, Kyle, actually thought I was into him!’ He slammed his candles back into a box, breaking one in the process.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Kyle couldn’t help it - angry laughter bubbled out of him, sounding cruel and sarcastic. He forced himself not to look at Oliver, knowing he was prone to angry tears. One glance and he would be bawling on the floor, humiliated.

“Why would I? Why would I tell you, Oliver? So y’could pack up and leave? So I could watch y’ run away ag’in?”

For a minute, Kyle was sure Oliver was going to walk out of the apartment and not say a word. The ‘run away’ expression was all over his face. But Oliver stayed. 

“I had a right to know about these, Kyle!”

Kyle advanced towards him, getting right up in Oliver’s face, shifting back and forth again.

“And what, Oliver? I hand y’the letter, say someone is threatening us, and you do what? Are y’honestly tellin’ me, to my face, y’wouldn’t run? That y’er standing there, right now, and y’don’t have the urge to?”

Oliver said nothing, staring at the floor, and Kyle laughed. “Yeah. I thought so.”

He turned back to his things, putting his pillows back on the bed, reorganizing his bedside table. He snorted. “I can’t believe y’ went through my shit. Unbelievable.”

Finally the place looked somewhat clean, at least back to normal, and Kyle sat on the bed, exhausted. This was not how he wanted his day to go. He looked up, Oliver still standing in the doorway, clenching and unclenching his fists.

“Just git out of here, Fish.” It came out resigned, but he didn’t care anymore.

“I wouldn’t have left.”

It came out so softly, Kyle wasn’t sure he heard correctly. He looked back at Oliver. “Sorry?”

“I wouldn’t have left.” 

It was louder now, more distinguishable. Kyle stared as Oliver approached slowly, sinking down on the bed next to Kyle, the letters between them. There was a moment of silence, both boys staring at their feet. Oliver spoke first.

“I just want to know everything. I-I have a right to know everything. Please, Kyle.”

Kyle sat in silence, debating. What did he have to lose at this point? Oliver knew the letters existed, he had read them. But that didn’t stop Kyle from being bitter, mad at Oliver for not leaving it alone, angrier at himself for letting it get to this point. He decided to answer with a question.

“How did’ya find the letters?”

Oliver cleared his throat. “I, uh, I opened the front door and one had been slid under it.”

“Yeah? What’d it say?”

Oliver clenched his fists again, looking away from Kyle, towards the closet. “It said ‘see you soon, f-fag’.”

Kyle sighed. He wasn’t surprised. “Then what?”

“For a while I ignored it. But then...then I remembered that letter I gave you. The one from the mailbox, after the football game. When you got all weird. So I went looking for them.”

Kyle nodded, still staring at the floor. “Then y’know as much as I do.”

“They’re from Gavin, aren’t they?”

“Probably.”

“Why didn’t you go to the police? They could have d-”

Kyle shook his head. “No evidence. Nothin’. There’s no point.”

Silence ensued once again. And as Kyle sat there, he came to a realization. Even though Oliver was still next to him, a foot of space separated them. Emotionally, it was more like a mile. Oliver, whether saying it or not, was pulling away. And Kyle would not be stepped on. Pain radiated from his heart outwards, spreading throughout his body, making it almost impossible to speak. Almost.

But it had to be said. One last thing.

“I don’t expect y’ t’ stick around. He was just baitin’ me - he doesn’t know anythin’ about us. So if y’wanna leave and stay with Josh for awhile...well, I’d git it. It might be better that way.”

There. He had done it. He had given Oliver a way out. As much as it hurt, he knew Oliver had never signed up for this. They both knew, getting into this relationship that Oliver was never planning to come out of the closet. And now they had reached this point, the edge of the blade, and he knew which way Oliver was going to fall. He swallowed hard, waiting for Oliver to leave. 

He felt the bed rock as Oliver stood up, watched him out of the corner of his eye as Oliver hesitated at the door. Finally he walked through it. The front door slammed a few seconds later.

Kyle was numb. Completely numb. He stood up, closing his bedroom door. He lit a few candles in his room before sitting in bed, throwing the covers over his head, making a tent, like when he was young. Wrapping his arms around his knees, he stared off into the darkness, the candlelight flickering across the sheets. 

He was alone. As usual. He could get through this. 

Oliver was gone.

\---------

Kyle woke up at 5 am, long before the sun rose. He would not dwell on this, he would not wallow. He couldn’t.

He refused to.

He showered and got dressed, desperately trying to avoid Oliver’s door, a shooting pain in his chest whenever he walked by. But that wasn’t all. Everything he touched had a memory of Oliver: the couch when they had their quickie, holding hands as they watched a movie, the shower, and even the damn kitchen, when Oliver had tried to teach Kyle how to cook, resulting in two broken measuring cups. While sweeping it up, Kyle had stepped on glass, and Oliver had...

No.

He went out of the house, buying groceries, buying some new school supplies. He made it back to the apartment, cleaning up. 

And then there was nothing else to do. 

So he packed up and spent the day at the library, far away from any table he and Oliver had sat at. He was so ahead in his readings he was almost finished the textbook, but he didn’t care. He had to stay busy. 

And it was only noon. 

Kyle dragged himself back to the apartment, drumming his fingers against the kitchen table. More memories were seeping into his brain, unwillingly and unwanted. He could smell Oliver around the apartment, at random places, at random times. He closed his eyes against the pain. He needed something to do. Anything.

And then it struck him. The leaky pipe under the kitchen sink. Oliver had begged him not to fix it, repeatedly telling him to wait for the landlord to do something about it, but Kyle could fix it. He knew he could. The one thing he could fix.

He went to the supply closet, pulling out Oliver’s toolbox, quickly grabbing what he needed and shoving it back in the closet. He opened the cupboard under the sink, pulling out random cleaning supplies, lying on his back, looking at the pipe.

Now what? His father never had time to teach him any of this. 

So Kyle guessed. He examined the pipe at different parts, trying to see what was different, trying to figure out what to do. And then he got to work. If he failed, he could always call a plumber and pretend he did it. 

Water was starting to drop onto his hair and his back was starting to ache from the awkward position. And Kyle was getting pissed, starting to think he should just tape the damn thing and wait for a plumber.

He whacked the wrench against the pipe. “Stupid fuckin’ piece of shit!”

“I told you to wait for the plumber.”

Kyle scrambled out from under the sink, staring at the front door, where Oliver stood, obviously uncomfortable. At first his heart surged just by looking at him.

Then he realized Oliver was probably here to collect his stuff.

“I can fix it.” 

“It doesn’t look like you can.”

Now Kyle was mad, frustrated, and cold. He walked over to the kitchen table, grabbing another tool, not caring what it was. 

“Well, maybe I’m just that damn lucky.”

That was greeted with silence, so Kyle fell on his back, looking back up at the pipe. Trying to show he didn’t need Oliver. That he didn’t care Oliver was there. He twisted the pipe at random, and more water started to leak out. 

“Fuck!” He whacked the tool against the metal pipe again, a loud clanging noise reverberating throughout the room. Suddenly a hand was under the sink, a smaller wrench in it.

“Try this.”

Kyle pushed out from under the sink, stalking over to the toolbox, pulling out electrical tape. “I don’t need y’er help. I can do it on my own.”

“Kyle, I can help - “

“No! Just get y’er shit and leave.”

He bit off a piece of tape, wrapping it around the pipe tightly, ceasing the flow of water. He smiled up at the pipe. See? He could do it on his own. He didn’t need Oliver. He stood up, putting the things back under the sink. When he turned around, Oliver was still there.

“Jesus, Fish, what’dya want?”

“I don’t...I don’t...it’s not fair!”

Kyle snorted. “I don’t know if ya’ve noticed, but nothing in our relationship was fair!”

“Was?”

It came out weak, and Kyle started breathing faster. One half of him was satisfied to hurt Oliver. The other never wanted to hurt him.

Oliver shook his head. “You had months to process the letters. And then you expect me to understand after an hour!”

Kyle rolled his eyes, getting closer to Oliver, jabbing a finger at the door. “Y’ walked out, Fish. That’s it. Y’ left!”

“I needed some time!”

“Yeah? Time, huh? And what, y’couldn’t turn back and tell me that?”

Oliver ran his hand through his hair. “I...I needed time. I’m sorry.”

Kyle slumped into a kitchen chair, the lack of sleep finally affecting him. “Look, I meant what I said before. Just leave.”

Oliver pulled up a chair and sat across from him, wringing his hands together. “No.”

Kyle raised his eyebrows, saying nothing, that funny feeling of hope flip-flopping in his chest. 

“I’m not leaving you with Gavin. I-I thought about the letters. A-and you’re right - he’s just baiting you. He doesn’t k-know.”

Kyle sighed. “And what if he does know, Oliver? What if he tells the frat? They won’t go lookin’ f’er evidence. They’ll just take it.”

But Oliver was already shaking his head. “We’ll say it’s just talk.”

“And what if they don’t believe us.”

It came out as a statement, not a question. Oliver’s eyes flicked up to meet Kyle’s, fear written all over them. He opened his mouth, saying nothing. Finally, he spoke, stuttering and nervous.

“T-Then t-they’ll know.” 

He reached out and held Kyle’s hand, nervous, Kyle immediately feeling the sweat, but he didn’t care. Was Oliver saying...

“Y’er willin’ t’ come out?”

Oliver looked so scared, so utterly terrified. He swallowed hard. 

“I wanted to wait until after. When I had a job and didn’t need...them.” His eyes were now pleading. “I don’t want to tell the f-frat. If it comes out, if we just ignore it for another year, Kyle...”

Kyle couldn’t believe this. It was too much to register. An hour ago, he was sure Oliver would move out. And now here he was, holding Kyle’s hand, promising in a year...

“One year?”

Oliver nodded. “Just a year.” It came out on a whisper. “Please, Kyle.”

A year. One year. And he could hold Oliver’s hand in public. Go on a date. Kiss him. Introduce him to his parents...

One year. 

Kyle nodded, squeezing Oliver’s hand. “Thank you.”

\------

Things returned to normal. 

Sort of.

The atmosphere was tense whenever they opened the mailbox, even though they rarely discussed Gavin. In fact, he only came up once, after sex, Kyle waking up to find Oliver sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the last letter, one that had arrived earlier that day.

“Oliver?”

“I hate him.”

He laughed, wrapping his arms around Oliver’s waist. He laid his chin on Oliver’s shoulder, looking at the simple black font.

‘Do you like my letters, Fag?’ With a capital F. Nice touch. He sighed.

“If they see ya beatin’ on him, they’ll know it’s f’er me.”

“I don’t care.”

“Yes you do.”

And then there were those nights, those rare nights now, when Oliver would once again come home drunk, crawling into Kyle’s bed, crying about his parents. Those nights, when there was nothing Kyle could do but hold him tightly, his own heart aching. 

“T-they’ll know, Kyle.”

“Shh. They don’t know anythin’. I’m right here.”

“They’ll never l-love me again.”

“I’ll always love you.”

They spent their days in the library, studying and writing finals, Christmas break approaching. Oliver seemed more reluctant than usual to go home, probably because Kyle was staying. 

“Why aren’t you going home?”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “I toldya - my parents are in Thailand f’er the month. Isn’t worth the trip fer six days of break.”

“Then where will you go?”

“I’ll just hang around here.”

“Kyle. What about Gav-”

Kyle grabbed Oliver’s shirt collar, pulling him close. “Shut up, Fish. Everything’ll be fine.” 

Then he kissed him hard.

But it was on Kyle’s mind. What would he do for Christmas? Make his own Christmas tree, bake cookies by himself, sit by the fire alone? It was all so...depressing. Even more so when he kissed Oliver goodbye and watched the cab drive away. Christmas alone. Bah, Humbug.

Which is why, when there was a knock on the door, he raced to open it, his shirt still half on, secretly desperate for company. Cass and Josh stood in their winter gear, grinning.

“Pack.”

Kyle pulled his shirt on. “Huh?”

They marched into the apartment, Cass heading straight for Kyle’s bedroom. “Hey!”

Josh grinned, heading to the fridge, throwing out milk and other items that spoil easily. “We have something in common, Lewis. All three of us.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

He tied the garbage bag into a knot, grinning. “We’ve all been abandoned by the folks for Christmas, leavin’ the youngins to fend for ourselves.”

Kyle blinked. “You two are alone fer Christmas?”

Josh’s grin widened. “Not anymore. Shut down what you need to - we’re breaking out of here.”

Kyle laughed. Christmas with Cass and Josh. It was...perfect. He started to head to his bedroom when he heard Cass squeal. She came out triumphantly, holding something over her head.

“I knew it! I knew it! You liar, Josh! You freakin' liar!”

Kyle’s smile disappeared as he looked at the object in the air. The framed photo of him and Oliver. He snatched it out of her hand, but not before she started jabbing him in the stomach. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? I can’t believe you, Kyle. We’re like, best friends, and you didn’t even tell me?! What is wrong with you?!”

Her voice was getting more and more high pitched, and Josh’s booming laugh came out of the kitchen. “Defend yourself, dude. Before she breaks glass.”

Kyle grabbed her by the arms. “Cass. Oliver isn’t out yet. Y’ can’t mention it. He would freak out.”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on. I won’t tell anyone. I don’t see why it’s such a big deal -” 

She broke off mid-sentence, her eyes widening, her mouth open. “Ohmygod. I invited David to your birthday! Poor Oliver!”

Kyle shook her to get her attention. “Cass. Promise me. He’ll come out when he’s ready.”

“Yeah, yeah. Cross my heart. Won’t even mention it to Oliver.”

Kyle sighed. “Thank you.” 

He walked into his room and began to shove clothes into a duffel bag. Cass bounced onto the bed, tilting her head.

“So how’s the sex?”

Kyle laughed. “Cass!”

“He’s so gorgeous. Come on, tell me!”

He walked towards the bathroom to grab his toothbrush, calling back over his shoulder. “I don’t kiss and tell!”

She stuck her tongue out, bouncing back to Josh in the kitchen.

Kyle chuckled, shaking his head. It was going to be a good holiday.

\------

 

And it was. 

It didn’t stop him from missing Oliver every second of the day, but Cass and Josh seemed to understand, stopping their public displays so they could all act like friends and nothing more, making Kyle more comfortable. They dragged a tree home, drank apple cider, baked cookies (well, okay, they were instant. But still.). They even went drunk-caroling. But the best part was, Oliver called.

He phoned every day, saying his parents were at a church meeting, or a volunteer activity. But a few minutes every day was enough. He’d have to thank Gavin when he saw him for making Oliver worried enough to phone. 

Every day he’d wait patiently for his cell to buzz, running to his bedroom to have a little privacy. He’d press the phone against his ear and pretend Oliver was sitting next to him instead of hundreds of miles away. He’d tell Oliver about the great time they were having at Cass’s cabin, and Oliver would even talk a bit about his holidays, too.

On the last call, he even said he loved Kyle, albeit awkward and stuttering. 

Kyle also studied. His parents had oh-so-thoughtfully sent him a MCAT study book for Christmas. When Josh and Cass turned in for the night, he flipped through the pages. Cass had caught him one night, rolling her eyes.

“Those aren’t for like, a year, Kyle.”

He didn’t bother to tell her about all the summer courses he had taken. He could graduate at the end of this year if he wanted to. Instead, he planned to spread out his courses, bulk up his application with lab experience. He wasn’t planning to mention it to anyone, because the true reason would come out.

He wouldn’t leave Oliver. 

But he could still write the test early, as practice. 

Kyle sat at the kitchen table, idly working on a few problems. Oliver would be home any minute, and he trembled with excitement. He practically flew out of his seat when he heard the key in the lock.

“Y’er back.”

Oliver smiled, his cheeks rosy from the cold weather. “How was your Christmas?”

“Fine. You?”

Oliver nodded, putting down his bag. “Good.”

“We done with the pleasantries?”

“Yeah, I gue- oomph!”

Kyle grabbed him, slamming Oliver against the door. Their mouths connected and every part of Kyle leaped. His frantic heart only pounded out one rhythm: He’s back, he’s back, he’s back.

And when Oliver stepped it up, sliding his hands under Kyle’s shirt, his tongue in Kyle’s mouth, it became faster, a different beat. I love you, I love you, I love you.

There was a knock on the door. 

They both pulled away, their breathing only slightly erratic. Kyle glared at Oliver as if to say, ‘Don’t you dare’, but Oliver was pushing Kyle away, taking a deep breath. He opened the door.

Marcus leaned against the wall, grinning. “Hey, brothers.”

Fuck. Off. “ ‘Sup, man?” Kyle grinned, pretending to be happy to see him.

Marcus let himself in, walking to their kitchen, opening the fridge. “You guys are dry. That sucks.” 

Oliver shoved his hands in his pockets. “We just got back. Sorry.”

“No big deal. Tons of beer tonight!”

“What’s goin’ on tonight?”

“Winter frosh! Second biggest party of the year, man. Come on, I need help setting up.”

Kyle groaned. “Git a freshie t’ do it.”

“Everyone’s helping. Even the Delta chicks. Let’s go.”

Kyle and Oliver grabbed their coats, following Marcus out the door. When he was sure Marcus wasn’t looking, Kyle brushed his fingers across Oliver’s. 

“We’ll finish our pleasantries later.”

Oliver swallowed hard, making Kyle grin. “Uh, right. Pleasantries.”

\-------

Kyle had to admit, it was their best party yet. 

The fraternity was packed, with barely enough room to move around on the main level. Sweaty bodies ground against each other in the common area, now a makeshift dance floor. The floor was sticky with beer, people were passed out in all areas of the house, and even a window was broken.

A typical, out-of-control frat party. All they needed was a blowout fist fight. University didn’t get any better than this. 

Kyle had long ago lost contact with Oliver, pushing his way through the crowd, occasionally getting slobbered on by a drunken sorority girl. He limited himself to three beers, wanting to be coherent for later. Maybe he and Oliver could slip out early...

A freshmen passed by him, a girl on each arm. “Dude, there’s someone in the back. Wants to talk to you.”

Oliver. The freshmen hadn’t bothered to learn all their names, yet. He nodded and began pushing his way to the back of the house, his body already responding just to the mere thought of a night with Oliver. 

He finally made it, the back slightly less crowded, but bodies everywhere, nonetheless. He peeked over the dancing bodies for his blond...

“Miss me?”

A voice he didn’t recognize. He turned around to greet them and froze. It was Gavin, leaning against a door frame. His hair was shorter, but his grin was the same.

For a few seconds, Kyle just stood, processing. Then he slammed Gavin up against the wall. Very differently from how he slammed Oliver.

“Y’aren’t supposed t’ be here.”

Gavin grinned. “Rules in this party? Who’s going to tattle?”

Kyle tightened his grip. “Get the fuck out of here before I call the cops.”

But Gavin didn’t seem bothered by that fact. His grin didn’t falter, not even for a second. 

“So I see you got my letters. Enjoy them, fag?”

Kyle trembled with anger and it took all the strength he possessed not to hit Gavin. He knew Gavin was baiting him. As soon as his fist connected, Gavin would call the cops on speed dial to press charges. He was that slimy. 

Gavin let out a low whistle that was lost in the thrumming music of the party. “So you and Fish are fucking. Interesting. Can’t wait to tell the frat.”

People were starting to notice them now, slight whispers in the background, looking for a good fight. Instead, Kyle dragged Gavin towards the door. “Fuck off. Y’don’t want t’ fight me, man.”

“Yeah? Why not?”

“ ‘Cause I’ll -”

Kyle saw Gavin’s fist raise, saw Gavin tense, and he cut off immediately, ready to block the blow. 

Except there was no blow.

He was shoved off Gavin with such force he slammed against the wall. The breath was knocked out of him and he stood up, outraged. Then paused.

Looming over Gavin stood Oliver, fists clenching, eyes flashing, completely ready for a fight. His jaw was ticking with anger.

Kyle had never seen him look so terrifying.

For what seemed like an eternity, the entire room was completely silent, watching with wide-eyes to see what would happen next. Then Gavin grinned. 

“Rescuing your boyfriend, fag?”

Kyle saw Gavin’s fist raise and saw him tense, but still didn’t have time to shout out when the two connected.

And the fight began.

A crowd had circled them, Kyle trying to push his way through, to get to Oliver, to pull him off Gavin. He could hear the grunts, occasionally seeing a flying fist, not knowing whose it was. His body pulsed with adrenaline. Then the crowd broke, Gavin and Oliver tumbling into the main room. No one tried to break them up. 

Someone had turned the music off, but no one seemed to notice. Girls screamed, guys cheered them on. Marcus stood watching, a stunned expression on his face. “Dudes.”

Finally, Kyle could get through the crowd. He raced towards the two, throwing himself into the fight, pulling Oliver off Gavin, locking his arms behind him. Oliver didn’t seem to notice, facing away from Kyle, struggling furiously to be let go. Marcus got the message, jumping in, grabbing Gavin, locking him in. 

“Just breathe, man.”

Kyle couldn’t see Oliver’s face, but Gavin looked terrible. His nose was definitely broken, his lip split. When he smiled, his teeth were red. 

“Aw, Kyle coming to rescue his butt buddy. How endearing. I didn’t think he could fight.”

The silence was deafening. Kyle could hear the whispering, the wondering if it was true. Before he could speak up, defend himself, pretend it wasn’t true, Oliver spun around.

It all happened in an instant; a flash so infinitesimally small.

Their eyes locked for a moment, only a split second. Oliver’s furious, terrified eyes were blurred with adrenaline. 

A fist slammed into Kyle’s face.


	19. Chapter 19

Kyle didn’t expect it.

Even as he stumbled back, tripping over something behind him and falling to the floor, he still didn’t know what had happened. Except there was a powerful ache on his face, something warm dripping down his lips. 

Kyle was expecting an awed silence - the kind in movies where best friends fight and the crowd stares, slack-jawed - but the chaos continued. Gavin was swearing obscenities, trying to fight his way out of Marcus’s arms. A few people were holding cell phones out, catching the action. He could hear sirens in the distance. But most of all, he heard Oliver’s silence.

Oliver’s mouth was open, staring at Kyle. A bruise was growing across his cheek, his bottom lip bleeding. Then he was scrambling towards Kyle, pulling him up off the floor.

“Kyle! Kyle, I-I am so sorry. I didn’t know it was you. God, Kyle. I’m so sorry. I’m so -”

Kyle shoved him away, hard, not knowing what to do. He couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Oliver hit me. He actually hit me to protect his secret.

Oliver stumbled back from the push, tripping over the furniture and sprawling on the floor. But Kyle hardly noticed.

He could hear Gavin, still sneering behind him, and turned, walking over with a flat expression on his face. Gavin paused, and for a second, Kyle reveled in his fear, the control he had over the situation. He barely heard Marcus’ shout before he slammed his fist into Gavin’s face. Gavin went down like a sack of potatoes, groaning on the floor. Marcus freaked out.

“Dude! Do you have any idea what kind of charges he can press against you?”

Kyle ignored him, just wanting to leave the party, to get away from Oliver. His face was truly hurting now – a warm, sharp pounding in his nose telling him it was broken. Marcus grabbed him by the back of the shirt.

“No way, dude. You started this shit. Talk to the cops.”

The cops arrived, telling everyone to dump their cups and go home. Kyle stayed, telling the cops about the letters, about Gavin being banned from the fraternity. After a few more witnesses, Gavin was arrested, detouring to the hospital to stitch him up. They told Kyle they’d be back tomorrow to collect sober statements, asking him to bring the letters. Oliver stayed by Kyle’s side, reaffirming everything he had said. Kyle kept his mind peacefully blank.

The party ended, everyone leaving. Soon only the fraternity brothers were left. Marcus approached, drunk and tired. He stood in the middle of the crowd.

“Everyone, get the wasted upstairs. The rest of you, clean up. This place better look fuckin’ spotless for tomorrow. 9am wakeup call.”

A few of the brothers groaned, but one, a freshmen, stepped forward. 

“Is it true? Are Lewis and Fish fucking?”

He felt Oliver go stiff beside him, and imagined telling the brothers. “Yes, we’ve been boinkin’ each other under this roof for three years. Whatcha gonna do about it?”

Instead, Kyle didn’t care anymore. It wasn’t worth the fights. When he spoke, it felt true.

“No. We’re friends. That’s it.” 

He winced at the sharp pain on his upper lip, felt more blood trickle down his face. The brothers murmured, obviously not convinced. Kyle spoke louder now, making sure every word was pronounced.

“Yes, I’m gay. It doesn’t mean I’m goin’ t’ fuck any of you. Fish and I are friends and roommates. I’m out - why would I hide it? Gavin was talkin’ shit.”

Now the brothers nodded. It made sense - if Kyle was openly gay, why would he go back into the closet? They’d seen him date before, although casually. He heard chattering from the brothers, confirming to themselves Oliver and Kyle didn’t have that kind of relationship. 

Oliver confirmed it, stuttering terribly. “W-we’re j-just friends!”

Kyle glared at the crowd. “If we’re done here, I’m goin’ t’ clean up.” 

He left without waiting for a reply.

He heard someone run through the door behind him and walked faster, thinking it was Oliver. But it was Marcus who caught up to him, spinning him around, dangling keys in his face.

“Drive yourself to the hospital. And take Fish with you - he looks pretty fucked up.”

Kyle took the keys without a word, storming to the car, getting behind the wheel and shoving the key into the ignition. His eyes were watering from the pain, the stinging of his nose and lip, but mostly from humiliation. He had stood up for Oliver, after everything that had happened. I guess this is what happens when y’er in love.

The passenger door opened, Kyle quickly wiping his watery eyes with the back of his hand. Oliver slid in, putting on his seatbelt in silence as Kyle backed out of the drive, heading to the hospital. The atmosphere in the tiny car was tense. 

“Kyle, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it was you. Everything was happening so fast and...” 

Oliver trailed off, expecting Kyle to cut him off. Kyle didn’t.

He focused solely on the road, his hands clenching the steering wheel, the anger overwhelming. Kyle could feel Oliver’s eyes on him, those big soulful eyes, wanting him to talk. He knew Oliver was expecting him to yell, to do something. Instead, Kyle kept his eyes on the road. He needed his mind to be blank - he couldn’t deal with anything right now.

Oliver knocked his fists together and winced, remembering their rawness, dried blood crusting on them. My blood, most likely.

Kyle parked, and they went inside, separating as they were stitched up. Kyle sat, waiting for the doctor, who walked in with Oliver at his heels, peering over his shoulder as the doctor wiped the blood away, examining Kyle’s nose. When he tried to readjust it, Kyle involuntarily jerked back, away from the pain, and it was Oliver’s soothing words that allowed him to go through with it. He allowed them, closing his eyes, listening to the flow of Oliver’s voice. Then it was over.

They drove back through the winding streets in silence, Oliver’s eyes on Kyle’s figure the entire way. When Kyle pulled up to the apartment, he kept his gaze firmly on the road in front of him. Oliver hesitated.

“Are you coming up?”

“I have t’ drop the car off.”

Oliver let himself out slowly, and Kyle drove away, watching Oliver stand on the sidewalk through his rearview mirror. 

Alone at last.

He pounded the steering wheel with his fist, his mind whirling over the night, the same visions reoccurring in his brain: Oliver’s face, the impact, falling, everyone watching. 

Suddenly, he didn’t want to be alone anymore. 

He dumped the car at the fraternity, skirting away from the brothers who ‘wanted to talk’. Jogging down the street, he watched the street numbers, shivering from the cold, wishing he had brought a heavier jacket. Finally he reached it: Number 24 Main Street West. Josh and Cass’ new place.

He ran up the steps, ringing the doorbell. Josh answered, dressed in sweats and an old t-shirt. His eyes focused on Kyle, then widened. He stood aside wordlessly and let Kyle enter. As they entered the living room, Kyle could feel Josh’s eyes burning into his back. He was starting to feel like a freak show.

“Cass.”

Kyle heard thudding of steps down the hall and Cass entered, still in jeans and a shirt. She stared at Kyle.

“Oh, Kyle.” It came out on a breath, and immediately she was on the couch beside him, looking at the injuries. Josh watched from the chair across the room.

“Gay bashing?” 

When Kyle’s eyes lit up in surprise, Josh immediately backtracked. “Not that it was. It could have just been a fight. Sorry, I just assumed...”

Kyle snorted. “No, y’er right. It was, in a way.”

Cass’s eyes narrowed. “Gavin?”

“No. Oliver.”

The silence in the room was deafening, both staring at Kyle in surprise. Josh cleared his throat.

“Oliver? But I thought you two...”

“We were. Gavin came t’ the frat party, there was a fight, and he mentioned Oliver and I. Then he hit me.”

Cass was shaking her head. “I don’t understand. Why would he do that?”

“Because he doesn’t want t’ come out.”

Kyle was trying not to cry, clenching his fist against his leg. Now it really hit him: Oliver had punched him. Oliver didn’t want to come out. Everything Oliver had said was a lie. And Kyle - stupid, moronic, gullible Kyle - had lapped up every word. Believed every second of it. His voice was shaking when he spoke.

“He was tellin’ me he would come out in a year. He would git his act together and do it. That we could fight against Gavin.” He laughed bitterly. “I’m such an idiot.”

Embarrassed, he stood up, trying to stop the trembling. “Do y’ mind if I....just for t’night?”

Josh and Cass nodded simultaneously. “Of course. Spare bedroom is down the hall. Towels are in the cupboard across from the bathroom, if you want.”

He nodded, thanking them, and started down the hall, Josh’s voice stopping him.

“Hey, man? Do you want me to go by there, get some of your stuff?”

Kyle shook his head. “Nah. I’ll go tomorrow. Thanks.” 

He entered into the spare bedroom, too tired to shower. He pulled off his clothes, crawling into bed...

Then stared up at the ceiling, listening to Cass and Josh bicker, muffled through the door.

“I just want to talk to him. He’s not telling us everything.”

“Cass, wait until morning. Guys don’t always want to ‘talk about it’. Besides, I think he’s in shock.”

“But Josh, Oliver...”

“Yeah, I know. Morning, okay?”

Kyle blinked hard. Shock? He rolled out of bed and went over to the mirror on the back of the door, staring at his reflection. His face was red and purple, a black bruise beginning to spread. His top lip was cut, probably from his own teeth due to the impact of the punch. He mimicked the hit with his own fist.

It wasn’t a quick jab to shove Kyle out of the way. That punch was a full on slam - a desperate statement to prove Oliver wasn’t gay. Then why bother? If he wasn’t willing to come out, but was willing to punch Kyle in the face, why was Oliver still around? This realization was the most painful of all: Oliver wasn’t in love.

Kyle stared at himself in the mirror. Oliver wasn’t in love with Kyle - he was in lust. A secret fuck, some company when he was lonely, yet tonight confirmed he wasn’t Kyle’s boyfriend. To him, Kyle was simply...nothing. Something to use and throw away. 

And Kyle refused to be that.

Crawling back into bed, he tried to fall asleep, but couldn’t. Every time he closed his eyes the night re-played on his eyelids, and finally he slipped out of the room at the crack of dawn, showering. 

He tiptoed out down the hall and found Josh and Cass’ door still closed. A huge relief, as he couldn’t deal with it today. He had almost made it to the front door when a voice spoke out behind him. 

“Listen to him.”

He spun around to see Josh, sitting, reading the newspaper, a mug of coffee in his hand. 

“Huh?”

“Oliver. Listen to him. Don’t shut him out.”

Kyle didn’t say anything, reaching for the handle. “Thanks for lettin’ me crash.”

But Josh didn’t seem to hear him, staring at his coffee mug. “I’ve been shut out, man. It’s a bad place to be.”

Kyle paused, hesitating. This was different - what could Oliver possibly say to explain himself? Yet he nodded, anyway. “Yeah.” He opened the door and left.

It was barely morning and there were hardly any cars on the road. Kyle put the key in the lock as quietly as he could, turning the doorknob slowly. The apartment was dark. Oliver was still asleep. He breathed a sigh of relief. Tiptoeing to his bedroom, he dodged the creaks in the floorboards, taking extra time to pass Oliver’s closed door. Finally, he made it to his own.

And Oliver was sitting on his bed, staring at their framed photo.

They eyes met and Kyle instinctively backed towards the door. Oliver looked terrible - more bruised than last night, his eye slightly swollen and black, a red scratch going across his face. His lip was also busted. Kyle knew he was in pain. He looked miserable.

Yet Oliver scrambled off the bed, running to Kyle, hugging him. Kyle kept his arms at his sides, stiff, trying to lean his head away from Oliver’s touch, Oliver’s smell. Everything Oliver.

“You didn’t come home last night. I waited.”

“Yeah, I was with Cass and Josh.”

“Kyle, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean... I didn’t know it was you. You have to believe me!”

Kyle pulled away from the touch, retrieving fresh clothing from his drawers, changing his shirt. “Y’ knew it was me.”

Oliver looked horrified. “No! No. I didn’t. Kyle, it was happening so fast. I felt someone grab me and all I could think of was fighting Gavin so I -”

“Our eyes met. Y’knew it was me, Fish.”

Oliver shook his head frantically, reaching out to hold Kyle’s arm. Kyle stepped out of reach. “I didn’t know! I’m so sorry, Kyle.”

“Oliver, do y’ever plan t’ come out?”

There was a pause, Oliver blinking at him. “W-what?”

“The closet, Oliver. Do. You. Ever. Plan. To. Come. Out?”

“Y-yes. Kyle, I told you. After a year -”

“So for a year, whenever someone mentions we’re fuckin’, y’er goin’ t’ hit me? Is that how it is?”

“No! It wasn’t like that. I just wanted to get at Gavin...”

Kyle laughed his sarcastic, bitter laugh. His entire chest hurt.

“Okay, let’s talk about Gavin.” He walked up, getting right into Oliver’s face. “I’m not some girl who needs rescuing! I can fight my own battles. I don’t need you protectin’ me! This was my fuckin’ fight!”

Oliver’s eyes were watering, and he looked away. “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. But you’re my boyfriend-”

“Am I?”

He could feel Oliver’s gaze on him as he walked to his closet, pulling out a duffel bag, throwing clothes into it. 

“I t-thought we said -”

Kyle snorted. “We don’t date, Oliver! We don’t go out in public. I can count on one hand the amount of people who know about us! Boyfriends, my ass.”

Oliver’s voice was tight now, shaky. “J-just a year...so I can get a job...”

“Really? Because I don’t believe it.” He jammed Gavin’s letters in his bag. “Y’know what we are, Fish?”

Oliver said nothing, watching Kyle pack.

“We’re fuck buddies. Y’use me when y’need somewhere t’ stick it and there’s no hard feelings, right?”

“No! Kyle, we’re not-”

“What? Fuck buddies? Would y’ prefer t’ call it ‘friends with benefits’?”

“It’s not like that!”

Kyle finished zipping up his bag, throwing it on the floor. The pain was sharp now and his voice cracked when he yelled. “Then tell me. What is it like?!”

Oliver opened his mouth, his body trembling, but nothing came out. Kyle stood, staring, his entire body becoming numb. 

“Exactly. It’s not anythin’.” 

He picked up the framed photo, handing it to Oliver. “I’m done.” 

Kyle began to drag his bag out of the apartment, Oliver still standing by his bedroom door. 

“Kyle, wait!”

He turned to look at Oliver, still clutching the frame against his chest, where Kyle had shoved it. He looked so lost. Kyle put on a tight smile.

“Don’t worry. It’s college - tons of guys would love a one night stand with you. And they won’t even care y’er datin’ women in the daytime.”

Oliver said nothing, and Kyle opened the door and left.

\----------

The next week was a blur of events. Kyle crashed at Cass and Josh’s, avoiding Cass whenever he could so he wouldn’t have to talk about it. Classes began, people whispering as he walked by, knowing about the fight. Trips were made to the police station for statements, but luckily Gavin was in no position to press charges. He was expelled permanently from the school and wasn’t even allowed to walk on the property. The police talked Kyle into getting a restraining order, but he felt silly doing it. Still, he imagined Oliver’s face when he found out and signed the papers anyway.

The fraternity returned to normal, although Marcus swore there would be no parties hosted in the House for a very long time. Kyle considered asking for a spare room to live in, but immediately rejected that notion when he realized the kind of questions that would be shot his way.

He also avoided Oliver like the plague.

He didn’t expect it, but Oliver just kept coming back. If he wasn’t ‘visiting’ Cass and Josh, he’d be dropping by Kyle’s work, or eating in the same area of the caf. 

He often waited outside Kyle’s classes, pouncing as soon as Kyle left the room.

“Kyle, can we go somewhere and talk?”

“No.”

“Please, Kyle. Just coffee...”

“No.” 

“I want to explain-”

“There’s nothin’ t’ say.” 

Kyle continued to avoid him, ignoring the ache, and eventually Oliver left. 

Instead of following Kyle around, he began to leave drunken messages on Kyle’s phone. Kyle stopped carrying the cell with him, picking it up at the end of the day, usually seeing two or three missed calls.

“Hey Kyle. It’s me. Again. Drunk. Again. And I want to say -” Deleted.

“Kyyyyyle. Hiiiii. I miss you so much - “ Deleted.

A sniffle. “Kyle? Please will you just call me ba-” Deleted.

It hurt to delete them, but he wasn’t going to dwell on it. He had medical school to think about. He was writing the MCATs in a few months. Oliver had to be the last thing on his mind.

It never worked out that way. 

Every tall blond Kyle walked by caused his heart to trip, thinking it was Oliver. He’d hear Oliver’s laugh in the distance, spinning around, but it would be someone else, and Kyle’s heart would fall. He’d lie in bed at night, wishing Oliver were next to him. 

Which is why his heart hurt so badly when Josh approached him the second week.

Kyle sat, munching on cookies, studying his MCAT book, when there was a quick knock on the door, Josh sticking his head in.

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure.” 

Kyle closed his book, leaning back against his chair. Josh looked nervous. Really, really nervous, as he ran his hand jaggedly through his hair.

“Look, man...Oliver’s pretty...well, he’s not in a good place right now.”

For a moment, Kyle’s heart stopped beating. He pushed back his chair, tense. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah! Yeah, he’s not in a hospital or anything. He’s just...”

Kyle waited, holding his breath.

“He’s been drinking a lot. And your apartment’s a mess.”

Kyle let his breath out on a laugh. “Yeah, well. That’s Oliver.”

Something flashed across Josh’s expression. “I don’t think it is. Have you listened to him, man?”

“Yeah. He said it was an accident. But our eyes met n’ held, Josh.”

Josh sighed, looking away. “He wanted me to give you this.” He held out his hand, a textbook in it.

Kyle took it, staring. Oliver’s history textbook from last semester, “Western Civilization” scrolled across the top. He blinked, looking back at Josh.

“Why?”

Josh shrugged. “I dunno. He was wasted and crying- most of what he said was drunken slurs. But he was pretty damn insistent on it.”

Kyle’s heart wrenched, imagining Oliver drunk on the floor, tears running down his face. He could almost hear Oliver’s voice, pleading with Josh to give the book to Kyle. Yet it was just a textbook; it didn’t mean anything. He nodded at Josh.

“Thanks.”

Josh left and Kyle idly flipped through the pages. Some history on Europe, revolutions in France and England, philosophical ideals. Nothing highlighted, scribbled on. Every page spotless. He slammed the book closed, placing it in the corner of the desk. It was a mind game, Oliver drunkenly trying to fuck with him. Nothing more.

He continued studying, but couldn’t concentrate. His mind began to think of every possible reason for giving Kyle that textbook. History. Their history? Their history was as thick as the textbook? You could write a book on their past? He wanted to have an epic history with Kyle? Unrealistic.

Later that evening, he sat with Cass in front of the television, watching some drama she was into. She tried to explain every character and their story, but Kyle wasn’t following. A shared look with Josh told the same story. So they both nodded and pretended to know what was going on. They were at the climax of the episode, the blond having cheated on the main character, when Cass abruptly turned the television off. They all listened to the static in silence. 

With her hands in her lap, she turned to look at Kyle. Kyle knew that expression – she was prepearing to bitch him out.

“You need to talk to Oliver.”

Josh groaned. “Cass, can’t you stay out of it?”

“No. They’re both miserable. Neither leave their rooms. Kyle only eats in the dead of night. He never talks, he never jokes. He hasn’t called me any of his weird nicknames since he got here!”

Kyle said nothing, leaning over to grab the remote. She smacked it out of his hands.

“Hey!”

“You need to go over there and talk.”

Kyle pointed to his face. The cut had healed, most of the bruising and swelling was gone, but it was still obvious he had been hit.

“He hit me. In the face, Cass.”

“He says it was an accident. I don’t believe he’d ever intentionally hurt you.”

Kyle snorted and Josh buried his face in his hands, groaning. “Oliver says a lot of things he doesn’t mean.”

“Well, what about the textbook?”

“Y’ know about that?”

Cass rolled her eyes. “I overheard you two talking.”

“Great.”

“Well?”

Kyle sighed, leaning back against the couch. This was obviously going to take a while. “Well, what?”

“What’s it for?”

Kyle laughed. “You tell me. It’s just a textbook. I’ve looked through it.”

Cass pressed her lips together. “There has to be a reason.”

Kyle sat up now, facing Cass directly. “Cass. Oliver does shit like that, for no reason. Everything Oliver does is t’ reinforce his fake straight boy attitude. I know him. And I’m done with it. Okay?

“No, it’s not okay. I don’t believe -”

“Just turn on the T.V., Cassie. The game’s starting.”

They turned to look at Josh, who was regarding them with a cautious expression. Cass turned on the television, sulking, her arms crossed tightly over her chest. Josh went to the kitchen, handing Kyle a beer and they flipped it to the game, staring silently, occasionally making a comment on the play. Cass watched them incredulously. 

When Josh moved to the couch, trying to wrap his arm around her, she bounced off, stalking to her room with an exasperated “Arrgggh!”

Josh and Kyle stared at each other and shrugged.

\--------

Kyle shoved a piece of toast in his mouth, racing to make his 8am class. Cass sat drinking coffee in her pjs, watching him silently.

“Kyle?”

“Mmf?”

“Josh and I are seeing a movie tonight. Want to come?”

“Smmfm.”

She laughed. “English, please?”

He swallowed the toast, reaching for another. “Sure.”

“‘kay, it’s at 6.”

He nodded, barely listening, racing out the door.

\------

Kyle and Josh sat in the spare room, Kyle’s room, talking about the latest news, waiting for Cass to come home.

Kyle groaned, looking at the clock. “I thought she really wanted t’ see this movie.”

Josh laughed. “Don’t complain yet. She’ll still have to pick an outfit and do all her ‘getting ready’ before we even leave.”

There was a lull in the conversation. Kyle shuffled uncomfortably. 

“Josh, listen. I don’t plan t’ stay here long-”

Josh waved him away. “Stay as long as you like.”

Kyle shook his head. “At least let me pay some of the -”

“Never. You’re barely here, with all your labs.”

Kyle huffed. “Are you ever goin’ t’ let me finish my -”

“Nope.” They both grinned. 

The front door creaked open, Cass voice ringing out down the hall. “Guys?”

“In here.”

She bounced forward, staying at the edge of the door, smiling. “Ready to go?”

Kyle nodded, smiling. “Where the hell were ya?”

“Just running an errand. Come on, let’s go.”

“Let me grab my coat.”

Kyle turned around, snagging his coat off the bed. The door slammed behind him. He turned around slowly, as though in a horror film, wishing what he thought was happening wasn't actually happening. 

Oliver stood at the door, hands awkwardly in his pockets. Oh hell no.

He heard Cass call through the door.

“Listen to him! We’re going to the movie - see you guys in a bit!” 

Then Josh’s voice called out, lower. “Don’t shut him out. Everyone makes mistakes, dude.”

Oliver flushed bright red. Kyle fumed.

“Open the door, Cass.”

There was silence in the bedroom until he heard the sound of the front door closing. Kyle pushed Oliver out of the way and tried the door. Jammed. Cass had probably shoved a chair underneath it. He turned to face Oliver, his expression fierce.

“What the fuck is this?”

Oliver raised his hands up. “I didn’t know about this. She told me we were going to a movie and she had to pick something up first.”

“Right.”

“That’s the truth!”

“Uh-huh. And y’ had no idea I was here, right?”

“Kyle...”

Kyle sat down on the bed. “This is un-fucking-believable.”

“I love you.”

It came out so softly, and Kyle looked up at Oliver, his heart fluttering. Yet he kept his face stony. 

“That’s too fuckin’ bad.”

“Can we just talk, Kyle? Please? Just listen to me?”

Kyle glared at him, his deadliest look, and Oliver shrank back a little. But there was no choice - he had to listen. They were stuck in a room together, probably for two hours or more. 

Oliver edged his way towards the bed, sitting down on the far end of it. 

“I didn’t know about this. Honestly.” Kyle snorted, but Oliver continued.

“A-At the party, I never meant...I didn’t know....” Oliver sighed. “I-I fucked up, Kyle.”

Kyle laughed bitterly. “Awesome speech, bro.” 

He knew it was petty, and he wanted to take it back when Oliver stuttered, humiliated, looking at the bed sheets like he was going to cry. Then Kyle remembered his own humiliation at the party and didn’t feel nearly as bad.

“I-I-I-I saw you with Gavin and I left it. I knew you could handle it. But then he was going to h-hit you and I just...reacted. I didn’t want you hurt.”

Oliver’s voice trembled, breaking, and Kyle knew it was partially because of his comment. Oliver flinched, waiting for the next remark, but Kyle stayed silent. Still fuming, but guiltily silent. 

“So we were fighting, a-and...it was so scary, Kyle. Every hit hurt so much and I was so mad, and all I could feel was my head pulsing and I was only focused on him. And then someone was pulling me off him, and all I could think was ‘no’.”

Oliver started to pull at the loose threads on the bed sheet. “And then Gavin said that...t-that comment. About us. About you. A-and...God, Kyle. I wanted to kill him.”

It came out on a whisper and Oliver’s hands trembled violently, but he kept talking. 

“All I could think was, ‘how dare he even mention Kyle’. So I went for him, and someone was still holding me. So I spun around and...and at the last second, somewhere in my brain registered it was you, but it was too late and...”

They both flinched, remembering. Oliver was starting to choke up, but Kyle forced himself not to reach across and console him. Yelled at himself to keep the distance. An apology was nice, but it didn’t change anything. 

Oliver sniffed, wiping his nose. “And then I s-saw you, on the floor, and....God, Kyle. I’m so sorry.”

Oliver squeezed his eyes tight, looking away, as if to force the tears to stop, but they rolled down his cheeks anyway. He frantically wiped them away, still muttering the words. “I’m s-sorry. I’m s-sorry.”

Kyle said nothing, did nothing. Then, finally, “It’s okay.”

Oliver shook his head. “No it’s not. It’s never okay.”

“It was an accident.”

Now their eyes met, Oliver’s red and watery, but still large. “You believe me?”

“Yeah.” And he did. It made sense. The fight was chaos and he had seen the look in Oliver’s eyes. 

Oliver reached for him again, trembling, but Kyle still backed away. Oliver looked at him, confused, questioning, upset.

“I forgive ya, but it doesn’t change anythin’. Y’ don’t want t’ come out, Oliver. And I can’t live like that.”

Oliver blinked, another tear rolling down, but he didn’t notice. “I n-need time, Kyle. But I will. I will!”

Kyle shook his head, ready to tell Oliver he had to come out on his own terms, but Oliver kept talking.

“I waited f-for you to come home, so I could explain. Every day. And you didn’t. And then I gave Josh the textbook, and I thought you’d come back, but you d-didn’t, so then-”

Kyle slid off the bed, walking to the desk and picking up the textbook. He threw it on the bed with a loud thunk. He sat back down.

“A textbook?”

Oliver stared at him, not comprehending.

“Why would y’ give me a textbook?”

Oliver sniffed. “You didn’t look at it?”

“There’s nothin’in it!”

Oliver opened the cover, pushing it over to Kyle. Kyle furrowed his eyebrows, picking it up and putting it on his lap.

At first, he didn’t understand. The inside cover of the textbook was a map of Europe, blown up twice the size, countries as well as cities shown. Pencil was scribbled all over the map, Oliver’s writing here and there. Erased, faded lines crossed the map, but a distinguished final line, starting from...

He glanced in the corner of the map. Oliver’s writing in jot notes. He mouthed the words, reading them off silently.

Kyle:  
-London, Oxford  
-Prague (this was scratched out)  
-Athens, Santorini  
-Dublin  
-Madrid  
-Cairo (?)

Oliver:  
-Paris  
-Venice, Rome  
-Madrid  
-Dublin, London, Edinburgh  
-St. Petersburg (visa!)  
-Moscow (?)

He understood now. A map. A map of all the places Kyle wanted to go. Every place he had mentioned in passing, every city. Oliver had remembered. He had written it down. Folded in the center was a piece of blue paper - an application for a passport. 

He looked back up at Oliver, who was staring at him intently. Oliver spoke quietly.

“It happened in class. The professor was talking about Santorini and I remembered how much you wanted to go there. So I went to the cover and looked it up. And then...I started planning it.”

He shuffled forward, tracing the penciled line with his finger gently. “I was thinking, after we graduate, we could leave and head to the U.K, and then buy one of those train passes and...”

Kyle laughed, overwhelmed. “Y’ want t’ backpack across Europe?”

Oliver looked horrified. “Well, not backpack, but maybe cheap hotels.”

Kyle stared at the map again, tracing the line to Athens. “Y’ve got every place I want t’ go.”

Oliver nodded, gently reaching over, hesitantly placing his hand on top of Kyle’s. Kyle let him, still staring at the map.

“Y’er serious about this.”

Oliver swallowed hard, nodding. “Yeah. I’d like to. Only with you, though.”

Kyle said nothing. He didn’t expect this. His brain couldn’t react as quickly as he wanted to. His body screamed to touch Oliver, but his head was more careful.

“Kyle, I need time. A-After we graduate. So my parents have something b-before...please, Kyle.”

Kyle nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“...Will you...will you come back to the apartment?”

Kyle nodded again.

Oliver reached out carefully, tracing the bruising left on Kyle’s face, his eyes tortured. “I’m so sorry, Kyle.”

He leaned forward and kissed Kyle, so gently, as if he was sure Kyle would shove him away. But he didn’t. Instead, Kyle drew him in closer, kissing him harder. 

“I love you, too.”

Oliver smiled and they kissed again, but a ghost of a thought continued in Kyle’s mind.

How long until this happens ag’in?


	20. Chapter 20

Kyle couldn’t seem to forgive Oliver.

He tried. He really, really tried. But when night came, he closed his bedroom door, wanting to be alone. He didn’t want Oliver to see his nightmares; the ones where he’d bolt out of bed in the middle of the night, breathing hard, sweating profusely. 

When they made out, it never went beyond that. Kyle would always pull away, claiming he had to study, he had class, or he was tired. And Oliver was a saint. He never said a word about it, his face falling only slightly before he’d smile again, giving Kyle some space.

They sat watching television on the couch, side by side. In these moments Oliver would always wait patiently for Kyle to make a move, whether it be curling up together, holding hands, or making out. Tonight Kyle sat at the far end of the couch, staring straight at the television. He felt Oliver’s glances but didn’t respond to them. 

A commercial came on, and Oliver stood up. “I’m going to make some popcorn.”

Kyle nodded. “‘kay.”

There was silence in the apartment as Oliver opened the package, putting it in the microwave. He shuffled uncomfortably. 

“Do you want something to drink?”

Kyle shrugged. “Maybe some water. Thanks.” 

He rubbed his jaw. Even though Oliver had socked him in the nose, his jaw had ached ever since that night. He hoped the cold water would ease the pain. 

Oliver set everything down in front of them, sitting much closer to Kyle than before. Kyle could smell him, feel his heat as their arms brushed, the tiny hairs rising slightly. They continued to watch the show in silence. Then Oliver spread his legs slightly, going for a slouched position, his knee bumping against Kyle’s.

Kyle held back his smile. He knew Oliver wanted it, that Oliver wanted Kyle to make the first move. Yet he stayed perfectly still, feigning obliviousness. He bent over to grab his water, the ice an instant relief for his aching jaw. 

If Oliver wanted it, he was going to have to come and get it.

Kyle kept watching the show, feeling Oliver’s knee bump against his gently, over and over. Then his arm began to press more into Kyle’s - not much - but enough for Kyle to notice. He could feel the shift in the atmosphere immediately, the sizzle of anticipation cutting into their regular T.V. watching nights. 

He peeked at Oliver through the corner of his eye, watched him biting his lip, knowing instinctively that Oliver was giving himself a pep talk, trying to force himself to make a move. Kyle felt Oliver’s knuckles graze his as Oliver shuffled just a little closer, their shoulders brushing now. He resisted rolling his eyes. Just do it.

Fingers slowly interlaced with his and gave an awkward squeeze. Kyle smiled, deciding to tease Oliver, turning to face him. Oliver’s face lit up like a Christmas tree, expecting a full make-out. Kyle leaned forward, towards Oliver’s mouth. Then brushed past it to give him a gentle temple kiss and a nuzzle before turning back to the show.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Oliver’s eyebrows furrow, probably wondering how dense Kyle could be. Kyle bit his lip to keep himself from laughing. He felt the hand in his tighten and, in the same second, Oliver dove awkwardly for Kyle’s neck, giving it a kiss. Now Kyle couldn’t help it, and the laugh escaped. Oliver pulled back.

“What?”

Kyle shook his head, still smiling. “Took y’long enough. Christ.”

“You knew?”

Kyle grinned and leaned over to kiss Oliver again. And then everything got much, much better.

Oliver’s hands slid around Kyle’s back, under his shirt, pressing him closer. Then Kyle was being pushed back against the pillows, Oliver body sliding against his. He was mindful of Kyle’s still-healing nose, peppering light kisses on his mouth before exploring his neck with little licks.

Kyle moaned low in his throat, tilting his head to give Oliver better access. He felt pressure on his neck where Oliver was sucking, shivered at the nips Oliver delivered to his collarbones. He clenched his jaw as a hand slid into his jeans and a shooting pain in his face made him gasp. And then everything came flooding back: the impact of the punch, the feel of falling, and the searing pain in his nose. He pushed away.

Oliver looked up, startled, his breathing heavy.

“What’s wrong?” 

It came out raspy, that low sound in Oliver’s throat that screamed sex, but even that wonderful noise couldn’t get the images out of Kyle’s head. He ran his hand through his hair. It was an accident.

“Are you okay? Did I...?”

He turned to Oliver, shaking his head. “No. No. My jaw hurts, that’s all.”

“Oh.”

And there the unspoken question sat between them. Oliver embarrassedly looked away. Did I do that? Kyle knew he wanted to ask, but avoided it. 

Kyle felt Oliver’s hand on his neck, rubbing gently, but he pulled away. He needed to be alone.

“I think I’m goin’ t’ go t’ bed.”

Oliver nodded. “Oh. Okay. Goodnight.”

“Yeah.”

Kyle left Oliver on the couch, feeling his eyes the entire way to his bedroom. He flicked the light off, stripping down to his boxers before closing the door and climbing into bed. He had never felt so conflicted.

He loved Oliver. He knew that with every fibre of his being – he loved him. It was simple, open, out there. He knew, logically, the punch had been an accident. In that flash of a second, Oliver couldn’t have seen him. Yet he couldn’t shake the feeling it would happen again.

No. Kyle thought about the picture frame and the map. Oliver worriedly looking over the doctor’s shoulder as Kyle’s nose was fixed, murmuring to Kyle how everything was going to be okay. The declaration of love, the promise of a future. 

And as he thought of these, every one had an opposing side. All the times Oliver had ignored Kyle for a girl. All the times he had hurt him. All those drunken nights. Oliver storming out after the first fight with Gavin. The fact that Oliver took and took but never gave. 

He rubbed his aching jaw. He had to get over it - it was ridiculous. He was being childish. Oliver was becoming more and more confident each day, and in a year, they could really be together. They could go out in public together, tell their friends. No more secrets.

Just one year.

He fell asleep, dreaming. Hopefully tonight there’d be no nightmares.

\------

He woke up fully rested; the first time in a long, long time. Confused, he groggily opened his eyes, tensing for the nightmares to come flying back. But none did. Everything was calm, from the sunlight slipping through the blinds to the sound of traffic in the distance. 

Kyle sighed, relief flooding him, shifting to get more comfortable...

Then froze.

An arm was slung over his waist, sleep-controlled breathing on his neck. He turned on his side slowly, face to face with Oliver. 

He was gorgeous. 

That warm, giddy feeling was back in his chest. Oliver had snuck in, probably in the middle of the night, just to sleep with Kyle. No booty call, no drunken crying. He had just slid between the sheets and held him. 

Kyle studied his face, the eyelids gently fluttering as he slept. His lips parted only a tiny bit, soft puffs of breath coming out. Oliver’s face had healed from the fight, the bruising and swelling around his eye gone, only a tiny pink scar on his cheek, barely noticeable. Kyle traced it with his fingertip gently.

How could he be mad at Oliver?

Right now, there was no anger. Only a fuzzy feeling of waking up to your boyfriend sleeping beside you. But Kyle knew when Oliver woke up, the feelings could come back. Even if he didn’t want them to.

It’s stupid. So, so stupid. It was an accident. Everyone had told him it was an accident, and he believed it. Oliver had apologised more times than Kyle could count. He had made Kyle breakfast, curled up with Kyle on the couch. And more than once Kyle had caught Oliver staring at him, a sad expression on his face. 

Yet every time they kissed, when Kyle’s jaw would start to ache, all he could think about was the blow. The pain. His eyes automatically zoomed to his now slightly crooked nose whenever he looked in a mirror. Oliver had hit him. There was no denying it. 

And who knew how long it would take for Kyle to forgive him.

He felt Oliver’s breathing change, saw his eyes open, and was secretly disappointed. Now the hate would come back. The confused hatred mixed with love. And he hated himself for it. 

Oliver smiled a dopey, tired smile. “Hi.”

He felt Oliver stretch his legs, hooking their feet together. He smiled back. “Mornin’.”

They lay in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the proximity of one another. Oliver laced his fingers through Kyle’s. 

“So...do you want to...talk...about it?”

Kyle froze, ripping his hand out of Oliver’s. “What?”

Oliver practically threw himself at Kyle, as if he was afraid Kyle was going to leave. 

“We don’t have to! I thought...because last night was pretty bad, and I just thought...” Oliver blushed. “Nevermind. Forget it.”

Last night was pretty bad? Kyle’s eyes narrowed. “What happened last night?”

Oliver was still flushed, the pink spreading rapidly all over his face. When he spoke, it came out small. “The nightmares you’ve been having.”

Kyle pushed away from Oliver, lying on his back. He was loud enough Oliver had heard? He didn’t even remember his dreams last night and he still had another nightmare. 

“It’s nothin’.”

“Kyle...”

“Drop it.”

Oliver nodded weakly. “Okay.”

Now lying beside each other was uncomfortable. Kyle pushed out of bed, getting ready for the day, his jaw aching. 

When he turned back to the bed, it was empty.

He didn’t see Oliver for the rest of the day.

\------

“You and Oliver have plans for Valentine’s?”

Kyle blinked at Josh. He had forgotten that Valentine’s Day was just over a week away. He had never celebrated the holiday before, unless you counted Valentine’s from 6th grade. He shook his head.

“Oliver’s not really into that.”

Josh’s eyebrows raised. “You’ve never done Valentine’s together?”

“We don’t have that kind of relationship.”

They sat down at an empty table in the caf, Josh opening his drink, giving a moment’s pause. Kyle used it to reverse the interrogation.

“What about you and Cass? Anythin’ special?”

Josh nodded, swallowing his drink. “I’m taking her ice skating. She’s terrible, but she loves it.” He shook his head. “No matter how hard I try to stop her, she always falls and busts her lip.”

Josh smiled that secret smile he wore whenever speaking of Cass, and Kyle felt like sticking his tongue out at him. They had never celebrated Valentine’s Day. They had never even remotely spoken of its existence. In fact...now that he thought of it...he was sure Oliver disappeared last Valentine’s. 

He snorted. Typical.

Josh caught the flicker of emotions on Kyle’s face. He stared. “You’re still pissed at him?!”

“No! Of course not.” Kyle crumpled his napkin into a ball, throwing it into his empty cup. 

“Dude.”

“He hit me. Who says he won’t do it ag’in when someone threatens his goddamn All-American Boy routine?” 

Kyle couldn’t help it. It came bubbling out, more sarcastic and bitter than he ever intended for it to be. For a minute Josh and Kyle stared at each other, Josh’s expression a mask of pure surprise. Kyle gathered his things.

“I’m late f’er class. I’ll see ya later, man.”

He dumped his tray and walked out the caf, his head spinning. Even when he was sure he had forgotten about his anger, it poured out at the most unlikely times. He rubbed his jaw, walking into class, desperately hoping to forget.

But classes were uneventful, labs were boring, professors droning on and on in horrible monotone voices. When he made it back to the apartment, the place was empty. He double checked, then showered, the privacy a relief. 

After making dinner, finishing up some schoolwork, doing a load of laundry, Oliver still hadn’t returned home. Kyle glanced at the clock. Midnight. Even if he had a newspaper meeting, it would have been long over by now. 

He debated phoning Oliver’s cell, but didn’t. Maybe Oliver wanted some space. Kyle could definitely use some. So instead, he got ready for bed, sliding into the sheets and pulling out a book to read. But as the minutes slowly ticked by, Oliver still not home, Kyle was beginning to read the same lines over and over, now worried. Where is he?

1:00am passed.

2:00am passed.

Now he was sitting in bed, staring at the wall. What if Oliver spent the night at the frat? Or what if he had snuck in and Kyle hadn’t realized? He slipped out of bed, tiptoeing to Oliver’s bedroom. 

It was empty. 

Kyle’s heart pounded faster. What if he was hurt?

The phone rang, and he raced for it, not bothering to check the call display. 

“Oliver?”

“Kyle. It’s Phil.”

Phil? Why was Phil calling at 2:00am? As much as he wanted to catch up, he needed the cell phone free in case Oliver called. 

“Hey. Listen, can I call y’tomorrow? I need t’ keep the -”

“Oliver phoned me.”

Kyle’s heart beat faster. “Where is he? Is he okay?”

“I don’t know. He’s at the bar just off Main Street, Fathers and Sons. He called earlier, but the bartender just called me on redial, saying Oliver couldn’t even walk. I told him I’d be there, but...”

Kyle was already sliding on his jeans, grabbing a coat. “I’ve got it. Thanks, Phil.”

“I’ll call you later.”

Kyle barely heard it, making a noncommittal noise before running down the street, the bar only a few blocks away. He was out of breath when he arrived, stepping in the entrance, looking around in the dim light. Oliver sat, slouched on a bar stool, the bartender glancing at him occasionally. 

Kyle approached Oliver and the bartender walked over. He was an old man, towering easily a foot over Kyle

“You Phil?”

“Yeah. Thanks for callin’”. He grabbed a groaning, drunken Oliver off from the stool, staggering under his weight.

The bartender shrugged. “Boy’s had a rough night. You know Kyle?”

Kyle froze, wanting to kill Oliver. Of course he spilled all their intimate secrets to the bartender. He could never keep his drunken mouth shut.

Kyle rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know him.”

The bartender whistled. “Might want to keep them apart. Maybe let him crash at yours tonight.”

Kyle glared at Oliver’s drunken form. “I’ll be sure t’ do that.”

He said goodnight, throwing Oliver into the waiting cab, driving them those few blocks home. Oliver groaned, covering his head with his hands. “Make it stop spinning!”

The cabbie had laughed.

It took almost ten minutes to drag Oliver into the apartment, dumping him on the couch. Then Kyle sat beside him to rest. Oliver wrapped his arms around him.

“You came. I knew you’d come!”

Although Kyle was expecting the bad breath, it still came on strong and he coughed. “Jesus, Oliver.”

Oliver’s face fell. “You’re still mad at me.” 

A drunken hand reached out to touch Kyle’s nose, surprisingly gentle. Kyle still flinched away and Oliver burst into tears.

“You hate me.”

Kyle stood to get Oliver a glass of water. “I don’t hate y’.”

But Oliver was drunkenly shaking his head. “Yes! You do! You hate me!”

He held the glass out to Oliver. “Drink this.”

Oliver waved the glass away, reaching for Kyle instead. He grabbed him by the waist and toppled Kyle onto Oliver’s lap. Kyle pushed off him, fighting Oliver’s arms, seriously annoyed. 

“See? You hate me. I hit you and you won’t f-forgive me!”

Kyle said nothing, unsure of what to do. He was mad at Oliver, there was no denying it. But at the same time, Oliver was drunk and wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning. He felt a sweaty palm on his jaw, a slightly pressure as it was turned to face Oliver.

Oliver’s face was tortured and a hand gently traced Kyle’s nose again, also brushing by the scar on his upper lip.

“I hit you and you’re punishing me for it.”

Kyle shook his head. “That’s not true.”

More tears spilled down Oliver’s face. “I should be punished for it. I deserve it because I hit you.”

His words were slurred now, becoming harder and harder to understand. He wrapped Oliver’s arm around his shoulder, pulling them back up. “Come on, Oli. Let’s git y’ t’ bed.”

Oliver was still mumbling as they made it to Oliver’s bedroom. “I deserve it. I deserve it. I hit you. I hit you.”

Kyle laid Oliver on the bed. “Deserve what?”

Oliver shook his head. “To be punished. God hates me.”

Kyle sat on the edge of the bed. “God doesn’t hate you.”

“But you do.”

Kyle sighed. He knew he was being unfair to Oliver. “I don’t hate you either.”

“My parents do.”

“No one hates you, Oliver. Go to sleep.”

Oliver grabbed Kyle’s arm tightly, his eyes wide. “It was an accident! I would never....never....”

“I know.”

Oliver sniffed. “You never talk to me, or touch me, or l-l-like me. You’re going to move out again, and I’ll be alone. All alone.”

Oliver looked so miserable, so apologetic, and Kyle couldn’t help but lean over, giving him a gentle kiss, ignoring the aftertaste of alcohol. 

“I’m right here.”

Oliver snuffled, a hand reaching up to Kyle’s cheek. Kyle grabbed the hand and gave it a squeeze, holding it as Oliver’s eyes slowly blinked closed. Oliver had barely fallen asleep when Kyle’s cell buzzed. He glanced at the screen. Phil.

He slipped as quietly as he could out of Oliver’s room, closing the door before opening his phone.

“Hey, Phil.”

“You get him?”

“Yeah, he’s asleep now. Thanks for callin’.”

“Anytime.”

There was a crackle in the line as a wave of silence floated through. Kyle worked to keep the conversation going.

“So, haven’t heard from y’ in a while. How’s Harvard?”

Phil laughed. “Hard. Busy. I’m starting to think I’m masochistic for wanting to come here. But it’s alright.”

Kyle smiled. “Cool.” There was a pause. “Listen, I’m sorry about Oliver wakin’ y’ up.”

“It’s no big deal.”

“Y’er not our big brother anymore.”

Phil laughed again and Kyle missed him like a real brother. “I’ll always be your big brother. Frats are for life.”

Kyle groaned, teasing. “Stuck with you forever?”

But Phil didn’t say anything, silence on the line.

“Phil?”

“I know it’s not any of my business, Kyle...”

Kyle sighed. He should have known this was coming. “What?”

“Oliver’s really fucked up. He told me all about what happened at the frat.”

Kyle snorted, annoyed. “Of course he did.”

“I’ve been in more than my share of fights, man. You remember your freshmen year?”

He couldn’t help but crack a smile as he remembered all the drunken fights Phil had started. The first drunken fight had been because there wasn’t any beer left in the frat. Phil was still speaking.

“And I don’t know about you, but when you fight, when you want to fight that badly, everything else doesn’t exist. You’re in this zone and all you can see is your target. All you hear is blood rushing through your ears, and when that person hits you, for a few seconds you can hear the screams and chanting of people watching. It’s overwhelming, and scary as shit.” 

Kyle said nothing, but Phil seemed to know he was still listening.

“So when Oliver hit you, and I’m sure it hurt like hell, it was only a split second reaction. And he probably took a second watching you fall, thinking, ‘Who hit Kyle?’ before realizing he did.”

Kyle thought back to Oliver, clenching his fists, staring at Kyle in anger, then disbelief. And then Oliver was scrabbling towards Kyle in a panic. Phil was right. 

“Kyle, he’s miserable. He’s guilty and upset and doesn’t know what to do. He thinks he’s losing you.”

Kyle stared at the door, Phil’s words spinning in his head.

“So, I know you’re pissed at him, and you can continue to be. I only wanted to throw in my two cents.”

Kyle nodded. “Thanks, Phil.” His voice cracked slightly, and he coughed.

“No problem. See you around, little brother.”

Kyle shut the phone, staring at the screen, rubbing his aching jaw. Just talking to Phil had made things clearer. For the first time, he replayed the fight in his head without flinching. Oliver’s face after Kyle had fallen, staying with Kyle at the hospital.

As much as he didn’t want to, they needed to talk tomorrow. 

He was jarred out of his thoughts by the sound of projectile vomiting.

Well, maybe the next day.

\-------

Oliver was too sick to talk the next day. Between the groaning and vomiting, he slept or tried to eat. Kyle had never seen a hangover as bad as Oliver’s, but he stayed by his side, placing a washcloth on Oliver’s neck while he vomited, making him plain toast when he felt he should eat.

The day after that, Oliver was barely in the apartment, rushing around to finish assignments he had due. The stressed look in his eyes made Kyle retreat into his own room, giving Oliver some space. But at the end of the day, when they ate dinner in silence, Kyle couldn’t hold back any longer. They had to talk; the tension was killing him.

He cleaned up dinner and washed the dishes, purposely procrastinating, thinking of what to say. His mind was racing. Maybe they shouldn’t talk. Maybe it would end in another fight. Maybe Kyle could do little things like Oliver did: holding his hand, cleaning his room, making him dinner. But what if Oliver didn’t get the message? He dried his hands and decided. He was best at honesty and being direct. He walked to Oliver’s room, knocking gently on the door.

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

The door creaked open and Kyle stepped inside, closing it behind him. For no reason, as they were the only ones in the apartment. It simply felt more intimate that way. He sat on the end of the bed, Oliver’s sheets crisply folded, rubbing his hands on his jeans.

“We need t’ talk.”

Oliver didn’t look surprised, just nodded, closing his textbook and turning his desk chair to face Kyle. Kyle stared at him for a few moments, collecting his thoughts. 

“Oliver -”

“Listen- “

They spoke at the same time and abruptly stopped, each grinning an embarrassed grin. Oliver waved his hand slightly.

“You go first.”

Kyle nodded. “I haven’t been fair t’ you. I was angry at y’ fer hittin’ me, and I know it’s not your fault. It’s more than that.”

Oliver’s tortured expression was back. “It’s totally my fault! I never meant to hit you! I would never...”

Kyle laughed. “I know that. I know.”

“But you said that last time.”

Kyle shrugged sheepishly. “It was early. Phil brought me around.” He glanced at Oliver. “You phoned him, y’know.”

Oliver blinked at Kyle before burrowing his head in his hands. “I thought that was a dream.”

Kyle chuckled. “Nope. Reality. But it’s a good thing ya did.”

Oliver’s voice came out muffled. “Why?”

“Because it made me realize I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at....everythin’ else. For not fightin’ with Gavin myself. For lettin’ it git that far. The fact you fought my problem. And I guess a little at you, too.”

Oliver’s head was still in his hands, avoiding looking at Kyle. “I hate myself for it.”

It came out on a whisper. Kyle leaned forward, elbows on his legs, an intense expression on his face. 

“Was it scary, fightin’ Gavin?”

Oliver looked up, then nodded helplessly.

“And y’ really couldn’t see me?”

Oliver shook his head like a child. “No! No, I had no idea.”

Kyle smiled. “I believe you. Really, this time.”

But Oliver’s expression didn’t change. “What if it was someone else, Kyle? Even if it wasn’t you, it would have been someone else. Whoever grabbed me I would have hit.”

Kyle rubbed his jaw. “So?”

Oliver stood up, pacing, his arms flailing and he tried to explain. “That’s not me. I don’t want to be that, Kyle. I wanted to hurt Gavin, and the feeling was so...so...”

His voice was becoming more and more hysterical, and Kyle stood up, grabbing his arms, soothing. “But it was me.”

Oliver stared. “What?”

“Y’ hit me. Not some stranger. And look how it affected you - think of yesterday.”

Oliver winced.

“Exactly. Lesson learned, right?”

Oliver swallowed hard, tracing Kyle’s nose again. They leaned into a hug, awkward at first, but as their grip tightened, it felt better. Kyle inhaled Oliver’s scent.

“Can I ask you something?”

Kyle pulled away, smiling. “Of course.”

“What are your nightmares about?”

He stiffened, which made his jaw ache more. He opened his mouth, sifting through the multiple excuses forming in his head. Instead, Oliver pulled him to the bed, sitting them both down.

“Kyle, it’s been every night.”

He put on his best grin. “It’s nothing.”

“Tell me.” 

Oliver’s voice was soft, but there was no mistaking the sense of purpose under it. He was going to get Kyle to tell him eventually. Kyle turned, staring at Oliver for a long time, searching his face for encouragement. 

“Everythin’ with Gavin. It was too easy.”

Oliver’s eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Kyle ran a hand through his hair. “I was in shock, and maybe I’m rememberin’ it wrong, but it was too easy. He was arrested with hardly any promptin’, the police took a quick statement from me, and it was done. In jail. Locked up.”

Oliver rubbed Kyle’s shoulder. “That’s a good thing.”

Kyle shook his head. “It was too easy. Maybe I’m just being paranoid.”

“So that’s your nightmare? Gavin comes back?”

Kyle nodded, his mind flickering through his nightmares. Gavin coming back was part of it. The other was Oliver hitting him again, leaving and not looking back. Marrying some girl, never speaking to or thinking of Kyle again. Him laughing with said girl at Kyle on the ground, bleeding.

He smiled and gripped Oliver’s hand.

“Yeah. That’s all.”


	21. Chapter 21

Kyle’s jaw hurt. A lot.

Before it was an uncomfortable ache, but as days passed, it slowly became sharper. He rubbed it, agitated, as he studied. 

“Are you sure I didn’t, um, dislocate it or something? W-When I hit you?” 

Oliver looked so terrified, Kyle was pretty sure he’d have a nervous breakdown if that was the case. He shook his head.

“At first, I thought so, but now...I don’t know.” He popped some Advil.

“Maybe you should see a dentist.”

“Why a dentist?”

Oliver shrugged. “Maybe it’s a problem with your teeth.”

Kyle considered it. It was possible, and the aching was further back in his mouth, getting stronger every day. Soon he’d have to do something about it. 

\------

“Yep, it’s definitely your wisdom teeth.”

The dentist retracted his mirror, and Kyle closed his mouth, swallowing. 

“And that’s why my jaw aches? They’ve barely poked through the skin.”

The dentist left the room, returning with the x-rays he had taken earlier. He put them up and pointed. 

“See here? Those are your wisdom teeth. They’re growing in crooked, which is pushing on your other teeth here, basically causing a chain reaction.”

He waved his pen at the x-rays. “I’d like to remove them as soon as possible.”

Kyle rubbed his jaw. “How soon is soon?”

The dentist laughed. “How long can you deal with the pain?”

Kyle grimaced. “Good point.”

“Talk to my secretary to set up an appointment. Remember this is surgery, so there are forms you will have to sign.”

“And how long until it heals?”

“Usually seven to fourteen days.”

The dentist spoke of all the complications and the procedure itself. Kyle shook the dentists hand and left, setting up an appointment with the secretary for the following week. He popped another Advil as he made his way back to the apartment. Oliver came out of his room, hands in his pockets.

“What’s the verdict?”

“Wisdom teeth.”

Oliver grimaced. “Ouch.”

“Yeah. I’m getting them removed next week.”

Oliver stared at him blankly. “But next week is Valentine’s!”

Kyle was peering in the fridge for something to eat, not quite paying attention. “So?”

There was silence and finally Kyle clued in. He closed the fridge door, grinning, sauntering over to Oliver. 

“Somethin’ special planned?”

Oliver turned pink. “Um. No.”

Kyle laughed. “Oliiiii....”

But Oliver was pushing away, grabbing a pen and paper. “We’ll need soup. And maybe smoothies. Can you eat dairy after surgery?”

Kyle shrugged. “No idea.”

“You didn’t ask?”

He looked incredulous, which made Kyle feel ashamed for no reason.

“I’ll ask him next week. Relax.”

Oliver was scribbling furiously. “And maybe some pasta. And juice. Definitely mashed potatoes. Ice. Yogurt, pudding, ice cream, popsicles...”

Kyle rolled his eyes and sat down. Once Oliver was going, there was no stopping him.

\-------

Kyle walked out of the room feeling light headed, his entire face numb. Oliver jumped up from the waiting room chair, racing over to Kyle. He reached out and stopped, looking around the office, then shoved his hands in his pockets, embarrassed.

“Are you okay? You look pale.”

Kyle shrugged, not wanting to speak. The surgery had gone well, and there had been no pain, only a slight pressure as the teeth were removed. The dentist warned him the pain would come later, and gave him some medication “just in case”. Right now he felt happily drugged.

Oliver ushered him out the door, grabbing onto Kyle’s arm gently once outside. His voice was low.

“You’re already getting all puffy. Do you feel okay?”

Kyle rolled his eyes, handing the ‘After Surgery’ sheet to Oliver as they got into Marcus’ car. Oliver began to read every line, and Kyle plucked it back out of his hand.

“Just drive.”

It sounded muffled because of the cotton, and Oliver looked at him in horror. 

“Don’t talk!”

“He said I could talk, Oliver.”

Oliver winced. “Just don’t, okay?”

Kyle rolled his eyes again, pointing to the road, and Oliver drove home. When they got into the apartment, Oliver led Kyle to his bedroom. Kyle gasped when he opened the door.

Oliver had lugged the television into Kyle’s room. His bed was freshly made, a table next to it, his books, Nintendo, and anything else he could possibly need laying on top. Oliver shoved him into bed before he could say a word about it.

“List, please?”

Kyle pulled the paper out of his jeans, handing it to Oliver. He swallowed, his throat feeling a little raw. 

Oliver read through it, murmuring occasionally. “Salt rinse, nausea, stitches...Okay. You comfortable?”

Kyle gave him the thumbs up, turning on the television. He patted the bed next to him, motioning for Oliver to join him. 

“Wait a sec.”

Oliver disappeared, coming back with bag of frozen peas. Kyle raised his eyebrows.

“Gee, Oliver. Frozen peas. Yum.”

Oliver pointed at the table. “Use the paper and pen!”

Kyle looked over. “Y’er kiddin’ me.” 

“Please?”

Oliver slid into bed as Kyle grabbed the notepad, putting it on his lap. Oliver handed him the frozen bag.

“It’s for your face after the numbness fades. Molds to your jaw.”

Kyle smiled, surprised. Oliver had really thought this through. He laced his fingers through Oliver’s, watching television. 

During a commercial, Oliver spoke up.

“Did it hurt?”

Kyle shook his head.

“Did it bleed?”

Kyle nodded.

“Did you get stitches?”

Kyle turned to look at Oliver.

“Was it weird?”

“Oliver, what’s with the twenty-”

“Paper!”

Kyle groaned, uncapping the pen. He wrote a question mark on the paper, pushing it up in Oliver’s face.

Oliver shrugged. “I want to know. I’ll have to get it eventually.”

Kyle wrote again. ‘Afraid of surgery?’

Oliver read it, then looked away. “N-no. I only wanted to know...”

‘I’ll take care of you when it happens.’

Oliver read it and smiled. “I know.”

\----------

Pain. Excruciating pain. 

Kyle groaned, looking in the mirror. His mouth felt hot and his face was twice its normal size. He felt gross and ugly and wished Oliver wasn’t around to see him.

And yet Oliver was always there, feeding him soft foods, helping him rinse his mouth with salt water. The frozen peas were genius, forming against Kyle’s face in all the right ways, an instant relief. Oliver seemed to always know when the medication was wearing off, handing Kyle another pill. And he slept with him every night, gently stroking Kyle’s hair.

The days got better and Kyle was able to eat hot foods, like mashed potatoes and soup. The swelling had mostly gone down, and he could talk almost normally. There was only one thing bothering him.

He couldn’t kiss. 

Every time he went to thank Oliver, for some reason, kissing was rough. He could only manage soft butterfly kisses, never with any pressure. And Oliver always pushed him away, staring at his face, making sure he was okay.

Yet they slept together every night, Oliver’s warm body against his. Oliver stayed in the apartment with Kyle most of the day. Every minute was spent together.

It was driving Kyle crazy. 

He needed Oliver. Now.

He pounced on Oliver, liked he used to, when the front door opened, but Oliver pushed him away.

“You’re healing.”

“No, I’m horny.”

“Kyle!”

“Oliver, come on. I’m fine. Sex, please?”

Oliver always refused, pushing Kyle away with a small, exasperated smile, always asking Kyle if he was hungry. It was the same routine.

“Starvin’.”

“Whatcha want?”

“You.”

“Kyle!”

So Kyle sat on his bed on Valentine’s Day, pouting. No sex on Valentine’s? How unfair was that? Oliver had been in classes all day, Kyle still confined to the apartment due to his slightly-swollen face, slowly going stir crazy. 

Oliver made dinner, a strange combination of a chicken noodle soup appetizer, mashed potatoes and small pieces of chicken as the main course, and fruit and ice cream for dessert. Afterwards, he awkwardly gave Kyle a red Valentine’s card. There was nothing sappy in it, only Oliver’s name at the bottom, but Kyle was touched. Oliver had never done anything like it. He actually had to go out in public to buy it. Oliver’s leg was vibrating, and Kyle could see the tension on his face. He tried not to make a big deal out of it.

Kyle smiled. “Thank you.” He hesitated. “I didn’t git y’ anythin’...”

“Don’t worry about it. You were sick.”

Kyle nodded. “Raincheck?”

Oliver nodded, kissing Kyle’s forehead gently before scurrying into the kitchen with the dirty plates. Kyle smiled, carrying the card to his room, placing it on the bedside table. 

Later, they brushed their teeth and got ready for bed. Oliver studied Kyle in the mirror.

“Are you feeling nauseated?”

Kyle groaned. “Oliver. It’s been five days. I’m fine.”

Oliver ignored him. “Any bleeding or pain?”

“Does pain from havin’ this conversation every hour count?”

“Kyle...”

“No, no pain.”

“Bleeding?”

“Tons. Now go away.”

They flicked off the light and crawled under the sheets, Oliver wrapping his arms around Kyle as always. Kyle looked at the red card in the darkness, smiling. “Happy Valentine’s.”

Oliver said nothing, sliding his hands along Kyle’s torso, his breathing slightly irregular. Kyle shivered. 

“Oliver?”

But Oliver was already attached to Kyle’s neck, pushing his body into Kyle’s, kissing harder. Kyle could feel Oliver’s hardness pushed against him and responded, twisting his body to be face-to-face. 

He leaned in for a kiss, but Oliver pushed his mouth away, nibbling on Kyle’s ear. Kyle’s breathing quickened, and he once again leaned in, but Oliver pushed him away again. He whispered in Kyle’s ear, his voice low, the tickle of breath making Kyle's heart beat faster.

“No kissing. Just let me, okay?”

Kyle groaned, happy to comply. He was pushed gently on his back. Then Oliver took his time.

His mouth was kissed so gently, barely any pressure, before traveling down his jaw, down his neck, his chest. Oliver spent an ample amount of time there, nuzzling every inch of skin. Kyle could feel his hot breath and shivered. Now it was becoming harder not to kiss.

He had never wanted Oliver’s mouth on his this much, like a physical pain. He tried to pull Oliver up, to connect their mouths, but Oliver would push his shoulders back against the bed, giving him a soft kiss on the neck before continuing. 

Kyle got lost in it.

It was when Oliver was kissing and licking his abs when Kyle raised his head. Their eyes connected and Oliver’s trembling hands hooked into Kyle’s boxers, the cool air hitting Kyle as they were pulled off.

“Y’ don’t have t’ do this.”

It came out breathy, Kyle’s heart now pounding furiously, his hands clenched. Please do it. Please, please, please.

“I want to.”

God.

His neck ached from looking down, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away as Oliver awkwardly took him in his hands, stroking. He saw Oliver lick his lips, taking it in with hot eyes. 

Oliver glanced back up at him. “I-I don’t know how to...”

Talking was hard, especially with the stroking, but Kyle did his best. “D...Do what y’er comfortable with.”

Oliver lowered his mouth, and Kyle clenched his hands tighter. He forced himself not to move a centimeter. He was afraid to even breathe.

And then it was hot, and tight, and wet, and he couldn’t help but gasp. He was trembling from the effort to remain still as Oliver explored, but it was becoming harder, his hips involuntarily moving. 

Then Oliver did something with his tongue and Kyle couldn’t help it. A low moan rose out of his throat, his hand going to Oliver’s hair. And when Oliver responded, a vibration in his throat, Kyle gasped, his hips snapping. 

He had never felt anything like this before. 

There was nothing that could compare.

His mouth was open, panting, and he gripped at Oliver’s hair. Then realized what he was doing and pulled his hand away. But a sweaty hand grabbed his, bringing it back to Oliver’s hair. He whimpered. 

“Oliver...”

Oliver moaned.

Then it was over, Kyle gasping, convulsing, digging his fingers into Oliver’s arm, crying out.

There was a shuffling as he heard Oliver spit quietly, sliding back up against Kyle. They lay together for a while, Oliver grabbing Kyle’s wandering hands. 

“Was that okay?” 

Kyle heard the nervousness in Oliver’s voice, the vulnerability. 

He grabbed Oliver by the neck and slammed their mouths together.

\-----------------

Kyle’s cell buzzed. 

And buzzed.

And buzzed.

He and Oliver lay on their backs, staring up at the ceiling. Kyle couldn’t even remember the last time he felt so sated, like every part of his body would just sink into the bed. They mutually, silently, agreed not to answer it. 

Then Oliver’s began to ring down the hall. They continued staring at the ceiling.

“Maybe it’s Cass.”

Kyle shook his head. “It’s the day after Valentine’s. Cass wouldn’t be callin’.”

“Who else do we both know?”

“Who cares?”

They listened to the phone ring again.

“We should answer it.”

“Go ahead.”

Neither moved. For a few seconds, there was silence. Kyle’s cell began to buzz again. They both went into hysterical laughter. Kyle reached over and flipped the cell phone open, still chuckling.

“H-hello?”

“Kyle! Are you and Oliver home?!”

It was Cass, and her voice was tight, too controlled. He pushed himself up a little straighter and Oliver responded immediately, frowning at Kyle.

“Yeah, we’re home. What’s wrong?”

“Get dressed. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

“Cass, wait -” There was a click and the call ended.

Oliver placed his hand gently on Kyle’s arm as he flipped the phone shut, staring at it, confused.

“What’s wrong?”

“Cass is comin’ over. She sounded...weird.”

Oliver raised his eyebrows. “Weird how?”

“I dunno. Weird.” 

Oliver leaned over and gave him a soft kiss. “We should get dressed.”

Kyle pulled him closer. “Mmm.”

He was biting Oliver’s bottom lip softly, lost in Oliverland, when Oliver pulled back, grinning. “Come on.”

Kyle tried to bring him back. “Cass won’t care. She would squeal and ask how the sex was.”

Oliver blushed at that. “And what would you tell her?”

Kyle grinned slyly. “T’ leave so we could continue.”

Oliver laughed nervously, as if considering if Kyle would actually do it. He grabbed a set of clothes and walked into the shower. Kyle joined him shortly after.

There was a knock on the door just as Kyle had finished dressing, still toweling his hair as he answered it. Cass all but flew in, a flurry of blonde hair. She turned to Kyle to speak, her mouth open, and then frowned. Her face was flushed and she was breathing hard, like she had been running.

“Why are you all chipmunky?”

He touched his face. “Wisdom teeth. I thought it was gone by now.”

She grimaced. “Wisdom teeth removal? On Valentine’s? How sucky is that?”

“Tell me about it.” 

He went to grab a few sodas, noticing Cass bouncing nervously on the spot, biting her lip.

“Where’s Oliver?”

“Gettin’ dressed. He should be out in a minute.”

They popped the tabs on their sodas and drank silently until Oliver entered the room, rubbing his hands together.

“Hey Cass.” He frowned. “Kyle, the dentist said no carbonation!” 

She grabbed his arm and pulled him down next to Kyle, standing in front of them. Both raised their eyebrows, wondering what the hell was going on. Oliver plucked the can out of Kyle’s hand, chugging the rest of it down.

Suddenly, she flung her hand out at them. “I’m getting married!”

Kyle sat, stunned. He didn’t look over, but assumed Oliver was doing the same. He couldn’t even imagine getting married at the age they were. But Cass looked so excited, practically glowing as she showed off her engagement ring. He stood up and hugged her.

“Wow, Cass. Congratulations!”

She squealed and hugged him back. Oliver still sat on the couch, stunned.

“What, Oliver? No hug?”

He stood up, awkwardly giving her a pat on the back. “Y-yeah. Congrats, Cass.”

“Thanks. You’re the first I’ve told.” She was practically vibrating with excitement. “I was SO close to telling you on the phone! So I had to race over here! He asked me after dinner. Cliche, right? On Valentine’s Day. Well, it was midnight, but still.”

Kyle laughed. “And t’ think y’ rejected him a couple months ago.”

She blushed. “I didn’t want to. But that’s not why I’m here. Sit, sit!”

They both sat, she taking the chair, leaning forward.

“The wedding is going to be in July.”

Oliver’s eyes widened. “That soon?”

Cass shrugged. “We don’t want to wait. It’ll be traditional, but small. And I wanted it to be outdoors, so hello, it had to be summer. I’ll let you guys know when we pick the perfect spot.”

Kyle grinned. “Oh, so we’re invited?”

Cass laughed. “Duh.” Then suddenly she looked nervous. “Look, I wanted to ask you guys something before Josh did.”

Kyle nodded. “Go ahead.”

She leaned forward, and the intensity of her stare made Kyle want to lean forward too. Oliver continued to sit stiffly beside him.

“I don’t have many female friends...” 

She paused, wrinkling her nose. “Scratch that. I don’t have any female friends. Josh and I always shared the same friends, the closest being all male. I lost touch with the girls after high school. Well, I have a close female cousin, but she can’t make it. Internship in Australia over the summer. Which I totally don’t blame her for, because it’s short notice.”

Kyle nodded slowly. “Okay. So?”

She took a deep breath. “Will you two be my bridesmen?”

Kyle stared. Oliver stared. There was silence in the room. Finally, Kyle spoke.

“How long did it take y’ t’ come up with that?”

“The run here.”

“I like it. Very smooth.”

“Thanks.”

Oliver coughed. “Cass, aren’t you supposed to have bridesmaids at a traditional wedding?”

She rolled her eyes. “It is a traditional wedding. A bride’s best friends are her bridesmaids, right? Except my best friends are you two, and you’re obviously male, so you’ll be my bridesmen. We can work on the name. Unless you want to be on Josh’s side. He was going to ask you, but he has brothers and other best friends, and that’s not fair.”

She grumbled at that, and Kyle couldn’t help but grin. “So y’ ran over here?”

She nodded. “I’ve already figured it out. You’ll wear traditional tuxes and they’ll just be slightly different from Josh’s guys. Maybe a white or silver tie instead of black. And you won’t walk down the aisle or anything if you don’t want to. No bouquets of flowers, I promise. Unless you want them.” She grinned nervously.

Kyle blinked. A wedding. Cass’ wedding and she wanted them to be a part of it. She had called them her best friends. Kyle thought back to all the movies, in theaters and at home, curling up with her on the couch, gorging on junk food. Christmas with her and Josh. All the times she hung out with Kyle and Oliver separately, treating them as best friends, not a best friend and his boyfriend. How could he possibly say no to her?

Her face fell. “You want to be on Josh’s side. I get it. Don’t worry about it. I have some old girlfriends I can call up -”

“Cass, I’d love to.”

Her face froze, like she didn’t want to believe it. “Really?”

“Of course. It sounds like a great idea.”

She squealed, hugging him tightly. “Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you.”

She turned to look at Oliver, who was staring at them from the couch. She sat down slowly next to him.

“You don’t have to, Oliver. I’d get it. Really. But I’m not doing it because you’re gay.” Oliver flinched slightly and Kyle bit back his sigh.

Cass continued, her voice soothing. “I just wanted both of you to be there with me. You’re the closest friends I have and I wanted you in the pictures and stuff. You know? The ones with Josh and I in the middle, surrounded by the people we love. But if you want to be in the crowd, I totally understand. There’s no pressure.”

He turned to look at her, a funny expression on his face. “You really want me to be there?”

“I really want you to be there.”

“In the party?”

“Yes. A lot. But only if you want to.”

Oliver nodded slowly. “Okay.”

She grinned. “Really?”

He hugged her, murmuring something in her ear Kyle couldn’t hear. 

She laughed, kissing both of them, grabbing her purse. “Perfect. And don’t worry - I’ll keep you up-to-date on everything involving you. You’ll have full say over your tuxes, I promise.”

Kyle laughed. “Liar.”

“Well, if your choices are dumb, I’ll obviously fix them.”

Oliver stood beside Kyle, awkwardly smiling. “Cass, what about your Maid of Honor? Don’t brides need one?”

She gasped. “Oh my god, I totally forgot about that. You can have two, right? I guess you’ll both be my bridesmen and my Men of Honor. Unless my cousin somehow makes it. Then she’ll be my Maid of Honor. But you’ll still be my bridesmen, obviously.”

There was a knock on the door and Oliver went to answer it. Josh walked in, a smile on his face. Then froze as he saw Cass. She ran towards him.

“I got here first! They said yes! Hah!”

Josh looked outraged. “What?! You said you were getting groceries!”

She took a victory lap around the apartment, her arms holding an invisible trophy, singing the Rocky victory song.

Josh huffed at Oliver and Kyle. “I see how it is. Choosing her side.”

Cass hooted from across the room.

Kyle laughed. “We couldn’t say no.”

Cass grinned, heading for the door. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow. We need to start planning A.S.A.P.” She turned to Josh. “And I’m going to tell Kev next.”

Josh’s eyes narrowed. “You wouldn’t.”

She stuck her tongue out and raced through the door, Josh close on her heels. Kyle shut the door laughing.

“Their kids are goin’ t’ be nuts.”

Oliver was standing still, staring at the door, a haunted expression on his face. Kyle recognized it immediately. He rubbed Oliver’s arm.

“Hey, don’t freak out on me.”

Oliver turned to look at him. “Huh?”

“What’s goin’ on, Oliver? Aren’tcha happy for them?”

Oliver shook his head. “No, no, of course I am.”

“Do y’ not want t’ be in the party? ‘Cause y’ can always...”

“No, I’ll be in the party.”

Kyle was frustrated now. “Then what is it?”

“They’re so normal.” 

It came out softly. His voice was filled with longing as he stared at the closed door. Kyle felt the familiar pang of hurt before he swallowed it back down.

“And we’re not? Are we aliens from Mars?”

Oliver said nothing, still staring at the door. Kyle turned him the opposite way.

“Oliver, Cass and Josh know and still love you. Phil knows and still cares. I love you. What’s wrong with that?”

Oliver shook his head. “Your face is more swollen then usual. Let me see the stitches.”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “Oliver...”

“I don’t...want to talk about it right now. Okay? Please?”

Kyle nodded. Maybe letting Oliver deal in his own way was best. At least he didn’t freak out and run away.

Kyle opened his mouth, and Oliver looked at the wisdom teeth. “Whoa.”

Kyle closed his mouth, slightly panicked. “What?”

“Your stitches dissolved. There are huge holes in the back of your mouth.”

Kyle felt them with his tongue and flinched. They were still tender. “Ugh.”

“You should see the dentist.”

Kyle pretended to consider it as he pushed Oliver back to the bedroom. “I could...or we could go back to bed and you can kiss my pain away.”

“Kyle...”

But Kyle wasn’t listening, already tugging on Oliver’s belt buckle. “Remember what you did last night?”

Oliver blushed and looked away. Kyle forced his eyes back, sliding his lips gently over Oliver’s.

“I want t’ return the favour.”


	22. Chapter 22

Kyle angrily flipped through the pages of his MCAT study guide, wondering if it was ever going to end. 

February had ended and March began, the MCAT date drawing closer and closer, and Kyle wasn’t prepared. He knew he wasn’t prepared. Even though he had done almost every question in the book, studied every slide, every lecture, every note from classes, memorized for hours, late into the night while Oliver slept. He wasn’t ready.

He glanced over at Oliver’s sleeping form, longing to crawl into the warm bed and continue their activities from earlier that night. 

But he had to study. 

He went through the different bones in the leg, ticking them off with his fingers as he went. Then did it again, and again, and again, until he could say them in his sleep. His eyes began to blur looking at the pages below, and he rubbed them in a desperate attempt to keep going. 

Maybe if I just rest for a minute...

\--------------

He felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking him awake.

“Kyle. You’re going to be late for class. Kyle?”

Kyle yawned, blinking the world into focus. He was asleep on his desk, paper sprawled around him. He lifted his head up and a sharp pain shot down his spine. He groaned, rubbing his neck.

“Worst place t’ sleep. Ever.”

Oliver smiled sympathetically. “How long were you studying for?”

“What time is it?”

“Almost 8.”

He jumped out of the chair, startling Oliver, shoving his books into his bag.

“Not nearly enough. I’m goin’ t’ be late f’er class. Shit.”

He threw on a new shirt and jeans, racing to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He wished he had time to shower. A red spiral line was indented on his cheek from the notebook he slept on. Great.

Oliver was waiting for him in the kitchen as Kyle raced around pouring coffee and grabbing an apple. 

“So Spring break is coming up...”

Kyle acknowledged this with a grunt, too focused on finding his lab notes to respond. 

“They’re doing something different this year.”

“Yeah?” Where are those goddamn lab notes?

“I think we should go.”

Kyle finally found the lab notes, shoving them in his bag. Then stared at Oliver.

“Go?”

“Yeah.”

“Pass.”

“What?! Why!?”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “Because I need t’ study. And when I’m not studyin’, I need t’ de-stress. And what better way t’ do that then with you?”

He emphasized this by sauntering over to Oliver, kissing his neck. 

“Oh. Okay.”

Kyle heard the disappointment in Oliver’s voice and backed up, looking into his eyes.

“Y’ want t’ go?”

But Oliver was already detangling himself from Kyle. “No, I don’t. You’re going to be late.”

Kyle hesitated at the door, knowing he was late, but not wanting to let go of the conversation. He watched Oliver walk back to his room, shoulders hunched, and almost followed. But after thinking of the MCATs, he raced through the door. Oliver could wait until he got home, at least. And this would give him time to figure out what was wrong.

He sat attentively in class, trying to block out all thoughts of Oliver as he studiously copied notes, asked questions, discussed whatever needed to be discussed. It was only on the walk home Oliver entered his thoughts, analyzing his disappointed face as he unlocked the door. 

Oliver was sitting on the couch, his phone pressed against his ear.

“Mom, I’m eating fine.”

Kyle smiled as he went to the fridge, grabbing a soda. 

“Yes, grains and everything. Tonight I’m eating...”

He paused, and Kyle laughed, pulling a head of broccoli out of the fridge and waving it in the air.

“Broccoli! And brown rice. And um, chicken. See, Mom, I’m fine.”

Kyle made a face at the suggestion of brown rice, and Oliver stuck his tongue out in response. The fact that Oliver could sit in a room that Kyle was in, on the phone with his parents, was a huge improvement from last year. As soon as the cell phone screen flashed ‘Home’, Oliver would be scurrying into his bedroom for the rest of the night, pretending Kyle didn’t exist. 

“Alright. Love you, too. Say hi to Dad for me.”

Oliver snapped the phone shut and re-opened it as Kyle passed him a drink.

“Pizza sound good?”

Kyle grinned. “Oh, no. I’d much rather have chicken with brown rice.”

Oliver grimaced. “Yeah, she’s been a little - yes, hi. I’d like a large pizza...”

He trailed off as the pizza place answered, and Kyle leaned against the counter, studying Oliver as he ordered. He didn’t look as nervous as he had this morning, which was a good sign. But with Oliver, you never knew. He could go to happy and chatty to sullen in seconds. 

“He said it’ll be here in twenty minutes.”

“Great.”

Kyle sat down on the couch, Oliver beside him.

“So are you studying tonight?”

Kyle nodded. “Yeah. It’s gettin’ closer every day.”

“Why are you writing them now? Why not, like, next year?”

Kyle shrugged. “I have the credits, so I don’t see why not. I still have another chance if I don’t pass.”

“You’ll pass.”

“We’ll see.”

There was a lull in the conversation as they drank their sodas, the television flicking in front of them, but muted. Kyle decided to jump into it - he was never very good at subtle, anyway.

“Why do y’want t’ go t’ Canada so badly?”

Oliver flushed. “No reason. I thought it would be good for you to get some fresh air for a few days.”

“Oliver...”

He watched Oliver nervously bump his hands together, internally debating whether or not to tell Kyle. He waited patiently.

“They’re announcing the President of Kappa over there.”

Kyle raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Y’ want to be the new President?”

Oliver shook his head, a weak laugh escaping. “No. God, no. Too much work. But they always announce the second-in-commands, too, and I was hoping...”

Kyle was surprised, but as he thought it over in his head, he knew he shouldn’t be. Oliver had really picked up around the house, becoming more friendly with the seniors, having a soft spot for the freshmen. It was a decisive move - Kyle was annoyed he hadn’t picked up on it. And second in command was so...Oliver. Their job was to throw their weight around, much like the President, without all the buttering up to officials like Marcus had to do. No dealing with alumni, no organizing events. Some believe it’s a better position. Oliver would be perfect for it.

He smiled. “Then we’ll go.”

“Really?” Oliver’s smile faltered. “We don’t have to. What about your studying...”

But Kyle was already placing the cans of soda on the table, kicking off his shoes, straddling Oliver’s thighs. Oliver subconsciously placed his hands on Kyle’s hips.

“It’s important t’ you, so we’ll go. I want t’ be there.”

“But what about...”

Kyle leaned in close, nibbling along Oliver’s neck, following his jawline.

“What about what?”

Oliver’s breathing changed and Kyle grinned, reaching a hand down between them. Oliver jumped.

“Your...your studying!”

Kyle leaned towards Oliver’s ear, enjoying every little jump and shiver he produced.

“Oh, I think I’ll survive. If y’ distract me.”

\-------------------

Spring break? Was he crazy?

He had thought Canada. Every other year it had been Canada. He figured he could slip away while everyone was snowboarding, hide in a room and study, sipping some hot chocolate.

And now he watched half-naked (sometimes completely naked) college students racing around, drinking and partying. And being loud. Very, very loud.

Mexico.

Fucking. Mexico.

Oliver gave him an awkward smile. “Are you okay?”

Kyle took a deep breath, shouldering his bag. He did this for Oliver. He had to be there for Oliver, who was staring wide-eyed at the crowd. He put on his best grin.

“S’gonna be awesome.”

They checked into their motel, a second floor room overlooking the pool, which currently was packed with drunken teenagers tossing a giant beach ball around. Changing into shorts, Oliver looked at Kyle.

“Gonna study now?”

Kyle rolled his eyes. He had never been one for flying, tense and awkward the entire trip, gripping the armrest as they took off and landed. Security and customs had been a nightmare, the line-up of frat brothers taking hours. As soon as the officers had seen their KAD shirts, every bag was individually checked for drugs and other substances. Kyle was stressed and exhausted.

“Nah. Let’s blow off some steam.”

Oliver looked visibly relieved not to go out on his own, but weakly persisted. “Are you sure? Because I know you have to...”

Kyle clapped Oliver on the shoulder and pushed him out the door, into the chaos. They made it to the bar, taking whatever the bartender handed him. Kyle gulped it down, trying not to cough: it was warm from the sun and too strong, making his eyes water. Marcus approached them, wearing only swim trunks, a beer in hand.

“Brothers! Welcome to Mexico!”

Oliver shifted back and forth, staring at the palm trees. “Yeah, it’s really cool.”

Marcus howled with laughter. “Brother, it ain’t cool at all. It’s smokin’!”

He gestured to a group of drunken, naked girls wrestling with each other in the pool. Oliver gawked, but Kyle caught the flush in his cheeks, the awkward shifting. Kyle smiled at Marcus while casually steering Oliver away from the naked girls, forcing him to turn his head.

“It all makes sense now!”

Oliver turned to look at him in surprise. “What does?”

“Whenever I need y’er attention, I’ll dance around naked.”

Oliver’s blush deepened but he said nothing, following a grinning Kyle to the beach. A handful of the brothers were involved in a game of beach volleyball, and Oliver and Kyle quickly joined in. They spent the rest of the day on the beach, sharing beers and lounging. Kyle watched Oliver play volleyball, hang out with the brothers, laughing and talking. For once he looked happy; like he belonged somewhere. Maybe it could work.

Around December they could start looking for a good area to move into. Oliver would finish up his year and Kyle would start medical school. He closed his eyes, imagining all the scenarios. Oliver being happy and laughing with Kyle, holding hands as they went on a date. A real, first date. He smiled.

“Kyle?”

He blinked his eyes open, staring around in confusion. He had fallen asleep on the beach, almost sinking into the sand. He turned to smile at Oliver, then realized he looked different. Very different. A bit more of a tan, some sweat glistening on his chest. His eyes were bluer than usual.

“Hey.”

“Hey. We should get you back to the hotel so you can study.”

“Y’gonna help me study? I could give you an anatomy lesson.” He slid his hand up Oliver’s thigh.

“Kyle!”

He grinned as Oliver looked around, making sure no one had heard. God, I love him.

“Okay, okay.”

Kyle stood up, brushing the sand from his hair. He had never felt so relaxed in his life. They walked back to the hotel, Kyle taking a quick shower while Oliver changed into warmer clothes.

“When are they announcin’ the next President?”

Kyle watched Oliver wring his hands together nervously, leaning over to rub his shoulder soothingly. 

“Tomorrow. Maybe. I don’t know. You know Marcus.” 

He nodded, smiling softly at Oliver’s anxiety. “You’ll git it. I know y’will.”

Oliver smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Kyle had never seen Oliver this anxious - well, except when it had to do with their relationship. He wondered how tense Oliver would be when trying to be accepted to the police Academy. 

He leaned in to give Oliver a kiss, and there was a knock on the door. Oliver shot off the bed to answer it. Chris, one of the brothers, stood in the doorway.

“Hey, man. Marcus is announcing.”

Oliver’s mouth fell open. “This early?”

Chris shrugged. “Says he wants to get it over with. Don’t blame him. Come on.”

Oliver looked back at Kyle, who stood, putting on a shirt. He reached over and gave Oliver’s hand a quick squeeze before letting go.

“Come on. Even if y’don’t get it, it’ll be a damn good party.”

Kyle walked beside Oliver to the beach, a cool breeze blowing in over the land, making the sweltering temperature bearable. Oliver trembled beside him, and Kyle wished more than anything he could wrap his arms around him. He settled for a gentle arm bump, a small ache inside when Oliver shifted away from him.

The beach had lit tiki torches paving the way to a gazebo on the beach, where Marcus and the other senior members stood, everyone else below. Kyle rolled his eyes: of course they would make a big deal out of it.

“Brothers!”

Marcus’ voice boomed out from the gazebo, and even the ocean’s waves seemed to quiet while he talked. Kyle bumped Oliver’s arm again to point at the freshmen, all gaping around, wondering if this happened every year. Oliver managed a weak smile.

“Our time has come. And in our place, we are leaving the best: we know, we hazed them until they cried.”

Kyle laughed along with the other brothers, watching Marcus string out the ceremony. 

“And when I leave Kappa, I know I’ve left my mark on all of you. We will always be brothers!”

The brother whooped. Kyle took the time to squeeze Oliver’s hand again.

“So without further ado, your new President, Christopher Nolan!”

Kyle clapped along with the other brothers as Chris took Marcus’ Presidential pin and put it on. He remembered Chris from the first party freshman year; a cocky redhead who couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He was more responsible than Marcus, yet still knew how to party. 

Chris grinned as Marcus stepped down into the crowd, shaking hands with all the brothers. Kyle glanced at Oliver’s pale face.

“Thank you, thank you. I promise I’ll make next year the best one yet.”

Marcus huffed in the crowd, causing laughter from the brothers. Chris grinned and waited.

“And before we party, I need to announce my right-hand men. The ones who’ll kick your ass out if you’re pissing me off.”

Kyle felt an arm on his, and looked over at surprise to Oliver, who had shuffled over so their arms were brushing, needing the contact. He smiled and brushed back reassuringly.

“So! The new second-in-commands in the Kappa House: Brian Winters, Sean Tapolski, and Oliver Fish!”

Kyle whooped, thumping Oliver hard on the back, giving him a one-armed hug. Despite wanting the position so badly, Oliver stood stock still, his mouth hanging open in surprise. Kyle rolled his eyes. 

“Go up there, Oli.”

He gave him a gentle shove, and Oliver stumbled his way up to the gazebo, the brothers patting him on the back as he went.

He stood beside Oliver as the brothers raised their shot glasses to the new Kappa “royalty”, and the partying began. Oliver chattered away beside him as he grabbed a beer.

“I can’t believe it. I mean, I really wanted it, but I wasn’t sure I was going to get it, you know? Now I have to live in the fraternity - in a senior room, too! I’ll even have my own bathroom, how cool is that? This is going to look so good on my application...”

Kyle grabbed a beer and downed it. He had forgotten that Oliver would have to live in the fraternity. They would have to go back to living in secret, fucking quietly so no one would hear. They would have to give up the private sanctuary of their apartment. And Oliver didn’t seem to care. But it was Oliver’s special night, so Kyle smiled.

“I’m proud of y’.”

Oliver flushed and looked away, obviously pleased with himself. “Thanks.”

Chris approached them, then, swinging an arm over Oliver’s shoulder. 

“Mr. Fish! Come join us. Kappa Royalty, man.”

Oliver looked at Kyle, hesitant. “Oh, well...”

Kyle smiled. “Go fer it. I have t’ study, anyway.”

Oliver nodded and Kyle leaned in close, taking his cup out of his hands.

“Maybe we’ll go skinny dippin’ later.”

Oliver huffed, glancing nervously at Chris. “Not a chance.”

Kyle watched him go, talking enthusiastically with Chris about their new positions. He made his way slowly back to the motel room, wondering how he was going to pay rent now that it was just him in the apartment. It’s only a year, then we’re out of there.

He glanced back at Oliver, who was laughing with the brothers as more shots were poured. 

Just one more year.

\------------

“I’m never going to pass this stupid test.”

Kyle looked up from his textbooks to Oliver, who was trying to pull his hair out. His face was flushed from aggravation, clutching a pen tightly in his hand.

“You’ll do great.”

“I hate midterms.” 

Oliver threw the pen across the room, and Kyle laughed. He looked so adorable, sitting cross-legged on the bed, throwing things across the room. He closed his own textbook, sliding over to Oliver.

“Maybe y’ need a break.”

Oliver groaned. “I had one. I decided it would be a great idea to go to Mexico instead.”

Kyle smiled, pulling Oliver’s shirt over his head. “Now that was a nice distraction.”

He leaned closer, breathing in Oliver’s scent. “Y’ remember what we did in the hotel room? Every. Single. Night.”

Oliver’s breathing hitched, remembering, and Kyle leaned in, pressing his mouth to Oliver’s. A little whimper escaped Oliver’s mouth, making Kyle push closer. Both their minds were tuned to that hotel room a week before - the hot temperature, the drinking, the amazing sex.

Kyle made his way leisurely down Oliver’s neck, eliciting his favourite sounds.

“I never bugged you while you studied!”

Kyle laughed softly, biting at Oliver’s collarbones. “That’s because y’er a very, very good boy.”

He unbuttoned Oliver’s jeans, reaching his hand inside. Oliver gasped. 

“Y’ really want me t’ stop?”

Kyle pushed Oliver backwards on the bed, kissing down his chest slowly, his hand the same rhythm. 

“Tell me t’ stop. Anytime. Really.”

Oliver’s breathing became heavier, and Kyle knew he had him. Still, he pushed.

“Y’ can tell me now.”

He kissed his way further down, licking at Oliver’s abs.

“Or now.”

He reached his destination and gently blew air. Oliver hissed.

“How about now?”

Oliver wrapped his hand around Kyle’s to control the stroking, but it didn’t seem to be enough for him.

“Please, Kyle.”

Kyle froze, arousal shooting through his system. He wasn’t sure if he had heard correctly. Did Oliver...beg him? In that sweet, raspy tone? He had never, ever heard anything so hot.

“What?”

Oliver lifted his head, his eyes dark, his mouth open. He stared Kyle directly in the eyes.

“Please, Kyle. Please. Please!”

Jesus. He groaned and took Oliver into his mouth, creating just the right suction, his tongue flickering. He hit every hot spot, knowing Oliver’s skin better than he knew his own. He listened to the sounds, gripping Oliver’s hand.

It was over before it even began. Oliver thrust up, gasping, taking Kyle by surprise. He licked him gently as Oliver came down before sliding up. Oliver ran a hand through his hair.

“That was...”

Kyle laughed. “Amazing? Fantastic? The best blowjob you have ever received?”

Oliver smiled. “All of the above.”

He leaned forward and kissed Kyle, his tongue sliding in his mouth. Kyle returned it instinctively before pulling away, his eyes wide. Oliver had never kissed him after a blowjob. Ever. And now here he was, staring at Kyle nervously, licking his lips. Another step forward.

“I love you.”

Oliver kissed him again, rolling him on his back.

“Your turn.”

\-----

Kyle woke up with a start, immediately looking at the alarm clock.

4:30am.

Two days before the MCATs.

He slid out of bed, careful not to wake Oliver, and into the shower. His mind was frantically reciting what he had learned yesterday, forming acronyms for different biological functions. He went from the shower directly to his room, setting up his papers on the desk, readying for the day.

Then he studied.

And studied.

And studied.

A few minutes later he felt a hand on his shoulder, breaking his concentration. He looked up at Oliver, annoyed. 

“I’m tryin’ t’ study.”

Oliver ignored him. “Your stomach is growling.”

He glanced down at his stomach as if it could prove that to him. It did.

“Have you eaten?”

“Not yet. I just got started.”

“It looks like you’re pretty into it. You need a break. Come eat.”

He ran a hand through his hair, staring back at his work. “I can’t. What’re y’ doin’ up so early anyway?”

Oliver stared at him. “It’s 10am.”

Kyle stared back, then glanced at the window. Light was coming in strong, filling the room. He switched off his lamp, rubbing his neck.

“I didn’t notice.”

Oliver’s face turned into one of concern, and Kyle returned to studying. A plate of eggs and toast was placed in front of him.

“Eat.”

He took an obligatory bite, muffling a thanks, but not tearing his eyes away from the paper. He needed to study. He wasn’t ready. He wasted all his time in Mexico, and then helping Oliver “study” for his midterms. He was going to fail. He knew he was going to fail.

He frantically kept studying, his eyes started to water, and he glanced at the clock, realizing it was past noon. Oliver sat on his bed, quietly reading a book. His eyes flicked over the top when he heard Kyle move.

“Coming up for air?”

Kyle groaned, thumping his head on his desk.

“I’m going t’ fail.”

“You’re not going to fail.”

“I procrastinated too much.”

“No you didn’t. You’ll pass.”

“Well, what the fuck do you know?”

Oliver stared at him in surprise, and it took Kyle a moment to figure out why. He turned away, annoyed with himself.

“Great. I’m Jekyl and Hyde.”

He heard Oliver crawl off the bed, felt a hand on his shoulder rubbing soothingly.

“Do you want me to quiz you?”

“No.” 

He organized his papers angrily, trying to find his genetics notes. The hand left his shoulder.

“Oh, okay.”

Oliver left the room without another word, and guilt coursed through Kyle. It wasn’t Oliver’s fault he was taking these tests. He was only trying to help. He sighed, pulling himself out of his chair, groaning at his stiff legs. He walked across the hall to Oliver’s room.

“I’d love it if y’ quizzed me.”

Oliver looked up from his own bed, his computer humming next to him.

“I don’t want to bother you.”

“You never do.”

Oliver stared at him with a strange expression on his face, then slid off the bed, following Kyle to his room. He took the MCAT book, flipped to a random page, and began firing off questions. It felt like hours, every question making Kyle more and more stressed.

“Explain the Mosaic Hypothesis.”

Kyle groaned. “I don’t know.”

“Yes you do. Come on.”

“Stop pressurin’ me!” 

Oliver sighed, closing the book. “You got most of them right. You’re going to do great.”

“Most isn’t good enough.”

“Who gets perfect on the MCATs?”

Kyle glared, despite knowing that Oliver was right. No one got perfect on the MCATs. But after an entire life of near-perfects, he wanted another one for the record.

“What if I fail?” 

He ran his hands through his hair, not caring that he probably looked terrible. Oliver wrapped his arms around him.

“You’re not going to fail.”

He burrowed his face in Oliver’s neck. “Why not?”

“Because you’re good at everything.”

He laughed, pulling Oliver closer. “I feel like I’m goin’ crazy.”

“You need to chill. Tomorrow you’re not studying at all. Okay?"

Kyle nodded. All the handbooks recommended not studying the day before.

"So how we watch some T.V? But you need to shower first, because you stink. Like Cheetos and coffee.”

Kyle laughed, pulling away. “Not a sexy combination?”

Oliver wrinkled his nose. “Definitely not.”

Kyle began walking backwards to the bathroom, pulling off his shirt as he went. 

“We could make it sexy.”

“What about watching television?”

Kyle popped the button on his jeans, pulling the zipper down slowly.

“Highly overrated.”

He caught Oliver’s look and grinned as he followed him to the shower.

Anything to get his mind off the Test.

\-----

He woke to Oliver gently shaking him awake, once more.

“Kyle? It’s seven. You need to wake up.”

He groaned as Oliver opened the blinds, throwing his arm over his eyes. “Make me.”

There was a pause, and then the smell of coffee wafted past Kyle’s nose. He sniffed to make sure before pulling off his arm. A mug of coffee in front of him. He reached for it, but Oliver pulled it away.

“Up first.”

He glared. “Cruel.”

Oliver laughed as they made their way to the kitchen. The MCAT book was sitting on the table. Kyle froze.

Saturday, April 1st.

The day of the MCAT.

Every memory of biological and verbal reasoning came flooding back to him, and he stood on the spot, feeling nauseated. He was going to fail. He knew he was going to fail. He was going to fail and his dream would be over. He would end up with some crappy job instead of -

“You’re panicking.”

Oliver raced over to him, anxious. “Don’t panic. You’re going to do great. Sit and eat.”

Kyle sat, staring at all the food. Eggs, toast, fruit, bacon, granola and yogurt, oatmeal. Oliver sat down slowly, looking embarrassed.

“I didn’t know what you wanted, so...”

Kyle shook his head. “I’m not hungry.”

Oliver gaped at him, throwing food on his plate. “Kyle, you’re going to be there all day. You need to eat.”

He looked at the food and another wave of nausea rolled through him, making him grip the table. He started with a few pieces of fruit and toast, barely tasting them as they slid down his throat. Kyle knew he didn’t study enough. He missed too many classes. He was going to embarrass himself in front of Oliver and fail and Oliver would never want to deal with him again. 

He pushed away from the table. “I’m goin’ t’ shower.”

He barely made it to the washroom, kneeling over the toilet. It’s just a test. Just a stupid test. You can re-write it, but you won’t have to. You’ll pass. You’ll pass. Pass. You just need a 30. A 30 would be perfect.

Kyle finally managed to control his breathing, robotically showering and pulling on pre-chosen clothes from the night before. He pulled out his check-list, making sure he had everything he needed. He made his way into the living area, looking at the clock.

“I guess I have t’ go write.”

Oliver smiled, giving him a kiss. “You’re going to do great.”

They hugged tight as Oliver’s cellphone rang. He flipped it open, saying a hello. 

“Yeah, he’s right here. Hold on.”

He handed the phone to Kyle, who stared at him questioningly.

“Hello?”

“Kyle, hi!”

Cass’s voice sounded so bouncy, even so early in the morning, and Kyle smiled. “Hey, Cass.”

“Josh is here, too. We’re on speaker. Anyway, I wanted to say you’re going to rock the test. Like, seriously rock it. We know you will. You’ll ace it and become a fabulous surgeon and take us on awesome trips to the Caribbean.”

“In your yacht.”, Josh chimed in.

He laughed. “Thanks, guys. Really. But I have t’ go, so...”

“Bye! Pass! PASS!”

He snapped the phone shut, handing it back to Oliver. They hugged again, Oliver passing Kyle his lunch, and Kyle left the apartment, his hands sweaty.

The closer he got to the building, the sicker he began to feel. His heart was pumping a million miles a second, and judging by the other students faces, he wasn’t alone. Kyle passed his ID to the registration desk, the process slow, making his way into the auditorium after his fingerprinting. 

He realized the worst wasn’t over. Now he was in a giant hall filled with nervous students. 

And he had to wait with them.

He wiped his hands on his jeans, noticing the guy next to him doing the same. They shared a glance. 

“We’re going to pass, man. Then when we’re doctors we can say ‘fuck you all for the stress’.”

Kyle laughed. “Fuck yes.”

They high-fived. “I’m Ryan.”

“Kyle.”

They began to talk, deliberately stepping around anything to do with the MCATs. Kyle trailed off as he heard other chattering dying down, gripping his pencil more tightly. Verbal reasoning was handed out.

“Good luck, man.”

“You, too.”

Kyle stared down at the multiple choice, beginning the first question. Slowly, his stress dropped as he was pulled into test-mode, the rest of the room dying away. It was just him and the paper, and so far he was acing it. He knew the questions, he knew the material. He was going to pass. He was doing gre...

“A? No, C. It has to be C. Right. Next. What would happen if...”

Kyle paused, not moving his head, flicking his eyes over to Ryan. He was bent over his desk, muttering to himself, talking through his questions out loud.

“Okay, B. Definitely B. Next. If two....”

Kyle gripped his pencil tighter, trying to ignore Ryan. Focus.

The minutes ticked by, Kyle’s hand beginning to cramp. Finally, the time was up. A ten minute break. He stretched his aching hand.

“Rough, eh?”

He glanced over at Ryan, wanting to strangle him. Ryan ran a hand through his brown hair, oblivious. “And we only get 10 minutes, too. Sucks, right? My hand is killing me.”

Kyle smiled and nodded. “Listen, man: Could y’ keep it down during the next part? Y’ were talkin’ out loud, and...”

Ryan’s eyes widened. “Oh. Sure. Sorry. Didn’t know I was.”

Kyle smiled as the next part was handed out. “Thanks, man.”

They began physical sciences, Ryan silent, allowing Kyle to focus. He breezed through it, finishing on time and considerably well. Lunch passed quickly, also, Kyle refusing to listen to the other students analyzing the test, tuning out the world. Finally, they reached the last phase. Biological Sciences. Kyle gripped his pencil, taking a steadying breath.

So, so close.

“If two embryos...”

He closed his eyes in aggravation. Ryan had began muttering again, driving Kyle crazy. He was mentally and physically exhausted, his hand cramping, and he wished more than anything he was ambidextrous. 

“When blood pressure is high...”

Ignore him. Ignore him. Ignore him.

The test ended, Kyle nervous. He hadn’t been focused enough, and wasn’t sure how well he had done. He stood, stretching his legs, wanting to leave and never look back. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Whew! Done! I’m sure I passed, too, which is great. But oh man, that writing sample? How crap was that?”

Kyle spun around, shifting angrily. “Absolute crap, considerin’ y’ didn’t shut the fuck up the entire test.”

Ryan’s eyes widened in surprise and then narrowed. “Hey, man, I wasn’t bothering anyone.”

“You were botherin’ me! And if I fail, I swear to God I will hunt y’ down and kill you.”

He walked away, smiling as Ryan shouted ‘Asshole!’ over the crowd. Kyle barely managed to drag his feet home, practically crawling into the apartment. Oliver came out of his room, smiling.

“How’d it go?!”

Kyle went to the fridge, pulling out a beer. “Terrible.”

There was a pause, and Oliver pulled up a chair. “I don’t believe that.”

“This fuckin’ moron next t’ me wouldn’t shut up the entire test.”

Oliver’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why didn’t you tell someone?”

Kyle shrugged. “They wouldn’t have done anythin’. It’s over, anyway.”

“You passed, I know you did.”

Kyle threw him a beer. “Yeah, we’ll see. But who cares - I’m done! Fuckin’ done! And we need to celebrate!”

Oliver laughed as Kyle pulled them flush. “Celebrate in what way?”

Kyle pretended to consider it. “Well, I was thinkin’ somethin’ like I suck you until y’ scream. I’d jack you until y’ begged but my hand is a little sore.”

Oliver flushed. “Kyle!”

Kyle laughed, pulling him to his bedroom. They kissed softly.

“Let the celebration begin.”


	23. Chapter 23

“You don’t have to do this, you know. You can stay here.”

Kyle taped the last box, looking around at the nearly empty apartment. Everything had been taken off the walls, the floors, the cupboards. It was as though they had never lived there. The perfect apartment was now gone. He picked up the box and handed it to Oliver.

“I can’t afford the rent alone, and the last thing I need is some annoyin’ roommate.”

They started towards the elevator with the last of the boxes, Kyle pausing to lock up. He took one last look at the apartment, with its big windows flooding the afternoon light into the living area. He remembered how much he had loved those windows when they chose the place. He locked the door with a sigh, grabbing his box and meeting Oliver in the elevator.

“I guess that’s it.”

Oliver grimaced. “I’m really sorry. I completely forget I’d have to live in the frat.”

Kyle shrugged. “It wasn’t goin’ t’ be our apartment forever, Oli. We’ll find a new place after graduation.”

Oliver smiled. “Somewhere nicer.”

“No leaky pipes.”

Oliver laughed as the elevator doors opened, walking through the lobby and into the summer air. They loaded the boxes into the car, handed in their keys, and drove to the fraternity. Kyle felt Oliver’s eyes on him, turning to smile.

“What?”

“You hated living in the frat. Why now?”

Because I don’t want to live with anyone but you. Kyle ached to say it, but knew Oliver’s flighty nature. He decided to keep it simple.

“Cass’ wedding is takin’ up the entire summer, and I don’t want t’ pay rent on a new place I won’t even be in.”

Oliver nodded. “Makes sense.”

Cass had been phoning every day, trying to find the perfect town to have her wedding. She finally found the perfect location, a cottage area just north of Llanview, known as Cherryvale. Her and Josh were leaving a month before the wedding to organize the event, dragging Oliver and Kyle with them for the entire summer. Kyle couldn’t wait. An entire summer with Oliver. No distractions.

Except for a crazy blonde-haired bride.

They pulled into the fraternity, a few of the brothers coming to help with the boxes. Kyle left Oliver on the second floor as Oliver ascended one more to where the KAD “royalty” slept. While Oliver was presumably ogling his bedroom with an en suite bathroom, Kyle stared at his standard single bed, dusty room, with a bathroom down the hall. 

Back at the fraternity. Fantastic.

There was a knock on the door, and Kyle turned as Marcus entered, hands in his pockets.

“Hey, man.”

Marcus nodded his head in greeting, looking around the dusty room.

“Listen: I wanted to talk to you.”

Kyle stiffened, automatically wondering what he had done. Did Marcus know about Oliver and him? Was it something to do with the bashing, which he only wanted to forget? He faced Marcus slowly, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Marcus shifted uncomfortably.

“You’re popular around the frat, Lewis. Everyone wanted you to be Prez. But I heard you took the MCATs and might be graduating early, so I couldn’t give you the Presidential spot. Phil really pushed that he wanted you to have it, man, but I figured with everything going on...”

Kyle felt relief first, then a slight raise of his ego. Everyone wanted him to be the President? He couldn’t believe it. With everything that had happened in the frat, he didn’t believe he was very popular anymore. Still, Marcus’ reasoning was a bit...vague. Perhaps he didn’t want any trouble with a gay President. But Kyle wouldn’t push it. He had no interest and didn’t have the time for the job.

“It’s fine. Really. Chris deserved it.”

Kyle watched the tension leave Marcus’ body, and they shook hands. “Thanks, man. Sorry about the digs - we’re running low on senior rooms. Didn’t know you’d be moving back.”

Kyle nodded. “It’s cool. Rent’s too expensive in the area. I won’t be around much, anyway.”

“Going home for the summer?”

Kyle laughed. “A friend’s wedding, actually.”

Marcus whistled and rubbed his neck. “A wedding at our age? Jesus. That’s the last thing on my mind.”

“Tell me about it.”

Marcus said goodbye and left Kyle to unpack his possessions, which didn’t take much time. A handful of books, a few textbooks, clothes, miscellaneous gadgets. And at the very bottom, the framed photo of him and Oliver. 

He picked it up, rubbing his thumb on the glass, a sad smile on his face. He couldn’t display it anymore. It would have to be packed away in a sock drawer, for no one’s eyes but his. Kyle emptied the drawer before placing it at the bottom, carefully covering it. It won’t stay there long. I’ll bring it to the hotel in Cherryvale.

His cell phone vibrated, and he closed the drawer gently before answering.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Josh. You and Oliver need to get your asses down here now before Cass has a meltdown.”

Kyle stopped putting things away, all of his attention directed towards Josh. “Why? Somethin’ happen?”

He heard a door close, presumably Josh trying to move out of ear-shot from Cass. There was a sigh in his ear.

“Her parents aren’t coming.”

Kyle was shocked. How could parents not come to their child’s wedding, no matter where they stood at the moment? 

“That’s shit. Why?”

Josh’s laugh was bitter. “Because the groom isn’t a Yale man from a well-respected family? Anyway, she’s taking it well, so don’t mention it. But we need to cut back on costs, so if you and Oliver could help sending out invitations and making phone calls...”

Kyle was already taking the stairs two at a time, peeking in rooms to find Oliver. “We’ll be there in a few.”

Another sigh. “Thanks, man. Really.”

Kyle flipped the phone shut just as he found Oliver’s room, leaning against the frame and smiling as he watched Oliver methodically unpack and place everything in its proper place. Oliver must have felt eyes on him, and he turned, giving Kyle an excited smile.

“Hey! Unpacked already?”

“Mostly.” 

Kyle walked in, admiring the high ceiling and huge room. It was at the very end of the hall, a corner bedroom, giving it a more ‘attic’ look. It was a gorgeous room.

“Nice room. Private, too.”

Kyle grinned as Oliver quickly looked out the door to see if anyone heard. He sat on the edge of the bed as Oliver unpacked his books, placing them in alphabetical order on his desk.

“We need t’ go t’ Cass and Josh’s.”

“Right now?”

Kyle nodded. “Her parents decided they aren’t comin’, and they need our help sendin’ out invitations.”

He watched as Oliver stilled, staring at him with an incredulous expression. He expected Oliver to ask about it, but instead he nodded.

“Let’s go.”

\-----

To say Josh and Cass’s place was a disaster would be an understatement.

Oliver and Kyle stood in the doorway, carefully trying not to step on scattered papers on the floor. There were torn magazine papers, sketches, lists, seating charts, pictures of the location. They shared a glance and slid along the wall.

“Uh, Josh?”

They heard thudding down the stairs and Josh approached them, tip-toeing just as carefully over the papers.

“Ugh, about time. She’s in the kitchen. Tread carefully.”

They followed Josh into the kitchen and stared. Paper was everywhere, as well as stacks of books and magazines. Cass sat cross legged on a chair, a pen holding her hair up in a messy knot, makeup-less, biting her lip. She looked up when they approached, a crazed look in her eye.

“Where have you two been?!”

Oliver was still looking around wide-eyed, so Kyle fielded it.

“Um, movin’ out of the apartment?”

She glared at him. “And are you done?”

“Yes?”

She kicked a chair out with her foot. “Sit here. You, sit there. Josh, you better be picking out your tux!”

They heard Josh call out from the living room. “Working on it!”

Kyle was about to make a quip about Josh being completely whipped, but swallowed it when he saw Cass’s glare. Oliver and he sat obediently on the chairs where she pointed, hands in their lap. She watched them until they were settled before speaking.

“Here’s the deal. Location: Cherryvale.” She handed them each a pamphlet. “Actually, just outside of it. There’s this adorable hotel where every guest stays in a modernized log cabin on the edge of a forest. There’s miniature ponds and lakes all over the area, some large enough to have a beach. I went down and checked it out a couple weeks ago. Plus, it’s available and cheap. So that’s booked.”

Both Kyle and Oliver nodded simultaneously, flipping through the pamphlet. Another paper landed on top.

“This is the guest list. We’re keeping it small: close friends and family only. Here are the addresses. You’ll need to stick them to the envelopes and get these out today. They’re not really invitations, but more directions, places, times.”

They both nodded again, afraid to say anything.

“Colour scheme is green and white. Nature-like wedding, since it’s in a forest area. We’ll decorate the area beforehand, of course. It’s outdoors, so the altar will be an arch with white flowers. You’re in charge of picking up the flowers. Delivery was too expensive.”

She stared at Oliver, who stared back confused, a horrified expression growing on his face when he realized she was speaking to him.

“M-me? What? No! Cass, I know nothing of-”

“You don’t have to. It’s already picked out. You need to make sure they get there on time.”

Kyle chuckled, opening his mouth to tease Oliver.

“Don’t even start, Kyle Lewis.”

He closed his mouth again at Cass’s glare.

“You’re in charge of getting the candles and other decorations. It’s a small town, so we need to bring everything up. Here’s the list. I didn’t pre-order because most can be bought easily.”

Kyle glanced down at the list, twenty or so items listed, as well as their location, price and quantity. He had to admit, if anyone could plan a perfect wedding in only a few months, it was Cass.

He looked up at her to ask when she wanted this done, but she was already standing up, grabbing her purse.

“We have a tux fitting in an hour for the both of you. Which is convenient, now that I don’t have to get you. Let’s go.” She raised her voice. “Josh! You need to pick up the rings right now!”

They stumbled behind her as she grabbed a handful of papers and strode out of the room. Josh was putting on his shoes as Kyle leaned over.

“Holy. Crap. She’s the wedding Nazi.”

Josh laughed. “You have no idea. You better go.”

They followed Cass to her car, slipping inside quietly while she started the engine. She was still talking, mostly to herself, as they drove to the store.

“There’s no major rehearsal because it’s pretty informal and small - we’ll do basics the night before. No car, because it’s unneeded. Menu is vegetarian, two options. Cake is done, minister is done, dress needs last fitting. Hairdresser and makeup confirmed. Wedding favours we’ll do there. Programs still need to be printed...”

Oliver spoke up meekly. “What about the photographer? And the music?”

Her eyes flashed to the mirror, and Oliver visibly flinched.

“Photographer is a close friend. Music is taken care of.”

Kyle reached his hand back from the passenger seat and gave Oliver’s knee a reassuring pat. 

They arrived at the location, Cass practically shoving them out of the car. They barely had time to look around when they were handed tuxes and pushed into changing rooms. Kyle put his on carefully, piece by piece, finally tying the tie before stepping out. Cass eyed him critically. 

“You need a Windsor knot, not that one.”

He stared at her incredulously. “I’m beginnin’ t’ regret sayin’ yes to this.”

Her look became horrified. “You’re backing out? No, Kyle, you can’t! I need you! Sarah can’t make it as my Maid of Honor and if you don’t do it I’ll have no one! Am I being mean? I was too mean, wasn’t I? Crap. You can tie your tie any way you-”

“Cass. Cass! It’s fine. Okay? I was jokin’.”

She stared at him wide-eyed for a moment before whacking him on the head.

“Don’t do that. I swear to God, Kyle...”

He laughed, retying his tie. “There. Better?”

She huffed. “Much. Oliver? Are you coming out?”

There was a shuffle in the other changing him, Oliver voice echoing in the small room.

“Uh, yeah, I think so. Yeah, okay. Hold on.”

The door opened and Oliver stepped out, dressed in the black tux. Kyle couldn’t stop staring. As much as Oliver fidgeted with the sleeves, nervously shifting his weight, the suit clung in all the right places. He looked gorgeous. Amazing. Beautiful. So fucking hot.

The top button was open, the tie undone, draped loosely around his neck. He tugged on it nervously.

“I don’t know how to tie a Windsor knot...”

Cass opened her mouth, but Kyle stepped forward faster. “I’ll help.”

He stepped forward, getting right up in Oliver’s face. He felt Oliver swallow as he reached up to tie the tie, stifling his smile. As he twisted the tie, he grazed Oliver’s neck, their eyes meeting. Kyle could read the hesitancy in Oliver’s, but knew there was also want. 

He heard Cass muttering behind him, and it sounded something like, “Christ.” before she stomped out.

They were alone.

Kyle pulled on Oliver’s tie, making him lean forward. Oliver shakily looked towards the door of the change rooms, but a sharper tug on the tie made him come back.

“Cass’ll make sure no one comes in.”

Still, Oliver resisted. He pushed at Kyle, putting space between them. “Kyle, come on.”

Kyle grinned, not ready to give in. He knew all of Oliver’s buttons. He lowered his voice, making it gravelly, and put a heavier emphasis on his accent.

“Y’look hot, Oliver.”

The effect was instantaneous. Oliver, although his eyes widened and a blush spread from his cheeks all over his face, was gone. His eyes darkened, and he wasn’t so reluctant to pull away. Kyle tilted his head up and pressed their mouths together.

For a moment, Oliver was completely still, unwilling to move. Kyle was pretty sure he wasn’t breathing, either. But slowly, so slowly, Oliver began to relax, kissing Kyle back tentatively, yet his eyes remained open. Kyle’s drifted closed as he deepened the kiss, just for a second, before Oliver pulled away. He raced for the change room, slamming the door shut.

Cass poked her head back in. “You two done yet, or are you going for a quickie in the dressing room?”

Kyle flipped her off jokingly, returning to his own change room. He touched his fingers to his mouth. Oliver kissed him. In public. Even though they were alone, it was in a store. He had kissed Oliver and Oliver had kissed him back.

He smiled as he pulled off his tie.

The times, they are a-changin’

\-------

Kyle shoved the last box into the car, the heat of the summer day causing his shirt to stick to him. Oliver was in a similar state, his face flushed from the heat, a trickle of sweat running down the side of his face. He turned to face Kyle.

“Do we have everything?”

Kyle glanced in the car, so full of boxes there was barely enough room for the two of them. It was June, and they were ready to head up to Cherryvale. He pulled the list out of his back pocket, ticking things off as he went.

“Candles, ribbon, decorations, our own stuff...I’m pretty sure we have everythin’.”

“Pretty sure? We need to be one hundred percent. Remember Cass?”

They both winced as they remembered when Josh had forgotten shoes for his tux. First, there was a panic attack. Then she yelled at all of them for no apparent reason other than the fact they were there. Then, after buying the shoes, she had thrown them at him.

“...I’ll go check the room one more time.”

Oliver nodded, and Kyle headed back up, re-checking. After checking Oliver’s room, he was satisfied they had left nothing behind, locking the doors and heading back down the stairs. Marcus sat at the kitchen table, looking over some papers.

“Are y’ever gonna head home?”

He looked up at Kyle, startled, and then smiled. “Waiting for you guys to go. You’re the last of ‘em. Oh, by the way:”

Marcus stood, an envelope in his hand. Kyle froze as soon as he saw it. He knew what it was. Marcus placed it into Kyle’s hand.

“Good luck, man. Have a good summer.”

Kyle nodded and shook Marcus’ hand as he walked out the door, but his mind remained on the envelope. He flipped it over in his hands, staring at the front. He had never been the kid in school to fold the test paper so he wouldn’t see his grade. He wanted to rip it open and get his results, but another part of him paused, cautioning him to wait. He wasn’t applying to medical school in September. He had time. He could have a good summer and get the news after Cass’ wedding. The latter half won, and he shoved the envelope in his back pocket, approaching Oliver.

“Ready?”

Kyle smiled. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

\---------

They took turns driving on the way up to Cherryvale, missing the exit on the highway twice before finding it, the sun already setting. They drove through the sleepy town, population 500, following Cass’ vague directions. Oliver peered into the sunset.

“Well, she said it was near a forest, so I think we should just head that way.”

Kyle agreed, and soon the road turned to one of dirt, twisting and turning in a forest. Kyle drove slowly, afraid to hit anything.

“It’s like driving into the heart of darkness.”

Oliver smiled at that, but his hand continued to clutch the seatbelt tightly. Finally, they saw lights ahead, and each breathed a sigh of relief. They pulled up to the registration cabin, not surprised to find Cass pacing back and forth, Josh dozing in a chair nearby.

“Where have you been? Didn’t you follow my directions?!”

Kyle groaned as he got out of the car, stretching his legs. “Cass, it’s in the middle of fuckin’ nowhere.”

“It’s romantic!”

“It’s creepy!”

She snorted, pushing them inside the cabin. They got their key, cabin 4, walking back to the car. Josh was awake, looking through the boxes.

“You bring everything?”

“Yeah, man. We double checked.”

“Shoes?”

Kyle chuckled. “For wearin’ and throwin’.”

Josh rolled his eyes. “She’s going to have a heart attack before this wedding is over.”

He pulled out some of the boxes, transferring them to his own car. “Anyway, here’s a map of the place. You can’t see much now, but it’s pretty awesome. There’s 20 cabins scattered around, most of them unoccupied until the wedding, so it’ll be pretty dead. Get some rest: Cass has plans for tomorrow. Oh, and remember to lock your door: apparently bears have figured out how to open them.”

Oliver’s eyes widened. “Bears? Are there really bears? Are they -”

Kyle shoved him in the car before he could panic, smiling at Josh. “Thanks, man. See y’ tomorrow.”

 

They followed the map to the very end of the road, finding their cabin tucked away in a corner. Kyle had to admit, the area was nice. He had thought it would have a camping feel, but it was more...magical. He could even see fireflies glowing in the forest. 

Oliver was still studying the map as Kyle unlocked the door.

“There’s a bunch of ponds somewhere behind us. And a tennis court nearby. The hall is on the other side: I guess that’s where the wedding’ll be. Wow, this place must be costing them.”

“Cass said it was a deal ‘cause it’s so off the beaten path.”

Kyle looked around the cabin, smiling. It was small, but very comfortable. Two double beds with a television, a small bathroom, and even a little kitchen area completed it. There was a small porch on the side with a table and chairs. He stared out the window, looking at the other cabin lights twinkling nearby.

“This place is great.”

Oliver shuffled uncomfortably, locking the door. “Do you really think there are bears that can open doors?”

Kyle laughed. “How about we keep it locked, because I have plans for y’.”

He pulled Oliver by his shirt to the bed, mouths connecting. Kyle grabbed Oliver’s head and pulled him closer, as Oliver’s hand snaked around his waist. Then it stilled. He pushed away from Kyle’s mouth, leaving him confused on the bed.

“What? What’s wrong?”

Then Kyle’s eyes focused, seeing Oliver holding the MCAT envelope in his hand.

“It was in your back pocket.”

“Oh.”

He had almost forgotten about the envelope. Almost. But now Oliver was holding it gently, spinning it around and around in his hands.

“Don’t you want to see your results?”

Yes. Maybe. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not goin’ t’ med school in September, so there’s no point.”

Oliver stared at him in disbelief. “Kyle, open the damn letter.”

He handed the letter to Kyle, who stared at it. Did he really want to open the letter in front of Oliver? What if he had done so terrible he couldn’t apply anywhere? Did he want Oliver to see the disappointment on his face? He could comfort me. If it’s shit, he’ll be here. He can’t go anywhere.

He opened the envelope slowly, biting his lip. The sound of tearing paper reverberated throughout the entire cabin. He pulled out the letter, carefully unfolding it. Then stared at the results.

Physical Sciences: 14  
Verbal Reasoning: 12  
Biological Sciences: 10  
Writing Sample: S  
Overall: 36S

At first his mind couldn’t compute the results, and he stared at them with shaking hands over and over. Then he frowned. Oliver was pacing back and forth.

“Well? What did you get?”

“36S.”

There was a pause. “Is that good? Bad? What’s the highest you can get?”

“45T.”

Another pause. “So you did good, right? That’s good, right?”

He wordlessly handed Oliver the paper, where there was a paragraph at the top explaining the scores. He put his hands over his head as Oliver read quietly. 

“They’re good scores! Oh thank God, they’re great scores. Kyle? Are you okay? What’s wrong? You can apply to any school you want with these scores...”

Kyle kept his hands over his head, leaning forward between his knees. “I got a 10 in biological.”

“So?”

“So, I got a 10 in biological.”

“...Is that bad? They don’t say 10 is bad on here...” Oliver turned back to the paper, reading frantically.

Kyle stood up, frustrated, pacing the room in his anger. “I got a 10 in biological. Biology is my strongest. It should have been my highest. Maybe I got cocky. I kept tellin’ myself it would be my strongest and I didn’t study as much for it.”

Oliver sat on the bed, bewildered. “I don’t think it matters, Kyle. It says they look at it altogether...”

“It was Ryan! Fuck. He wouldn’t shut up and I couldn’t concentrate. I could have gotten higher if....crap. Maybe I should re-write...”

“Kyle!” 

Oliver had stood up and grabbed him by the shoulders, dropping the paper in the process.

“What?”

“They are damn good scores. Stop panicking. You’re not re-writing.”

Kyle stared into Oliver’s blue eyes, surprised he was calming him down and not the other way around. Slowly he relaxed, letting out a deep breath.

“It’s a good score.”

Oliver smiled. “Yes, it is.”

“I wonder what I got wrong...”

Oliver sighed. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s unpack, eat, and then...celebrate.”

Kyle stared at Oliver in surprise, who was already moving away, unpacking his clothes. He turned to his own, smiling as he pulled out the framed photo, placing it on the bedside table. Great scores, great vacation, great boyfriend.

Things were looking up.


	24. Chapter 24

Kyle woke to the sound of birds singing.

He groggily opened his eyes, staring at the oak ceiling, smiling to himself. It was still dark outside, but the birds were chittering away, creating a chorus of noise. He stretched, looking at the alarm clock by the bed. 5:30.

A warm, naked body shifted beside him, and Kyle’s smile widened, remembering the previous night (or earlier that morning, really). He turned on his side, tucking his hand under the pillow, watching Oliver sleep.

Kyle loved waking up before Oliver. He loved to lie on his side, like he was now, studying his boyfriend. His eyes took in every detail of Oliver’s face, every blemish and freckle. A chicken pox scar on his forehead. How his stubble was just slightly higher on his left cheek than his right. The tiniest freckle below his eye. He watched Oliver’s eyelids gently flicker, and idly wondered if Oliver was dreaming of him. If Oliver ever dreamed about him the way he did Oliver. He must. Right?

Oliver shifted again onto his back, his face turned away from Kyle. But Kyle kept watching, taking in how Oliver’s blond hair showed the slightest bit of red in the morning sunlight and how his chest rose and fell with controlled breath, as he lay fast asleep. 

Kyle reached out hesitantly, not wanting to wake Oliver, but still desperate for some contact. He placed his hand lightly on Oliver’s chest, scooting his body a tiny bit closer. Oliver’s breathing didn’t change, and Kyle sighed, closing his eyes.

“Kyle.”

Kyle’s eyes shot open, scared, for some reason that he had woken him. Yet Oliver’s breathing remained slow and deep, his eyelids still fluttering. He stared at Oliver, wondering if he was awake.

“Kyle.”

The tiniest murmur, let out on a breath, but still his name. A warm glow started in Kyle’s chest and spread to every part of his body. He’s dreaming about me. Me. ME.

So Kyle moved closer, cuddling into Oliver’s side, breathing in his scent. 

He fell asleep still smiling.

\------

This time, he woke to a fist pounding on the door.

Kyle sat up in bed, wincing at the bright sunlight coming in through the window. Oliver groaned and cuddled into his lap.

“Kyle! Oliver! Wake up!”

Cass’ insistent voice filled the cabin as though she was actually in it. Oliver huffed and Kyle knew he was awake. He grinned, running his hand through Oliver’s hair.

“Maybe if we ignore her, she’ll go away.”

“I heard that! And I have a key!”

“Y’ can’t come in! We’re naked!”

“I’ve seen it all before!” Then a pause. “That didn’t come out right.”

Kyle laughed. “I don’t think Josh’ll like that.”

Josh’s deep voice answered him. “Josh would definitely not like that. I think I’ll go in instead.”

At the sound of Josh’s voice, Oliver jumped off the bed, grabbing his clothes for the day.

“Gonna shower.”

Kyle watched him curiously, sliding out of bed himself and throwing on a pair of jeans. He waited until he heard the shower running before answering the door.

Cass glared at him from behind her sunglasses. “Asleep? It’s 9am!”

Kyle stood aside and let them enter, rubbing lazily at his hair. “We’re on vacation, Cass.”

“No, you’re not. We have a wedding to plan!”

She dug through her bag as Josh smiled sheepishly at Kyle in apology. He waved it off, closing the door and leaning against the frame. Cass threw some rolled up papers onto the table.

“I need you guys to survey the area. I’ve marked off spots that the owner recommended. There’s a few ponds, so I need you to make sure they’re suitable for swimming in. Y’know. No leeches. Not muddy. Stuff like that. And I need you to check out the town too. Get familiar with it, so you’ll be able to help guests when they arrive. Okay?”

Kyle stood at attention, staring straight ahead blankly. He saluted her. “Sir yes sir!”

Josh snickered, but quickly stifled it as Cass shot them both deadly glares.

“I was going to give you sunscreen, but I hope you come back looking like a lobster!”

She stormed out in a huff, clutching her to-do list tightly. Kyle turned to Josh, a smile on his face.

“What’re y’er duties for today?”

Josh shrugged. “Mostly finalizing. Then I figured I’d take Cass out - make her relax.”

They both looked at her retreating figure crossing the lawn, her hands balled into fists. 

“Yeah, that might be a good idea.”

They slapped hands and Josh left, Kyle shucking his jeans as soon as the door closed and heading to the bathroom. He smiled as he saw Oliver’s figure through the curtain, a hand against the wall and his head bent, letting water pour over it. He slid in quietly, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. Oliver didn’t jump like he used to, but smiled, his hand leaving the wall to hold Kyle’s against his chest.

Kyle pressed a kiss to Oliver’s shoulder. “So why the Houdini act?”

“What do you mean?”

Oliver spun them around so Kyle was in the spray of the shower, and he paused for a minute to wipe the water from his eyes.

“When Cass threatened t’ come in, y’ stayed in bed. But when y’ heard Josh’s voice, y’ couldn’t get out fast enough.”

Oliver avoided Kyle’s eyes, the first sign that something was wrong. “I didn’t notice.”

“Oliver.”

Oliver handed him the shampoo. “I didn’t want Josh to see me naked.”

“But it’s cool for Cass to?”

Oliver didn’t respond, and Kyle let the silence sink in as he rubbed the shampoo in and washed it out. He supposed Oliver was probably more talkative with Cass than Josh, and he did hang out with her more, but it wasn’t always that way. Only after...

He grabbed Oliver’s arm, the reason suddenly dawning on him. “Josh doesn’t care that y’er gay, Oliver.”

“I know.” 

Then why won’t you look me in the eyes?

“He doesn’t think y’er any less of a man.”

Oliver winced at that, and Kyle knew he had hit the right note. Oliver believed in a man’s eyes, he was feminine. Girly. Although convoluted, he could almost see the reasoning behind it. He remembered a few guys in his high school, flipping their wrists, strutting and preening behind his back, teasing him. And although the girls giggled, they rarely joined in. He could almost see Oliver’s father preaching about the sin of homosexuality, while Oliver’s mother stayed silent, not disagreeing, but not joining the rant. 

Kyle forced Oliver to look at him, swallowing his anger.

“He was the first person t’ figure out I was into you way back in first year. And he didn’t care. It doesn’t change anythin’ with him.”

“I know. I know.” 

Oliver closed his eyes, and Kyle could hear the quiet defeat in his voice. He loosened his grip on Oliver’s arm, leaning in for a soft kiss. Then another one. And another one.

When Oliver pulled back, his eyes were still closed. Kyle felt Oliver’s mouth moving against his, but it wasn’t kissing him - he was whispering. It took him a moment to figure out what.

“I’m trying.”

\-----

They decided to explore the town first rather than go foraging through the woods, finding a cute cafe for brunch. They wandered the shops, Oliver writing down the pros and cons of each as they explored. 

The town was cute - obviously filled with charm, desperately trying to be ‘hip’ to attract tourists. The sidewalks were filled with children running around eating ice cream, while their mothers shared a coffee, talking and laughing. Everyone knew each other, and everyone knew Oliver and Kyle must be there for “that wedding”. Kyle loved it - it reminded him of home.

Oliver bit the end of his pen, eyeing the list in his hand critically. “I think we have all the info Cass wanted.”

Kyle glanced at his watch. “We should pack a lunch and check out the ponds if we want to finish before dinner.”

Oliver agreed, and they stopped in a sandwich shop to get ready. As Oliver studied the menu, Kyle looked out the window, noticing the beer store across the street. He squeezed Oliver’s shoulder.

“I’ll be right back. Order for me.”

“What do you want?”

“Whatever. Make sure it’s to go.”

Oliver nodded and Kyle left, crossing the street. The door opened with a jingle, and Kyle let his eyes adjust to the darker store. It was small, but clean, an older man at the cash staring at him over his newspaper. He wandered down the first row, but he didn’t have to look for long. Nearly at the front was a huge display of Guardian beer. Just seeing the green bottles made him grin. 

He grabbed a six pack, placing it on the counter and pulling out his wallet. The man chuckled.

“By the look of ya, I’m guessing you haven’t seen a Guardian in a long time.”

Kyle grinned at the man. “It’s been a while.”

He paid, placing the bottles carefully in his backpack before leaving the store. Oliver stood outside the sandwich shop, lathering on sunscreen. He handed it to Kyle.

“You should put some on.”

“Nah. I never burn.”

Oliver’s eyes narrowed slightly at Kyle, who smiled innocently in return. He took the map out of Oliver’s hands.

“So where first?”

“There’s a trail that leads to all the safe ponds. The man in the shop said there are signs.”

Kyle nodded, and they set off.

\-----

“We’re lost!”

Kyle glanced up from the log he was sitting on. Oliver was nervously pacing back and forth, looking around at the forest anxiously. 

“No we’re not, Oliver. Relax.”

“The fifth pond was supposed to be right here and it’s not!”

“The forest isn’t that big. We’ll hit a town eventually.”

“Eventually?! Eventually?!” Oliver paced faster, flexing his hands. “Okay. This is going to be okay. We’ll build a fire and someone will find us.”

Kyle smiled at Oliver, bemused. They had reached a fork in the trail, choosing the left path, which drove them deeper into the forest. After walking for an hour, there was still no pond and they had clearly chosen wrong. Kyle glanced at the map again, tracing the trail with his finger. 

“It’ll only take us an hour t’ walk back.”

Oliver clutched his bottle of water, biting his lip in worry. “We’re going to get eaten by bears - door-opening bears! You heard what Josh said! If they open cabin doors, they’re not afraid of people! They’ll smell us and -”

He broke off suddenly, making Kyle glance up. Oliver was staring into the forest with an odd expression on his face.

“Did you hear that?”

Kyle sighed, bundling up the map and standing, shouldering his backpack. He took Oliver’s hand. 

“Y’er paranoid. There aren’t any bears, Oliver. Josh was just jok-”

“Shhh! Listen.”

Kyle stopped speaking, looking into Oliver’s face. For a minute, there was complete silence. Then...

“It’s a bird. So?”

Oliver looked excited, grabbing his bag and ushering Kyle back on the trail. “It’s a loon. I have family in Wisconsin. I’ve heard it before.”

He took Kyle by the arm and dragged him down the path, stumbling over tree roots in his excitement.

“Oliver, what the hell-”

“Loons only live in water! They never leave! We chose the right trail!”

Kyle was still positive they had chosen the wrong trail, but trekked with Oliver down the twisting dirt path. Oliver rounded a corner, Kyle close behind him and then they both stopped.

In front of them was a huge pond. No. A lake. It was too clear to be a pond, and five times the size of any they had found. In front of them was a small beach of dark sand, the clear water lapping gently against it. The forest surrounding it made it look almost enchanted, a perfect mirror image reflected in the water like glass. And, of course, a loon in the middle of it all, floating along.

Kyle turned to Oliver, who was staring at the lake in awe. Oliver scrambled for the map, tracing their path. 

“This was not on the map.”

Kyle grinned. “Mr. Clark, I do believe we’ve discovered uncharted territory.”

Oliver laughed. “Indubitably, Mr. Lewis.”

“This is great.”

Kyle sat in the warm sand, pulling off his shoes and socks and laying on his back. “Ahhh.”

Oliver stared down at him. “What are you doing?!”

“Relaxin’. We’ve been walkin’ f’er like, four hours.”

Oliver opened his mouth to argue, but couldn’t find the words and soon settled down next to Kyle. Kyle closed his eyes, letting the sunlight seep into him, a soft breeze barely brushing his face.

He heard Oliver rummaging around in his backpack, turning to squint at him. “Whatcha doin’?”

“I completely forgot we had sandwiches.”

Oliver pulled out a white bag, smiling triumphantly. Then Kyle remembered. Sandwiches. Beer. Guardian beer. Yessss!

He sat up, reaching for his backpack and pulling out the beer bottles he had carefully settled in with his clothes. He traded Oliver one for a sandwich, who eyed the label.

“Guardian?”

“The best beer ever.” 

Kyle unwrapped his sandwich and bit into it, suddenly ravenous. It was vegetarian, warm and slightly wilted, but still great. He took another bite, watching Oliver twist off the cap.

“I’ve never heard of it.”

Kyle grabbed his own. “It’s only popular in small towns, for some reason. Mostly farmin’ towns. I practically grew up on it. Cheers.”

They clinked and Kyle took a sip, sighing at the taste of it. He took in the sight of Oliver’s crinkled nose and laughed.

“Don’t like it?”

“It’s stronger than I thought. But it’s not bad.”

“Hey, more f’er me.”

They ate their sandwiches, joking and laughing, the mood suddenly lightened with the discovery of the lake. Afterwards they rested together on the sand, side by side, staring up at the sky.

“We should come here again.”

Kyle turned his head to look at Oliver, smiling. “Yeah? Not afraid of bears anymore, are we?”

Oliver elbowed him gently in the ribs, but was smiling also. “Shut up.”

Kyle rolled over so he was hovering over Oliver, staring down at eyes as blue as the sky. For a minute, he stared at Oliver’s face like he had that morning, taking in every detail, watching Oliver do the same. 

“I love you.”

Oliver flushed slightly, embarrassed. “You, too.”

“Say it.”

“What?”

Kyle nuzzled his nose gently. “Y’ never say it. It’s always, ‘you, too’.”

Oliver swallowed. “I l-love you, too.” 

His eyes flickered away from Kyle’s as soon as he said it. Good enough.

Kyle rolled off Oliver, pulling his shirt over his head in the process. “C’mon. Let’s swim.”

Oliver sat up, looking surprised. “Swim?”

“Why not?”

“We don’t have swimsuits, for one.”

Kyle chuckled, pulling off his boxers and jeans in one smooth motion. He spread his arms out, standing naked in front of Oliver, who looked at him in shock.

“Who’s gonna see? The loon?”

Oliver stood up and shook his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. We should go.”

Kyle felt the disappointment seeping into his chest, but refused to give in. They had come this far – just one more tiny push. He placed his hand gently on Oliver’s arm.

“Oliver, please. For once, let’s do somethin’ normal couples do. Please?”

He used the softest, most serious tone he could. Oliver’s eyes flashed to his and Kyle could easily read the guilt he had instilled in them. The agony of wanting to do it for Kyle, and not being able to. He felt guilty, but only for a moment. 

They needed this.

Oliver stared at Kyle for a moment longer before slowly nodding, pulling off his shirt. Kyle helped him unbutton his jeans, and then he was walking backwards, holding Oliver’s hand as they entered the water.

It started out shallow but became deep fast, the water so clear Kyle could see their legs treading water beneath them. It was warm and nice, but felt weird, having water surround you...everywhere. But in a good way.

Oliver seemed to be thinking the same thing. “This is...weird.”

Kyle laughed, pulling him closer for an awkward kiss. Then he grabbed his head and dunked him under the water.

They played in the water, swimming and splashing, laughing and talking. Kyle could easily say it was one of the best moments of his life. He dunked himself under then came back up, sliding his hair off his face in the process. After wiping water from his eyes, he turned to Oliver, who stared back at him seriously. 

Kyle immediately understood. 

This day was special for Oliver, too.

\-------

Summer was a blur of events preparing for Cass’ wedding. Slowly, the wedding approached and guests began to arrive, eating up more and more of Kyle and Oliver’s time together. They printed off cards, finalized lists, showed guests around, and helped pick up anything Cass needed from town. Any chance they had, they packed a bag and raced to the lake for some privacy together. At night they sat in their cabin, drinking Guardian and talking quietly. 

It was the best summer in a long, long time.

The best surprise of all came a week before the wedding. Sarah, Cass’ cousin, had unexpectedly shown up, claiming she had quit her job because ‘she just couldn’t miss it’. Now Cass had a real Maid of Honour, a family member coming to her wedding, and her spirits rose tenfold. But she continued to force Kyle and Oliver into their tuxes for final adjustments.

“Don’t think you’re getting out of this now that Sarah’s here. You’re still both my bridesmen.”

Both Josh and Cass had adamantly refused a stag party, claiming that they considered themselves already married. So instead the wedding party, including Josh’s brothers and friends, had all sat on the porch of the couple’s cabin, drinking beer together and having a great time. 

Then the day finally came. 

Oliver and Kyle put on their tuxes, smiling as they each remembered the fitting room kiss.

The grassy area where the wedding was to be held had transformed overnight – a beautiful flowered arch acted as the altar and white chairs were neatly arranged with an aisle down the middle. It was early enough that no guests had arrived yet and Josh and his groomsmen were talking and laughing nearby. Josh walked up to greet them.

“Not in with Cass?”

Kyle laughed. “Sarah insisted she would help Cass with everythin’.”

Josh smiled his sheepish smile. “Yeah. It’s weird - months of planning and it’s finally here.”

Oliver smiled. “Nervous?”

Josh chuckled slightly. “Not a bit. But Cass was a wreck this morn-”

Josh stopped mid-sentence, his eyes shifting over Kyle’s shoulder and landing on something behind him, his smile fading. Both Oliver and Kyle turned to look back. 

Crossing the lawn were an older couple in their mid-50s. They were formally dressed, both stiff with their heads held high as they walked. Somehow, Kyle immediately knew these were Cass’ parents. 

“Oh, shit.”

Kyle turned to look at Josh, who was now pale. Yet he walked up to greet them, Oliver and Kyle on either side.

“Mr. and Mrs. Shippe, it’s nice to see you. We didn’t think you were going to make it.”

Cass’ father smiled, but it wasn’t a kind smile. “Hello, Joshua. Our other plans were rescheduled. Where is our daughter?”

Kyle looked at Oliver, who was staring wide-eyed at the Shippe’s, a look of terror on his face. He tried to bump his arm gently against Oliver, but he moved out of reach.

“I’ll bring you to her.”

Josh began to lead the way with a glance back at Kyle and Oliver, a pleading look that said ‘don’t leave me’. They followed without saying a word.

Once they reached the cabin, Josh stood aside and smiled at Oliver, gesturing at the door.

“Would you mind? I’m not supposed to...”

Recognition dawned on Oliver’s face. “Oh, right. Sure.” 

He tapped on the door. “Cass? It’s Oliver.”

There was a muffled sound, then feet walking towards the door. “Oliver! Where the hell have you been? I was -”

The door swung open, revealing Cass’ smiling face, her hair and makeup done, but still not dressed. That smile immediately disappeared as she saw her parents. 

“What are you doing here?”

Her voice was hostile, and Kyle couldn’t blame her. She wanted her wedding to be perfect, and if her parents were there disapproving of the groom, it couldn’t be so. 

Cass’ mother cleared her throat, as though outraged at Cass’ behaviour. “Cassandra, may we come in?”

She ignored them. “Where’s Josh?”

“I’m right here, babe.”

She turned towards the sound of his voice, but Kyle blocked her view. He shrugged awkwardly. 

“Y’er not supposed t’ see each other.”

It was ridiculous, really, seeing as they had slept in that same cabin the previous night, but Kyle knew that if her parents hadn’t shown up, Cass would want it to be that way. Cass opened her mouth to protest, but Josh spoke first. “I’ll be right here, okay?”

She closed her mouth, her lips forming a tight line, and stood aside wordlessly to let her parents in. They both stepped over the threshold, Kyle and Oliver behind them. A tanned girl with long brown hair stood in the corner. They nodded at her.

“Hello, Sarah.”

She nodded back cooly. “Emily. Charles. Hello.” Her Australian accent was thick.

Kyle nearly snorted at the entire scenario. Nothin’ like family.

Cass crossed her arms over her chest, in a half-defensive, half-vulnerable position.

“Why are you here?”

Her mother’s eyes flicked over Kyle and Oliver. “We wish to speak to our daughter alone.”

Oliver began to move out of the room, but Cass’ voice stopped him.

“They’re apart of my wedding party. They’ll stay here.”

Emily’s eyebrows couldn’t get any higher. “Part of your wedding party? Don’t be ridiculous, Cassandra.”

Cass seemed to gain strength from that statement, walking over to Kyle and Oliver. “Well, they are.”

Charles spoke up then, looking directly into Kyle’s eyes as he did. “I’m respectfully asking you to let us speak to our daughter.”

Kyle felt Cass reach down and squeeze his hand, and opened his mouth to decline, but Oliver was already guiding him out of the room. The cabin door closed, and Kyle turned to Oliver angrily.

“She wanted us there!”

Oliver shrugged. “It’s family.”

“Crazy, psychotic parents, y’mean? She didn’t want us t’ leave, Fish!”

But Oliver was already walking around the porch to Josh. “It’s family.”

Josh was sitting with a man slightly older then him, and Kyle immediately recognized him as Josh’s brother, Matthew. He was a shorter, stockier version of Josh, but the hair and eyes were identical.

Josh stood up when they approached. “What’s going on in there?”

“No idea. Oliver pushed me out the door.”

They all turned to stare at Oliver, who shoved his hands in his pockets. “It’s family”, he offered again.

They all sat silently, straining to hear what was happening in the cabin. Twenty minutes had passed, and Josh was becoming edgy, knocking his fists together and jiggling his leg. 

“I’ll be fine, man.”

Josh didn’t reply.

The door finally opened, the Shippe’s striding across the grass past the venue, where people were starting to arrive. Josh looked pleadingly at Kyle, who stood to head back into the cabin. But Cass was already rounding the corner.

“We’re not supposed to see each other!”

Josh tried to cover his eyes, but Cass pulled his fingers away.

“God, Josh. Who cares? We woke up beside each other this morning. That tradition is so over.”

She sat down next to Josh, who rubbed her shoulder, trying to avoid messing up her hair, which was perfectly coiled.

“What did they want?”

Cass gave an exasperated laugh. “Oh, you know. They want to be at the wedding even though they disagree with the ‘match’ and believe it a mistake. Dad offered to walk me down the aisle, but only if Oliver and Kyle aren’t part of the party. They said it was ‘unnatural’ and my wedding photos will be ‘disastrous’. That God would never ‘approve’. I told them to go to hell. They loved that.”

Kyle looked at Oliver, who was staring blankly at his feet. He desperately wanted to hold his hand, but wasn’t sure how well that would go over. So instead he turned back to Cass with a smile on his face.

“Guests are startin’ to arrive. You should finish gettin’ ready.”

She nodded, standing up.

“Cass, wait.”

As soon as Kyle heard Oliver’s voice, his heart dropped. He knew what was coming.

“I can’t be in your wedding party.”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be an idiot, Oliver.”

But Oliver was shaking his head and standing up. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I can’t.” 

Cass and Josh shared a glance. They seemed to understand why Oliver was panicked. Cass tried again, her voice gentle. 

“Oliver, you’re one of our best friends. Please be a part of our wedding.”

But Oliver kept shaking his head, stuttering out apologies as he tried to back up. Kyle kept a firm grip on his arm. Surprisingly, it was Matt who spoke next.

“Listen, man. Why don’t we switch? Cass is practically a sister to me. So you take my place, I’ll take yours. Sound cool?”

Oliver said nothing, but had stopped shaking his head. Everyone exchanged a glance.

“Please, Oliver. Don’t leave the wedding party. Go to Josh’s side. Really.”

Finally, Oliver nodded. Matt took off his black tie, trading Oliver for his silver one. Oliver turned to Cass, red-faced.

“I’m so sorry, Cass.”

She reached up and gave him a hug. “It’s fine. As long as you’re here.” She whispered something in his ear Kyle couldn’t hear, and let him go.

Josh smiled. “I guess I’ll head back out. Come on, Oliver. And I’ll see you at the altar, baby.”

Oliver avoided Kyle’s gaze as he left with Josh, Matt following behind them. Disappointment and anger flooded Kyle as he watched Oliver’s retreating figure. How dare he ruin their wedding.

Cass bit her lip. “Is he going to be okay?”

Kyle nodded. “Of course. I’m sorry, Cass. I thought he’d go through with it.”

Cass smiled at him. “Don’t be sorry. And don’t be mad at Oliver, either. He’s trying, Kyle. And he’s doing pretty good, considering.”

Kyle laughed bitterly. “Considerin’ what?”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re not that bright, are you? Think about it. My parents, his parents. From what you’ve told me, everything mine said would sound similar to his. ‘It’s unnatural. It’s a disaster.’ I could see it in his eyes as soon as I said it.”

Kyle wanted to slap himself. Idiot. Of course Oliver would see his parents reflected in the eyes of the Shippe’s. Of course Oliver would panic. He thinks they know we’re together.

Cass rubbed his hair. “Don’t beat yourself up. Go join ‘em. I have to put on my dress, but I’ll be right out.”

He smiled, giving her a hug. “You look beautiful, by the way.”

She laughed, whispering in his ear. “You’re supposed to say that after the dress is on.”

“I’m sayin’ it now ‘cause you are.”

She grinned, giving him a gentle shove. “Go!”

So Kyle walked back, taking his place by the altar like he had so many times during rehearsals. He glanced over at Josh, giving him a thumb’s up, before sliding his eyes to Oliver. Oliver stared into the crowd, purposely avoiding Kyle’s gaze.

The empty spot beside Kyle made him ache.

\-------

The wedding was beautiful.

Cass walked down the aisle with Josh’s father, who was grinning so proudly it was as though she was his own daughter. She looked beautiful, of course, her wedding dress a simple strapless gown, no embellishments, veil or jewelry except a small necklace. She practically radiated happiness. After the confrontation with Cass, the Shippe’s didn’t attend the ceremony, which Kyle believed was for the better. 

The ceremony was simple, short but meaningful, and completely Cass and Josh in every way. He refused to dwell on Oliver during the ceremony, forcing his mind away from any thoughts. 

Right now it was about Cass and Josh.

But there was one time, during a reading, where it couldn’t be helped. The officiant spoke in a clear voice out into the crowd:

“A good marriage must be created. In marriage, the little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say ‘I love you’ at least once a day...”

Kyle glanced at Oliver briefly, who was watching Josh and Cass, a small smile fixed on his face.

“It is never going to sleep angry. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together and facing the world.”

Now Kyle smiled. He looked at Oliver again, who still avoided his gaze. Come on, Oli.

“...It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow...”

This part, he knew, was meant for him, and didn’t glance at Oliver this time. It wasn’t Oliver’s fault he was raised in a stifling environment. Cass was right - he was trying. Skinny dipping in the lake. Being in the same cabin as Kyle the entire summer. Holding his hand on the porch those late nights.

He needed to give Oliver an atmosphere to grow.

Kyle clapped and hooted when the officiant pronounced them husband and wife, congratulating the newlyweds as they ran by. Now he felt confident, ready to apologise. He searched for Oliver in the crowd, but he was talking with the groomsmen, and Kyle couldn’t jump in.

Everyone went to the reception hall as the wedding party stayed behind for pictures. Oliver avoided Kyle the entire time, and it hurt. He had been hoping all summer for a picture of them at the wedding, together. Another one for the very small collection. I guess that was wishful thinking.

The reception was fantastic, Kyle devouring the food after realizing he hadn’t eaten all day. He chatted with Matt and other guests before being whisked off to the dance floor by Cass. After that, it was impossible to leave, dancing with seemingly every woman in the hall. 

Out of the corner of his eye he watched Oliver drink with the groomsmen, laughing and talking. Then, while Kyle was dancing with Josh’s aunt, he saw Oliver slip out of the hall. He casually danced her over to Josh, nodding at the door Oliver had walked through. Josh understood immediately.

“Kyle, may I butt in?”

His aunt laughed and immediately switched over as Kyle excused himself, mouthing his thanks to Josh as he raced towards the door. It was silent outside, with no sign of Oliver, so Kyle made his way back to their cabin. As he suspected, the lights were on. He unlocked the door.

Oliver sat on the edge of the bed, holding the black tie in his hands. He looked up at Kyle, his eyes watery.

“I’m so sorry, Kyle.”

Kyle sighed, sitting down next to Oliver, rubbing his back. “It’s okay.”

A tear rolled down Oliver’s cheek. “No, it’s not. This summer has been perfect and I had to screw everything up. You hate me, Cass hates me...”

“No one hates you. I understand.”

But Oliver ignored him, continuing to talk in a hoarse, broken voice. “T-they were so much like my p-parents. I couldn’t. I...”

Oliver’s shoulders began to shake, and Kyle wrapped his arms around him, whispering in his ear.

“You were still a part of the wedding. Even though they thought the wedding was ‘unnatural’, you were still there. You stood by Josh and Cass. I’m so proud of you.”

Oliver hiccupped. “But what about you?”

Kyle blanked, not understanding. “What about me?”

“I didn’t s-stand by you. At the wedding.”

Kyle blinked. It was the first time Oliver had cared that much about what he had done. This was the first time it had gone past apologies. He’s upset he didn’t stand beside me. Not about Cass and Josh. About me.

Kyle smiled, wiping away a falling tear from Oliver’s face. “Y’ wanted to.”

“But I didn’t!”

He turned Oliver’s face towards him. “Oliver, do y’ still want t’ go t’ Europe with me?”

Oliver sniffed. “Yes.”

“Do y’ still want t’ be with me after graduation?”

“Yes.”

Kyle leaned in for a quick kiss. “Then nothin’ has changed. I’m in for the long run, Oliver. We’ll do it at your pace.”

He threaded his hand through Oliver’s, listening to the faint sound of music in the distance.

How long is this run going to be?


	25. Chapter 25

Two Months.

Kyle lay on his single bed, staring up at the dusty ceiling. Below him the front door opened and closed, more recruits filling the main floor of the fraternity. He heard Chris’ booming laugh as he welcomed them, remembering Jimmy’s same laugh his first day. Different personalities goin’ in, same personalities goin’ out.

He knew somewhere in the crowd stood Oliver, grinning proudly, his vice president pin gleaming against his chest. He smiled as he remembered the previous night, Oliver furiously polishing it before pinning it all over his shirt, trying to find the perfect spot. Kyle imagined Oliver right now, somewhere below him, shaking hands with a recruit, trying to be cool and terrifying at the same time. 

He wondered if Oliver could ever pull off being terrifying.

The floor creaked outside his bedroom as someone walked by and Kyle wished more than anything he was in his own apartment. Even the shitty one he had owned second year would do. Or the cabin up in Cherryvale, where he and Oliver had cuddled in bed until noon, their hands entwined.

Instead, he was stuck in a tiny little room, his single bed like a slab of concrete, staring up at the ceiling as a party raged below. And for the first time, he didn’t feel like going. But where else could he go?

Cass and Josh had left for the semester, spending their honeymoon in Australia. They had rented their house out to students, but left the car for Kyle. He scooped the car keys off the beside table, jingling them in his hands as he contemplated his options. Oliver was downstairs, Cass and Josh were gone, Phil was too far away, and he hadn’t seen David for months. He could drive around the neighbourhood, but that didn’t sound appealing. 

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts, and he rolled off his bed, taking a minute to fix his clothing before answering the door. Oliver stood there, a small smile fixed on his face.

“You should come down. Some of the recruits are really cool, and they want to meet the seniors.”

Seniors. The word alone gave Kyle a little thrill. They were seniors in university; the top of the food chain. Soon he and Oliver would be graduating, getting away from the fraternity Kyle had grown so tired of. Starting a life together. A new beginning.

“Are you okay?”

He blinked, looking back to Oliver, who was staring back at him in concern. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just don’t feel like havin’ freshies swarm me today.”

“Aw, come on. They look up to us.”

“Yeah. Way up.”

Oliver rolled his eyes. “I remember you thought you were the shit when we rushed.”

Kyle grinned. “That’s ‘cause I was the shit.”

Oliver smiled, surreptitiously glancing down the hall. He grabbed Kyle’s arm and pulled him in for a chaste kiss. 

“Please?”

Even though the kiss was practically nothing, a millisecond peck, the warm fuzzies entered Kyle’s stomach once again. Oliver hadn’t kissed him since they moved back into the fraternity. Not once, even in a locked bedroom. For him receive a kiss in the hallway...

“I’ll be down in a minute.”

Oliver beamed, knowing he had won, and sauntered back down the hall. Kyle chuckled softly as he watched Oliver readjust his pin before walking down the stairs. He grabbed his own senior Kappa pin, throwing the keys onto the bed. He could drive some other time.

Oliver had asked him to go.

\--------

One month, two weeks.

Kyle had thought life would get easier after finishing all his undergraduate courses.

He was wrong.

Working in the labs was a nightmare, as he spent his days watching bacteria grow. He occasionally helped out in first year labs, which bored him to tears as they struggled over simple chemical compounds. He had sent in his medical school application and the growing tension in the pit of his stomach kept him up at night. And Oliver not being there, sleeping beside him, made it worse.

Being back in the fraternity made Kyle feel young and reckless, something he just didn’t want to feel anymore. The constant partying drove him out of the fraternity, buying earplugs at night so he could get a full night’s rest. The overpowering smell of sweat and beer forced him to keep his windows open at all times. But what drove him over the edge was feeling like a dirty secret all over again.

Granted, he had always been Oliver’s dirty little secret, but the strides Oliver had made in the past few years were significant. And now Kyle, once again, was sneaking out of Oliver’s room in the dead of night. He was passing Oliver in the hall with only a simple handshake. He longed for the days in their apartment where Oliver would be himself, wrapping his arms around Kyle when he came home from classes, slipping into the shower together.

That wasn’t possible in the fraternity. 

So, on his way home from a long day’s work, he stopped by the student billboard to grab some listings, deciding he was done with the fraternity. He would move back into a tiny apartment for the meantime, away from the partying brothers.

And closer to Oliver.

Kyle was feeling better as he entered the house, passing by the living area on his way to the stairs. His own place. His very own place, away from the continual...

“Hey, Lewis!”

Kyle turned to the trio of new pledges in the living room, looking at him with a hopeful expression on their faces. Did I look like that at Phil?

He nodded. “ ‘Sup, little brothers?”

He ignored the fact they practically glowed when he addressed them. 

“We’re throwing a major poker game on the 30th. You in?”

Translation: Will you buy us beer, oh 21 year old?

Kyle put on his sarcastic smile. “Yeah, I might join in.”

He started up the stairs, two at a time, hoping to disappear before he was asked anything else. At the top of the stairs, he heard one of the boys scoff. Kyle paused, leaning over the rail to listen.

“You know Lewis got top points during his pledging?”

Another boy, laughing. “That’s bullshit. He’s never around the House.”

A third. “When’s the last time he even went to a mixed party? We’ve had two with the Deltas and he didn’t show.”

“He’s gay. He can’t be interested in the Deltas.”

There was a long pause. Finally, an awkward laugh echoed up the staircase. “Well, hey, his loss. More for us.”

Another pause, and Kyle rolled his eyes, knowing they were grinning at each other. He began to climb up one more flight when the voices drifted up again.

“Maybe...maybe he’s fucking someone in the frat.”

Two boys scoffed. “No way. Chris wouldn’t allow it.”

“I don’t know, man. He and Fish...”

There was a lull in the conversation, all three boys thinking. Kyle gripped the staircase tighter, straining to hear.

“Nah, Fish can’t be a queer. He’s too cool.”

Another voice agreed. “He and Lewis were paired up first year for rush. So it’s not like Fish decided to hang out with him or anything.”

“Yeah, true.”

Kyle could almost hear the sigh of relief when they came to the conclusion their vice-president wasn’t gay. If only they knew.

“Whatever, man. I’m cool with Lewis if Fish is.”

A laugh. “As long as he doesn’t hit on me.”

More laughter. “True, man. So true.”  
Kyle chose that moment to leave, walking up the last flight of stairs to Oliver’s room. As he walked down the hallway, his hands clenched into fists. He would go to the poker game and be the brother he used to be. And maybe hit on them, too, just to freak ‘em out.

He didn’t bother knocking on Oliver’s door, twisting the knob open and stepping inside. Usually Oliver heard the creaking floorboards and stood to greet him. But today was different; Oliver sat at his computer, completely immersed. He hadn’t noticed that Kyle had walked in.

Kyle grinned and slammed the door loudly. 

The effect was immediate: Oliver slammed his laptop shut with equal force, turning to look at Kyle in surprise. Then he smiled, trying to appear casual.

“H-Hey. How was class?”

Kyle kept his grin in check as he dropped his book bag on the floor. “Oli, are you watchin’ porn without me? I’m hurt.”

Oliver’s ears turned pink. “I was doing research, Kyle.”

“Research, huh?” Kyle put his hands on the back of the chair, leaning forward to kiss Oliver’s ear. “Gonna use that research on me?”

He leaned in and kissed Oliver’s neck slowly, up and down, waiting for his breath to hitch. It did.

“Come on, show me. I wanna see. Is it kinky?” It came out on a breath, making Oliver shiver. When Oliver still didn’t move, he tried one more time.

“Oliver. Baby.” 

It was deep and gravelly, coming from somewhere deep in Kyle’s throat. The one move he always had over Oliver, and this time was no different.

Oliver tried to steady his breathing as he opened the laptop and typed in his password, revealing the browser. Not porn. Kyle pulled up a chair to study the pages.

TripAdvisor.com was open, searching for affordable hotels in St. Petersburg. Another page was open, retrieving info on how to request a Russian visa. Oliver had a document in the far corner of the screen filled with data, from hotels, flights, tourist attractions. Kyle mentally ticked off the places as he scrolled: London, Oxford, Dublin, St. Petersburg, Rome...

“I’ve figured out most of the arrangements. Contingent on your approval, obviously.” 

Oliver pushed Kyle’s hand aside and took the mouse himself.

“Most of the hotels I found are cheap, but reviews say they’re clean and close to popular attractions. Once we reach Europe, we’ll fly discount airlines. I know everyone says you should train it, but it was only a few bucks more to fly, and it’s faster. Russia is...tricky.” 

Oliver enthusiastically ticked points off on his finger, his face scrutinizing the information in front of him. “You need to apply for a Visa, have a travel company vouch for you, as well as pay a fee. Then your passport needs to go to the Russian Embassy for approval and a hotel needs to write in and confirm you’ll be staying there. It’s really ridiculous, but we should get our passports in right away. Oh, and apparently the pipes in Russia are hundreds of years old, and even the natives don’t drink the water...”

Kyle wasn’t listening to Oliver, staring at the computer screen in awe. The document was filled with weeks worth of information, plotted out on a perfect timeline. He guessed Oliver had been working on it since they returned home from Cherryvale, possibly before that. The dates written on each section were in bold, and Kyle scanned them quickly: May until August. 

The entire summer.

“Can we afford this?”

He had cut Oliver off sharply, who had been speaking about buying flights later when a sale was on, but he didn’t seem to mind. He bobbed his head happily.

“I’m on the fraternity assembly, so I live here for free. And because they couldn’t get you a senior room, you’re living here basically rent-free. As long as we keep our expenses low, here and in Europe, it should be fine.”

Kyle sighed. Keep their expenses low. He wouldn’t be able to afford a cheap apartment, but if it meant living an entire four months alone with Oliver, he was willing to make the sacrifice. They could hold hands in the street. Even kiss. The possibilities were endless when they were in Europe. 

Oliver really wanted a future. He actually planned for one.

He stood up, wrapping his arms around Oliver’s shoulders. “Can y’ e-mail this to me? I want to look it over later.”

Oliver began clicking away on his computer. “Uh, sure. But we have time now...”

Kyle laughed, reaching down to tug Oliver’s shirt over his head in one smooth motion.

“Mmm. I’m predicting we’re goin’ to be too busy for that."

Oliver’s eyes immediately went to the door, but Kyle spun around to sit on his legs, forcing Oliver to look him in the eye. 

“Locked it.”

This was Kyle’s favourite part. The moment Oliver knew it was safe; the moment he really let go. 

The change was instantaneous; Oliver’s blue eyes darkened, searching Kyle’s. His hands gripped Kyle’s sides tighter, his fingers digging in deeper. And then they released, grabbing his head and pulling their mouths together.

They stumbled to Oliver’s bed, frantically kicking off shoes as they scurried up to the head of the bed. Kyle straddled Oliver, grinning as he pulled off his shirt. His heart tripped when Oliver took a moment, running his hands slowly down Kyle’s abs, fingering his belt. 

But Kyle wasn’t in the mood for slow and romantic.

He roughly pulled off Oliver’s shirt, nipping, not lightly, at Oliver’s collarbones, his chest. Sending a message. Which Oliver received.

He was flipped over on his back, hitting the bed with an ‘oomph’. Then he grinned. Aggressive Oliver. God. Damn.

Oliver began kissing Kyle, almost bruisingly , nipping hard at his lips. He groaned and pulled him even closer, raising his hips up, rubbing against Oliver.

Then Oliver’s crotch was vibrating. Right against Kyle.

They both gasped, pulling away. 

The only thing that registered in Kyle’s mind was Oliver’s face. His eyelids were half closed, his mouth twice its natural size, breathing heavily. The look of desire in Oliver’s eyes told Kyle he looked the same. Want. Want. MINE.

He shook his head to clear it, still feeling the buzzing against his leg. He grinned.

“If that’s some weird sex toy...well then okay.”

Oliver let out a huff of laughter, reaching between them. Kyle pushed his hips up further, and Oliver rolled his eyes.

“It’s my cell.”

They squirmed this way and that, not wanting to lose contact. Kyle finally managed to pull it out of Oliver’s now-tight jeans. He glanced at the screen.

Home.

“It’s y’er parents.”

Oliver looked at the screen to confirm it, his eyebrows furrowed. Kyle knew their clinch was over and made to move out from under him.

“Buzzkill, huh?”

“No.”

Arms stopped him, and he looked up. Oliver tossed the phone over his shoulder, hitting the floor with a loud thud. The battery went skidding across the floor. Kyle held his breath.

“Are you sure?”

Oliver stared at him for a long time, searching again. For what, Kyle didn’t know. But whatever he needed he found there, and he nodded, leaning down to kiss Kyle once again.

Choosing Kyle over parents. 

Another step forward.

\----

“Kyle, wake up.”

It came out on an urgent voice, and Kyle went from groggy to wide awake within seconds.

“What?! What’s wrong?!”

“It’s 2am. We fell asleep.”

Kyle blinked against the overhead light, looking around. He was in Oliver’s room, curled up on his bed. The night came flooding back to him and he smiled, turning over to face Oliver.

“Mmm. I’m awake now.”

“You need to go.”

“What? Why?”

“Kyle...”

Oliver stared at him with a knowing look and Kyle’s brain clicked. Oliver. Him. Fraternity. Oh. He reached out to gently stroke Oliver’s hair.

“I’ll make more of a scene now by leavin’. I might as well just stay.”

But Oliver was already shaking his head, pointing at the door. “Please, Kyle?”

The bubble burst. Kyle had put up with so much, waiting for Oliver to come out. He had stopped trying to push him out months ago, hadn’t spoken a single word of it. But now after a perfect night, Oliver couldn’t sleep beside him, even in a locked room, if someone was around. 

He angrily shoved back the covers, searching for his boxers on the floor. He refused to meet Oliver’s gaze as he wandered around, throwing on his clothes. Then he felt a tentative hand on his shoulder.

“Kyle...”

He spun around, jabbing Oliver in the chest.

“I’ve never pushed this, Oliver. Never. I’ve put myself back in the closet for three fucking years. And you know what? I’ve had enough. You need to come out - it’s gettin’ ridiculous. What do you think will happen? Will you die?”

Oliver clearly had not been expecting the outburst and stumbled backwards. “Kyle, I will. As s-soon as I gradu-”

“I don’t mean y’er parents, Oliver. I don’t care about y’er damn parents. I mean this.” He flung his arms out, showing off the room. “Phil knows you’re gay. Cass knows. Josh knows. Hell, even David knew. Your closest friends, Oliver. And what happened? Did the world end? No. Do you think anyone gives a damn?”

Kyle breathed hard, watching Oliver rub his neck, seemingly agitated. “It’s not easy for me!”

“It’s never goin’ to be easy! Nothing is ever easy! But you can’t keep livin’ like this, Oliver. I can’t keep doin’ this.”

Oliver was quiet for a long time. Then, in a cracked voice, “You want to break-up with me?”

Kyle sighed, rubbing his eyes. “No, Oliver. I don’t want to ‘break up’. Every time we fight you ask that. I want you to be happy. That’s it.”

“I am happy.”

“Living in fear is far from happy.”

And with that, Kyle opened the door and left, sneaking back down the hall and into his own room. He slid into the cold bed, staring at the ceiling. 

He never meant to sound so harsh.

But maybe it was necessary.

\------

 

He woke to the sound of creaking floorboards outside his room. The fraternity was full of movement, the brothers talking somewhere below him in muffled voices. He glanced at his clock; it was almost noon.

Kyle rolled out of bed and got dressed quickly, the memories of last night coming back, making him wince. He would have to go find Oliver and apologise later, after work. He meant what he said, but he could have said it...kinder.

He grabbed his labcoat off his desk and raced to the door, something yellow catching his eye. Looking down, a yellow sheet of paper had been slid under the door. He bent down and unfolded it. 

So sorry. Please forgive me. I will - soon.

There was no signature, but Kyle knew Oliver’s writing. He smiled as he folded it back up and put it in his coat pocket. 

Oliver apologising. Something new everything day.

\------

One month

“Kyle, can you give me a hand here?”

Kyle turned to look at Oliver. A wasted first year was clinging around Oliver’s neck, trying to stand. He was looking rather green.

“I’d let go of him. He’s gonna blow.”

Oliver pulled away just in time; the boy coughed once, twice, and then threw up all over the pavement. Oliver covered his ears with his hands. “Gross.”

The boy wiped his mouth and swayed back and forth, Kyle catching him before he fell face first into his own vomit.

“Easy, man.”

The boy groaned pathetically in response.

Kyle considered the night a success: he had arrived at the poker game, being hosted in a dorm in Perth, with a keg of beer. Instantly, the freshmen loved him and he went from the lame-med-student to the most-awesome-guy-ever! within minutes. 

But freshmen could never hold their alcohol, and soon the party was passed out on the floor. Oliver felt it was his duty, as Phil had once done, to carry the drunken brothers home. 

Easier said than done.

They pushed and prodded the freshmen towards the fraternity, twice having to chase the runners who “weren’t ready to go home”. Each had a student clinging around their necks, barely able to stand. Kyle was even holding the hand of one brother so he wouldn’t have to chase him again.

“I’m never doin’ this ag’in. I hate this fraternity.”

Oliver rolled his eyes, stumbling as his freshman sagged against him. “We couldn’t leave them there.”

“Why not? Best way to learn not to drink heavily is t’ wake up on the floor in y’er own vomit.”

The boy holding Kyle’s hand stilled. “Dude.” Then he leaned over and vomited.

Kyle grinned. “Oops.”

Oliver scrunched his face up in disgust. “Let’s hurry up, eh?”

They managed, barely, to make it back to the fraternity, herding the brothers up the stairs. Kyle didn’t bother figuring out who lived where, shoving each one in any empty bed he could find. After water and Advil had been laid out, he and Oliver collapsed in the kitchen. Kyle groaned. “There’s vomit on my shoes, man.”

He pulled them off and threw them in the garbage, stopping only to glare at Oliver. To be fair, he looked guilty.

“I still think we did the right thing.”

“Yeah, yeah. Y’ always have t’ save the innocent, don’tcha?”

Oliver’s Blackberry bleeped, and he pulled it out and scrolled through it, smiling.

“It’s from Cass.”

Kyle leaned over to read it, his anger momentarily forgotten.

Kyle/Oliver: Australia is great! Summer here! Sent u pics. Miss u 2 lovelies! - Mrs. Joshua Wood 

They both laughed, but the laughter trailed into thoughtful silence, realizing how much they missed her. It wasn’t the same without them around.

They made it to Kyle’s room, booting up his laptop to scroll through photos of Josh and Cass. One on the beach, sunbathing - it looked hot and beautiful. Another picture of Cass sipping a pina colada. A third of her swimming in clear blue ocean.

Kyle hit ‘return’ and typed back a quick reply: ‘Rub it in, why don’tcha?’

Oliver smiled. “They look happy.”

“They’re newlyweds. If they weren’t, that would be a problem.”

They closed Kyle’s laptop and stood, walking to the door.

“Thanks for helping out tonight.”

Kyle snorted. “Yeah, yeah. Anytime.”

Oliver leaned in for a soft kiss, holding Kyle’s face gently. When Kyle pulled back, Oliver’s eyes were hesitant. 

“M-maybe, since no one’s around, you can sta-”

They were interrupted by the sound of vomiting.

\------

PART TWO

Two weeks.

The first snowfall happened in October and for the first time, Kyle truly appreciated Josh’s car. He blasted the heat and grinned as he watched students miserably walk around campus. The strong winds knocked snow against his windshield heavily and driving had slowed to a crawl. Kyle nervously glanced at the clock. 3:00pm. He was late.

He gripped the steering wheel tighter, rolling the car a few inches forward. Shifting left and right in his seat, he could see traffic was jammed all down the street, probably from an accident. Oliver is going to kill me.

Kyle turned on the radio, tuning into the local news station. 

“The earliest Llanview snowfall in 50 years, folks! An expected 6 inches overnight. The National Weather Service is warning people to stay inside unless absolutely necessary, as conditions are dangerous...”

Kyle cranked the volume back down, sighing. As a child, he had loved snow. But Southern snow rarely, if ever, stayed on the ground.

Now he understood why people hated driving in winter.

Finally, after much skidding and sliding, he made it to the examination center. He peered out into the snowstorm, searching for his blond. There was a dark figure huddled in the corner of the building, so Kyle took a guess and honked the horn. 

The figure ran towards him, keeping his head down. The side door opened, letting in a rush of cold air as Oliver practically threw himself into the car. He pulled back his hood.

“You’re late! Why is there so much snow in October?!”

Kyle laughed and brushed snowflakes off Oliver’s hair. Even so, he was drenched. “Sorry. We’ll have t’ thank Josh later f’er the car.”

Oliver shivered and cranked up the heat. “Definitely.”

Kyle pulled out of the center, trying to merge into traffic. “So how was it?”

Oliver sighed. “Hard. And long. And hard. But I think I did okay. There were a few questions...”

He began to tell Kyle in detail about the exam, Kyle nodding at the appropriate times. Oliver’s application to the police academy had been approved, but now were a long series of tests and examinations until he could be accepted for training. 

“...So, anyway, if I pass this I have my drug test, and my medical tests, and then my fitness testing, and then if I pass all that, I’ll have my psychological examination.”

Kyle gave him a sideways glance. “Are y’ sure y’ didn’t apply for the CIA by mistake?”

Oliver laughed. “What about you? Anything yet?”

Kyle shook his head, suddenly nervous. Medical schools had begun to accept students, and he still hadn’t heard a word from them. Oliver seemed to understand his stress.

“You’ll get in. I know it.”

Kyle stayed silent as they exited onto Main Street, creeping along towards the fraternity. On instinct, he turned to look at Cass and Josh’s house as they passed it. 

Then froze.

A clear red sign had been posted out front, completely noticeable despite the snow. 

For Sale.

“Kyle!”

Kyle turned back to the road and slammed the brakes on just in time, inches from hitting the driver ahead of him. But he didn’t care. Oliver turned to him in surprise, but he was already pointing out the window. “Look!”

Oliver looked frantically outside, searching for the cause of Kyle’s distress, his eyes finally settling on the sign. His mouth became a thin line.

“They’re selling?”

Kyle fumbled for his cell phone. “Call Cass.”

Oliver took the phone, but shook his head. “Let’s make it home alive first, okay?”

So Kyle picked up the pace, skidding into the fraternity as fast as he safely could and raced up to Oliver’s room. They didn’t even bother pulling off their winter jackets before phoning. Kyle put the phone on speaker.

“Hello?”

“Y’er selling?”

There was a long pause before Cass spoke. Then her voice broke. “Oh, guys, I’m so sorry. I had no idea how to tell you! I thought I’d have some time...”

Oliver leaned closer to the phone. “Where are you moving to?”

Cass choked on her words, unable to speak. There was a muffled sound on the line, then Josh’s voice coming on.

“Hey.”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “Josh, what’s goin’ on, man?”

“We’ve decided to move here. To Australia.”

Now it was Oliver and Kyle’s turn to be in shock. “What? Why?”

“It makes sense. Cass has always loved Australia and she has dual citizenship. Her family is here and we have friends here. The crime rate is lower, the air is cleaner. We decided it’s where we want to live. It’s where our future is.”

Kyle opened his mouth to speak, but found himself choking on his words. One look at Oliver and he knew he felt the same.

“...We found this great house in Melbourne, and I’ve already landed a job here. Cass is going to keep going in school. It’s just...right.”

A crackle, then Cass’s voice, the words tight. “But we love you two so much, and we’ll visit as often as we can. And we’ll be there to pack up, so we’ll have a proper goodbye.”

A tear slid down Kyle’s cheek and he quickly wiped it away before Oliver could see. Cass and Josh were moving to the other side of the world. He couldn’t wrap his mind around it. They’re moving. I won’t see them every day. I won’t talk to them every day. They won’t be here.

This is it.

Oliver sniffled. “We’ll miss you.”

Cass laughed, obviously in tears. “Don’t say goodbye yet! We’ll be back soon, okay? Love you.”

Kyle smiled. “Love you, too.”

The phone clicked off and Oliver and Kyle stared at each other, both trying to hide their tears. Kyle didn’t want to think about it - he couldn’t imagine life in Llanview without the two Woods.

When Oliver leaned in for a hug, Kyle pulled him in tightly, not wanting to let go.

He’s all I have.

\-------

One day. 

Kyle and Oliver spent the rest of the week cleaning the fraternity for Parents' Day. Although it was below freezing outside, there was no more snow and flights were still on-time. Kyle helped Oliver inspect all the bathrooms and hallways early in the morning. 

“Are y’er parents coming this year?”

Oliver shook his head and laughed. “Nah. Can’t get away from work. What about yours?”

Kyle shook his head and grinned, giving Oliver’s shoulder a quick squeeze. “Nope. Guess we’re goin’ t’ be all alone. Whatever shall we do?”

Oliver glanced quickly around, but his smile stayed on his face. “Kyle!”

Kyle’s grinned widened. “Y’er room. One hour.”

He slid away before Oliver could say another word, going to inspect the bedrooms.

Kyle kept one eye on the clock as he raced through his senior duties, inspecting bedroom after bedroom to make sure everything was clean. He checked all the hiding spots to make sure there was no alcohol or other substances. He made sure everyone was in their stations for Parents' Day, as parents would be arriving any minute. He gave a quick report to a nervous Chris, reassuring him everything was in order and nothing would go wrong.

Then he raced up the stairs, two at a time, to Oliver’s room.

He opened the door and slid in, his smile dazzling. “Let’s git goin’. We only have an hour before...”

He trailed off, realizing he and Oliver weren’t the only ones in the room. Mr. and Mrs. Fish stood there, well-dressed, staring at him in surprise. Kyle blushed a deep red.

“Sorry. I didn’t know Oliver had company.”

Oliver cleared his throat, also embarrassed. “Mom, Dad, you remember my friend Kyle Lewis. Kyle, my parents decided to s-surprise me. For parents day.”

Oh. Kyle quickly fixed his confusion into a smile, shaking each of their hands. “It’s nice to see you ag’in.”

Barbara smiled. “Likewise. It’s nice to see you and Oliver are still good friends.”

Kyle smiled, but decided to ignore that statement. He turned to George and nodded. “Sir.”

“The med student, right? I remember you! How’s that going for ya?”

Kyle’s smile tightened. “Nothing yet, sir, but I should hear soon.”

George Fish laughed. “You know Oliver’s been accepted to the Academy! Boy’s following in my own footsteps.”

He jostled an obviously humiliated Oliver. “Just the first stage, dad. I haven’t been accep-”

“You will.”

Oliver rolled his eyes but said nothing. There was silence in the room for a few minutes, Barbara finally filling in the gap.

“So, Kyle, are your parents coming today?”

Kyle shook his head. “They’re visiting my sister this year.”

He played the words right and the Fishes assumed she was in university, as well. They both smiled. “That’s nice.”

Oliver began to usher them out of the room. “Well, there’s lots of activities, so we should get going...”

Barbara grabbed her purse from the desk. “Yes, I don’t want to be late. We’ll see you around, Kyle?”

Kyle nodded. “Definitely. Have fun.”

George Fish clapped him on the shoulder and left, Barbara right behind him. Oliver peeked back into the room, mouthing a ‘sorry’. Kyle shrugged and waved him away.

He wandered back to his own room, booting up his laptop to work on their European itinerary. Proud parents were wandering up and down the halls with their kids and Kyle felt a sting of jealousy. It had been exciting when he had a parentless partner, but now Oliver was showing them his life, leaving Kyle out of it. 

Kyle sighed, grabbing a notepad and pen to scribble down some prices.

It’s just one meaningless day.

\----

The Fishes were in and out of the fraternity all day, doing all the Parents' Day events. They walked around campus, attended some lectures, and mingled with the other parents. Kyle slyly kept out of their way, especially when Barbara asked him to join them for dinner. He had refused as kindly as possible, and Oliver had looked visibly relieved.

Kyle locked himself up in his room, straining to hear Oliver’s voice on the stairway, a signal that the Fishes had gone. He threw a rubber ball repeatedly against his wall, thinking about how idiotic Parents' Day was. An entire day wasted. An entire day he could have spent in bed with Oliver while other stupid parents and their stupid children wandered around campus.

He threw the ball hard, and it bounced around the room, making Kyle duck for cover.

There was a knock on his door, and he excitedly answered it, hoping Oliver had finished with his parents early. Instead, it was Chris. Kyle tried not to look disappointed.

“Hey, man. Come in.”

Chris smiled. “No parents?”

“No parents.”

He laughed. “One of the lucky ones.”

Chris passed Kyle a white envelope. “Here. You don’t want to small talk with me. Came up as soon as I saw this in the mail.”

Kyle glanced at the letter, his heart beating fast. The Llanview School of Medicine insignia was stamped in the corner. He looked up at Chris, wide-eyed.

“Thanks, man.”

Chris shook his hand. “Good luck.”

Kyle closed the door and sat down on the edge of his bed, fingering the envelope. Then he stood up, went back to the door and locked it. He didn’t want any distractions.

He gave himself a quick pep talk, his hands shaking. There are other universities. There are other choices. But they don’t matter - you’ll get into this one.

He slid his finger under the fold, ripping it in one smooth motion. He pulled out the letter and carefully placed the empty envelope beside him. Then he unfolded it.

“Dear Mr. Lewis,

We are delighted...”

He didn’t have to read any more. He threw the letter on the floor, pumping his fist and laughing hysterically as he bounced around his room. He had been accepted to Llanview Medical School, his first choice. It was as though his entire future instantly fell into place.

Now he knew he was staying in Llanview, and so was Oliver. Now their future went beyond four months in Europe. They could buy a house with a picket fence like Oliver wanted. 

Now they had a life together.

\---

It was close to 10pm when he heard Oliver’s voice in the hallway, heading upstairs. He paced in his room for a few minutes, writing a script in his head of their goodbyes.

Right now he’s saying he’s studying hard. He’s too busy for a girlfriend. ‘Yes mom, I’m excited for the Academy, too.’ Now they’re hugging tightly, saying goodbye and ‘visit soon’. He’s shaking hands with his father. They’re walking down the hall. Walking down the stairs. Walking out the front door. Annnnnnd go.

He opened his door and walked upstairs as casually as possible, correcting his walk when he realized there was a bounce in his step. He could barely contain his excitement as he knocked on Oliver’s door.

Oliver answered with a hesitant expression on his face, which immediately relaxed once he saw Kyle. “I thought you were my parents. Jesus.”

Oliver’s tiredness made Kyle pause. “Everythin’ okay?”

“Yeah, I just didn’t expect them to come today. I had no time to like, mentally prepare.”

“So they’re gone? Are they stayin’ the night?”

Oliver nodded. “They’re leaving early in the morning, though. So I won’t have to see them again.” A pause. “It was really weird, them being here. Like they didn’t belong in my own life.”

They stared at each other for a few moments, digesting that. Then Oliver suddenly smiled. 

“What’s up?”

That small smile brought Kyle’s excitement back. His smile turned into a grin, and he ripped the envelope out of his back pocket, waving it in Oliver’s face. 

“Llanview med. school, baby!”

He waited for Oliver to get past the shock he felt, watching his face turn from confusion to awe, and finally pure happiness.

“You...”

They stared at each other, breathing hard, both grinning.

Within seconds Oliver was spinning Kyle around, laughing and congratulating him.

“No fucking way! This is so great. I mean, of course you got in. Why wouldn’t you? But now you’re in Llanview med school - “

“And y’er in the Llanview Police Academy.”

Oliver burst into laughter, hugging Kyle tight. “This is great.”

Kyle leaned into the touch, burrowing his face in Oliver’s shoulder. He took a deep breath. “Yeah. It is.”

He kissed Oliver’s neck and felt Oliver smile, twisting to kiss his mouth. Once, twice, three times...Kyle lost count. But when he reached for Oliver’s shirt, Oliver pulled away.

“N-no.”

Kyle unbuttoned the shirt anyway. “Why? I wanna celebrate.”

“My parents were just here. It’s too weird.”

Kyle smiled. “Ah. The Fishes. Bet they wouldn’t approve of this, then.”

He leaned in, kissing Oliver’s chest, making his way up to Oliver’s neck. 

“Or this.”

He took a moment at Oliver’s ear, nipping on the lobe, giving it a soft lick.

“Or this.”

He followed Oliver’s jawline, swerving occasionally to kiss a soft spot on Oliver’s neck.

“Or...”

He touched his mouth to Oliver’s and found no hesitation. In fact, Oliver made a noise and pulled him closer, dragging him to the bed. 

They sat on the bed, breathing, before Kyle took the first move, pulling off his shirt. Then they were fumbling with their pants, wriggling out of them and throwing them to the floor. Skin touched skin, and Kyle’s heart did a little dance of pleasure. 

This time it was fast, but Kyle wanted slow. He slowed the kisses, making them more and more gentle, touching Oliver softly. Agonizingly so. Oliver squirmed as Kyle explored, before he finally took pity, wrapping his hand in a firmer grip. Oliver gasped.

He stroked slowly, watching Oliver’s eyes cloud over, enjoying Oliver’s huffs of breath against his own skin. When Oliver reached to do the same, Kyle still refused to break eye contact. 

“I love you.”

He said it on a breath, and Oliver throbbed, tightening his own grip on Kyle. Kyle groaned and said it again.

“I love you.”

He watched Oliver close his eyes tightly, then open them wide. They stared at each other.

“I love y-”

A blast of cold air entered the room. Both boys turned. 

Mrs. Fish stood in the doorway, her eyes wide. As her brain registered what she was seeing, she stepped back in a panic, a hand going to her chest. 

“I forgot my gloves.”

It was what had preoccupied her thoughts as she walked up the stairs , the only thought in her brain that wasn’t what she was seeing. 

Kyle scrambled off Oliver, tugging on a pair of jeans. They were too big, and somewhere in his mind it registered they were Oliver’s, but his heart was beating too furiously to care. Oliver shoved on his boxers. 

“Mom...”

Kyle looked at Oliver, wondering what to do. Oliver looked back with an expression of a caged animal, trapped. Then he shoved Kyle hard, making him stumble.

“Get out of here.”

Kyle looked from Barbara to Oliver, and back again. He didn’t know what to do. It was happening too fast for him to react. But Oliver shoved him again.

“GET OUT.”

So he did. He didn’t know why - his heart screamed to stay beside Oliver, to help explain. Yet his bare feet ran towards his room, slamming the door behind him. He tugged hard at his hair, breathing deeply, willing his heart to slow down. 

Barbara had caught them.

Barbara had caught them.

Barbara had caught them.

He sunk to the floor. It was the worst scenario imaginable.

Kyle stared at the wall, knowing the image would never leave him. Her shock. His terror.

 

He didn’t know what to do.

\-------------------

EPILOGUE

Kyle threw the remaining items into his backpack and closed it. He surveyed the room, making sure he had everything he needed. Satisfied, he sat down on the bed, pulling out a photograph from his back pocket. 

He and...him.

Kyle reached into a drawer in his bedside table, pulling out a lighter. 

He stared at the photograph in his hands. Stared at him. The words echoed in his brain, unwanted.

“Oliver! What happened?! Are you okay?!

Silence.

“Oliver, come on. Talk t’ me. How’d she take it?”

Silence.

“Oliver...”

He put his hand on Oliver’s shoulder. Oliver grabbed it tightly, so much that it hurt, and shoved it away.

“Don’t touch me.”

Kyle blinked. “Okay. Okay.” He knelt down next to Oliver. “You can tell me. I’m right here.”

“Don’t ever touch me.”

Kyle paused. “Oliver, come on..”

Oliver shoved him hard towards the door, repeatedly jabbing him in the chest. “You disgust me, Kyle, y’know that? You’re disgusting. Everything you did to me was disgusting.”

Kyle stuttered, bewildered. “Everythin’ I did?! Oliver...”

“GET OUT, FAGGOT.”

Kyle was shoved out the door as it locked.

It was the last time Oliver would speak to him.

Kyle had always read in books that when his heart broke, it would hit him like a ton of bricks. He would feel empty and hollow, with a sharp stabbing pain in his chest whenever Oliver’s name was mentioned. He would walk around, crying and empty.

That was what was supposed to happen.

Instead, Kyle felt...nothing. The words weren’t coherent; they didn’t mean anything. He couldn’t make sense of them. He still couldn’t. 

His heart didn’t break looking at Oliver. The longing was still there. It would always be there. 

The house with the white picket fence was gone. The doctor and the cop - gone. Cuddling until noon - gone. A cute little dog - gone. Wearing a cap and gown, wrapping his arms around Oliver for another photo...gone. Travelling Europe...

Everything was gone. 

Yet Kyle still couldn't wrap his mind around it. Gone forever. Could anything still alive be gone forever?

He refused to cry. He would not. He knew this would happen - he just never admitted it to himself. He hadn't wanted to.

He flicked the lighter on, staring at the orange flame. Then he moved it to the corner of the picture.

As he watched the flames begin to lick at the photo, he thought of all the times Oliver ignored him. All the times Oliver came back to the fraternity with a girl, stumbling past him as they made-out, on the way to his bedroom. All the times a brother would ask what had happened, and Kyle’s only response could be ‘I don’t know’.

Then one good memory seeped into his mind. Oliver voice, just a whisper. ”I love you”

Only one thought followed: I can’t do this.

Kyle grabbed a glass of water and dunked the photo in it, the water sizzling. He pulled it back out and inspected the damage. Most of the green behind them was gone, but it was fixable. He fumbled in drawers, finding a pair of scissors, and carefully cut the photo smaller. 

When he was finished, it was wallet-sized. Only he and Oliver filled the frame. 

Oliver had loved him. He could pretend to ignore it; pretend it never happened. But Kyle knew the truth. He needed it as a reminder.

He gently placed the photo in his wallet, staring at Oliver's face once more before putting it back in his pocket. He lugged his backpack on, flicking off the light and walked into the kitchen.

Phil smiled and set down his coffee, reaching over to the table and handing him his passport and ticket. “Don’t forget these.”

He put them in his jacket pocket, staring at Phil hesitantly. “T-Thanks, man, for lettin’ me crash here.”

Phil pulled him into a one-armed hug and Kyle suddenly felt 18 again. “Anytime, little brother. The door is always open. Always.”

They said their goodbyes, Phil helping Kyle down the steps of the house and into the taxi. Phil held his backpack as he slid into the car.

“Oh, Kyle?”

Kyle looked back. “Yeah?”

“Merry Christmas.”

Phil closed the door and tapped the hood, signaling the taxi to drive. He made it to the airport slightly late, handing his ticket to the woman behind the counter.

“One-way to London?”

“Yep.”

She tagged his suitcase and put it on the scale, handing him his boarding pass. 

“Gate 36B. They’re boarding now, so I’d hurry.”

He raced through security as fast as he could go, jamming his untied shoes on as he ran for the gate. He slid in just in time.

The airplane smelled musty and stale as Kyle searched for his seat. Finding it, he jammed his suitcase into the overhead compartment, sliding into the window seat. 

He was alone.

He was really doing this. 

He was starting over.

A guy slid into the seat beside him, smiling. “I guess we’re stuck together for the next seven hours. I’m Peter.”

Kyle turned to the British man beside him, close to his own age. His hand was out, waiting.

He smiled and reached his own hand out, introducing himself, once again.

\-------  
End.


End file.
